Archive for the 'N' Category

Sunday Afternoon

It was so nice to have a lazy Sunday with Davey. I finally sat down and blogged about Friday night, and then of course after I posted and he read it we were both worked up and went and had sex. *grin*

Sex with Davey reminded me of a time when I was more innocent, earlier on in my sexually active life, when sex was more playful and gentle, when I wasn’t going around being fucked like a horny slut. It was kinda nice to have the contrast. It’s nice to be able to joke in bed with someone and be affectionate and loving. It’s not that other lovers aren’t affectionate (MasterDoc is a wonderful cuddler) but the dynamic with me and Davey is different. Now don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy being fucked hard like a nasty slut. It’s just that sometimes it’s nice to experience a different kind of sex.

It wasn’t all hearts and flowers though, I asked him to grab some lube and finger my asshole while he went down on me. Yup, even during loving, “innocent” sex I’m a horny slut. Fact is I embrace sex with gusto and figure I might as well get into it - otherwise what’s the point? We also 69′ed for a bit and I stroked Davey’s asshole with my finger. The boy was extra sensitive everywhere today so every little thing I did had him shuddering and breathing heavy. Davey makes me feel like a sex goddess often, as he’s so incredibly horny for me. I walk by with my top off and the boy gets an instant erection. Nothing like knowing you’re appreciated.

So I’ve decided to stop dating anyone new and who should email me but this cute English guy I’ve talked with on a dating site. He’s been around off and on the past few months and I’m totally keen to meet him as I’m hot for Englishmen (he lives here in the states). How hot am I for Englishmen? Well I dated one about 10 years ago, but to top that when I was younger and still living at my parents’ house (and didn’t have my own phone line or a cell phone) twice I dared to use the family phone to have phone sex with some stranger or another who was originally from England who I had just met on the internet. I love the accents! Scotsmen do it for me too. Anyway, should I need to narrow down the roster I think N. is the prime candidate. He’s been in contact with someone MasterDoc dates (and N. had one date with her - her view of him was scathing to put it mildly) and referred to me as a fuck buddy. Hey, at this point it really doesn’t a) surprise me, b) bother me as that’s all I think of him as. I’m just thinking that perhaps this situation has come to the end of its usefulness. I’m busy with other people I’d rather be seeing so perhaps next time he wants to see me I’ll be busy regardless of whether I’m actually busy or not. (Granted, I just might be horny and decide to see him. Ha ha. I’m a weak woman, but then again I have plenty of other people wanting to fuck me, I hardly need to keep him around.) I’d really like to find some time to see V. and totally want to see D.S. again as soon as possible and continue seeing MasterDoc regularly.
If I meet and hit it off with this Englishman then this situation with N. may become a thing of the past….

Busy Girl

So you know about my date on Saturday and time spent with Davey that night. The next day, I saw N. for the first time in a few weeks. Funny thing is, I’m the only woman who’s regularly seeing him now. lol I think he’ll behave much better now about making plans with me (he’s gotten better about not leaving me hanging). He’s managed to mess things up with the other woman he had been seeing regularly. At any rate, he’s got a few first dates under his belt, he’s just not sure if they’ll pan out long term.

While he sometimes annoys me (I don’t think he appreciates me as much as he should), other times I really enjoy spending time with him. He’s a libertarian like MasterDoc and now that MasterDoc has been lecturing me on economics I’m better prepared to have conversations about politics. And I do like having intelligent conversations with people. Well that and fucking them, of course. We fooled around a bit and then ended up hanging out and talking some more, then he suggested going for a walk but I suggested getting naked again. (Yes, I know, brilliant thinking on my part. You’d think the man would have been the one to think of it.) As is usual our “date” consisted of some eating (lots of lovely nibbly things he had at the house) and some sex. Food and fucking - the two things that keep me happy. The fucking was enjoyable as always and for the first time he came. Something I’ve noticed about older men is that it’s not as easy for them to come as it is for young guys, but this is definitely a perk (for me, maybe not as much for them). In the months I’ve been fucking N. he hadn’t come once until this past Sunday. It was so nice to experience him coming for a change. I can be a little selfish in bed (yes, I admit it, bad girl), but ultimately I really want my partners to feel good too. Orgasms are so easy for me, but I want to make sure my partners get to have them too. He came very loudly and dramatically and it was satisfying to finally have that happen. He was spent enough to doze off for a few minutes afterward. I just relaxed, cuddled up to him, thinking that I needed to get going as I had promised the evening to Davey. (The weekend flew by so fast since I was so busy! And I must say that I’m a lucky girl to have all these lovers in my life right now. I’m having a blast!)

I don’t know how I managed to get so busy. I mean, here’s the lover tally just now - Davey, MasterDoc, N., V., (probably very soon) D.S. and I even have an appointment later this month to play with the couple (D. & L.) I sometimes see. I’m running out of days. lol I’m going to start looking forward to the days without sex because I’ll need a break. Hee hee. No, I’m not complaining at all. I feel that I’m a very lucky girl to have so many wonderful people in my life. And I think back to when I was 15, depressed, and convinced that I would spend my life alone. Yes, I was convinced that no one would ever want to be with me. How my life has changed….

Monday Blahs

I so have the Monday blahs today. The weekend went by much too quickly and my period showed up this morning. Blah.

Yesterday was pretty good. I went and saw N. I’m still keeping my emotional distance but interestingly enough he seems quite keen on me again now that I’ve pulled away. I can see how he works. He’s one of those guys who’s far more interested when he has to do the pursuing. (After all, I wouldn’t meet him for a year and he kept emailing me from time to time.) It’s my style to be straightforward when I like someone so it takes a bit of work for me to keep aloof. We’ll see how things go. I don’t feel as into him as I once did.

The sex was hot as always. *grin* I was a very naughty girl this weekend, waking up Davey with a blow job on Saturday, playing with MasterDoc Saturday afternoon, sex with Davey that night, sex with N. on Sunday and more sex with Davey Sunday evening. All in all it was a very good weekend.

But today? Back to work. Blah.

Disappointment

So last night was a disappointment, and yet again N is a disappointment. I got pissed off at him today because yet again he left me hanging with plans. And when I raise the issue he seems to think I’m pissed off because I’m just so smitten with him that I can’t stand not spending time with him, which might have been true at one point but he’s jerked me around enough now that it’s not true anymore. And this weekend I didn’t even initiate plans. I decided to back off and not ask for time with him, and he’s the one who suggested that maybe we could get together on Sunday. Turns out he makes tentative plans for me more out of some sense of guilt. I’m not a friggin charity case! Let me just make plans with someone else instead of stringing me along!

So last night. Yeah well, I’m now thinking that perhaps it’s best to go for men with more experience. The idea of shagging a hot young stud was better in theory than in practice. Largely because we didn’t shag. He was clearly nervous and feeling awkward when I got there, and we ended up hanging out watching tv for a while. I made a few comments such as “We’re not here to watch tv.” to try to give him an opening to get things started but it took a while. We eventually ended up fooling around (in complete darkness, personally I like to see what I’m doing during sex) and it wasn’t bad but it did remind me of being younger and fooling around with 23-year-old guys back then. I played with his penis and he said, “I feel like I could come already.” And a few seconds later, he did. Doh. Ok so he had told me he was worried about coming too fast and he hadn’t had sex in a year. And being with an older woman was a fantasy of his. Ok, this happens. He apologizes and I tell him it’s okay and kiss him on the forehead. He says he needs to go out to his car and I worry that he’s going to ditch me.

Luckily he comes back (turns out he had a cigarette) and gets back into bed with me. The tv is back on at this point and I’m naked under the sheet while he’s dressed again. After a few moments I declare, “I’m horny.” and we start fooling around again. This time I actually manage to have one orgasm from his fingering me. I then get a condom and start giving him a blow job (with condom). Now he had complained when he heard of my rule of no unprotected oral but the fact is, it couldn’t have been that bad considering he came pretty quickly again. Not as fast as the first time, but still pretty fast. So he heads off to the bathroom to clean up and when he comes back he starts asking me if I think my boyfriend’s plans for the evening are done. Um, I dunno. Then he says that he thinks maybe he’d like to save the rest for another time and go home instead. Right. My jaw drops open. He says that it’s nothing personal, we can hang out another time, blah blah blah. So I bitterly get my clothes on and use the bathroom and leave. What an unsatisfying evening. If I actually ever hear from him again (doubt it), here’s what I’d like to say (but would say in a much nicer way if I were to say it to him):

Let me give you some advice when it comes to women. For one, even if your penis isn’t cooperating and acting like you’d like like it to, you still need to get a woman off once you’ve gotten her worked up. Asking her to go home after you’d shot off twice and barely given her satisfaction is a sure fire way to make sure she doesn’t want to see you again. While your fantasy is that it’s hot to be able to get an older woman, the real feat is having her want to come back for more. The penis doesn’t always behave like you would want it to - but then you have ten fingers and a tongue to get done what your penis isn’t willing to do.

Another thing, lube up your finger before sticking it in a girl’s anus! If you have some waterbased lube nearby that’s great, but really saliva will do in a pinch.

So my anticipated night of hot sex with a young stud turned into two quick spurts and one so-so orgasm. What a disappointment. Right about now I’m feeling that men are largely a disappointment. (Except Davey. I’m cool with him.)

Unrequited

N. and I had a good talk and my feelings of being left out were a combination of his life getting hectic and the fact that while he’s fond of me, his feelings just don’t match mine. And having unrequited feelings just sucks. It creates this acute ache inside me. I just keep wishing he felt the same but it’s not something you can make happen. Either it does or it doesn’t. I don’t know why things have turned out the way they have, after all, he’s very fond of me, but he just doesn’t have the romantic feelings for me that I have for him.

I’m sad. I’m disappointed. I really enjoy spending time with him but I question if I should take a break to work on getting over this before resuming a friendship with him. But then of course the idea of not seeing him makes me ache.

Wouldn’t it be nice if all our feelings of adoration were returned?

Calmer

Ok I’m feeling a little differently about N today than I did yesterday (I deleted the entry). I’ve got my period now so I’m not so hormonal. But still, I’m not happy with how he leaves me hanging about plans. We’re on for Friday - probably. I feel like I have to speak up somehow and express how I’m feeling and either sort things out or stop seeing him. I love the sex but I don’t want to feel like I’m just there when it’s convenient for him. I want to date someone who really wants to spend time with me.

Party

I was tired from the moment I got up on Saturday. I had to go meet Davey at the mall and then we were going to have lunch with an ex of mine who has recently re-surfaced. Well we get to the restaurant, the ex isn’t there. I call his cell phone and he’s a good hour away. What the —-? This is so typical of said ex. But I looked at it as an opportunity to “re-schedule” (meaning to say I’d reschedule and then never do so) as I’ve been feeling ambivalent at best about seeing this ex. After he canceled at the last minute (yet again!) I pretty much decided I don’t want to see him. There’s nothing to be gotten from hanging out with him. And so Davey and I had lunch together.

We ran to the store after as just that morning N. told me that he was going to a different party than the one he was originally planning on going to and this party required being dressed in all white. Oooh the goths inside Davey and me were crying. We had to buy clothes because we sure as hell didn’t have any white pants. I only owned two white shirts and neither was really suitable (in retrospect I wished that I had bought some men’s undershirts and cut one up to make a sexy top. Doh. Instead I wore a nice white tee.) We both felt so awkward (me especially!) dressed all in white. We’re pale people and white just doesn’t look good on us. But we made the best of it and got to the party.

While we got there an hour after the party was slated to start, in typical New York fashion no one was there yet. We tried to not feel awkward and shy and tried to work ourselves up to talking to strangers. We chatted with one nice (and hot!) woman we had met at the last of these parties. Ultimately we felt like tools. An hour and a half later, N. and his date weren’t there yet and I got antsy and called him. They were just getting on their way. *sigh* When I’m feeling shy I like the crutch of having friends around.

The place started filling up and I was feeling frustrated at our inability to talk to people. Now, if Davey was more outgoing and gave me a push I’d probably have broke down earlier, but eventually I said, dammit, I’m going to be friendly if it kills me! So I decided that we should go say hello to a couple who, like us, weren’t talking to anyone. “Lead the way,” said Davey and so I did. We ended up chatting with a very nice couple from the next town over from where we live. We would go back to talking to them more later in the evening and they must’ve had the same conversation as we did (i.e., “I’d swap with them”) as the woman started getting flirty while dancing with me. Result!

Eventually N. showed up and I met his friend. I was excited to meet her as he thought we would get along, although I have to confess that in my current premenstrual state I’m feeling jealous of her. When I started seeing N. I got to see him every weekend. Over the past month I’ve seen him exactly once (not counting this party). Can we say I think he’s getting bored with me already? Or maybe it’s just that she’s new and exciting and so he finds the time to see her. Hey, I’m all for sharing my partners but I want to get my time with them. I’m feeling frustrated right now with how infrequently I’ve been seeing him. I’ve spoken up about it so we’ll see what happens. The infrequency came after I had sent him that emotional email about a month ago (when I was premenstrual last). I’m despairing that things are far more casual for him than they are for me. I’m not super-serious about him, but I feel affection for him and really want this to be a poly thing, not just a fuck buddy situation.

But, I digress. Well N. didn’t spend much time talking with me - he was too busy with his date and meeting people. I got warm and decided that I was tired of this swing party that had no swinging and so I took my shirt off. I danced and wandered around in my bra and pants. I ended up on the terrace by N. and his friend and a couple of women they were talking to. By this time I was starting to flash my tits from the front hook bra I was wearing. This got one of the women to mention her exhibitionistic tendencies and soon she was showing us her new clit piercing. I was topless before long and I stayed that way.

There was a strip show planned and everyone went inside to watch. There was more nudity and sexiness in the show than most of the party. I stood behind N. and he reached behind to fondle a nipple every now and then. After the strip show the mood was more randy about the place but still people didn’t get down. I ended up hanging out on the terrace, still topless and I got to talking with N.’s date and a couple they were trying to hook up with. I got to grope some pierced nipples and to suck on them. I got my nipples sucked on by a few different people. At some point Davey helped me out of my pants and I was there on the terrace in only a lace thong. Oh yes, I am an exhibitionist. It’s funny too because I hardly have a perfect body. But I think confidence is extremely sexy and when I’m in that mood I get by on my confidence. Davey tells me that following in my wake that night was a lot of fun as people’s jaws dropped when they saw me and both men and women looked at me appreciatively.

Back on the terrace with my pants off, N’s date slid a finger between my lips and declared that I was wet. (Was I! I was so freakin’ horny!) Davey started fingering me at one point. It felt good but I guess I wasn’t in the headspace to cum even though I really wanted to. This other guy played with my nipples as Davey fingered me. I had Davey stop after a bit and soon after the other guy took over. Alas, he wasn’t great at fingering so I wasn’t going to get off on it. I was uncomfortable on the terrace furniture and suggested going inside, but the guy didn’t follow. (Later we saw a woman, presumably his woman, chew him out and so I’m not sure if everything he did was kosher, or if she was mad about something else.)

I spent time dancing in my thong although I was getting tired of standing by this point. Somewhere among all this there was dancing, groping, caressing going on - with me and various other people. I got tired and sat down for a bit. I ended up licking frosting off a woman’s inner thigh. At this point I can’t keep track of what happened although I’ve summed it up here.

I was tired enough to decide to head home and Davey was fine with that. The lights had come up and the party was winding down. I’m disappointed that this group isn’t more overtly sexual - I’m used to sex parties where people actually spend their time having sex (what a novel idea!) But the people are nice and you never know who we might hook up with some day.

Of course when we got home Davey and I had sex - hot passionate sex. After an entire evening of frustration Davey was more aggressive than he’s ever been. And that gets me hot.

Tulsa is A Slut backwards

I’m really tired. But it’s a good tired. I’m tired because I had sex with both Davey and N. today. My afternoon was basically spent having sex and then having sex again. I feel like my old self in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel like I could have sex over and over forever if only my body wouldn’t get so damn tired. I feel like my (slutty) self.

I didn’t have sex with them at the same time, I had a date with N. and went to his place…. we alternated hanging out on the porch chatting with going to the bedroom and fucking. There wasn’t any air conditioning but thankfully today wasn’t quite as hot as they had predicted. Still, the sex was sweaty. And for some reason getting all sweaty during sex isn’t nearly as distasteful as getting sweaty during exercise, or walking around on a hot day. It’s actually kinda sexy.

For a 55-year-old man he has quite the stamina. He kept going (during the second round) long past when men half his age would keep going. I had a lot of orgasms. *grin* I’m so glad I finally met him and didn’t let his age get in the way. (I kept him at arm’s length for a year.) We have a lot of fun in bed together.

After the second round we went to shower (just like after the first round) and as I moved past him to get to the water in the shower he slid one hand between my ass cheeks and started fingering my asshole and then reached around with the other hand and stroked my clit and then fingered me. Wowza. I had quite an orgasm really quickly, trying to clutch the shower wall and hold myself up.

I left his place feeling really worn out, my legs were tired from being spread for so long. But even so, I still felt kinda horny. Ah yes, I was feeling like my old self.

I was hungry when I got home, so Davey and I had dinner and then relaxed in the living room. I kept feeling persistently horny, and hey, I like to make sure that Davey is taken care of - an important part of being poly is making sure things are okay with your primary relationship. Despite feeling so tired I sent Davey sexy IMs from the other end of the couch. Soon, we were in the bedroom and I was orgasming again. And again. And we had sex and I had some more orgasms. I’m a very satisfied and happy girl. And I’m feeling so comfortable in my sexuality again - it’s such a liberating feeling. I’m ready to take on the world sexually. Hee hee. I see my couple, D. & L., on Friday and I asked N. if he’d help me out with my double penetration fantasy sometime and he said yes. (There’s few things that I really want to try that I haven’t tried, double penetration is one of them. I’ve had a toy and a penis but not two penises. Obviously Davey is all to happy to help me with this fantasy.)

(The title of this post came from a conversation with N. today where he told me about how he told another lover of his that she should get a vanity plate with Tulsa on it, so that when people saw it in their rearview mirrors it would read …… Perfect for me as well! But I’m not into vanity plates.)

Intensity

When I was in my early 20’s I thought being a scorpio was just the coolest thing. We’re the sex addicts of the zodiac, we’re passionate, intense perverts. Yeah, rock on!

As I get older, however, I’ve started to think that being Ms. Intensity kinda sucks. I’ve scared off many men with my intensity. When I like someone I don’t just like them, I fall into deep, intense infatuation. Not all the time, but often enough.

This happened to me recently. I was pre-menstrual last Friday, feeling all emotional and intense (it’s much worse during pms) and I decided I just had to email N. and tell him how strongly I feel about him and how I want to be his primary partner (in addition to having Davey as my primary partner, crazy, I know) blah blah blah…. and how does he feel about me - should I just chill the fuck out because I’ll get hurt if I don’t? No, I didn’t use all of these particular words but a great deal of that was implied. Of course, his reaction was “Whoah! Slow down!” And I spent a day or two freaking out thinking, “Oh god, I’ve scared another one off!”

Now I want to make clear, as intensely as I feel/felt about him I never fell in love. I can tell the difference between love and infatuation and this was infatuation. But damn was it intense.
It still is actually. To N.’s credit he was flattered and gentle and kind in telling me that I really need to chill out. And so I’m chilling out. But I have to admit it makes me like him all the more that he can accept my intensity and not be scared off by it. So many people are scared off by intense feeling. But it’s how I live… I can’t really be any way else. N. commented once on how I feel so much sexually and that other women don’t feel as much as I do. And in some respects I’m sure that’s true, not only in bed but in my emotions otherwise. Sometimes it’s a wonderful, wild ride. This morning I spent some time doing artwork and I got into this passionate, creative mood and I felt exhilarated. I danced around my house passionately for a while after. I feel so good now, letting that intensity out. I suppose the best thing is just to find appropriate channels for my intensity and not get caught sending crazy emails to my lovers.

Hey, no one ever said dating me was boring.

Age

So I was hanging out with N. last night. We had had a hot time in bed and were hanging out talking while he had a cigarette before heading out to dinner. We got on the topic about people lying about their age and I said, “But you don’t lie about your age.”

“I lie about my age a little.”

“Really? How old are you?”

“How old did I tell you I was?”

“How old are you actually? You told me you’re 45.”

“I’m 55.”

“Noooooo. I can’t believe it, you don’t look 55.”

“I don’t feel 55.”

And so yes, I’m not only dating an older man, something I was hesitant about when I thought he was just 11 years older than me, but a man old enough to be my father. (He’s just three years younger than my dad. Two years younger than my mom.) Wow. I’m still trying to get my head around this but ultimately I figure I’ve really enjoyed spending time with him and hey, he’s the same person/age he was before I found out about the age discrepancy. I’m not thrilled about the lie but I figure I really like him and had he been honest up front with me about his age I would have never given him a chance, which would have been regrettable. Life is funny.

I find that I’m very trusting, often too trusting. I’m honest with people about myself so the thought seldom enters my head that they might not be completely honest with me. As long as N. is honest about everything else we’ll be fine.