Diary of a Kinky Librarian

I didn’t have plans to do this, but I’ve seen some of my favorite bloggers post year end summaries for the past year and I decided to spend some time today reading through my entries to take a look at the year that was 2008. (I spent hours today re-reading my entries from this year. Damn, I write a lot!)

I started off the year having a great sex, albeit with the hindrance of prozac killing my libido and response. I didn’t consider myself a masochist at the start of the year, but in early February I changed that identification of myself. On the other hand, I started off the year bruising quite nicely, but now I barely bruise on my ass. I was also struggling with coming on command - not quite able to hold myself at a peak of arousal and not always able to come when permission was granted. Davey watched me get Dommed by MasterDoc and MasterDoc made me eat out of a bowl on the floor like a dog. MasterDoc and I continued doing shows for strangers.

In February I fucked a black guy for the first time in my life, and the entry was titled (at MasterDoc’s insistence) “BBC and Me.” My dose of prozac was lowered, which helped my libido and ability to come, but not by much (didn’t help my depression). MasterDoc decided we were going to lose weight together and we embarked on exercising and eating better. S. and I gave Davey a surprise threesome for his birthday.

In March I spent a lot of time reflecting on submission, what it means to me and why I do it. It’s been good to re-read those entries. I also waxed poetic about being face slapped. I suffered a bout of depression and clearly the lowered dose of prozac wasn’t adequate. It was also nearing the anniversary of the time I was sexually assaulted at a play party, and I still dwelled quite a bit on that.

In April I started off the month reflecting on why I enjoy public sex.  Davey, MasterDoc and I attempted double penetration but were unsuccessful (this is still true). I participated in sugasm for the first time. I wrote a bit about feminism and submission. We used a female condom for sex one time. I masturbated without permission and felt horribly guilty about it and confessed right away. At some point along the way I fell in love with MasterDoc. I had a challenging evening when we had a woman guest and I felt superfluous to the whole situation.

In May I proclaimed my average-ness. I started lusting after Photoshop and Dreamweaver to make my own site (I was still on blogspot at the time). And MasterDoc’s Puppy came for a visit. I had the first hint that maybe I could come without genital stimulation at some point. I purchased this domain and started trying to figure out how to get a blog up and running. I ended up going with wordpress, which I got installed for me.

My ass actually blistered a little bit after a spanking in June during one of our shows. I got called a pillow princess and reflected on my selfishness in bed, resolving to be less selfish. I discussed being assaulted three years ago at a play party and worked some more on dealing with the residual trauma from that. The swing club we frequent added a spanking bench, much to my and MasterDoc’s joy. I got swatted with a cane for the first time. I got good enough at riding the edge of orgasm that I could come when given the command (with genital stimulation).

I officially moved to kinkylibrarian.net at the start of July. (Looks like a few entries didn’t carry over when I made the switch. The old blog is still up, however.) I started talking about an interest in edge play like needle play and cutting. D.S. came for a visit and we had a very hot simultaneous orgasm. I contemplated many things like leading a double life, masochism and submission. I finally came without genital stimulation - and squirted too! I was on wellbutrin (in addition to prozac) for a little while by this time, and my sex drive had fully returned. I talked a little about early D/s experiences. I despaired over being denied orgasm, but was thrilled to have MasterDoc come in my mouth for the first time. MasterDoc and I had been seeing each other for a year by the end of this month.

In August I started participating in Half Nekkid Thursday, which I’ve done sporadically since. I struggled a bit with being a submissive and really opening myself up to someone - including giving MasterDoc my passwords to a few sites. We went to a hot (HOT) pool party. I started blogging over at Best Sex Bloggers. I spoke out about STIs and education. I had a very hot round of anal sex with MasterDoc, where I asked for more lube but then came really hard when he fucked me without adding lube. I enjoyed a moment of schadenfreude when I got to watch the online downfall of the guy who assaulted me (Jefferson). I don’t think I’ve blogged about the assault since - the experience of seeing him called on his bullshit by so many people really helped me heal a great deal.

September started out with me adding Babeland as an affiliate. (Still hasn’t netted me any money, but I still feel good about promoting that business.) I made the list of Top 100 Sex Bloggers. I also started reviewing toys, first for Lelo then for Babeland. Davey and I had a foursome while on vacation. MasterDoc and I gave an impromptu show one afternoon, then saw a couple in the evening. It dawned on me that our little shows technically make me a sex worker. I saw D.S. for one last time before he moved to San Francisco. I added Vibe Review as an affiliate at the end of the month.

In October, I put a toy into MasterDoc’s ass for the first time. I also wrote the terrific line, “I was a horny mass of sluttiness at that point.” I continued to try to get my head around the idea of him pissing on me. I wrote a little about dealing with depression while being submissive and how a beating can really make me feel better. MasterDoc made me come by slapping my clit. I talked about my early sexual and bdsm experiences. I had a bout of depression and cried during a scene - really cried - for the first time.

By November I could come at MasterDoc’s command quite well. I got philosophical about how change is an integral part of life. I came and squirted from being spanked at a swing club and later that night got fucked up the ass in public for the second time. One evening I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off - and that ended up being the night that MasterDoc peed on me for the first time. I was so turned on and so deep into submission that I came as he peed on my clit. I went to the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party and met a bunch of fellow bloggers. I also participated in Pleasurists for the first time. I come some more from pain and come again without being touched at all.

I started off December feeling cross with MasterDoc, but things were soon resolved and I wrote a post about how wonderful he is. He had a Domme-in-training come by for lessons and she fucked me with a strap on. The next night, a Dom came over with his three submissives and we had a fun bdsm orgy of sorts. I fisted a woman for the first time. MasterDoc figured out that he could use my new anal beads as a whip. Yikes. I fell ill with a stomach virus and actually turned down sex one day. But we used that time to go over my bdsm checklist and see what limits could be pushed in the future that perhaps we’ve been neglecting. We finished off the year going to a gangbang party last weekend.

All-in-all it’s been a hot year and I’ve come a long way with coming on command. I enjoyed reviewing my year via my blog but jeez, I really was at it for several hours. Thank you all for reading and I hope to have more adventures in 2009.