Archive for the 'embarrassment' Category

Weekend

Published
by
Nadia
on June 29, 2009
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, embarrassment, exhibitionism, orgasm denial, sex, sex parties, spanking, submissive and sybian
. 0 Comments

I had a mostly quiet weekend, which is strange when you learn that I went to a bdsm/sex party on Saturday night with MasterDoc. Of course, this is not so strange when I mention that I had my period, and spent the night freaked out about my Instead cup leaking. Those things don’t do too well during heavy flow days (for me).

I did get to ride the sybian and ended up being the first person naked, I think. I find this thrilling, stimulating and a bit embarrassing. It’s strange to be naked in front of a room of strangers and acquaintances. It’s naughty and definitely a turn on. I find that I can’t necessarily look at the people around me, but I like knowing they’re there. I like that MasterDoc enjoys us being the center of attention. I used the flat top to the sybian since I’ve had trouble with using the dildo attachment while wearing a cup (the cup ended up pinching me - no fun). This was the first time I rode the sybian without a dildo attachment. But considering much of the sensation comes from the vibration and from my clit grinding against the nubby pad, the dildo wasn’t much of a loss.

MasterDoc teased me mercilessly. He’d ask others in the room if they thought I should be allowed to come, and apparently they said no! So he teased me some more, more than he had ever done before. I was in a frenzied state. He had me begging for orgasm, all the while making sure I begged loud enough for others to hear. I was the wanton, aroused slut begging for sexual release. Eventually he let me come, and I was loud and rocketed into another world. I found myself humping the machine desperately, moaning, clutching at MasterDoc’s legs in front of me. I get a little spastic at the time of orgasm on the sybian. I’m also completely unintelligible.

I had to actually ask him to stop, as I started developing a headache. Asking him to stop is rare, and getting a headache from orgasm is pretty rare for me as well. MasterDoc took care of me, going upstairs with me to get a drink and then he put me on the sofa while he went off in search of some acetaminophen for my headache. I appreciated the fact that he took the time to see to me when I wasn’t feeling well. He’s good to me. (When he’s not being sadistic, that is!)

Later, I got to watch the party hostess ride the sybian. She goes for the largest phallic attachment it comes with. I’m always amazed as that dildo is too large to be comfortable for me. But she loves it and it’s fascinating watching a woman ride the sybian. I saw her humping the machine as she struggled to hold back from coming just as I did. MasterDoc took the controls for a while, then her fiance came over and she sucked his cock while riding. Her fiance took the controls and had her suck his cock as he sat in the chair in front of her. A woman is just in another world when she’s on that thing. It’s beautiful to watch her face contort as she’s taken over by ecstacy.

We got home late that night, and then on Sunday ended up sleeping half the day away. (Got up, had breakfast, went to lay down for cuddles and then both felt drowsy so we fell asleep for a couple of hours.) Sunday night, I wandered into the bedroom where I knew MasterDoc was preparing for some sex. He was on the phone with a new lady he’s been speaking with. He wanted her to listen in as he did things to me. I sucked his cock and he made more happy noises than usual so his new ladyfriend could hear on the other end. A little later, he slapped my inner thighs and pussy for a while - asking his ladyfriend if she liked that. He made me come using his hands and did his best to tempt her with the prospect of coming that hard. She only listened in for a while. I hope she enjoyed it. (She’s read this blog and enjoyed it, happy to say.)

He fucked me from behind, and made me into a moaning mess, desperate for orgasm. He let me come and kept me going with his fingers even after my vaginal muscles had pushed his cock out. I was very happy and quite satisfied.

On Monday I didn’t have to be at work til later (as did he) and we spent some time together in the morning. He had me suck his cock, and I tell you, I really get into it. Sucking his cock made me so horny! We fucked some more, him hitting my ass with the riding crop all the while. It felt good, but then my hips started to get tired (I was on top). I had to ask to stop, and sadly that meant the end of sex as it was getting late. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel anxious over not having reached orgasm. My arousal subsided easily unlike some times when it lingers until I’m able to come. I was just happy to have that intimate time with MasterDoc on a Monday morning, a time I don’t usually get to spend with him.

“He gave them pain like balm, and they begged him for it”

Published
by
Nadia
on June 24, 2009
in D/s, bdsm, embarrassment, masochism, piss play, porn, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking and submissive
. 1 Comment

I’m reading a fantasy novel right now, suggested to me a while back by my friend Divasub. It’s called Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey. I’ve just come across the bdsm themes in the book, and now understand why she recommended it to me.

“Alone among angels, Kushiel understood that the act of chastisement was an act of love; and the sinner in his charge too came to understand, and loved him for it. He gave them pain like balm, and they begged him for it, finding in it not redemption, but a love that transcended the divine.”

This flowery prose seemed lovely to me when I read it this morning. Last night MasterDoc was wonderfully dominating and it was so what I needed.

At the start of the evening, we went looking for porn online and found a librarian porn video. I can’t find the link to it now, unfortunately. (UPDATE: MasterDoc gave me the link.) It was very amateur - just one camera angle. But the “librarian” (I think her glasses were meant to identify her as a librarian) wore a collar and wrist and ankle cuffs. There was a definite bdsm overtone to the video. And while going down on the guy, she put her hands between his legs to massage his inner thighs - just like I do with MasterDoc! We laughed and wondered if perhaps someone was inspired by our hijinks.

We tried out my new ceramic vibe. Unfortunately it was not as wonderful as I had hoped. I will review it later. I grabbed the acuvibe mini when told to get another toy and I used that to bring myself just about to the edge of orgasm. MasterDoc then had me stop, bend over the liberator scoop, and he fucked me from behind. He’d spank me every so often. It felt great and I wished that he’d let me come like that. He stopped, and started spanking me with my new crop. When that didn’t seem to be as hard as he’d like, he started spanking me with his hands. It went from painful to incredibly hot. I was on the verge of orgasm (he had me play with my clit at the same time) when he started hitting harder. He told me to come, but the pain had just crossed the threshold from stimulating to painful, so it took me a few seconds to be able to come. But I did manage. I’m surprised I didn’t squirt.

We took a break, and then he had me get on top and ride him. My knees were worn out from exercising earlier in the day, but I managed to ride for a while. I got close to orgasm, and he helped me along by asking if I was ready to come, “Right now.” Often, even if I’m not quite to that point his asking me that will put me on the edge. He told me to come, and I came. While I was coming he said, “Come now cunt, and I’ll piss on you when you’re done.” I decided that I had better enjoy my orgasm while I could, and I came really hard. I hoped that he had been just threatening the pissing. And as we cuddled after I thought perhaps that was the case.

I went to get ready for bed, and when I came back from the bathroom, he was holding my collar. “Put this on,” he said, “And come with me.”

He led me back to the door of the bathroom. It was clear that he hadn’t forgotten or threatened idly when he said he was going to piss on me. He told me to get in the tub, on my knees, and if the tub was cold well that was just tough shit. I did as I was told, wincing at the idea of what he was going to do to me. He made me say I was ready, and made me say that I wanted him to piss on me. I clenched my eyes shut as I couldn’t bear to look. He started to piss on me, and with my eyes closed I could sorta block out what it was, and just enjoy the feeling of warm liquid running over me. I could ignore the faint odor of urine and pretend it wasn’t pee. He told me to hold my tits up. I didn’t react fast enough and he ordered me to do it again. I did as I was told and he pissed all over my tits. The piss ran down my body and I was fairly drenched in it by the time he was done. I tell you, he had to have been saving that up all evening. It seemed to go on a long time.

I was feeling humiliated and stunned afterwards. He told me I could rinse off and he was kind enough to get me a towel to dry off after. I carefully rinsed myself off and patted myself dry. I found that I really needed a hug after that. Humiliation play can be pretty intense, and while I like it I definitely need a hug and reassurance of some sort afterwards. I found that while piss play was every bit as humiliating as I would imagine, I didn’t freak out or fall apart from it. Of course, I don’t know that I would have been so composed if he had pissed in my mouth.

While in theory I don’t like piss play, I have been craving some serious domination lately, and this really fit the bill. I wouldn’t let anyone else piss on me. Only he has that power over me.

I slept soundly last night. And a few minutes after waking I remembered, “Oh jeez! He pissed on me last night!”

One Night, Two Views: Embarassment

Published
by
Nadia
on May 14, 2009
in D/s, embarrassment, sex parties and swinging
. 0 Comments

So Saturday night MasterDoc and I went to a party hosted by a lovely couple who hosted a party we went to in January. Overall I had a good time, but there were a few markedly different moments where I was unhappy. This entry will deal with those, and the next will deal with the fun parts.

The first was because I am socially retarded. I can’t really describe it precisely without worsening my blunder but it was something quite foolish that MasterDoc realized might be a problem as soon as I told him.  Ultimately it wasn’t a big deal, but it’s just so typical of me to be oblivious to what I’m actually doing. And it’s shit like this that makes me shy in social situations - I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up royally. I was really shy and quiet during the social period Saturday night. I get much less shy when clothes come off.

There was one bad incident, with the first guy to fuck me after MasterDoc. He’s turning me over to fuck me, and I’m thinking, “Does he have a condom on? He must have a condom on.” He slides into me and MasterDoc asks if the guy has a condom on. I say I don’t know and he tells me to reach back and feel for it. Turns out he doesn’t have a condom on. Jesus. So I get him to put one on and he fucks me, but this sort of shit leaves me with a really negative view of someone. How can you slide your cock into someone bare without asking??? WTF? I felt like I had let myself down to not be more aggressive about making sure he was wearing a condom. I’m usually much better than that. MasterDoc was very disappointed me over this. He had taken my collar off for the evening so that I could be a regular, lighthearted slut instead of having to focus on him all night. And then I let him down by not checking something as basic as if a guy is wearing a condom until MasterDoc insists that I check. I’m so used to him taking care of me (as he does when my collar is on) that I didn’t take responsibility like I should have.

There was another moment that made me really sad and disappointed in myself. As I’ve noted before, MasterDoc has been effusively praising my skills with my hands lately. Not in terms of “hand jobs” but in terms of stroking his thighs and ass and making him feel really good. So before the party, MasterDoc had told me that he would probably want me to attend to him: play with his body to make him feel extra good while he fucked someone else. As we watched a woman getting fucked he started stroking himself and told me to attend to him. Ok, so far so good. I played with his ass and thighs and got him a condom when he asked for one. While doing this, another guy who I had fucked earlier lay down on the other side of me, and I started multitasking - stroking his cock while I played with MasterDoc’s body. I was pretty impressed with myself that I could do both at the same time and not slack off on one or the other. When the guy doing the fucking was finished with the woman, MasterDoc put the condom on and went for his turn. And I had been really looking forward to watching him fuck other women. But meanwhile, I got distracted. I had a guy with a hard cock who wanted me to get on top and ride him, and without thinking I did.

I didn’t realize the stupidity of this move until after when MasterDoc said he was mad at me. I had missed my opportunity to attend to him and add to his pleasure and instead fucked someone myself. I felt terrible. While I wasn’t wearing the collar I really should have done what he had asked me to. The really stupid thing is that I wasn’t even all that interested in getting fucked again, but since the guy wanted to fuck me, being the people pleaser that I am, I obliged. I felt awful when MasterDoc made clear to me that I had fucked up. Thankfully he’s a very forgiving man and after making clear to me how I fucked up, he told me that he loves me and I shouldn’t be too upset with myself. Still, I feel like I let him down and I’m not proud of that.