Diary of a Kinky Librarian

I’ve got a lot of blog ideas floating around my head at the moment, just things that I’m thinking about. I’ve thought about the theory that women who are promiscuous are that way because of low self-esteem. I don’t think that’s true in my case. I seem to have more sex and more adventurous sex when I’m feeling confident. If I’m feeling depressed or insecure I shy away from sex. This theory sounds too much like an excuse to put down sexual women to me. “Oh, if she likes a lot of sex she must have issues, because, well women aren’t highly sexual.” What a crock of bull.

One theory I might have to give some thought to, however, is that sex is my drug of choice. In order to feel super-great and get a rush some people take drugs, some drink, some jump out of airplanes. Me? I have sex and act in an exhibitionistic way. I don’t have sex to get people to like me, I have sex because it feels good physically and mentally. I don’t do it to bolster my self esteem although being desired by a lot of people certainly doesn’t hurt my self-esteem. The point of it for me is that it feels good and those good feelings are enough of a reward for me to keep doing it. So long as I have safer sex and don’t put myself into dangerous situations it seems to me a far healthier option than doing drugs. No artificial chemicals being put into my body.

Anyway, that’s what’s floating around my head today. N. called me last night - just about when I was getting ready for bed. It’s funny how he makes time to talk to me when I don’t talk to him. I mean, he rarely calls me but I haven’t emailed him in a week and so he calls. It’s also interesting to note that one of his long-distance relationships has fizzled out and the woman he swings with is going away for two weeks, so no wonder he’s taking time to talk to me. He’d be woman-less without me for a couple of weeks. It might not be the reason he called, but it sure feels like it after he avoided time with me so much over the past couple of months. I think he really means to be a decent guy, but I’ve grown increasingly cynical about him. I don’t doubt that he enjoys my company (and not just the sex) but he seems to be in touch with me only when it’s convenient for him. Anyway we chatted for a few minutes about life in general and I did my best not to fall asleep as I was so tired after my busy morning and afternoon/evening at work. There was no mention of getting together over the weekend, which is just as well as Friday I have a date with that woman I was talking to (whoo hoo! and she seems eager to play) and Saturday Davey and I are hoping to spend time with two friends we haven’t hung out with in months.