Diary of a Kinky Librarian

I received a concerned email after my last post, which I understand (and appreciate!) but I want to make sure that everyone realizes I’m okay. Yes, MasterDoc pushes my limits, and yes, I can adamantly say no. The person who wrote was concerned that doing anything for your Dom is a slippery slope, and while with some men it can be, MasterDoc is not going to make me do anything as wrong as hiding bodies or anything like that. (Besides, I have enough of a brain in my head to know that something like murder would land me in jail and NOBODY is worth that shit and no one who loves me would make me do that.) He gradually introduces new things - mostly by introducing the idea at first. He conditions me to get used to these things he wants to do (and again, let me point out that it’s not anything that will bring me or anyone else harm) and eventually introduces them. When I met him I couldn’t picture anyone pissing on me, or me performing analingus, but I’ve experienced both those things now. And you know what? While I still don’t like ass licking, I’ve come to no harm mentally or physically. I don’t crave him peeing on me but the worst part of the situation was that the tub I lay in was cold. Seriously. He’s also never introduced something that he hadn’t mentioned being interested in at the outset. I get fair warning as to what he eventually expects from me… and murder, harm or any sort of crazy thing like that is NOT on the menu. I have time to dig my heels in and say no. And if he were ever to suggest something harmful I would say no and walk away.

Also, for those of you who don’t know MasterDoc you probably don’t realize that a large portion of the time he threatens disgusting things it’s a headfuck. And the headfuck is part of the D/s playing between us. (Sometimes I get really turned on when he scares me, or when he humiliates me. I’m a sick freak, I know. Last night he admitted that his plan (preempted by our playmate canceling for today) was never actually to piss in my mouth. He figured if he threatened it then I’d be over the moon at him simply pissing on me. He’d tell me that I’d better make it convincing that I’m enjoying his pee on me or he’d piss in my mouth then. But he acknowledges that I’m not ready for the mouth pissing thing. I’ve told him it will be quite some time before I am. But he would not be the Dom if he didn’t keep trying to condition me to submit that far. Is this unusual compared to vanilla relationships? Hell yes. But I have developed enough trust and confidence to know he won’t do anything that will truly harm me. Sometimes the headfuck gets me worried, but inevitably he soothes me and lets me know it’s just a headfuck. (For now!) Our relationship is unusual, but it works for us.

While I’m glad and relieved that there will be no pee in my mouth today, unfortunately MasterDoc needed to take some ritalin to get things done (he has ADD) and sex isn’t in the cards for today. I’ve been trying out my new SaSi and a review will come after I feel I’ve given it a fair trial.