Diary of a Kinky Librarian

I think that I was born kinky, just like I think that I was born bisexual. I can’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t get aroused by kinky things (or have feelings of attraction and affection for boys and girls alike). I can remember as a child, being aroused by the fantasy of being kidnapped and tied up. I remember reading an article about the Patty Hearst kidnapping and being turned on by the image of her tied up in a closet and her captors pinching her nipples. I read and re-read that passage, secretly. (I was a precocious reader, I believe this article was in Reader’s Digest and I was still in elementary school - I think. I seem to remember reading it in the bedroom I had through elementary school.)

By the time I was in high school, I was collecting things like silk scarves that I could tie myself up with. I’d bind my wrists or ankles together and then masturbate (sometimes untying first as I’d need a spare hand or two to do so). I’d blindfold myself or gag myself. The sensation turned me on so much! The attempts at spanking myself fell far short of the fantasy, however. I had fantasies of being tied up, and fantasies of being spanked, fantasies of being raped, fantasies of being kidnapped. I knew that I didn’t truly want to be raped or kidnapped, but the idea of playacting that out with someone consensually got me really hot. Long before I ever had my first kiss or sexual experience with another, I was kinky. I’m not sure when I became aware that others felt like this too, or that it was perhaps a bit unusual to feel this way. I accepted it pretty much all along.

My first kinky experiences were with my very first boyfriend when I was 18. He and I explored a lot together sexually. I remember him domming me and my being so enthralled by it. (He was less so. He wanted to be dommed. I typically end up dating submissive men if they’re at all kinky.) We pretended that I was the maid to his wealthy man and he forcefully seduced me in my parent’s basement after everyone went to bed. He and I acted out a lot of fantasies, I don’t think I’ve dated anyone since who I explored so much with, but then he was my first. We liked doing things like having one of us pretend to be completely inexperienced (not that either of us was really experienced! lol) and the other would seduce the innocent one. We’d play with power differential situations, like one was the chauffeur and the other the employer when we’d be out fooling around in my car. We played around with bondage, me tied with my wrists over my head attached to the pipe coming out of the ceiling of the basement apartment he shared with his mom. Not so thrilling was the time we decided to include food and he put maple syrup on my torso. lol It was just a whole lotta stickiness. He had to untie me so I could shower off and we could stop laughing.

Right from the start of my sexual experiences I was eager to experiment with being kinky. And right from the start of my awareness of sexual feelings in myself I got hot over kinky things. It really seems to be how I’m wired.