I recently asked readers for questions or topics they’d like to see covered here. One that came up was the idea of my experiences before MasterDoc. I certainly had plenty of sexual experiences before him, but he’s my first actual Dom. I dabbled in bdsm prior to meeting him, and knew for a while that I’d like to find a Dom (but found that so many of them on collarme were full of themselves). My first bdsm experiences go back, well actually they go way back to my teen years. Now, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned here before that I was a virgin until my 18th birthday. I didn’t even kiss a boy until I was 17 and a half. So what experiences did I have in my teens you may ask? I would play with bondage and blindfolds when I masturbated. I’d tie my wrists together as best I could and then masturbate with my hands bound. It’s not easy doing self-bondage and you have to leave it fairly loose so you can get yourself out of it, but I still got a little thrill from doing it. I knew even then that it was something I wanted to try one day when I had a partner. I kept things like old bathrobe sashes that I could use to tie myself up with.
My first boyfriend and I played around a bit, I think I’ve written about that on here. We tried a little bondage, a little spanking, some power exchange role play (both of us switching). I loved being on the submissive end of the power play, but the hard part was that he did too. We didn’t get deeply into anything, but we played around with lots of experiences - real and fantasy. We played around once that we were total strangers who met at a bar and went home with each other and fucked. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near an experience like that in real life at that age (a good thing, I’m sure) but I was curious to try new things and have varied experiences. First boyfriend and I would spend a lot of time trying to come up with stuff we’d never tried before (and it was all new) and then doing it. We weren’t successful with anal sex - I didn’t accomplish that til much later. And since he was a boy he couldn’t help me with the whole bisexual experience. (I was open with him about my desires. I later found out in a round about way that he had those sorts of desires too, but he was never open with me about them. Oh except for how he’d say that if he was gay he’d be into Patrick Swayze. Even then I kinda knew the translation was that he was into Patrick Swayze.) I eventually slept with a woman when I was 28. (That’s a little tale in and of itself.)
My sexual experiences in college were pretty standard, vanilla fare. I don’t recall doing any bdsm play during college. I can’t recall when I took up with the married guy (senior year? after college?), but I did play a little with a married guy I slept with off and on for a few years. Nothing much, just a little light Dom/sub type stuff. That was ultimately a situation that I was better out of. When I first met him he claimed to be separated from his wife, then he admitted to still being with her, then he went ahead and had another kid with her even though he’d bitch to me about how unhappy he was. Finally, just when things were winding down between us, his wife called me at work and confronted me. Whew. Not fun. That was the end of the married guy in my life. I’ve twice made the mistake of fucking cheating men, and ultimately neither situation was satisfying. I now have a rule that the spouse absolutely has to know about me or I won’t get into the situation (or won’t stay in it if I find out later that he’s lying).
As a young adult, after college, I still mostly had a vanilla sex life. There would be some light spanking or bondage with various boyfriends, but nothing that was truly a Dom/sub situation. I very briefly dated a guy who was into bdsm, but I had a long distance relationship with an Englishman then and the bdsm guy wasn’t keen on being with a woman whose heart was with someone else. Still, we had a couple of dates, we went to a movie and he fed me popcorn at the rate he decided and I struggled to keep up. I think he had me suck his fingers in the movie theater as well - a full theater I might add. He took the back of my head and lowered my mouth onto his thumb. I remember him feeling me up in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We went to his place once and we played a little. He put nipple clamps on me for the first time, spanked me, etc. It was something I definitely enjoyed, although it might have been better with someone I had a connection with. He Dom-ed me over the phone a few times, and I remember being so turned on as I took my clothes off at home as his command and played with myself. He bought me a copy of The Story of O, which I still have.
I guess light bondage or spanking entered into many of my relationships, but not on the level I would have liked. I’d go through phases where I wasn’t as into kink, but I’d always come back to it inevitably. I think ultimately I’m more turned on by kinky sex than I am by vanilla sex, but I do enjoy vanilla sex. Finding a Dom has fulfilled a part of me that always yearned to be fulfilled. Eventually I hooked up with the couple I played with, and I would do bdsm play with them off and on for a few years. Details on that are for part two.
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