Review: Cry Baby

I have long desired a remote control vibe. I mean, what better way to have some discreet fun with your Dom/significant other? So when Babeland offered the Cry Baby I had to have it. Now, I had pictured it being a clitoral vibe – a bullet small enough to go against my clit under my clothing. But it turned out to be a thick, stubby vibe – definitely meant for insertion (unless you want a huge, strange bulge at the crotch of your pants. I don’t think you’d be able to walk or move with it on your clit either without it moving.).

One strike against it right off the bat is that it doesn’t have any way to lock the controls. So on my way over to MasterDoc’s the battery in the remote ran down because the thing turned itself on in my bag. $8.99 at Radio Shack later for 2 replacement batteries (it takes one special remote control battery), we were ready to give it a go. We were going to have a young Domme-to-be come over for some lessons from MasterDoc, and he had me put it in right before she got there. I lubed it up and slid it in pretty easily. It wasn’t very noticeable after putting it in, except for the plastic string hanging out of it, which felt awkward against my labia.

Of course, he had the control and I had no idea of when he was going to turn it on. This is the whole point to a remote-controlled vibe – the element of surprise and someone else having control. After we spent some time talking with the Domme he switched it on. I think I twitched a bit and he told her why I did so. Now, I could feel the various vibration settings as he scrolled through them (there’s 10 settings, different rhythms, all graphically represented on the controller). The various settings are a stellar idea because you can play around with so many different patterns of vibration. The controller is easy to use, just the on/off button and a button to scroll through the vibration settings. The down side was that inside of me, it didn’t do much to work me up or get me off. If it hit the g-spot that would have been great, but it didn’t, and if it sat against my clit that would have done a great job of teasing me, but it didn’t. I can’t speak for all women, but vibrators inside of me don’t do me much good. Most of the nerve endings are at the clit and there isn’t so much sensation inside. I felt the vibe, it just didn’t have the desired effect on me. We tried it for a little longer and declared it a dud.

I can see it being fun as a way of a Dom keeping a sub aware of her cunt – that it can do. But I don’t think there’s going to be fun watching her struggle not to come in public. If I had left the vibe in it might have turned me on slightly but after a while it would make me numb. However, if internal vibrations are your thing then you would probably enjoy the Cry Baby. I think that, sadly, it will end up relegated to the pile of toys I don’t really use.