I’m polyamorous. This doesn’t mean I’m a swinger. I’ve done the swinging thing (casual sex at parties with complete strangers) and it ended in a world of hurt. These days, I look out for myself and get to know any potential partners first. My therapist is really glad to hear that.
This doesn’t mean that I won’t go to sex parties from time to time. Just that I only play with friends I already know when I do go. (I don’t have the money to go right now anyway.)
So, polyamory. What is it? It’s having the freedom, and giving your partners the freedom, to love others. I realize that many people find this threatening (”You let your boyfriend date other women!?!”) but I find it liberating. I’ve finally undone a whole lotta cultural programming and I’ve realized that I can love more than one person. And that doesn’t detract from my love for the first lover. Or the second one. And if my boyfriend falls in love with someone else, that doesn’t mean he stops loving me. We live in such a binary society; one that demands we choose who we love and have just one. WHY? Human beings have such a large capacity for love. We’re only limited by our own mindset and our busy schedules. I love my boyfriend all the more because he lets me have the fun of dating and getting to know new people. I love that he supports my pursuit of fulfilling fantasies that he doesn’t share. Anyone additional to my life needs to know that my boyfriend comes first, but that doesn’t mean that I’d handle their emotions any less carefully than his. (Just means they won’t get as much time with me as he does.)
I finally finished reading Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt’s The Ethical Slut two years after I started it. Reading that book was like a breath of fresh air (or some other hackneyed phrase). There’s no good reason why we have to confine ourselves or our partners. I’m much happier now that I’m free. Life is more complicated, for sure, but I wouldn’t want to go back to monogamy.
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