Diary of a Kinky Librarian

Last night, MasterDoc and I watched some porn as usual. When I’m put in charge of selecting porn I generally pick something from kink.com. Last night, he made the selection, and it was a vanilla group sex porn. Now, I find group sex a turn on, but I wasn’t especially turned on by the porn last night. It took me a while to get worked up, even when I was already on top riding him - and he had played with my pussy for a while, which I enjoyed. I wondered why it was hard for me to get into the sex. (Besides the fact that this was the worst porn I can recall seeing.)

It dawned on me, in the kink.com videos the women are engaged in the sex/kink they’re having. It’s hot because you’re watching something real happen. Now, not all vanilla porn is staged, but I find that the women seem like they’re faking it much more often in vanilla porn. And it’s the fakeness that turns me off. It’s much easier to fake vanilla sex - just lube yourself up and get fucked while making moans of supposed ecstasy. But when you’re being dommed your brain is engaged with the situation as well as your body. And that’s fucking hot. So I don’t think it’s just because I’m a kinky mofo that I prefer kink porn, I think it’s also the degree of engagement in the female performers. I want to watch hot sex - not people going through the motions.

It also helps that kink.com is known for being ethical and respectful of their performers. (Now if they’d only branch out into models with different body types, we’d be set.)

I did manage to get into things and have a great orgasm - and for the first time (?) in recollection I had to stop coming to catch my breath. MasterDoc was amazed.

After the first round of sex I got to select the next porn, and of course I put on something kinky. We cuddled and watched that for a while. He had me put a condom on him in preparation for the next time and told me to suck his cock hard. (The condom deadens sensations a little, so I can get much rougher when he has a  condom on.) I threw myself into sucking his cock roughly. Then MasterDoc put me on my knees on the liberator wedge at the edge of the bed. The wedge put me up just high enough for the penetration to be perfect. Oh god, did I get into the fucking that time. My moaning at times like that must be so animalistic. I feel amazing and struggle to hold back from coming. When he let me come I came long and hard.

I fell foward when he told me to, and caught my breath. I really felt like a cuddle would be nice, but MasterDoc’s phone rang while we were having sex so he checked it and had to get back to someone right away. Instead of sulking or getting cranky, I decided to be patient, and then when he was available to state my need - a cuddle. And of course I got the cuddle I needed. I went to bed last night feeling happy and wishing my time with MasterDoc could last even longer.

Lately I find myself longing to be in my collar and being submissive. I miss when MasterDoc and I would do shows for people. We’ve fallen into a bit of a rut sometimes - although it’s understandable since MasterDoc has been sick and had back issues as of late. There are some days when I long for him to do something to me which I detest, just so I can feel turned on by his control over me. I long for an extended period of pain before sex. I’m a kinky mofo indeed.