I can’t pretend that I understand masochism. I can’t understand sadism much either, but thankfully there’s both kinds of people in this world, as the vanilla kind would never be able to meet their needs. I didn’t think of myself as a masochist until this past year really, when I realized that I liked harder spankings than I thought I would. That’s been the trail of this in my life, thinking I just want a little light spanking, maybe a little bondage, only to find that I can take more, and more and oh, what about some pussy slapping? Or nipple clamps? Hot wax? Humiliation? (That’s pain of the emotional kind.)
In a way maybe I’ve always been a masochist. I’m awfully good at beating myself up over things. Maybe I get some sort of satisfaction from pain. Well if you’re feeling pain you know you’re alive. Focusing the emotional pain onto the physical makes it somehow tangible, somehow more manageable. And as I heal afterwards, I’m reminded of how strong I am, and how much I can take, how, even though it hurts at the time, I can come through it just fine. I can go through pain that other people would buckle under. No, I’m not a big pain slut and god, I’m definitely not the biggest masochist in the world - I have some very real limits (some days more than others as my pain tolerance ebbs and flows).
I sometimes worry that there’s something wrong with me. (Isn’t masochism still a mental disorder in the DSM? Of course, homosexuality used to be one too. It’s all perspective.) But you know, I don’t take pleasure in every kind of pain. There has to be a context. Migraines and back pain do me in. But a good spanking puts me into this endorphin rush where I feel contented. Perhaps it’s all about the endorphins.
I don’t know why pain gets me wet. Even when I’m not enjoying the pain I get wet. It just seems to be how my body is wired. Last weekend when MasterDoc was spanking me out in public it hurt so much and I just wanted it to stop, but I still got wet. Perhaps I’m fucked up in the head. Perhaps it’s not so much in my head but in my nerve endings, how I perceive and process pain. It’s just another type of sensation when you boil it down. For some people, tickling is too painful.
Of course, being a masochist I can understand that yes, some people really do enjoy being on the receiving end of pain. I have a harder time believing that sadists really enjoy inflicting pain, I think it sets itself up in my head to be more of a, “Well this person is kind enough to indulge my strange fetish by inflicting pain on me.” But I’d be interested to hear that yes, in some way it is pleasurable for the person inflicting the pain. Particularly interesting if they derive pleasure even if they love the person they’re doing it to. Such a strange way to be wired, but humans are strange animals. Of course, I’d rather the person derive pleasure from inflicting pain on someone who wants pain to be inflicted on them. True sadists who get off on giving pain to the non-consenting are different than the ones who indulge their desire with someone who’s the other half to their whole. Masochists and sadists are like yin and yang. But true sadists who prefer hurting those who don’t want to hurt are another matter entirely.
I feel that as long as I don’t want to have permanent harm done to me, then I’m doing ok. I have my sense of self-preservation fully intact. I want to heal from anything that’s inflicted upon me. I want to feel the amazing sense of how marvelous my body is, that it can bruise but then heal. Fact is, I bruise easily (my legs always have bruises on them from bumping into random things in my day to day life). So seeing bruises on myself is not jarring or scary. It’s just part of life. How I got those bruises is the key thing. If I got them from little accidents like bumping into things, or if I got them consensually in a scene then it’s all good.
A mental exercise for you Nadia. Imagine that there was a mechanical device like a vibrator except that it administered spankings. Now imagine you had such a device but DIDN’T have a dom or a domme. Question: how often (if ever) and under what circumstances do you think you would “assume the position”. And how hard would you set it? Harder than I hit you? Softer?
Glad you are enjoying your weekend. Mwah.
Hi,
So many of the things you have said speak to me. I started out with light spanking and I think I am actually a masochist. I have always had a high tolerance for pain. I wonder if that plays a part in gravitating toward masochism. Like you, migraines and back pain are my undoing, but I can take an awful lot of play spanking/whipping. I also bruise easily. My legs always have random bruises too.
I don’t know that my husband is a natural sadist, but he is learning to like it because of the sexual benefits. Sometimes I long to have a true dominant dominate me. (I hesitate to say sadist because I would not want a sadist who likes giving non-consensual pain).
Take care,
-Jess
Yeah masochism is a funny thing. I live with a lot of pain but it’s only pain in my breasts and my ass that is ever arousing. Well okay, and maybe my cunt.
I remember the first time I went to the chiropractor to have an adjustment and after the first adjustment my upper back started to spasm. It really really hurt. But after a few minutes the endorphines kicked in and I was all “hey, let’s do that again!” It wasn’t arousal, but I did — and still do — love those endorphines.
MasterDoc - I don’t think a machine could ever take the place. I think there has to be a person involved. I know when I was much younger, I attempted to spank myself, but it’s a totally different thing than having someone else do it. The expectation you feel, wondering when and how hard they’re going to hit, is part of the whole experience.
To clarify a little more. IF the machine could be set (within certain confines) to randomly vary intensity and location would that make it worth doing? Or would you still decide not to bother? Huggles. Miss you babe.
I think it makes a difference having a person there. I don’t think it’s merely the action of being struck. For me anyway, masochism is very linked to submission. And submitting to a machine isn’t any fun. (Miss you too!)
Yes that was my point. For you, at least (though others differ) the masochism is inextricably tied to submission. A machine that somehow spanked or beat you in a fashion that, if received at my hand, would leave you very pleased would, from the machine, leave you sadly disappointed. The act of pleasing and serving the dom is the essential component for you, NOT the pain itself.
I leave it to others to decide if that makes you somehow a less than “true” masochist, in the same way that, some would argue, my desire to inflict pain only on those who in some fashion enjoy it makes me a faux sadist.
As a self-identified sadist, i can unequivocally say that i do enjoy inflicting pain, but as you assert, in a consensual way. But, this too is a slippery slope. My girl consents to me applying pain, but she doesn’t know how much, or where i’ll apply it. I wrote a post about this on my site here