Diary of a Kinky Librarian

Usually I’m pretty reserved as far as alcohol and the like. As I’ve said here before, sex is my real vice. This weekend however I went a bit overboard and a really enjoyable time of it. Saturday night I went out with some friends to dinner and got myself good and drunk (Davey made sure I got home, and then gleefully “took advantage” of me in my drunken state. Of course I put that in quotes because it was all quite consensual.) I got chatty in my drunkeness and finally asked my cross-dressing ex if his wife knows about his cross dressing and kinkiness. (I’ve been wondering for a few years now!) Alas, the answer was “we don’t talk about that” but that he’s “happy.” Hmm. So I suppose I’m still the only girlfriend he was ever really open to about his cd and kinky interests. I think I blathered something else in his ear about what ever happened to all the wonderful kinky gear he had (I missed that when he and I broke up! Fun stuff!) he said some of it’s still around. Drunk as I was, I think I said something offhandedly like, “Well if you ever want to get rid of that stuff I’m right here!” lol I do hope I didn’t embarrass myself TOO much last night. I was discreet about asking him the questions about cross dressing and kinkiness so the rest of our friends didn’t hear and his wife didn’t hear. I then whispered in his ear about how I have a Dom now who I see about once a week but that of course, “Davey knows. Our relationship is really open.” I’m sure my ex went home last night thinking that he knows way more than he ever wanted to about what I’m up to right now. lol Man was I chatty! Soon it became a joke with Davey and my ex when I’d say for the 12th, 13th, 14th, etc. time that “I’m so drunk right now!” All I had was two margaritas. But this place in the city makes margaritas that will kick your ass. (Plus all day I had only eaten a bagel with lox and cream cheese with MasterDoc early in the afternoon. Then I started drinking in the evening before dinner. I was sloshed before I was through my first drink and we ordered food.)

Friday night I went out with MasterDoc and was intoxicated on something else. I had barely ever been in that state before, so it was interesting walking the city streets feeling delightfully disoriented and high. I felt really cuddly towards MasterDoc and kissing him that night was so wonderful. He threatened to have a whole bunch of guys fuck me at the swing club that night, and I so would have been up for it. *grin* I keep waiting for the day he finally makes good on that threat.

The club was a bit slow, and ultimately the most we did with anyone else was having this rather chatty guy play with my breasts while MasterDoc got me worked up. The guy offered that we could go into one of the private back rooms (yet again we were camped out in the “exhibitionist room” and kept hearing the owner give tours and point this room out, which made me a bit giggly in my state) so that MasterDoc could have “two slaves.” Oh my. Alas, men are not MasterDoc’s type. But interesting that he picked up on what my wearing a collar meant more or less.

MasterDoc had me play with myself, getting myself right to the edge. I found myself more horny than usual and I was able to get myself on the edge which can be so hard these days. (Early Feb I see my shrink to talk about different medication.) MasterDoc then fucked me from behind and it felt wonderful. I love how loud you can get in a club and I was screaming as I came. I was too far off in my own headspace to notice, but MasterDoc tells me that we drew a crowd, including the voyeuristic female bartender who I’m glad to hear watched us. There was a guy there who he would have given a turn to, but the guy was too reserved and didn’t show any interest. *sigh*

My memories of the weekend are slightly fuzzy, but damn I had a good time. Can’t live your life like that all the time (I have a friend who would beg to differ but then she’s always unhappy despite the “fun” she has with drugs and alcohol.) and now I’m back to my sober life. I like taking excursions on the wild side, but do so prudently so that I don’t harm myself or others. Both nights I had men who I trusted with me (Davey or MasterDoc) so that I wasn’t left in an intoxicated state without someone to watch out for me.

Yesterday I was horny and looking forward to fucking Davey when he got home. However, he ended up having to work late, and he didn’t know what time he was going to get home. Oh bother. Earlier in the day, MasterDoc had asked me if I wanted to go out to a swing club with him and I had said no because I had plans with Davey. (Davey’s working long hours just now, so we haven’t had much sex lately. I gave him a blow job on Friday evening but it’s been a while since we’ve had sex.) With Davey not getting home on time, MasterDoc asked if I wanted to join him and S. in going to the swing club after all. S. had never been to one before, so having me along might actually help her feel a bit more comfortable. (As mentioned here before, S. is another sub of MasterDoc’s and she and I have become friends. Together we make up the MasterDoc fan club.) It was going to be an early night since I had work the next day, but I was really in the mood to be fucked so I was glad to go out. I hoped that with MasterDoc needing to focus on making S. feel comfortable, I might be able to have a little freedom to fuck at will. This was mentioned to MasterDoc on the way there, and he said he’d take the matter under advisement.

S. was understandably nervous, but at the same time she was excited to be trying something new. When we got to the club, S. and I were the only women there (for a while afterwards too) and of course MasterDoc looked like quite the stud with two women hanging on him. (Everyone else there was a single guy.) We took some time to get comfortable, then MasterDoc had S. blow him right there in front of everyone. She was nervous but got into it quite well. He and I kissed a bit while she went down on him. After some time, he had us switch.

Eventually another couple arrived so we weren’t the only women there, then another couple. But no one was really playing yet. We went over to an air mattress that’s only barely hidden behind a mesh curtain and MasterDoc got naked, then had S. get naked. She was really nervous, but did as she was told. He had her blow him some more and she was able to focus on that task rather than her feelings of self-consciousness. I sat next to them and MasterDoc had me take my top off and he played with my breasts while getting the blow job. (As we played last night, every so often we heard the owner of the club go by giving a tour and he’d point out that where we were playing is “the exhibitionist room” and indeed the exhibitionists were having a grand time there. Made me grin a little whenever this happened. MasterDoc and I are definitely exhibitionists.) At one point, MasterDoc commanded S. to come, without even touching her breasts or genitals, and she came. Quite amazing to watch. I had heard she was capable of that but hadn’t seen it. I’m a little bit jealous, I wish I could do that.

Every so often MasterDoc would ask if there was anyone there I’d like to fuck. There were a few guys there I wouldn’t have minded fucking, but no one I was totally drooling over. Plus, I get shy when saying things. I would express that there were guys I was “willing to fuck” but not outright say that I wanted to fuck someone. This inability to verbalize cost me some fucking. But MasterDoc had fun spanking both of us (butts in the air in the same direction). And I got to be fucked by MasterDoc (and allowed to come. And when my vagina did it’s usual “eject” contractions upon orgasm, he finished me off with his hands.) I was very happy to have been fucked, particularly by MasterDoc, but I could have taken more. We had one persistent viewer, and he seemed okay, so when MasterDoc checked to see if I’d mind playing with him, I said I didn’t mind. The guy expressed the desire to kiss my cunt and so MasterDoc invited him to do so. He went down on me for a while, then slid his fingers inside me. It felt really good but he didn’t quite get me over the edge. (Damn prozac, I used to come easily regardless of whether a guy was good at fingering me, but now I only manage to eke out little mild orgasms instead.) If the guy had made me come with his fingers/tongue, MasterDoc was going to let him fuck me, but in the end it didn’t happen. Still, I had fun being slutty – being eaten out by some guy whose name I don’t know – hot! The guy was really appreciative about what he had gotten to do. While the guy went down on me, MasterDoc fucked S., which was fun to watch as well.

By this time it was time to head home, which was a shame as the place was just getting busy. Damn work hinders my sex life again! Despite her nervousness, S. had a good time and she and MasterDoc are going back next Monday night. Hooray.

I realized last night that there’s about three levels of attraction or non-attraction for me. There’s people I’m physically attracted to right away, or people who I’m mentally attracted to after getting to know them a bit. Then there’s people who I’m not especially attracted to, but I feel comfortable with them and I’m enough of a slut to fuck these people if asked to (or they happen to be who’s around and I’m horny). And at the bottom of the ladder are people I’m very much not attracted to and/or who I feel somehow uncomfortable or unsafe with. These are the people I’d rather not fuck. The guy who fingered me fell into the second category. Oh and people who are in the first category for their looks can drop a category or two if I get to know them and they’re dumb and/or obnoxious. Whereas people who are in the second category can jump to the first if I get to know them and they’re smart and wonderful. Anyway, I’m babbling. And that’s the tale of what I got up to last night.

Lucky girl, I got to see MasterDoc twice this week. There was supposed to be another visitor this time but that fell through. Instead, MasterDoc played with my body however he liked, taking his time with it. Starting with touching me gently as we lay on his bed listening to music, soon he had me laying on my back, thighs spread, flogging my inner thighs. He got a nice rhythm going and he’d sometimes look as if he was going to hit hard, but then surprise me with just a light hit. He had terrific aim as he flogged my breasts (owie did that hurt). It was very appropriate that at one point he was beating me to the sound of Tom Lehrer’s “The Masochism Tango.” (On a cd of collected Lehrer songs given to him by one of his other subs.)

It’s funny, I don’t generally think of myself as a masochist. I mostly just think of myself as a sub, but the fact is I do like some pain… but I like it better when my pain tolerance is up. Last week everything hurt awful and I had a hard time dealing with it. This week it hurts but not nearly so much and it’s kinda relaxing to be beaten. In the moment I sometimes wonder why I’m consenting to being beaten, but afterwards I’m always in a great mood and really happy to have been smacked around.

He had me turn over so that I was on my knees, and he flogged my ass some with the stingy little flogger (avoiding the already bruised areas from the other day’s paddle work). He used the heavy flogger on my upper back, which is always something I expect to bother my back issues but it never does. Instead it’s kinda hypnotic. The flogging went on for a while. When he took a break he had me go down on him for a bit, and I did my best to make him hard so he would fuck me.

He fucked me from behind, standing at the end of the bed. He allowed me to come and used his fingers for a while. I came but not really hard. I find that happens a lot lately where I manage to come but it’s not as spectacular and earth-shaking as it could be. (Damn prozac.) But, an orgasm is still a good thing.

There was a little time for a break… I don’t remember how we segue way from one fucking to the next, but the next time I was on my back with him on top of me. I like when he grabs my hair or slaps my face while fucking me face to face, it makes the whole scene more intense. I was allowed to come again (thank you MasterDoc!) and he spent some time fucking me with his small vibrator, then he let me take over using it on myself (the vibrator was poking my instead cup so I said “ow” a few times. I was better able to control the situation myself). He let me give myself another couple of orgasms and it was so good as I hadn’t been in a situation like that (multiple orgasms over a period of time) in a long while. I could have kept going but he had me stop.

Before and after the fucking I ended up doing some chores around the house – taking the garbage out, emptying the dishwasher, etc. I guess you can get used to anything as I don’t chafe at the idea of doing chores as much as I used to. (It’s still not my favorite thing to do, but I think it’s good that I get off my lazy ass sometimes. I find it makes me be more mindful of helping out at home so Davey isn’t stuck doing everything, although I suppose Davey might say that it makes me more likely to be a brat about doing chores around the house as I can get away with a little brattyness with him, but not with MasterDoc. Ah but the point is I’m doing the chores.

We had lunch and hung out for a while. MasterDoc helped me out as I’ve been having battery issues with my car. He’s lent me a battery so I can jump start it if it won’t start again, until I get around to getting a new battery. That’s something I love about poly – having many people to help you out. Davey’s working long hours this week and next so he’s not been home, but I’m not left on my own, I still have someone I can count on for advice and support. Being poly rocks.

If I get around to it, I might come back later and post pics of my lovely bruises. No time right now.

It had been a while since MasterDoc scared up an audience for our activities. But Wednesday night he had someone come over and watch him Dom me, and of course it was hot having some complete stranger watch. (I’m such an exhibitionist, and well, a slut.) A nice man with a faint English accent came by. (At one point I mentioned to MasterDoc that I had had phone sex twice years before with men just because they had English accents. I’m a sucker for the Brits… and the Scots…)

I had been hoping we’d do a “show” sometime soon. I missed doing them. This time our audience was quite appreciative – getting his cock out and playing with himself. While all are invited to do so most don’t generally. MasterDoc asked him if he had any special requests and after I had been flogged a bit he requested to see me paddled. MasterDoc has one large ping pong-type paddle in his collection, and it can sting quite a bit. I now have two nice dark bruises on my lower butt cheeks. I got really wet from being beaten. I think it surprises me a little still that pain can bring on such arousal in me. I sucked MasterDoc’s cock for a while, and at one point he had me reach over and stroke the stranger’s cock for a bit. MasterDoc fucked me for a little while and the stranger requested to see me fucked up the ass, but it didn’t happen. While fucking me, MasterDoc had me look the stranger in the eye. I find it hard to do this, so I keep closing my eyes without noticing and have to really remind myself to look.

I was surprisingly horny that night and came close to orgasm while MasterDoc had me use the magic wand on myself. Silly girl, I didn’t ask to be allowed to come and so I didn’t end up coming that night. I need to be more vocal but in recent months it’s sometimes been hard for me to come on command so I hesitate to say I’m ready to come out of fear that it won’t happen within the time frame I’m given. I’ve gotten TOO good at holding back orgasms. And strangely enough, holding back on orgasms doesn’t make me want them more, it actually makes me quite able to live without them most of the time. The one thing that makes me want more orgasms is having orgasms. I’d love one day to be forced to come until I’m exhausted and have to beg to be allowed to stop.

At one point, MasterDoc used nipple clamps on me for the first time (for a while he had misplaced the gentler ones. I can’t handle the clover clamps.) He had me put the chain in my teeth while he slowly let go of my breasts, so that the weight of my breasts was pulling down on the clamps. Yow. That really hurt. (And yet I find myself becoming aroused thinking about this.) He used hot wax on both my front and back, but thankfully spared the really sensitive spot by my thigh. He humiliated me a bit by making me say what he had me do last time (eat from a bowl on the floor like a dog).

Ultimately, I ended up stroking the stranger’s cock some more. I did my best to help him come but he didn’t come before MasterDoc grew a bit bored and decided it was time for him to go. He sounds like someone who would gladly come back. MasterDoc mentioned his plans for a gang bang for me sometime and the stranger expressed enthusiastically that he’d like to be a part of that.

It felt good to be used in front of a stranger again. I really get off on that.

The other night Davey and I went over to MasterDoc’s after work. For a while now we’ve been talking about having Davey watch while MasterDoc doms me and the other night we finally made it happen. It was kinda strange having Davey watch, I had thought I’d be more into it and not as embarrassed as I was. But being lowly and humiliated in front of Davey was extra humiliating – far more so than doing it in front of strangers.

MasterDoc of course had me serve them all evening – getting drinks, making salad to go with dinner, picking up dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, etc. All that was fine, but then he had me do something he’s never done before. He had me eat my dinner out of a bowl on the floor, just like a dog. I was not allowed to use my hands, not even to turn the bowl. This was deeply humiliating, particularly in front of Davey. However, I did as I was told. (And despite, or perhaps because of, the humiliation I sit here getting horny writing about this.) They commented on how my face was red and wanted to know if that was because my head was tipped forward or because I was blushing. I’m not sure which but I definitely don’t rule out blushing.

I tend to mess up a lot and forget to add “Sir” to the end of things I say to MasterDoc while I’m in my collar, but usually he’s not too strict about it. However, he was more strict the other night. I don’t know if it was because of Davey being there or because he’s being more strict with me now as a rule. I’d guess the latter.

My pain tolerance was really down, so it hurt like a motherf%*$er when he dripped hot wax on my nipples and down in that sensitive spot by the thigh. He didn’t hold back on hurting me with Davey there, and Davey seemed to enjoy watching, even if he’s not one to do it himself. When we left, I turned to Davey and said, “See, you treat me way too gently.” But it’s just his nature to be gentle and loving, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Alas, it’s my nature to want to be smacked around and taken control of.

MasterDoc had me go down on Davey although Davey smartly pulled away when MasterDoc came back over to me with the burning candle. With my pain tolerance being so low he really ran the risk of me reacting badly while his penis was in my mouth. I’m a little fuzzy on details but I know that they took turns fingering me, took turns fucking me and eventually put me on the sybian. I was allowed to use the controller myself for a bit, but of course I couldn’t come without permission. MasterDoc took over the controls and told me to get myself right on the edge of coming…. and then he turned the machine off. I wasn’t allowed to come that night.

Now, I was supposed to see MasterDoc in a couple of days and Davey agreed to not have sex with me in the meantime and of course MasterDoc wouldn’t give me permission to masturbate in that time period either. The bad part, however, is that MasterDoc had to cancel because his back was bothering him, and my plans to see D.S. for the next day were canceled because he’s still sick, and now I’m home alone – Davey’s out on a couple of dates today. I text messaged MasterDoc after our plans got canceled last night and got permission to masturbate while I’m home alone today. I’m feeling really sexually unsatisfied at the moment. I’m not entirely sure that masturbation will take care of that. What I could go for right now is a good hard fuck where I’m allowed to come at will. It feels like it’s harder for me to come these days and while I think a lot of it is thanks to my taking prozac, I do wonder if some of it is because I’m so trained to hold back on orgasms. I’m also getting way used to having orgasms thanks to machines like the magic wand and the sybian, so I’m thinking perhaps when I masturbate today I’ll do it the old fashioned way – with my hands and only my hands. Just to prove to myself I still can.

Friday changed shape when MasterDoc called me in the afternoon and said that he was feeling better, and did I want to come over? He left it up to me as there’s a chance of me catching a mild viral infection from him. I opted to take the risk.

The evening started off with me helping him clean. I was in a really submissive mood so it was easy for me to not complain and just ask, “What do you want me to do?” when he mentioned cleaning. I figured I was still due some sort of punishment from complaining a few weeks back and cleaning certainly is punishment. I’d much rather be spanked, but then he knows that I enjoy that. We had dinner. He sent me to go pick it up. He had me make the salad to go with dinner. I was ultimately happy to just spend time with him, although of course I was hoping that some play would be involved. Lucky for me, he decided to have me ride the “horsey” (sybian). Now, he had run out of lube, so he had to make sure I was good and wet before putting me on the horsey. He did this by dripping hot wax over my body, especially that really tender spot at the crux of where thigh, hip and crotch all meet. Then he had me turn over onto hands and knees where he spanked and flogged me, and poured more hot wax over me. It especially hurt as it pooled on my lower back, or when he got it right in the crack of my ass.

He flogged me for a while, first with the small, stingy flogger, then with the large, thuddy one. He smacked me a few times with something that really hurt, although I’m not sure what that was. You’d have thought the way he worked my ass over that I’d have some lovely bruises the next day, but I didn’t have any. Odd. I got into subspace and just went off into my own little world. The pain subsided somewhat when I was in this state, but every now and then he’d strike me harder and I’d feel the pain again. He asked me if my cunt was wet, and I checked with my hands and yes, I was very wet.

He had me get on the sybian on the floor in front of the couch. As always he controlled the machine, getting me really worked up. (I’m getting so hot writing about this.) He flicked his fingers sharply at my nipples, which really hurt. He also used the crop on my breasts a bit. (The only bruise of the day was one I still have on my left breast. He generally doesn’t bruise breasts, so this was unusual. But as always I love my bruises as a reminder of the fun we had.) He interrogated me a bit about things I was going to do to help get him more pussy. Of course in that state I’ll agree to just about anything.

He cranked up the vibration and I got right on the edge of coming. I begged to be allowed to come and he let me. I came so hard and so loud I’m surprised the police didn’t come knocking on the door. lol He told me to quiet down so I buried my face into his thigh and shut my mouth, moaning through my shut mouth. He let me lay down for a bit after this to recover. I was a very happy woman.

Surprisingly there was no fucking, or me going down on him. It’s just how the evening worked out. Soon I had to head home as we both had work the next morning. I slept very well that night.

Alas, today hasn’t turned out like I hoped it would. C’est la vie. First, D.S. was supposed to come visit me, something we were both looking forward to as we hadn’t had time alone (and Davey is away this evening). Then it morphed into him meeting MasterDoc and seeing him dom me. Two days ago, I spoke to D.S. and he was sick, and as of last night he wasn’t any better. I was disappointed but I hoped that at least I’d see MasterDoc today, but unfortunately, he woke up sick this morning, so the best thing was for me to spend the day by myself. It’s not all bad as I’ve been feeling lately like I need some space. The unfortunate thing is that I was actually horny this morning so having sex would have been fun. Life doesn’t always work out like we plan. Ho hum. Davey comes back tomorrow.

Davey is a wonderful guy. He’s so loving and caring. Many women would be thrilled to have sex with someone who virtually worships your body and tells you how much he adores you. Unfortunately, I get off on being a dirty slut who’s treated rough, so sometimes our sexuality isn’t quite compatible. We’re two bottoms, and neither of us is much for topping. It’s a conundrum we try to work on constantly.

Last night I felt horny and wondered how I could make sex with Davey into the naughty thing I’d love it to be. I decided that having him fuck me up the ass would help fit the bill, and it did quite nicely. I felt like the bad girl I love being as he fucked me up the ass and I used my bullet vibe on my clit. I had a nice orgasm. His knee gave out before he came, so I helped him finish off with a hand job.