Archive for the 'bondage' Category

Two Nights

I’ve gotten to see a lot of MasterDoc this week, which I’ve been really enjoying. The evenings have been spent hanging out together and getting up to no good. *grin* Tuesday and Wednesday night were very different evenings, however.

I wasn’t feeling particularly horny on Tuesday night and we toyed all evening with the idea of fucking or not. MasterDoc mentioned that I needed a beating and that maybe he’d get to it the following night. I commented that the beating didn’t have to wait until the following night. I was feeling emotional and a bit down and I hoped that a beating would help me feel better.

MasterDoc secured me, face down, on the bed with the underbed restraints. He started in right away, first with his hands then with implements. And it was painfully clear right away that my pain tolerance was down. I could barely take what he was dishing out. I moaned and cried out, hoping that my cries would cause him to back off a little. He didn’t, he kept pushing me until I finally broke down and begged, “Please stop! Please stop!” and burst into tears. He stopped and soothed me, getting me to calm down and breathe more slowly. I found that I couldn’t really stop shedding tears even after I had calmed down. He released me from the bonds and lay next to me. I couldn’t look up, I kept burying my face in my hands or arms or the bed. I’m not sure exactly what I was feeling. I didn’t feel that he was out of line. I didn’t feel traumatized. I just needed to cry (and my pain tolerance was down so it all HURT so much). I didn’t feel an endorphin rush nor especially like it was cathartic but I think on some levels it was very cathartic. I slept well and I felt absolutely fine the next day.

Last night was a very different evening. I was calm and affectionate and in a totally different mood than the night before. We headed off to the bedroom to fuck and I tried watching porn over MasterDoc’s shoulder (there’s got to be a better way to set up the laptop in that room so we can both see the porn. I end up contorting myself to watch it.) He turned to me at one point, and asked why I don’t start masturbating when I’m around him. I told him that I figured I should wait for permission to touch myself. He declared that I should feel free to start masturbating when around him and the mood strikes me. And so I did. I also sucked his cock for a little while.

After a bit, he had me get my nea and archer wand. This looked promising! He had me play with the nea, and he got down close to see exactly how I use it on myself. He commented on how I pull the clitoral hood back and place the tip of the nea directly on my clit. I rub it back and forth as it vibrates. When I was well warmed up he put some lube on the archer wand and had me insert it into myself. He took control of the wand while I continued the vibrator on my clit. He jiggled the wand against my g-spot and in no time I was begging to come. He had me ride the edge, keep myself really close, really close, but not coming. Finally he told me to come and that wand felt so amazing inside me - the hard glass unyielding when my vaginal muscles contracted.  I came, and came. When my ecstacy would wane a little he’d tell me, “Come, cunt! That’s it, come!” and I would roll back into orgasm again. He really let me come for a long time last night. I squirted a big puddle on the bedsheets.

We fucked for a while and he let me come again, burying his cock deep inside me as I came. As he fucked me I felt the burning desire to be fucked up the ass. Why I didn’t say as much, I have no idea. As we lay down afterwards, he asked if I’m a lucky girl. “Yes, Sir, I’m a very lucky girl.” And, surprisingly, for the first time, he said that he’s a lucky guy. Awww. I’m still smiling from that comment.

**I keep linking to the toys I’ve gotten from Babeland that I use because they really rock! Seriously, you should get them (via my links of course!)

Early Experiences, Part 1

I recently asked readers for questions or topics they’d like to see covered here. One that came up was the idea of my experiences before MasterDoc. I certainly had plenty of sexual experiences before him, but he’s my first actual Dom. I dabbled in bdsm prior to meeting him, and knew for a while that I’d like to find a Dom (but found that so many of them on collarme were full of themselves). My first bdsm experiences go back, well actually they go way back to my teen years. Now, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned here before that I was a virgin until my 18th birthday. I didn’t even kiss a boy until I was 17 and a half. So what experiences did I have in my teens you may ask? I would play with bondage and blindfolds when I masturbated. I’d tie my wrists together as best I could and then masturbate with my hands bound. It’s not easy doing self-bondage and you have to leave it fairly loose so you can get yourself out of it, but I still got a little thrill from doing it. I knew even then that it was something I wanted to try one day when I had a partner. I kept things like old bathrobe sashes that I could use to tie myself up with.

My first boyfriend and I played around a bit, I think I’ve written about that on here. We tried a little bondage, a little spanking, some power exchange role play (both of us switching). I loved being on the submissive end of the power play, but the hard part was that he did too. We didn’t get deeply into anything, but we played around with lots of experiences - real and fantasy. We played around once that we were total strangers who met at a bar and went home with each other and fucked. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near an experience like that in real life at that age (a good thing, I’m sure) but I was curious to try new things and have varied experiences. First boyfriend and I would spend a lot of time trying to come up with stuff we’d never tried before (and it was all new) and then doing it. We weren’t successful with anal sex - I didn’t accomplish that til much later. And since he was a boy he couldn’t help me with the whole bisexual experience. (I was open with him about my desires. I later found out in a round about way that he had those sorts of desires too, but he was never open with me about them. Oh except for how he’d say that if he was gay he’d be into Patrick Swayze. Even then I kinda knew the translation was that he was into Patrick Swayze.) I eventually slept with a woman when I was 28. (That’s a little tale in and of itself.)

My sexual experiences in college were pretty standard, vanilla fare. I don’t recall doing any bdsm play during college. I can’t recall when I took up with the married guy (senior year? after college?), but I did play a little with a married guy I slept with off and on for a few years. Nothing much, just a little light Dom/sub type stuff. That was ultimately a situation that I was better out of. When I first met him he claimed to be separated from his wife, then he admitted to still being with her, then he went ahead and had another kid with her even though he’d bitch to me about how unhappy he was. Finally, just when things were winding down between us, his wife called me at work and confronted me. Whew. Not fun. That was the end of the married guy in my life. I’ve twice made the mistake of fucking cheating men, and ultimately neither situation was satisfying. I now have a rule that the spouse absolutely has to know about me or I won’t get into the situation (or won’t stay in it if I find out later that he’s lying).

As a young adult, after college, I still mostly had a vanilla sex life. There would be some light spanking or bondage with various boyfriends, but nothing that was truly a Dom/sub situation. I very briefly dated a guy who was into bdsm, but I had a long distance relationship with an Englishman then and the bdsm guy wasn’t keen on being with a woman whose heart was with someone else. Still, we had a couple of dates, we went to a movie and he fed me popcorn at the rate he decided and I struggled to keep up. I think he had me suck his fingers in the movie theater as well - a full theater I might add. He took the back of my head and lowered my mouth onto his thumb. I remember him feeling me up in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We went to his place once and we played a little. He put nipple clamps on me for the first time, spanked me, etc. It was something I definitely enjoyed, although it might have been better with someone I had a connection with. He Dom-ed me over the phone a few times, and I remember being so turned on as I took my clothes off at home as his command and played with myself. He bought me a copy of The Story of O, which I still have.

I guess light bondage or spanking entered into many of my relationships, but not on the level I would have liked. I’d go through phases where I wasn’t as into kink, but I’d always come back to it inevitably. I think ultimately I’m more turned on by kinky sex than I am by vanilla sex, but I do enjoy vanilla sex. Finding a Dom has fulfilled a part of me that always yearned to be fulfilled. Eventually I hooked up with the couple I played with, and I would do bdsm play with them off and on for a few years. Details on that are for part two.

Dream

I had a strange dream the other morning that I just remembered. In it, I was living in Victorian times and the man I was with kept me tightly laced up in a corset. In the dream the corset wasn’t uncomfortable as it would have been in real life, it was erotic. I’d sigh with pleasure as he pulled the strings tighter. Like most dreams I don’t remember if this had a storyline or not but I remember images. Towards the end I was not only in the corset but also in metal handcuffs, and the whole thing was terribly erotic.

HNT

I dug this photo out of the archives. It’s from 2000 or 2001, when I was dating a cross-dressing guy who had tons of lovely bdsm equipment. The dress I’m wearing in the photo was his. We’d basically switch with each other, although I think at heart both of us were subs all the time.

HNTbutton

Busy Week

I’m so behind in blogging. But then I haven’t been home much the past few days to catch up. Last night I cleared out of the apartment so Davey could get some. *grin* I went and hung out with S. and we met up with a reader of this blog. We had a good time and of course a lot of talk was about sex (as per usual with me and S.)

Monday night I saw MasterDoc. We mostly hung out, but then he decided to fuck me. Hooray! And thankfully after my freak out on Sunday he merely teased me and made me wait for an orgasm (a few actually). But the interesting thing this time is that I was charged with the task of not letting my muscles push his cock out when I come. This is hard because my vaginal muscles bear down hard when I orgasm and they frequently push cocks out (much to my chagrin). So while I came I had to focus on not letting those muscles spasm like usual, and making sure that his cock was well inside me when they were going to be spasming. I actually managed to do a pretty good job. We fucked for a while, first with him taking me from behind, then with me riding him on top. Funny how I manage to find stamina when I’m having sex with someone. (Stamina I seem to lack when exercise is concerned!) I was still really horny after the other night when he denied me. When we spoke about it on Sunday, he pointed out that that wasn’t the first time he’s denied me orgasm. This is true but this was the first time he got me so thoroughly worked up before denial. Now that we’ve been training me to be able to stay at the edge of orgasm I can maintain a high level of arousal for a longer period of time. Previously when he denied me my arousal would subside fairly quickly. On Saturday night it didn’t subside at all. I dread the day when he decides to deny me again. I’ll have to find constructive ways of coping with the frustration. I hope at least he’ll let me masturbate the next day like he did on Sunday. That was the only way I could calm down. I got out the magic wand and went to town (my trusty bullet vibe was not enough!) I’m feeling ravenously horny these days. I feel like myself again.  (Yay for wellbutrin counteracting the side effects of prozac!)

Last Saturday, MasterDoc let me ride the sybian. He teased me for a little while, then gave me the control and told me to make myself orgasm. Yes, I was very lucky and some of you might be thinking I shouldn’t have complained at not getting an orgasm later that night, but I cannot have too many orgasms. I would love one day to try out making me orgasm over and over until I have to cry uncle. I wonder how long I’d last. Ah, orgasms are good things.

That evening, I had my collar on and was helping do stuff around the apartment. He had me sit down for a while while he went through papers and such. At some point, he hit upon the idea that it would be hot if I stood, waiting at his beck and call. And I have to say for the first few minutes it was hot. But after several minutes, standing in one place is really uncomfortable and I got cranky. I was so relieved when he noticed my rocking back and forth on my heels to deal with the discomfort and he let me sit down. I had been good and didn’t open my mouth to complain, but I had been hoping he’d notice I was having a hard time standing still.

Friday afternoon was a lot of fun. MasterDoc had hoped to give me a good beating that day, but his shoulder was bothering him. Luckily he’s a clever man and he realized that he didn’t have to use his shoulder to get rough with me. He had me lay on a mat on the living room floor, and he secured my hands up by my head with cuffs. He put the tens unit on right by my clitoris. He played with the frequency and intensity, zapping my clit with electricity. At low levels it felt good, at high levels it hurt or felt like someone was flicking my clit. Next, he lit the candle and started pouring wax all over me. Voila! Rough without using impact play. He poured it on my nipples, on that super sensitive spot where my hip meets thigh. My pain tolerance was only moderate, so much of this truly hurt. Strange thing is (or perhaps with me it’s not so strange) I got really really wet from this. He continued with the wax on various parts of my body. He played around with the electricity again. All this time there was no what could be called traditional foreplay. No licked nipples, no stroked pussy. But I got really wet.

Next, he scraped off the wax on one nipple and placed the tens unit pads on either side of the nipple. He got into position to fuck me and turned the tens unit on. As he fucked me, he played with the intensity, making it hurt. Between his cock and the electricity I didn’t know whether to be turned on or in pain, and ended up being a little of both. I begged to be allowed to come, and thankfully he was kind enough to let me come. That whole scene was hot. I got cleaned up afterward, taking time to scrape and rinse off the wax in the shower. *sigh* He’s good to me.

Bondage

The kinky librarian rides again! I got up to much naughtiness this past weekend. On Friday, I went and saw my couple (D., the guy and L. the woman) for the first time in well over a year (maybe two). The unfortunate part was it taking me two hours to get to their house in the summer Friday traffic. By the time I got there I was frazzled. Thankfully they had dinner and wine ready for me and we sat and talked.

After dinner there was more chit chat and the awkward mood of “How does this get started?” fell over us. Finally we did get started, with me being blindfolded. Soon after I was stripped naked and had ankle cuffs and a collar placed on me. I was made to kneel on this large ottoman they have and I got fondled and spanked. Soon they put leather mitts over my hands (they totally make it impossible to do anything or get yourself out of anything). Light mousetraps got put on each nipple and clamps on my labia. Funnily enough the clamping didn’t excite me as much as it does sometimes. I got spanked, flogged, fondled, etc. until I was well warmed up. Next, he had L. fuck me with a strap on but I wasn’t allowed to come - what torture! I kept begging to be allowed to come. (So hot!) Next he had L. sit on a chair in front of where I was kneeling and I had to go down on her while he fucked me from behind. I was finally allowed to come - whoo hoo. We took a break after this and had some dessert.

Now, I’m good at being a sub and being told what to do and having stuff done to me. Where I falter is when I’m pressed into service to dominate L. While I was given directions, they’re not step-by-step so I find myself going, “Duh, what do I do now?” He got her tied up and her hands in mitts, he took the collar off me and put it on her and I was left to my own awkward devices. I got her kneeling on the ottoman and basically did what they had done to me - I spanked her until her ass was good and red, got on the chair and made her go down on me (with D. commanding that I grab her head and really push it into my crotch) while he took her from behind.

I’m probably forgetting something. Between the wine and being blindfolded, parts of the night are fuzzy. I’m sure I got some of the happenings out of order, but you get the picture. I vacillated between staying the night or going home and ultimately decided to go home. I was asked to help L. have an orgasm before I left and I went down on her and fingered her while D. fucked me from behind again. I went home with the taste of pussy in my mouth. I finally got home around 2 am, spent but also kinda buzzed from the playing. I had a hard time falling asleep but eventually did. I was so tired the next day!