I wasn’t happy with my last entry’s description of the sex, so I wrote up an alternate entry and put it up over at Best Sex Bloggers. Hope you enjoy!
Monthly Archive for December, 2008
This is a long post, but I promise that hot stuff happens.
I had ups and downs this weekend. I’m premenstrual so I’m prone to a bit of depression. On Friday I had the thought that I must be really fucked up and dysfunctional to choose to be the submissive in a relationship. I mean, I choose to in a position where I always feel lesser. I don’t know, I haven’t resolved my thoughts about this but it leaves me wondering about myself. None of us want to think of ourselves as dysfunctional, but I do have a history of dysfunction. Is this a manifestation of dysfunction? Or am I a liberated woman, enjoying her alternative sexuality?
So that caused any play between me and MasterDoc to be cut short on Friday as I wasn’t in the right headspace. The next day I felt a little better, and we fooled around – he giving me a lot of attention including oral sex. It’s amazing what orgasms can do for my mood. I cheered up considerably. He said that next time I’m in a funk he’ll probably press on with the beating and orgasms and I’ll feel better in five minutes. *grin* Thing is, he’s probably right.
Thankfully I cheered up, because our Saturday night plans were to go to a gangbang party with S. Was I finally going to get the gangbang that MasterDoc continually promised? Rowr. I was hopeful. The main focus was getting S. gangbanged so I knew that I’d spend some time just hanging out, but that if I was patient I would likely get my own turn. Poor S. was really nervous, and I was feeling more than a little socially awkward as well. I find the most difficult part of going to a party like this is the social aspect – I have no trouble getting naked and fooling around. (Again, I wonder just how dysfunctional that is.) We kept close to MasterDoc as would keep an eye on our safety. We arrived at the hotel suite just as the rules were being reviewed.
Now most of them were good rules – condoms always, no double dipping (i.e., change condoms between women), wash your hands after playing with one woman before going to another, clean up your condoms and throw them in the trash – but there was one I, as a sexually educated woman, had a BIG problem with. The hostess said that if a condom slips off while you’re pulling out, you need to “go fishing.” Now, certainly, if a condom slips off you don’t leave it inside the woman. But hell, it wouldn’t happen if you just held onto the base of the condom as you pulled out. Simple. Something I would have thought everyone would know. But alas, this is not the case. I’m used to mostly playing with people who are pretty knowledgeable about safer sex, so this really threw me off. I talked to the hostess and pointed out (vehemently) that a condom slipping off isn’t safer sex for the woman. A condom left inside a woman can leak. The sex act is probably still pretty safe for the man but it’s definitely not for the woman. The hostess just shrugged it off but damn, I wanted to pound into her head that if she’s hosting parties like this she sure as hell should know something so basic! It made me a little nervous about playing but I figured that MasterDoc would keep an eye on things and not everyone there was necessarily as stupid as the hostess.
So there were several women and a bunch more men. Pretty quickly there were women on the beds being fucked. MasterDoc took his time getting us started. He had me get naked and S. and I took turns sucking his cock. I had my collar on by this time and it’s interesting explaining to non D/s people what the collar means. “You ask him for permission to play with me.” Takes a little bit of getting used to for people who aren’t up on the protocols of BDSM. I sat on a bed while MasterDoc and a friend of S.’s (Fuzzy he’s called, for reasons which are obvious when he takes off his clothes) got S. started. She sucked on Fuzzy’s cock and MasterDoc slid off her panties, giving her a bit of a spank as well. He got her laying over the bed so that he could spank and finger her a bit. He lined up someone to fuck her. She came a bunch of times and it’s fun watching her come because she comes so hard. I was content to sit back and watch, although I had to practically beat off the men with a stick.
Now one thing I want to point out here, because porn leads us to think that real life is something it’s not – everyone there was pretty damn average. There were a few good looking guys, but the majority were average people. The women were mostly chubby or fat, and even the thinner ones had pot bellies. No one was perfect, no one looked like a model or a porn star. Real life happens with a variety of people. The ages of the participants ran the gamut as well. So for anyone who’s eager to go to a party like this, but you’re worried that you’ll be the fattest one there (or the oldest one there) – don’t. I felt positively svelte next to some of the women there. And yet every woman was in great demand. Being sexy doesn’t necessarily have to do with being thin or beautiful. (I think being a slut counts for much more.)
So I got to see S. get fucked, by a guy I don’t think she ever saw. I know from experience that’s one of those things you think, “Gee, I should be upset this guy was a total stranger I will never know.” But then you think, “Man, that’s hot!” S. had a ton of orgasms before MasterDoc and Fuzzy would give her a break. MasterDoc then turned to me and decided to get me started. Rowr. He fingered me, and soon I was begging for permission to orgasm and after just holding off a little, he let me. We drew a small crowd sometime during all this. He gave permission to a couple of guys to touch me and I felt hands stroking my body. I cuddled up to MasterDoc and let these men touch me. It mostly felt good although one unknowledgeable guy poked at my asshole without lube. Luckily he didn’t try to actually finger it. MasterDoc let some of the guys play with my pussy and alas, they didn’t quite know what they were doing. Luckily MasterDoc intervened and gave me another orgasm. He lined up a guy to fuck me, but unfortunately by the time a condom was found he had lost his erection. I wouldn’t get fucked until a bit later.
We all took a break. MasterDoc had asked S. a few times where she was and if she was okay while he fooled around with me. He takes his job of looking out for us seriously. We all went into the sitting room (it was a suite with two bedrooms on either side of a sitting room with a small kitchenette) and had a little wine and cheese and crackers. I looked around for a seat and eventually one was found for me. MasterDoc ended up on the other side of the room when another chair opened up. I spoke with a nice African-American guy and while I don’t tend to go for black guys, the key thing for me when looking for someone to play with is that they are nice and I feel safe with them – he met those two criteria. When MasterDoc beckoned me over, I made a point of mentioning my interest to him. Soon the sofa cleared off and S. took a seat, the black guy joined us, very friendly. After talking for a while, MasterDoc wondered if I could be fucked bent over the chair and I took the position. He had the nice black guy stand behind me to see if it could work. I pointed out that my pelvis was tilted downward. So MasterDoc had S. go check out the bedrooms to see if there was a spare bed. There was and we all hastily went into the bedroom to seize it.
The nice guy followed us, and there was already a crowd assembled in the bedroom. (There were two beds in this room, and something was going on in the next bed.) MasterDoc had me get out the magic wand and he used it on S. He got her worked up, but she was a little irritated from using Nair earlier so she did not come. She seemed pretty happy nonetheless. After her turn, he had me get on the bed. The nice guy got invited to go down on me, which felt pretty damn good. After a bit, he asked if he could use fingers too (see, nice guy asks before doing!) and he did. Rowr. He was told he could fuck me and so he did. I begged to be allowed to come and MasterDoc was very generous. I made such a racket I’m surprised they didn’t ask me to quiet down. After he fucked me, MasterDoc gave S. a turn, and the same nice guy fucked her as well. This time, the hostess did come in to ask us to quiet down. S. is good about being quiet, much better than I am.
After she squirted a river (thankfully she brings pads along) I got my turn again. This time the guy fucked me from behind. I came hard again and my muscles pushed him out. He commented on how tight I get when I come and MasterDoc joked about the “auto eject” feature. I moaned into the bed, I felt so lucky having so many orgasms. How could a girl not be happy having that many orgasms? He fucked me for a while, fingered me a bit and then MasterDoc decided to fuck me as well. I asked if I could get on my back and he had me do so. He fucked me for a while, I came some more and my depressed mood of the night before was completely forgotten.
When it was time to go we had to peel S. away from our new friend, she was making out with him and stroking his cock. We packed up and I thanked our new friend for a good time. My instincts about him were right.
We were all starving so we went to a diner afterwards, and sleepily had a meal. That night, I slept pretty soundly until MasterDoc got me up – his other girlfriend was coming over with a friends’ daughter so we had to de-sexify the apartment before they got there. Toys sitting in the living room, porn, the sybian all had to be hidden in MasterDoc’s bedroom. And so ended my weekend.
When I started this blog, I did so because I like to write and I like to keep a record of my adventures. However, it turns out that being a sex blogger has perks. You already know about my reviewing for the wonderful Babeland. But I’ve also been given something by For Your Nymphomation, the locking sex toy case company, to review. They’ve just debuted their big foot case and I am the proud owner of one big foot (ok, actually I have two big feet but we’re talking about the case here). I have lusted after FYN cases for a while now. (I really, really want the rolling toy trunk but I don’t know that it’s in the budget just yet, sadly.)
Look how much stuff it holds! That’s an Njoy Eleven in there! (I’m lusting after that baby too!) For guys, it was actually created with the Fleshlight in mind. The Fleshlight is big for a toy, and who couldn’t use a locking case for it? (Especially you parents out there!) As you can see in the picture, there’s elastics on the sides and top to hold toys, little bottles of lube, the instructions for my Naughtinano (that’s what I have in the top bit of elastic). Your little bottles of lube will stay upright! There’s also two pockets on the long sides of the case, where you can conveniently put condoms, nipple clamps and small vibes (which are easy to lose in a bag). As I mentioned before the case locks – securely – and the zipper pulls glow in the dark (handy for finding the bag in a dimly lit sex club). If you’re going to spend overnight with a playmate this bag would be perfect – not too big, but big enough to fit enough stuff for a hot evening. It looks like an old-fashioned cosmetics case, the kind that every luggage set once came with, so people will be none the wiser as to the contents (they’ll just think you’re being retro). I love the big foot, I sometimes carry it between my place and MasterDoc’s. I tend to leave a lot of my toys at his place, but sometimes you want your favorite vibe at home, ya know? This gives me a discreet way to carry the toys (and with this they don’t get lost at the bottom of my backpack).
Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, Samhain, etc, etc to you all (whatever you celebrate, whenever you celebrate it). Me, I’m not religious anymore but I still do the xmas thing because my family does – it’s more like a cultural holiday for me than a religious one. But I will certainly enjoy opening gifts tomorrow morning and eating lots of good food. Yum!
If you haven’t already, head over to Fetlife. They’re having a kinky Christmas stocking giveaway. Five stockings filled with naughty delights will be given to 5 members chosen at random on New Year’s (but you have to send them an email to enter). So what are you waiting for? I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that I win one! I got MasterDoc to enter as well.
So far it’s a quiet week on the sexual front. Work has been stressful – library budget cuts suck! I hope to get up to some adventures this coming weekend, including a gang bang on Saturday with MasterDoc and S.
On Friday I felt much better, and just in time to spend a day with MasterDoc. For a while it looked like maybe I wasn’t going to get some sex. He kept saying things like, well are you sure you’re feeling well enough? I kept hoping and hoping. Luckily, he started looking for porn on the internet, a sure sign that sex is on the way. He had me put my collar on.
We went to the bedroom and he had me take my clothes off. I lay behind him, playing with his ass while he watched the porn. (I was so focused on what I was doing that I don’t think I could tell you what type of porn it was.) After a while he said he wanted me to use both my hands on his ass, and he got up on his hands and knees so I could get a better reach. And I must be getting better at massaging his ass as he said it felt really good and that I have to do that again. I pressed the back of a finger up against his asshole. That seemed to elicit a great response. I got into the massage, the positive feedback just made me want to do it more and better. All went well until I discovered a little bit of shit on my finger. Yes. Well. I told him what was going on and he said, “How did you let me get out of the bath without taking care of that?” But the fact is he probably took a shit sometime after his bath. I didn’t freak out, I think that’s a sure sign you’re devoted to someone – when you find yourself with their shit on your hand and you calmly say, “Well, um, I’m gonna go wash my hand now.” Of course MasterDoc had to torture me with jokes about, “What you’re not going to lick it off?” Ew ew ew. Thankfully, I know he’s not into scat. That’s something I just wouldn’t be able to handle. So I washed my hands thoroughly and he washed his ass in the tub. He’s a considerate Dom.
Everything clean, we went back to bed. I wish I had had time to write this yesterday because my memory is fuzzy at this point. I know we fooled around more. I sucked his cock for a while. He gave me pointers as always as to things I should be doing. It’s funny how if in a vanilla situation you sit there and tell your partner exactly what to do to get you off, it’s kinda annoying, but when you’re a sub and your Dom tells you precisely what he wants it’s hot. Latest thing for me to remember – change positions. It’s hard to get good neck rotation, so the same spot ends up being stimulated, but if I would change position part way through without him telling me then I could adjust where he’s being stimulated. I will remember that for the future.
He fucked me while I was on hands and knees. As usual he teased me, getting me close to orgasm. I begged as always for release. No matter how many times we do this whole orgasm denial thing it still gets me totally hot and in a frenzy. I can’t get enough of it. It feels so amazingly good. He spanked my ass a bit and I begged some more. Eventually, he let me come and I screamed, panted and fell forward a bit, my face into the mattress. He’s gotten good at not letting my vaginal muscles push his cock out while I come. Eventually, they did do their thing and he had me lay forward and catch my breath. I was in this delightful subspace, dazed and happy. He got a phone call then, it was Liz with a problem with her flight home for the holidays. It was hard to be pulled out of subspace so quickly. I would have loved time to come down. But on the other hand a friend was in crisis so what can you do? I tried to relax as he dealt with her on the phone.
After things were settled, he had me get on top and ride his cock. It’s amazing how I find stamina when I’m on top. Normally I’m so out of shape that any physical activity gets me tired in no time. But when it comes to sex, I find stamina. I slid myself up and down on his hard cock. I moaned and panted, he would thrust his hips up towards me, getting in deeper. When he gave me permission to come, he stroked my body, he knows just the right spots to touch me to make it more intense. I fell forward and cuddled with him for a while. The phone rang again, and as he spoke on the phone I motioned to him, asking if I could get off his cock (I don’t do that without his say so). He indicated this was fine so I got up and got some water.
I’m disappointed that this account doesn’t really convey how hot it was. I got very much into subspace and it was delightful. It’s like being on drugs without the drugs. I feel dazed after we stop and totally blissful.
So I’m a little behind on blogging, but I’m pleased to say that I’m completely over the virus I had this week.
Last night I had a second date with a woman I’ll call Jenny. She’s a cute, smart androgyne with a penchant for punk rock. I would have gladly jumped her bones but the occasion never presented itself. It was like this awkward evening of each of us waiting for the other to make the first move. And I might have, if I didn’t then immediately second guess myself and wonder if maybe she just wants a friend because she’s new in town. I dunno. I got a couple of nice hugs from her, but that’s it. Looks like I’m going to have to take the first step somehow… I think for me the easiest would be to mention in an email that I wanted to kiss her last night but didn’t know if she wanted the same. Yes, I’m a total spaz when I date women. Men are so much easier!
So we had a good evening of watching A Bit of Fry and Laurie and talking about everything from how brilliant Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie are, to The Ramones, to little tidbits about sex. (Guess who initiated those conversations? Yup, me.) I’ve proudly declared to her that I’m a slut, I mentioned the existence of this blog and dropped various other hints as to my willingness to get naked, all to no avail. We sat on opposite ends of the sofa, so I tried nudging her with my foot playfully. I made comments about how the trouble with our couch (Davey and I have a sofa with two recliners, one at each end) is that it makes people sit far apart from each other. She only said, “Hey, it happens,” which wasn’t encouraging me to move closer. *sigh* I think we’re too much alike – two spazzes too shy to try anything. At least I hope that’s all it is. We agreed that we had a good time and would like to do it again. So um, we’ll see how that goes!
It’s been a craptacular week all around. If you follow my twitter you know I’ve been sick with a stomach virus the past few days. I feel pretty awful. I also heard about some bad news at work. The economy is definitely affecting libraries, meanwhile usage stats are going up! Please, support your local library. They provide knowledge, entertainment and internet access for FREE and are a vital service to a healthy community, especially in these hard times.
So on to the news. Yes, yesterday I was with MasterDoc and I turned down the idea of sex. I know, I know it’s amazing but it does happen from time to time and being sick is definitely up there on the list of reasons to turn down sex. I’m just too tired and battling occasional nausea. I was going to help MasterDoc jerk off but I found that it was even hard to watch porn because the gagging on cock scenes made me more queasy. In the end, he went and took care of things himself while I zoned out on the sofa in front of the tv. It was really weird to have him doing things for me. It’s wonderful that he will take care of me when I’m sick but of course it makes the dynamic go a bit pear-shaped temporarily. I found myself getting up and getting drinks and putting away clean dishes because I’m so used to it. I did give myself a break, however, as I really don’t feel well. I was the only one on my case to do stuff as usual, MasterDoc accepts that I’m not well and that I need a little taking care of for the time being.
We did find one fun thing to do together yesterday, and that was reviewing my bdsm checklist. (Quite like the one found here.) If you do bdsm, you have probably come across checklists before. They’re pretty useful when you’re playing with someone new to find out what their limits and interests are. He had me fill it out when I first met him, and then again review it a few months later to see if anything had changed. We went through the list this time together and he made notes for future reference. *grin*
Hey, if you can’t have sex, the next best thing is to talk about it!
While the focus sometimes feels like it’s on what limits of mine have weakened and can be pushed, he also pays attention to areas that have perhaps been neglected – things that I wish we would do more or things that we both have an interest in doing but haven’t done. It’s interesting how in the course of a D/s relationship your limits – or what you perceive to be your limits – can change. Things that I first put down as a hard limit (rimming, being peed on) are things I’ve now done. I’m sure some people will be up in arms at the idea of a Dom “going there” with a subs’ “hard limits” but it’s interesting how you can adjust to things when they’re talked about a lot beforehand. MasterDoc has proven very good at discerning what are my truly hard limits (choking, because being asthmatic I’ve dealt with the very scary feeling of not being able to breathe and I don’t like it) and what are things that I find distasteful but will survive doing without mental scars (rimming, pee). Over the course of my explorations in bdsm I’ve found things that initially put me off now seem fascinating – like needle play. There’s some things I’m excited that we’re planning to do (butt plug under clothes out in public, like when we go to a swing club) and things that make me nervous (peeing in front of an audience) but somehow play into the fact that I do like some humiliation and fear play. (And MasterDoc is oh so good at fear play – mainly because the things he threatens he might really do! I have reason to be afraid! You really never know what he’s saying just to scare you and what he’s saying because he plans to do it down the line. Yes, I can see that this situation would not be for everyone.) Reviewing the list was fun but also made me a wee bit nervous.
I’m in a depressed funk these days, not to mention the stomach issues I’m having (so much for any notion of eating dinner tonight!) so please go enjoy these wonderful reviews while I take a break for a day or two.
Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #7? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #9? Submit it here before Sunday December 14th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.
Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
- Sexy Kinky Swag Giveaway Deadline: Friday December 19th at 11:59pm PST.
- Holiday Contest!! Deadline: December 24th.
- Swag Contest: Win a Rabbit Habit or Pink Kink Kit! Deadline: December 27th, 8pm PST
- Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.
On to the reviews…
Editor’s Pick
- LELO Mia by Beautiful Dreamer
-
Note: there is a written component to the review as well. Read it here.
Madame Editrix
Vibrators
- Diamond Butterfly by Backseat Boohoo
- Mia by Ansley Agnello
- LELO Gigi by Hedonistic Bitch
- If Jane Jetson Had a Vibrator – bSoft by Ansley Agnello
- Driving Home – Petite pink Ribbon Vibe by HedonisticBitch
- Bnaughty by Dangerous Lilly
- G Art by HedonisticBitch
- Rock Chick by Panthera Pardus
- Sweet G by Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew
- Buzz 1 by Ellie Lumpesse
- Ivy Intimate Massager by Curvaceous Dee
Dildos
- Don Wands Rainbow Mega Nubby by Backseat Boohoo
- Silk and Strap Ons – The Silk 1 Review by Thursday’s Child
- Gushing with Delight – Fun Factory Delight by Sexorcism
- Way Ahead of the Curve – The Fun Factory Curve by Thursday’s Child
- LELO Ella and my first ejaculation by Epiphora
- I Love LELO (the Ella this time) by HedonisticBitch
- UltraReal (and ultra creepy) by Dangerous Lilly
Anal Toys
- The Romp by MarcelloNYC
- The Gift of Bob (LELO) by HedonisticBitch
- She’s Black, with a little Blue… – Don Wand Colbalt Blue Bubble Plug by Mollena
- Babeland Anal Beads by Nadia West
Toys for Boys
Sex Kits
Lube/Massage Oil
- Afterglow Candle by Erin Leone
- Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula by Ansley Agnello
- Babeland Entice Lube by Sexorcism
- Pink Water Lube by Betty Rocket
- Light My Fire, Baby – Massage Candles by Ang
BDSM/Fetish
- Axovus Ankle Cuffs by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
- Double Slapper by Dangerous Lilly
- Padded Blindfold by Essin’ Em
- Church of Sinvention Bondage Cuffs by Domina Doll
- SL Leather Padded Blindfold by Ellie Lumpesse
- Hold Me Back – Super Cuffs by Bad Bad Girl
- Tie Me Down – Under the Bed Restraints by Bad Bad Girl
- Tie Me Up – Sports Cuffs and Tethers by Bad Bad Girl
Erotic Books/Games
Adult Movies/Porn
- Post-Apocalypic Cowgirls by J.D. Bauchery
- Johnny Hazzard Feed the Need by The Porn Librarian
- Bride of Sin by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
- Erotic Blends by The Porn Librarian
Miscellaneous
- Jaguar Harness by Erin Leone
- LELO Luna Pleasure Bead System – The Ikea of Geisha Balls by Betty Rocket
- Jaguar Harness by Monkey
- XL Adult Toybox from FYN by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #155? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
“My heart raced as I watched him stare at me, wondering if he knew I was awake. ”
Hot and Handy Part 2: Handjobs for the Ladies in Our Lives
“Getting her wet has two big benefits when it comes to getting her off.”
“I’m the only woman in the room.”
Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Compassion: Death In A Client’s Family
Editor’s Choice
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
Does Legislation affect Porn Fetishes?
On The 1st Day of Christmas: Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator
Review: Mo’s Sexy Black & Pink Box!
Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives from 1894: Another Internet Hoax?
Sex Advice
Advice: I Fucked His Best Friend
What Should a Girl with a Boyfriend Do About Her Lesbo Longings? You Decide.
Erotic Writing and Experiences
AudioErotic – It Never Hurts to Ask
Sex Work
A Picture of a Caller in Pantyhose
Humiliation From My Cell Phone
BDSM & Fetish
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Better Barebacking for Bloggers
What’s it Really Like To Work for FetLife
Who Need Latex Fetish Briefs When You Can Get These?
NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Andie Valentino removes her pink top to reveal her lovely naturals
It’s been bothering me that the post that got the most comments is the post where I was angry with MasterDoc. Oh I don’t mean to say that it bothers me that people care and want to see me happy; I appreciate in particular my blogger friends’ quickness to “defend” me. But I think what people outside of my life can’t know, unless I tell them, are all the wonderful things about MasterDoc that make me happy to be with him. Yes, he pushes my limits (and sometimes my buttons) now and then, but 99% of the time he is wonderful, and pushing limits is part of power exchange. That angry post elicited a very nasty comment, which I chose not to post, tearing down MasterDoc, from someone who ostensibly doesn’t know him. And that bothers me.
But like most people, I’m inclined to be the most vocal when I feel unhappy. Isn’t it fucked up that as humans we get all quiet when we’re happy but vocal when we’re not? Sure I convey to you all the hot sex and wonderful orgasms, but there’s much more to my relationship with MasterDoc than that. It’s not all about the sex.
He takes his role as my Dominant seriously. He watches out for me. He often notices I’m getting depressed before I even notice it. He keeps tabs on my emotional state pretty much continuously. If I get a pensive look he’s quick to ask me what I was thinking, and to press if I’m reluctant to say. I need that. I keep so much inside me when I’m down, I need to learn to talk about my problems and deal with them rather than avoiding them and stewing on them. And it’s not only mental well-being that he watches out for – I felt sick last week, some stomach trouble, and he was quick to ask me all his doctor questions to try to figure out what was wrong and recommended what I should do about it. (It helps to have a Dom who’s a doctor.) Even though I was angry with him at the time, I felt really thankful that he was there to help me regardless of my cranky mood and behavior. All I have to say is that I’m not feeling well and immediately he’s concerned and wants to help – whether the trouble is physical or mental. He’s like this with pretty much all the women in his life – submissives, lovers, friends. (MasterDoc almost exclusively has women in his life. lol)
When we’re out playing in public, he keeps a close eye on what other guys around me are doing and he’s quick to stop someone from unauthorized touching. He sizes up potential playmates and makes prudent decisions as to who is allowed to play with me. Last weekend when we had the other Dom visit, MasterDoc checked in on me many times that evening.
I may do a lot for him as a submissive, but he thanks me all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME for the things I do to help him around his place. He is always appreciative. He’s always complimenting me on how efficient I am and saying sweet things like, “You’re the bestest!”
Which brings me to another thing I love about him – he’s human. He doesn’t pretend to be perfect, and I don’t pretend that he’s perfect. A few years back I looked for a Dom on CollarMe, and I was unhappy with what I found. Way too often the Dominant men were full of themselves, took themselves too seriously and had to behave like they’re “lord and master of the universe” every second of interacting with me. MasterDoc has a sense of humor. We laugh a lot. He can be charming and adorable and say silly things like, “You’re the bestest.” He doesn’t worry about it making him seem less Dominant. He has a very silly sense of humor and that goes well with mine. While I’m always his submissive, things are pretty relaxed much of the time. We hang out, watch DVDs together, play games, all sorts of “normal” things. It’s not “suck my cock bitch!” 24/7. We have my collar to help denote when I need to be especially in the mindset, but most of the time he’s very cool about being a Dom. He might ask me to go get him a drink, but he will tell me that it’s not important to go right away, that I can wait until the next commercial. His every whim doesn’t have to be catered to the second it appears. (I would suppose some Doms would say he’s too soft with me, but I feel like he’s just the right amount of ‘domliness’ for me.) If I’m about to do something and he asks me to do something else I will ask him if it’s okay to do what I was planning on doing first, or if he needs me to do what he asks right now. Usually he will say that what he wants can wait a minute. But I can trust that if he wants it done right away that it’s important that it gets done right away.
I also appreciate that he doesn’t expect me to me perfect. All the time I forget things he’s asked me to do – unintentionally, I can just be a space cadet much of the time, and he doesn’t punish me for it he just prods me again to do it. I may get a mild scolding but he doesn’t make me feel terrible for making a mistake. After going to the car twice in one evening for things he had forgotten there, I joked that if I should outlive him (likely considering our age difference) and look for another Dom someday, that I will look for one without ADD. But you know, I soon realized that a Dom without ADD might not appreciate how easy it is to forget things and how unintentional it can be. I’m never going to be perfect, after all, who is, but he tries to help me improve by talking to me calmly and rationally. I love his rationality. I get so caught up in emotions and he’s like a calm port in a storm. He’s very patient with me.
He’s also a wonderful cuddler. His arms feel so solid and comforting to be in. We make time for cuddling quite a lot. He’s very loving when he’s not beating the crap out of me. *grin* He’s very attuned to my limits and we’ve never played with a safeword – I’m sure that will surprise people. But he pays close attention to me and my reactions when we play, and he knows when to stop and when he can press on. A couple of months back I was in a depression and started bawling my eyes out during a scene – and he knew when to stop and just hold me and let me cry. (And we had discussed prior how I would like to cry during a scene, I thought it would be very cathartic.) Now as we said before he’s not perfect, but he always pays attention to the effect his behavior has on me and adjusts it if something didn’t work well the first time. (For example, after we sorted out the issue last week, he made a comment that his one regret was pushing me during a time when we hadn’t seen each other for days and weren’t going to see each other for days. Pushing me a bit when I’m going to see him the next day is different than pushing me when it will be days before we can talk. He notices these things and files them away for future reference.) He understands that sometimes submission is difficult and things need to be talked out. He’s always up for a talk. And unlike me, who usually tries to hide behind the internet, he makes a point of talking in person, so that after the rough patch has been dealt with we can cuddle and feel good again.
When I’m at his place he takes care of my basic needs – he always pays for food. He picks up things at the store that I would like. He’s very generous not only with his time but with money as well. After all, I work full time, I could reasonably be asked to pay my half of any meal. But he recognizes that I earn less than him and that his feeding me is a huge help. He takes care of me on so many levels. If I need a hug he will go out of his way to see me if he can.
When you have a blog, it’s all too easy to make yourself look good and your Dom out to be a big meanie-pants. But I have my flaws, and there’s things about me which MasterDoc deals with with amazing patience. Neither of us is perfect, but we are happily imperfect together.
So, um, why don’t y’all comment on some of the other posts, too?
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