This entry is kinda random and I couldn’t come up with a title.
I got to see MasterDoc again on Sunday evening. My depression is still lingering although being around him helped cheer me up some. Again, he gave me lots of lovely orgasms, which helped my mood. We fucked with me on top and after I had gotten myself on the edge of orgasm, but before I broke down and begged to come, he told me to come. I came and my body convulsed with pleasure. After my vaginal muscles pushed his cock out I kept coming and spasming. He held me close to him and slapped my ass a bit and I just kept right on coming. It is absolutely amazing what he can do to me.
He had me get the archer wand and my bullet vibe. I rubbed the vibe against my clit as he slid the cool glass along the opening to my cunt. He gently slid the bulbous end into me. I could feel it against my g-spot as he jiggled it in and out. Before long I was moaning and desperate to come. He gave me the command, and I came long and hard. I had to try to stifle my screams as it was late but it was so hard to quiet down. I was lost in multiple amazing orgasms. He’s very good to me.
He fucked me some more from behind, then he lubed up my asshole and played with it while he fucked me. He planned to fuck me up the ass but somehow he couldn’t get the right spot. He pushed against me but it wouldn’t go in. It felt like he was just slightly off from the opening. I’m a little sore from the pushing. He decided it wasn’t worth the effort since it wasn’t going in easily. He apologized for the soreness when I told him about it last night. With him there’s definitely a difference between intentional pain and unintentional pain.
I have such a peculiar life. I’ve been spending about three nights a week at MasterDoc’s lately. I feel very much at home in his place, and of course I feel at home in my actual home. I spend nearly as much time at his place as I do at home. This poly thing is certainly different - different men, different nights, different abodes. I regularly pack an overnight bag, and I go to work from different places on a regular basis. I’m not complaining one bit, as I’m very happy. But it’s definitely unconventional and I realize that. It’s a strange life to be living out of a backpack a few nights a week. I’ve kept toiletries at MasterDoc’s for a while now, so I don’t have to pack everything I need every time I go over there. It feels like a second home. I don’t know how he’s going to react to me saying that, as recently I accidentally referred to going to his place after work as “going home” and he was a bit taken aback by that. (Quite honestly, any place I’m staying/going to after work can be referred to as “home.” It’s like work and home are opposites. If I’m not at work, then I’m at “home.”) I certainly do feel at home at his place, but I never forget that it’s not my actual home. My home is where my stuff is, and where I pay rent, and where I share life with Davey. But it’s kinda nice to feel at home at two places, just like it’s nice to feel loved by two men. I like this poly thing.
DOMING AIN’T EASY:
This blog entry seems SO besides the point of what actually happened that night that I felt I had a lot to add.
So many guys, when they here I’m a dom, get green with envy.
“Wow! You have a woman who fucks who, when and how you tell her to? Who you can piss on when you get the urge? Who you can have stick her tongue up your asshole? Man that is the life!”
Well guys, it aint all kinky sex and cheap thrills.
My ex-roomie, Liz was over Sunday night to watch the football game with me. Nadia was due to come over after the game.
The first thing she did when she walked in the door was whine about how there wasn’t any parking in the usual area (a 10 minute walk away..welcome to life in the big city).
She had parked somewhere she “hoped” was legal.
Since I guessed it wasn’t I walked with her to the car Sure enough…illegal.
So I went with her while she drove to a legal spot a 15 minute walk away. And walked back with her.
Now I was NOT eager to walk but I did so beause I knew she would like the company.
On the way back from the car, I mentioned that I might want her to drive Liz back to her college the next morning.
That’s around 15 minutes round trip out of her way, but I thought she should do it because Liz has a seriously injured ankle and I want to minimize her walking to help her lessen the chance she’ll need an operation.
And for work reasons it wasnt possible for me to do it.
In NO way do I consider getting up 15 minutes early to do an errand for me as even CLOSE to an unreasonable request.
With ALL I do for her, she whould view it as TRIVIAL by comparison!
IMMEDIATELY Nadia gets all pouty and whiny about having to get up 15 minutes earlier in order to do that.
We got into the apartment and she immediately started her pouty brat behavior, answering as monosylabically as possible. I was embarrassed by her behavior in front of Liz, who knows all about BDSM. She knows I am perfectly capable of and have thrown submissive bitches right out on their asses for acting that way!
I was all ready to BLAST Nadia when I happened to look at her blog and saw this post
https://kinkylibrarian.net/index.php/2008/10/26/submission-and-depression/
And THEN I took a deep breath and took her into the bedroom and made her come a LOT instead. That part she told about.
As a dom who is also an MD I pride myself on my ability to sense problems and “cure” them. ANd as an MD I recognize that depression IS an illness. I no more can expect Nadia to “stop being depressed” by force of will than I would expect someone to “stop being in a diabetic coma” by force of will. I have great psychological insight, but insight is not enough.
I am so used to being able to cure so much that this is very frustrating at times.
And as a dom I expect the pleasure of my company (and the nasty things I do ) make any of my submissives feel great at all times.
So that makes it even worse.
I decided that night that I will simply have to adjust my expectations for Nadia depending on her mental status.
If she is depressed, I will have to beat,caress and sexually use her in a fashion designed to make her feel better.
And save using her in whatever fashion I want for those times when she is doing better.
Am I happy about this?
No, of course not. But it IS necessary.
Doming ain’t easy!