Diary of a Kinky Librarian

I wish someone would take away my computer when I’m premenstrual/depressed. I got all sorts of cranky this morning - and when it comes down to it it was hormonal. Do you ever find yourself acting awful, being contrary for the sake of being contrary, and somehow you can’t stop yourself doing it even as you look on in horror? This morning, despite being glad that the NYC sex bloggers are doing another calendar to promote Sex Work Awareness (something I fully get behind) I got picky and decided to throw a hissy because I don’t see any fat chicks in the calendar. Was this fair? No. It turns out the women who are in the calendar asked to be and will gladly be showing their faces in support of Sex Work Awareness - fat girls were more than welcome to join their ranks. It got me thinking, would I show my face? I don’t have a problem showing my fat body, but I worry that my job could be in jeopardy for doing something like posing for a calendar that supports sex workers. My union would probably support my right to do what I want in my private time but would that be enough? How secure is my civil service position? It’s something that I’d like to do, but of course worry about the repercussions.

A few years back a librarian in Washington was fired for being a dominatrix in her spare time (and posting for clients on the internet). She wasn’t doing anything illegal but her sexuality was suddenly made conversation material in her town and she was fired. (Not to mention shamed by some of her community. Not to mention this was reported nationwide in librarian publications.) Would doing a cheesecake photo for a Sex Work Awareness fundraiser have the same effect? If I were to participate, my face would be associated with my blog pseudonym, and it would be linked to this blog, where I’ve talked about things like doing sex work myself (i.e., the shows MasterDoc and I sometimes do) - nothing illegal, I don’t put illegal things on my blog, but enough that people could freak out and decide to take away my job like that librarian in Washington. My rebellious side wants to go do it, because after all I have the right to do it - but the last thing I need to do is lose my job - and so I haven’t said I’d like to pose. (With the recession my library is suffering deep budget cuts like so many across the country. I don’t need to serve them my head on the chopping block.) I wish we lived in a place and time where doing something like backing sex work awareness wouldn’t possibly lead to losing your job. Has such a time and place ever existed? We like to think we’re so free, but really we’re not. If we’re truly free then people should be able to make a living doing sex work if they so choose. But the stigma is obvious when you think about how bad the stigma can be for simply supporting sex workers and their rights. (I understand that it’s possible for me to be outed as the writer of this blog, but I do my best to maintain plausible deniability when I write here. It’s a risk I take.)