Found this link over at Bitchy Jones. Hot!!!
Monthly Archive for October, 2007
D.S. helped amuse me (read: get me really horny) at work today. I snipped out a few less interesting bits:
nadia: i’m so bored at work these days
d.s.: i’m sure you are.
nadia: 
d.s.: -gets out stripper pole yet again- (he pretends to strip for me when I’m bored)
nadia: whoo hooo!
d.s.: 
nadia: hee hee
d.s.: i’d rather just have you on a table, actually
nadia: oooh
nadia: 
nadia: well if we’re going to be invisible in this little fantasy you can just take me right over my desk
d.s.: that works! pull you up to to the end of the desk, get on my knees on the floor and lick little circles around your clit, my fingers inside you and your legs over my shoulders
nadia: hmm i’ll have to see if perhaps the weekend you come down for my birthday ‘do we can set up a show of me being dommed… would make for an extra fun weekend
d.s.: definitely
nadia: would be a good warm-up for the gang bang
nadia:
d.s.: indeed!
d.s.: sorry, distracted by my fantasy of bending you over the desk and sliding my cock into you….
nadia: yummy!
nadia: no need to apologize for being distracted by that
d.s.:
d.s.: grabbing the other end of the desk with both hands and giving you long hard thrusts
nadia: *sigh* work would be so much more fun with that going on
d.s.: …and then grabbing at your hair while i grab your hip with the other hand, pounding you
nadia: i love having my hair grabbed
d.s.: have you ever had someone slide a finger in your ass while getting fucked from behind? i’m just imagining a hand gripping your hair tight while my other hand is busy sliding fingers into you….
nadia: just once i’ve had someone (masterdoc) do that.
nadia: pretty hot
d.s.: it is.
d.s.: and running my fingernails down your back….
d.s.: then grabbing your hips with both hands, feeling you tighten around me…
nadia: mmm. i’m all horny now
d.s.: as am i
d.s.: teasing you, sliding in only a little…
d.s.: hearing you moan, waiting till you practially beg me to pound my cock into you
nadia: we are going to have a LOT of fun together
d.s.: i think so
d.s.: then sliding myself all the way into you, just bumping your cervix lightly…
d.s.: then i start to slap you on the ass with each thrust….
nadia: *squeals with delight*
d.s.: all the while pulling you onto me with the other hand, impaling you on my cock
d.s.: i feel you tighten around me and pull out a little, teasing you again….
nadia: my muscles tend to push penises out
d.s.: -nods- i kinda noticed that.
d.s.: i’ll just have to make an effort to be extra hard then, won’t i?
nadia: lol it’s frustrating because i’ll be on the verge of coming and everything will feel so good and then everything’s interrupted by my muscles pushing out
d.s.: -pouts-
d.s.: thtat’s the suck
nadia: yeah but it doesn’t always happen
d.s.: -nods-
-snip-
d.s.: plus, i like the idea of teasing you at work
nadia: getting me all worked up
nadia: and i’m not allowed to masturbate to deal with it, not that i could at work anyway
d.s.: i know, i’m evil.
d.s.: still imagining…
d.s.: imagining turning you over , then watching my cock slide into you as i rubbed your clit with my thumb….
d.s.: …and pinching your nipple, pulling at it with my fingers…
d.s.: i can just imagine you tightening around me with each flick of my thumb
nadia: i can imagine me squirting all over you when i come
d.s.: and i just know that would send me over the edge
d.s.: yeah, that’s pretty damn hot -tries to breathe, thinking about feeling you squirt all over me-
nadia: sometimes it just gushes out
d.s.: -nods- i’m not a stranger to the female ejaculation. i love it
nadia: i wish mine was a bit more consistent… i squirt about 20% of the time
d.s.: i don’t know ANYONE who it’s a constant with
nadia: apparently some women masterdoc has been with are pretty consistent squirters
d.s.: that’s awesomeness
nadia: just now asking masterdoc about having him dom me as a warm up to the gang bang. lol he’s called me greedy
d.s.: nothing wrong with sexual greed
nadia: amen brother
d.s.: heehee
d.s.: if that’s not greedy, i don’t know what is
nadia:
d.s.: so what if i want three cocks in my mouth at once?
nadia: exactly. why shouldn’t you have that?
d.s.: -nods-
d.s.: can i get an amen!
nadia: amen!
d.s.: sho’ nuff!
d.s.: heehe
nadia: 
d.s.: it’s ridiculous… i’m so horny now… i’m sitting here stroking myself thinking about being inside you…
nadia: and you’re so far away! and i’m at work
d.s.: hence the ridiculous part
d.s.: i’m hard as a rock…. licking up the little drops of pre-cum coming out… and rubbing my fingers ightly up and down the shaft….
nadia: i’m ridiculously horny right now too
d.s.: now i’m thinking about you being on top of me in a sixty-nine… and licking your g-spot while you writhe on my face
nadia: my g-spot’s pretty far in…. hmm.. but you do have a long tongue
d.s.: mm-hmm
d.s.: i could always lick your clit while my fingers were deep inside you
d.s.: i’m quite crafty
nadia: great now masterdoc is talking about naughty things and i’m getting even hotter
nadia: “pulling back your hair and calling you a whore while the guys take turns pounding your cunt”
nadia: “I wonder how’d you feel getting a HARD fucking from saajan while I play with the tens device with the leads on your nipples”
d.s.: heh, you’re surrounded
d.s.: just like you wil be.
nadia:
nadia: i’m a lucky girl
d.s.: indeed!
d.s.): or is it too complicated for this soiree?
d.s.: are you going to try for d.p.?
nadia: i dunno.
d.s.: (which is commpletely understandable)
nadia: might be too much difficulty getting the right angle
d.s.: -nods- understandable.
d.s.: were you on your backk or your stomach?
nadia: i was on top of masterdoc with davey trying to get in from behind
d.s.: i see. stradding someone anally then having someone enter might work better
d.s.: -beingg a dork-
nadia: yeah i’ve noticed that from looking at dp porn
d.s.: <-- watches way too much DP porn
nadia: masterdoc just said, “Hey with all the extra hands around to help we could have all the help we need positioning you for a DP”
d.s.: i think masterdoc and i will get along well ;-P
nadia: yup. i said to him “D.S. just said that…. great minds think alike”
d.s.:
d.s.: were it me, i’d want DP… but that’s me
d.s.: i’d love having a cock in my cunt, one in my ass, and one in my mouth
nadia: yeah i like the idea of it
d.s.: the pratcical app isn’t always so easy
nadia: yeah
d.s.: took me, m—, and l— a while to get that working
d.s.: when it did, was really nice though
d.s.: my eyes rolld back up in my skull feeling m—’s cock pushing against mine inside
d.s.: her
nadia: hot!
d.s.: very… it was almost TOO exciting
-snip-
d.s.:
d.s.: it’s always fun talking to you.
nadia: yeah especially when i’m getting turned on at both sides by you and masterdoc. ha ha . kinda like a chat threesome
yeah especially when i’m getting turned on at both sides by you and masterdoc. ha ha . kinda like a chat threesome
d.s.:
nadia: 
After this I got permission from MasterDoc to masturbate, and while I was a bit nervous doing so at work I nipped off to the bathroom at one point and had me a quick orgasm. All this wonderfulness kept my mind off the menstrual cramps I’m experiencing.
The first time I was willing to think that maybe he mis-dialed. But when I woke up this morning and found another text message from the 23-year-old I figured he must be trying to get in touch with me. Apparently he sent it at 1:34 am and it asked, “Are you awake?” Of course I was not awake at that hour and I’m glad I leave my cell phone in the living room because I would have been really annoyed if he woke me up.
Earlier, I was thinking about the things that frustrate me as a sub. But that got me thinking about the reasons I choose to be a sub.
1. Being told what to do sexually really gets me hot.
2. Being used sexually gets me really hot.
3. I could use some more discipline in my life. I’m fairly self-indulgent.
4. Being beaten can be extremely relaxing. I feel very calm and composed after a good, hard spanking.
5. Being of service to someone can feel very good.
6. Having someone who watches out for me is comforting.
7. I can relax and slow down my always-speedy mind when I let someone else have control.
8. The very act of choosing to be sub is a way of exerting control over my life.
9. I like being the follower, rather than the leader, in bed.
10. It feels special to have someone choose to work with you and discipline you.
11. Pain leads to arousal and endorphin rushes.
12. Being denied, and then granted, orgasm feels incredible.
13. Having sex with someone because master has told me to is incredibly hot.
There’s probably more, and 1 and 9 are pretty much the same thing, but that’s what I could come up with at the moment.
This blog is frequently a place for me to work out things I’m thinking – kinda like talking out loud to oneself. Not all entries are written with an audience in mind. This one is not. It’s just me musing. (Don’t want MasterDoc to assume that I’m complaining because I’m not, I’m just pondering.)
So now I have my first real dom in my life. It’s been interesting to discover the things about a D/s relationship that I love and the things I don’t like so much. I have to admit that I’m mostly a bedroom submissive – sub in my sex life but pretty damn stubborn and independent outside of that. The biggest challenge has been submitting in ways that happen away from a sex scene. While in the middle of a scene I have no trouble following directions, in fact, I get off on it. In my day to day life, I start feeling rebellious. Granted, I’m so into being the good (albeit sexually naughty) girl throughout my life that I don’t rebel, I just ponder what the heck I’m doing when I hold off masturbating because I don’t have MasterDoc’s permission. It also frustrates me that I don’t have autonomy in choosing my sex partners any more. Granted, my rampant horniness could probably use a little reining in now and then, but it’s not in my nature to leave these decisions up to someone else. This is the difficult part of being a sub, for me.
It’s not all bad, while I wish I wasn’t under orders to walk to work twice a week it really is good for me to do so. This is adding something clearly good to my life. And because of the way my relationships are set up I’m free to have sex with Davey whenever I wish – so I do have some sexual freedom. But sometimes a girl just wants to masturbate before falling asleep at night. Sometimes it’s not about the sexual so much as the comfort and relaxation. Sometimes you’re just too tired for partnered sex but a quick rubbing one out is fine. Of course, when I was thinking about this last night I was also too tired to get out of bed and text MasterDoc for permission. So I skipped the masturbation.
The funny thing is, while this frustrates me to no end it also makes me a little hot. There is something hot, for me, in having someone else in control. I just wonder how much control I’m comfortable with giving away. In some respects it’s therapeutic to give up control and have it work out positively – getting back into bdsm after the assault was harder than regular sex because of the control issues. Having control taken from you is different from giving it consensually, but it’s scary to give control even consensually after someone’s taken it from you without your consent. But of course having D/s play that leaves me happy and satisfied helps me relinquish control more easily and with less stress.
When you trust the person in control of you it releases you – frees up your mind. Of course, I like thinking for myself, so therein lies the contradiction. I guess I like both things. As usual I’m a bundle of contradictions. I can be both shy and outgoing. I can be really quiet and really talkative. I can be extremely patient and extremely impatient. And I like being in control and giving up control. I guess this is why I ultimately consider myself a switch who leans more towards being sub. I feel submissive far more often than I feel dominant, but I do have my dominant moments. Actually, I think independent is a better word than dominant as it’s more about being in control of myself and not other people. I’m not particularly dominant.
While I sometimes get frustrated by being sub, I often enjoy it. I thought I’d really dislike things like doing little chores at MasterDoc’s place (clearing the dishes, cleaning up after play) but there’s something nice about serving in that capacity – just like it’s nice to do things at home for Davey. It feels more about being in service to someone you care about and less about being someone’s servant in the negative way. Being a servant isn’t always a demeaning proposition. I can see the honor in being in service to someone. This is why having a dom you respect is key. When you respect your dom it’s a joy to help out. Sometimes my desire to be lazy comes into the picture, but I can say that MasterDoc has never asked me to do anything bad or harmful. Frustrating, yes – it might make me get off my lazy ass when I’d rather be sitting down. But nothing that will cause me harm. Not having an orgasm is frustrating, but it won’t kill me. He’s proven himself worthy of my trust and respect.
It’s going to be interesting to see where this journey takes me. While I sometimes feel frustrated, being a sub is something I’ve long wanted to do. And most of the time it makes me really happy. It’s definitely going to be a learning experience.
In some respects I chafe at the little things I’ve given up control over. But in some respects it feels really good to have someone rein me in. Giving up control can be liberating, if that makes sense. Anyway, it makes sense to me.
Ok I think my train of thought has just derailed. As I said, this is just me thinking out loud about a bunch of things.
Random thought for the day: Atomic Fireballs are like bdsm for your mouth. They burn but in a good way. Alas, I’ve been having horrific heartburn this week so I’ll have to hold off on having the ones in my desk at work. *sigh* I love hot cinnamon candy.
So this afternoon I get a text message out of the blue – from the 23 year-old. “Hey do you have plans today?” Um, yeah. I’m not sure if he sent the message to the wrong number or if what I figured would happen is happening – he’s gotten over the embarrassment of coming too fast and is now trying to get together with me again. We shall see. I texted him back saying that I was busy and that, “This is unexpected.” Didn’t hear from him a second time. The Irishman has been emailing me again, he wants to get together. But I’m not particularly interested in seeing either of them. It’s times like this when I’m happy to play the “I can’t sleep with anyone my dom doesn’t approve” card.
Last night I went to a party with MasterDoc. The party was intended as a mix of swinging and bdsm although it was leaning more towards the swinging side of things. We had fun but we didn’t get to play with as many other people as we would have liked to. However, I really enjoyed the fun that we had there together.
Over the course of the night, I was spanked over his knee, briefly flogged kneeling on the floor (and thoughtful man that he is, MasterDoc packed knee pads for me because he knows I have knee issues). I was dressed as a naughty school girl (as it’s a Halloween party) and my skirt ended up flipped up quite a few times. I gave MasterDoc head many times over the course of the evening (and I did my best to show how much I was enjoying it in the hopes that people might want to join us).
As I said, we didn’t end up swinging quite as much as we would have liked, but there was some fun had. We joined a couple at one point and as I started fooling around with the woman she suggested to the man that she could go down on me while he fucked her from behind. Sweet! She went down on me for a while and got her fingers inside at the same time. MasterDoc was a wee bit left out on this initially, but after she was done with me the woman went down on him as well and I joined her. The other guy then tried to fuck me but had issues with keeping it up. (Makes me glad to be a woman. If I’m having arousal issues I just slap some lube down there and keep going, usually the arousal follows. But when you’re a guy and your penis isn’t cooperating you’re really in a bind. Although as I always say, “you’ve got ten fingers and a tongue!”)
We set me up a couple of times in the “private” rooms in full view of the doorway so that we could try to entice others to join us. My instructions were that I was not to flirt with the single guys (there were no technically single guys there, but men would end up walking around without their dates) and I was to flirt with the couples where the woman would be one that MasterDoc would be interested in fucking. It was interesting going to a swing party as a submissive rather than as a free agent like I’m used to. I’m sure I would have fucked many more men last night if I could have made the choices myself. Men certainly showed interest in me and most of them I would have been interested in back. (Not this one guy though. Ugh. He had a bald head except for a patch of hair at the back where he had small braids coming out of it. He just totally did NOT do it for me. At one point when he and his date are talking to us he starts stroking my leg. Ugh. Luckily MasterDoc didn’t show interest in the woman he was with.) But alas, I wasn’t a free agent. Still, MasterDoc fucked me about three times (and once more after we got home) so I wasn’t exactly going without good fucking (and coming). While the party was winding down he got me on the sofa in the socializing area and started fucking me while people were getting their coats and such. He loves the attention every bit as much as I do. We inspired a couple to go off to the private rooms and so we followed, in hopes of a swap. I fingered the woman as she went down on the man, and MasterDoc and I both played with her breasts. But when it came time to have sex the guy she was with fucked her, and MasterDoc fucked me, side by side, doggy style. It felt so good and I was so loud. I just love when I can be loud! Unfortunately it was time for everyone to go at this point.
We got bagels on the way home (yummy – fresh!) and all in all I had a good night out with MasterDoc. He was still horny when we got home so we ended up fucking again, this time I had to be quiet so we wouldn’t wake his roommate or neighbors. I actually managed to be quiet – goes to show I can do it when I focus on it enough. I really enjoyed being fucked last night. It just felt really amazing each time. It’s funny how I wasn’t overly horny all week but I thoroughly enjoyed having sex last night (and today). As a finale last night, MasterDoc came on my face. Then we got some sleep.
Thursday was a relatively mellow evening with MasterDoc, although there was some flogging/spanking and for the first time ever I begged him to stop. My pain tolerance varies so much. One time recently he used hot wax on me and while it hurt I could take it and I got phenomenally wet. I don’t consider myself a pain slut but I suppose you have to wonder after that reaction. But then on Thursday he didn’t spank me any harder than he’s done before but I couldn’t handle it. As I said, my pain tolerance varies widely.
Oh, almost forgot, I was getting spanked at one point last night with a crop by another dom, when, without my knowledge, MasterDoc got someone to smack me a few times with a single tail whip. Yikes. I totally couldn’t take it, and I wasn’t even hit all that hard. It really fucking hurt. So much for the idea of me being a pain slut.
Boy do I have a lot of catching up to do on this blog. I saw MasterDoc on Thursday and Saturday (lucky week, I got to see him twice) and then today Davey followed my advice of spicing up our sex life.
When I woke up from a nap this afternoon, I was greeted with a sign on the bedroom door. It read: “I want to see you completely naked and ready for me. Davey. PS After you are awake, stand in the middle of the living room til I say otherwise.” Now, we all know I like being told what to do sexually, and usually Davey’s very sweet and laid back. This was a nice surprise. So I got naked and went out into the living room. Davey greeted me and went back to his computer. I waited, patiently and soon he showed me a digital photo of his cock between my breasts.
“Remember this?” he asked.
I nodded that I did remember and he came over to look at and touch me. Ooh. Very hot. He led me to the bedroom and laid down on the bed. “I want you to rub your body all over mine.” I slowly dragged my breasts across his chest and down to his cock. I rubbed my face on his chest and licked his nipples. He told me that he wanted me to rub my pussy on him so I straddled his thigh and started riding it. He dragged his finger nails across my back over and over. He asked me if I was getting wet and a moment later you could hear sloshing noises from under my crotch. *grin* Yes, I was getting wet.
He asked me to clean up the pre-come on his cock so I sucked it off, which surprised him a little. Then he had me lay on the bed, face down. He put a condom on and took me like that – flat on my stomach from behind. We fucked like that for a little bit then I got up on my knees for a better angle. He fucked me hard and I moaned and came. He pulled out and said that he wanted me to jerk him off onto my face. And so I got under his cock while he kneeled and I stroked him until he squirted all over my cheek. Hot! I guess we had a “reverse date” tonight – now we’re going out to dinner. If I have time later I’ll catch up with the rest of my blogging.
I’m irritated by the fact that being a slutty woman in this world still isn’t socially acceptable. I’m pretty comfortable with my slut-dom and the men I date are pretty happy with it as well (they’re usually sluts themselves) but occasionally I find myself judged for it. Case in point, MasterDoc and I have been looking to meet a woman for a threesome. We’ve started talking to a few women and I ended up talking with one of them on the phone the other night. I thought it went okay but she turns around and tells him today that she’s not comfortable with the fact that I’m promiscuous and not in a live-in relationship with him. She’s assumed that we’re just nice, monogamous people looking for a third. Naive assumption at best. Neither of us is monogamous. She’s looking to cheat on her husband but the couple she’s going to sleep with must be non-slutty? I’m really annoyed. So she’s still interested in him (and why wouldn’t she be? She likes intelligent men and he’s a smartie.) but I’m a big slut she doesn’t want to touch with a ten foot pole. (She also didn’t seem to find my conversation with her to be stimulating enough – of course she was the one giggling and stammering like a little schoolgirl.) It’s also interesting to note that I’ve slowed down my sleeping around as of late and have to clear everything with MasterDoc before I sleep with anyone new. (Little does she know that I’m going to fuck anyone he tells me to come Saturday night.) The only people I’m sleeping with on any regular basis are Davey and MasterDoc. I only get to see D.S. on occasion. I realize that to the average, monogamy-minded person this is too much but quite frankly I think it is well within reason.
Why is that being an open and honest person gets you nowhere, but if I was a lying cunt I’d be knee deep in pussy? People blather on about honesty and how important it is to them, but the fact is they can’t handle the truth. Sex is risky – it will be with anyone who’s not a complete and utter virgin. You don’t have to be promiscuous to have an std and being promiscuous doesn’t mean you have one.
Grr. I’m just irritated. Ultimately I’m happy with my sex-positive, horny, liberated life. Fuck women who can’t handle that. They can stay in their unhappy, sexually repressed monogamous marriages. *grumble*
This week MasterDoc told me that I’m not to masturbate unless I get his permission – and he’s not likely to give permission this week. The only way I can get off is if I have sex with Davey, because MasterDoc doesn’t regulate my sex life with Davey. Now I’ve been doing surprisingly well with this, I’m not quite the uncontrollable horndog people seem to think I am. But I’m happy to say that Davey has suggested having sex this week even though he’s working late every night. Tonight’s the night, and hopefully one or both of us won’t be too tired to have sex by the time he gets home.
There’s only been fleeting moments of horniness when I’ve thought, “Gee, if I was allowed to, I’d masturbate right now.” Of course the more I think about masturbation the harder it is so I mostly don’t think about it. The fact is though, often during the week Davey and I are too busy doing errands and housework to take time to have sex. Last night, I kept busy doing laundry and watching a movie on the final days of Sophie Scholl (not exactly horniness-inducing). We’ll see how I feel later in the week – or if MasterDoc doesn’t let me come when I see him on Thursday.
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