Diary of a Kinky Librarian

It’s been a relatively quiet week. I was lazy on Monday, the holiday. Otherwise I’ve been busy with work, which is terribly boring and not worth writing about (and I try to keep plausible deniability by not ever talking specifically about my workplace, as fun as nutty library patron stories are, they could easily be recognized by people I work with). Tuesday night I had a hard time falling asleep so I reached into the bedside table for my beloved bullet vibe. It was a pretty utilitarian masturbatory session. I teased myself a little, but really I just wanted to get off to relax and get to sleep. I came, it felt good, but it didn’t help me sleep. *sigh*

Last night I saw MasterDoc and we had a quiet, cuddlerific evening. I was a bit of a pain, asking a few times in different ways if I could get a ride on the sybian. (He had mentioned the idea of a ride earlier in the day.) At first he said no, but then he let me, however I was to run the controls myself so it would be a solo experience. And you know, it’s not quite as fun running the machine yourself. When someone else has control you don’t know if they’re going to turn it up or down, there’s the element of the unexpected, which is exciting.  In doing it myself, I tend to leave it on one level of vibration for a period of time, which is more likely to make me a bit numb. I also miss the physical contact which sometimes accompanies a ride - MasterDoc will often sit in front of me and hold me during. It’s not as fun without any audience. I managed to come, but it was always this low-level of arousal rather than an earth shattering orgasm. I had no trouble keeping fairly quiet. All in all, it wasn’t as fun as I had hoped it would be, nor as fun as the sybian usually is. Afterwards, MasterDoc asked me if knowing that I had pushed to get permission rather than him giving it freely affected how the ride was. I said that’s possibly part of the picture.

This week was evidence that despite being a sex blogger and living an exciting, kinky life, I do have mediocre orgasms and experiences sometimes. I’ve been thinking this week about how bloggers seem somehow other than human, or up on a pedestal. They’re like celebrities but on a small, small level. People feel that they know them from reading their thoughts and experiences on their blogs, but they don’t really know these bloggers. You hear about the kinky, adventurous things I do, but not about the boring day to day stuff - after all, me doing the laundry would make for less than thrilling reading. You know me as a bit of a sex kitten and horny slut, but not as a librarian, sister, daughter, girlfriend, nerdy girl. I don’t mention my anglophilia and penchant for Brit coms. I don’t talk about the books I read as I usually read at work during lunch and that could give away my identity. It can be difficult meeting people who are readers of your blog because they know so much about you, but you don’t know much about them, or at least they seem to know so much about you. I talk about some pretty personal and sometimes difficult things on this blog, but there’s plenty of difficult stuff I don’t tackle but keep private.

So yes, I’ve gotten philosophical about blogging this week. Anyway, I feel curious about YOU the reader. Who reads my ramblings about sex? I don’t have a huge readership but some people come back repeatedly - what makes you come back for more? I hope I come across as an ordinary woman who manages to get herself into outrageously fun situations. And I tell you, you could do this too if you wanted to. Really. I hope I don’t come across as self-absorbed as I probably do. I guess to be a blogger you have to have some level of self-absorbtion. I hope that people see me as human and flawed but like me despite these flaws.

Ok, enough philosophical rambling. There’s no HNT picture this week because I’m feeling lazy about digging one up.