Diary of a Kinky Librarian

I’m still feeling triggered, although I’m trying to get back to the mindset I was in the past few days (that of thinking about delightful, naughty things to get up to). I realized that it would be best if I told MasterDoc the name of the guy who assaulted me so when he’s lining up people to fuck me he can avoid that particular person. Talk about triggers! Suddenly finding myself in a situation with that guy would freak me out to no end. I mean, if just reading his name sends me into a state of panic I can only imagine what encountering him would be like. I realize that some day I’ll probably run into him at a party somewhere. And I keep working towards being able to handle that and not feel freaked out. I’m at a much better place with it than I used to be but this most recent trigger underlines that I still have more work to do.

Before being triggered, I was thinking a lot about being submissive, something I hadn’t thought much about over the past couple of years. In recent months I even started questioning if I was still into being dominated. But after having fun with MasterDoc I realize that my submissive streak is very much still there, I just needed to find someone to bring it out again. The other day I was talking with him online and I said something saucy and he said, “You’ve just earned yourself one extra hard spanking.” And my little submissive heart soared. Of course, I realize that in the middle of the extra hard spanking I’ll be wondering why the hell I was happy about it (and begging for it to stop), but for now the idea turns me on. I’ve been hornier than I’ve been in a long time, and nearly all my naughty thoughts revolve around D&s. I’m so looking forward to playing with MasterDoc on Monday.