Archive for the 'bdsm' Category

Unable to Turn Off

Published
by
Nadia
on November 14, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, orgasm on command, piss play, sex and submissive
. 0 Comments

It was the most amazing sexual experience of my life. Sure he fucked me, sure I came that way, but it wasn’t until later that the really amazing thing happened. I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off. Every single touch - whether I was touching him or he was touching me - set me on fire. He ran his hands along my body and each and every touch was capable of making me come. All he had to do was say the word.

After we fucked I helped him reach orgasm by stroking his ass and stroking his back. Every touch had me turned on. As I could feel him nearing his orgasm I felt like all he had to do was tell me to come and I would come right along with him.

We were cuddled together after both of us came, I was craving a cuddle and so I asked him for one. (It was like I couldn’t bear him not touching me.) My head lay on his arm and with his free arm he touched me. Just simple ordinary touches. Touch my shoulder, touch my clavicle, touch my arm, touch my hip, touch my head. I breathed heavy as if he were touching my cunt. He had so much power over me at that point. He had the power to turn me on by doing anything. Anything at all. Breathe against me and I shudder. Each touch was like a spark running through nerve endings to my cunt.

He’d whisper in my ear every so often, “How’s this for a cuddle?” My god I was so turned on. Finally, he said to me as he stroked me where hip meets thigh, “Come.” Instantly I came. I know that sounds cliche but truly, I came as soon as he said the word. I curled up as the orgasm grasped my body. I rode a wave of feelings that felt so good I almost couldn’t feel them - if that makes any sense. They were too intense to be able to process.

After, I snuggled up to him and I just didn’t want to stop. Just resting my hand on his chest turned me on. Even now he could tell me to come and I’d probably come. He has amazing power over me. And I have to say this was the most profound sexual experience of my life.

——–

After I wrote the first half of this blog entry, I hung out with him in the bedroom for a bit and I was still so turned on. I lay on the bed next to him and he leaned back so that his back was pressing into me and I gasped and moaned. It was torture. Every touch felt so good and so sexual. His cock got hard again (which surprised me because he usually says that once he’s come he won’t get hard again for a while). He started talking about pissing on me, knowing full well that in the state I was in I’d say yes to anything.

“Which would you prefer - being fucked but not coming or being pissed on and coming?” Oh god. It was hard to say it but I said I’d rather be pissed on and come. He kept talking to me, bringing me deeper into submission. “Are you gonna come when I piss on your clit?”

Oh god. I wanted nothing more than to come at that point. I begged him for what he wanted to do to me - which was piss on me. A part of me couldn’t believe that I was doing so. But at that point anything he did to me was erotic. I even murmured at one point, “Anything. Anything you want,” and I meant it. He decided to fuck me for a bit and that only turned me on more. I could feel the length of his penis as he slid in and out of me. Every inch of flesh touching me was the most amazing stimulus I could imagine. He asked me if I came this way would I still be able to come when he pissed on me. I said yes, and it was definitely true.

It was like being high on drugs. I can’t even recall if he had me come while he was fucking me or not. Things just blurred into one another. He told me to keep myself at that level of arousal and come with him. I followed him into the bathroom and he had me get in the tub. I kneeled in the tub, rubbing my clit frantically, waiting for him to piss on me. He told me that when I felt his piss on me I was allowed to come. Oh god, talk about mixed feelings. Pissing on me grosses me out but I was so turned on that I wanted nothing more than to have him piss on me so I could come.

He was a little too hard to be able to do it, so he had me get out of the tub and sit on the toilet, continuing to play with myself. He wandered off and I sat there in a lustful daze. He came back a moment later and had me lay down in the cold tub. I got nervous at this point, because it was clear that he was actually going to do it. I think the chill of the tub woke me up slightly.

“Are you ready to come?” I started stroking my clit again so I was at the point where I could come.

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re sure? You’re ready to come as soon as I piss on you?”

“Yes, Sir,” I gasped.

And he let loose and pissed on me, and I came. He covered my body in his urine. I knew I should shut my mouth but I was so lost in orgasm that I couldn’t keep it shut. I think he aimed at my mouth, trying to get piss in there, but thankfully I managed to escape that fate this time.

When it was all over I was laying in a cold tub covered in piss. He told me that I could get washed off. I got myself up, turned on the shower, still in a daze. I carefully washed myself, including my hair as it had gotten a little bit wet from the piss.

I never thought I would want him to piss on me, but he gets me into such a state that I will do anything. And it’s a little frightening. This is truly power exchange, as he has utter control over me at that point. I am his.

I squirted while he spanked me

Published
by
Nadia
on November 13, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, flogging, masochism, spanking and squirting
. 0 Comments

In keeping with the naughty vacation theme, MasterDoc and I went out to a swing club last night. As usual that man did amazing things with my body. We brought along the three things I’ve gotten in to review from Babeland - Sliquid anal lube (”sassy booty formula”), Fukoku 9000 and underbed restraints. We only used two out of the three. I think those two need more road testing before I give a review.

I had been going on for over a day now about how I really felt like making out. We don’t do a lot of it, and MasterDoc has apparently been told that relative to his other skills, he’s not as talented at it. But opinions vary from person to person and I think he does a fine job. I like having his tongue in my mouth. It is hot feeling it slide along my tongue, feeling him suck first one lip, then the other into his mouth. I got hot before we even did much of anything - in the car on the way there I was wearing my collar and I worked on getting into the submissive mindset. And just the simple act of wearing it and thinking like that made my pussy feel all tingly and hot. Then, when we settled into the club, we made out a bit and I was all squirmy and hot. He had me suck his cock for a while and I did my best, sucking, licking, making him twitch a little. Random single guys came in to watch. The only other couple there played a little, the woman sucking the man’s cock but they soon headed out of the room.

The bartender was all happy when we came in, because she knows that we create fun regardless of whatever else is going on that night. After I had been sucking MasterDoc’s cock for a while and we had been making out (I’m a happy girl!) the bartender came in back on her break, and she started demanding to see some naked woman. She piped up a few times, and then MasterDoc said to me, “Go stand in front of her and take off your clothes.” Now for some women this would be difficult, but the exhibitionist in me had no problem going over and getting naked in front of the lovely bartender and the men that crowded around her on the bed. She asked if she could play with my tits and MasterDoc said yes, so I had her sucking and nibbling on my nipples. She bit a little hard but was smart enough not to do so repeatedly. (They get sensitive when stimulated repeatedly.)

The bartender was eager to see more, and MasterDoc had me get on the spanking bench. He spanked me with this little paddle, which is actually an emory board for smoothing skin on your feet. So it’s small but has a rough texture. It’s very slappy and I suppose comes in handy to keep his hands from getting tired. My pain tolerance was pretty decent and I was mostly turned on by the impact of the paddle on my ass. It’s a little harder to take when it’s on my thighs, however. I whimpered from time to time from the pain, but mostly I enjoyed the spanking. He took the little (stingy) flogger and beat my ass for a while, again it hurt but it hurt in such a good way. He would feel my pussy every now and then to see if I was wet, and apparently I was quite wet. (I’m not surprised.)

He stopped for a bit and had me suck his cock. I love it when he spurs me on saying, “Suck it, bitch.” After a few moments he told me that was enough, and he went back to flogging my ass. He took the little flogger and beat my upper back, which is more painful than the ass. It was such a nice beating - just the right amount of impact to put me into a lovely headspace. After he had beat me for a while, and quite thoroughly, he told me to wet his fingers. I licked them, trying to get them as moist as possible, I knew they were going into my pussy.

He fingered me, and in no time I was ready to come. I moaned and hoped that he would let me come soon, but I think I held back pretty well on begging. He let me come, and I immediately went into spasm and deep, guttural moans. He fingered for a while, then took his fingers out and started spanking me. THAT was when I started squirting. I squirted all over the spanking bench as I came while he hit me. It still amazes me when he does that - just hurting me will get me to come. Rowr. His hands on my body do wondrous things.

We took a break after; I got dressed again. I got a towel and mopped up the squirted mess I left on the bench and the floor. We hung out in the lounge area for a bit, having sodas and sharing a muffin from the snack table. (Most things there are stale as anything, but the muffins were actually pretty fresh and good.) I was feeling like a very happy, satisfied girl, and yet I was eager to try out the anal lube. Luckily, he was up for it so he had me take my pants off (left my shirt and bra on) and kneel on the other couch, facing the big screen of porn behind it. He told me to get myself on the edge of coming with the bullet vibe and he came over to fuck me up the ass. He had me lube myself up before I got kneeling. I’ll want to use the lube again, but preliminary tests indicate it’s very slippery, not sticky, and seems to last well.

Unfortunately, the bullet vibe chose that point in time to die on me (batteries). But I had the Fukuoku, which I was eager to try out, so I got that out of the bag and put it to my clit. It’s nice but so far my impression is that it’s not nearly as good as the bullet or nea. Still it was nice to have something to press against my clit while he fucked me up the ass. He slid it in and I moaned, my ass felt tight last night. There’s something so decadent and naughty about being fucked up the ass in public. I couldn’t see how many people were watching but we were right in the lounge area by the front door. I asked for permission to come and he let me. Even though he was fucking my ass, my internal muscles contracted and pushed his cock out. He spanked me as I continued to come. We had put a towel down on the leather couch beforehand, but I didn’t squirt again.

We got dressed and sat down to rest again. I was in this dazed, subspace sort of headspace. I felt positively blissful. We shared another muffin and the food helped bring me back to earth.

While we relaxed this couple came in. The guy was really friendly, the woman much less so. The guy was a handsome African-American guy, in good shape, and the woman was a sultry Italian-American woman with a very slim figure in a short dress and thigh high white stockings with white to-the-knee boots. She’s not quite my type (I prefer curvy) but she could certainly have a career in porn if she wanted (if she doesn’t have it already). I say this because the two of them started fucking and sucking in the lounge area and the owner of the club took pictures of the whole thing (obviously with their permission). It was hot to watch a photo shoot go on in front of us, and I knew that MasterDoc was interested in playing with them (I wasn’t into the woman but even though my preference is usually for white, hispanic or Indian guys I was digging the black guy). They didn’t really seem like they were looking to play with anyone else, however. And as it was getting late we ended up going home. We made a stop for our usual bagel run on the west side and shared a warm poppyseed bagel on the ride home. Now that is what I call a good night.

Magic Fingers

Published
by
Nadia
on November 11, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, blow jobs, dp, horny, masochism and sex
. 0 Comments

Last night the original plan was to go out to a swing club with S. But she wasn’t feeling well and had to cancel, so MasterDoc went ahead and set something up with “Magic Fingers” this guy we know from the swing club. (Who, as the nickname implies, has magic fingers.) As a single guy, MF could pay to go to the club, MasterDoc offered that he could pay the money to him instead, and come watch us for the evening. He apparently found that to be a better prospect and so he came over.

MasterDoc had me suck his cock for a while as he talked to MF in the living room. I was horny all day, so sucking his cock got me hot. He had me kneel on the floor and stroke his cock, while lending a hand to MF’s cock. Stroking two cocks at once and keeping up the rhythm with both can be a bit challenging. (They make it look so easy in the porn!) He soon sent me off into the bedroom, and I gently played with my clit while I waited for them.

They came in and MasterDoc had his pants off by then. He lay on the bed and had me suck his cock some more. When I’m horny, I really get into cock sucking - striving to get just the right amount of suction, trying to get it in as deep as I can without gagging (although I suppose a little bit of gagging can be hot), making sure I rotate my head so I’m not just stroking the same spots over and over. I got wet right away. MasterDoc decided to have MF join us on the bed, and I lay between them. He slid his magic fingers into me and I was begging for an orgasm in, oh, probably under a minute. MasterDoc gave me permission to come.

Oh. My. God. (Says the atheist.) I went from orgasm to orgasm, struggling to keep myself quiet. MasterDoc put his hand over my mouth for a bit until I got better control over the noise I was making. I tried keeping my mouth shut, and just screaming through my closed lips. My body rocked as MF played with my g-spot, keeping me going from one orgasm to another. He kept his fingers in deep and could have kept me coming for as long as he played with me. After what seemed like a long time, MasterDoc asked him to stop. I was exhausted, but very, very happy. I am a lucky woman. Orgasms are good. More people should have orgasms more often. This is my current philosophy in life.

The only downer was that while I thought my period was over, it decided to come back. And so things were a little bloody. MF went to wash his hand. I felt bad, because I wouldn’t want to make someone come in contact with blood unless I know they are fine with it (not exactly safer sex, and I know I test clean for blood borne stis but he doesn’t know it). He didn’t play with me more after that.

MasterDoc slapped my thighs for a bit, and I was so turned on that I barely felt the pain, but instead got hornier and hornier.  MF observed that this very kinky girl was getting turned on by being slapped. MasterDoc had me suck his cock to get it hard and then he fucked me from behind. I tried to hold off asking for an orgasm. I really did. But before long I was begging. He teased me a little by saying, “You want to come huh? Could you come right now? Really, right now?” He did that earlier as well while MF worked his magic fingers on me. It is sweet torture to hear him tease me like that! It keeps me right on the edge, because I’m hoping beyond hope that he will give me permission at any time - and I want to be ready when he does. He also thrusts deeply at the same time, keeping me ready and eager.

He let me come and I pressed my face into the bed to muffle my screams. After his cock got pushed out he fingered me for a while, keeping me coming. I was totally breathless and fucked silly. MasterDoc asked if I’m a very lucky girl, and of course I had to answer “Yes, Sir, I am a very lucky girl.”

After a little rest he decided to fuck me again. In the meantime I helped out MF by sucking his cock for a while. (I kept struggling with the condom to keep the tip from tickling the back of my throat. I’m all for safer sex, but reservoir tips make me gag.) I did my best but he didn’t come from my efforts. MasterDoc fucked me again, and for a brief period of time I was being fucked and sucking cock at the same time. It is a very slutty feeling to have two holes being penetrated vigorously at the same time. But of course if you read this blog you already know that I enjoy feeling slutty.

I moaned, panted and was desperate to come, but it felt so good despite the fact that he didn’t give permission again. He got me so worked up it nearly felt like I came, despite not coming. I didn’t feel frustrated afterwards but felt satisfied. I was wiped out. I lay down on the bed and rested while they finished watching the porn playing on the laptop. MF soon excused himself and bid us goodnight. I sat on the sofa next to MasterDoc, sleepy and satisfied.

And so my vacation was off to a very good start. *grin*

I begged him for permission with my eyes

Published
by
Nadia
on November 5, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, best sex bloggers, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, porn, sex and squirting
. 4 Comments

My collar on, I lay on the bed and start touching the magic wand to my clit to warm myself up.  He strokes himself and watches me, my eyes shut for the most part. I get right to the edge of orgasm and then lay off the vibe a little. He tells me I don’t have to keep myself right on the edge, but it feels so damn good to hold myself at the edge. While riding the edge doesn’t have the sense of release that an orgasm does, the nerve endings around my cunt tingle and get warm and I enjoy waves of pleasure. I keep riding the edge and he starts pushing the wand up against me. With the vibration intensified, I look at him, and I beg him with my eyes for permission to come. I know that he wants me to hold out as long as possible before asking for permission to come, so I work hard at holding back, but it’s so hard. I keep looking at him imploringly and he continues to play with the vibe on my clit. Then I feel his fingers slide down to my hole where he plays a bit before sliding them in to play with my g-spot. I think I managed to hold back asking to come, but finally he tells me, “Come.” Oh my god, I thought my head was going to explode off my shoulders. I had a fantastic series of orgasms - mind blowing orgasms. I just kept coming and coming and coming until he removed his fingers and told me to stop. Spent, I curled up to his chest afterwards for a much needed cuddle. He told me that he would have let me come longer had I not been so loud. After all, it was election day and the kids in his apartment building were bound to be home from school. I thanked him for the orgasms.

Next, I rode his cock, rocking back and forth on top of him, the head of his cock hitting just the right spot inside, over and over. I moaned and rode the edge, rocking my hips. Again I held back from coming, desperately wanting him to give me permission. Again, he gave permission (how lucky I felt!) and I had more orgasms, giving me the energy to frenetically ride him. I found energy and stamina I never knew I had. I squirted on him a little bit and rode him until I was exhausted and had to fall forward, cuddling him. Again, I thanked him for letting me come another time, again really hard.

He fucked me from behind and I couldn’t hold back asking for permission to come this time. I begged, wondering if I’d be so lucky as to be granted permission three times in one day. He must have been feeling really generous as he did, and as I came his cock was pushed out. He held onto my hips and I continued coming, spasming, gasping, writhing in orgasm while he simply held onto me. It really is amazing how he’s gotten me to the point where I will continue coming even without direct genital stimulus. It helps to hear his voice when I come, telling me to come, telling me I’m a good girl. I collapsed on the bed. As we cuddled he asked me, “Are you a lucky girl.”

“Yes, Sir, I’m a lucky girl.”

“Are you a very lucky girl?” I didn’t catch the “very” the first time he said it so when I didn’t respond exactly in kind he repeated it.

“Yes, Sir, I’m a very lucky girl.” This became the theme for the rest of the day, with him asking if I’m a lucky girl, and me responding that I am, indeed, a very lucky girl. I was exhausted. (I thought I was going to sleep really well last night, but alas I had a hard time falling asleep as usual. *sigh*)

A little bit later we were in the bedroom again. He hadn’t come so he had me suck his cock, stroke it and eventually play with his ass as he stroked himself while watching porn. I played with his ass, kneading, stroking the cheeks, getting my fingers right up inside near the asshole. He asked me after a bit if I was tired, and I had to admit that I was (getting between the gluteal muscles can be really tiring on fingers and forearm muscles, sadly). I had played with his ass a bit earlier so they were already a bit tired out. (Anyone have suggestions on exercises to strengthen those muscles?) Since I was tired, and he’s very good to me, he had me lay behind him, stroking his back. My arms were still tired but I didn’t complain as I wanted to help him reach orgasm. After he came, he had me play with his ass just a little bit more and I stroked and kneaded again. He came all over the sheets and I was told to change the sheets and pillow cases before I left.

Tonight I masturbated, thinking about how I begged him with my eyes for permission to come. I rode the edge, humping my Pleasure Tops (still not enough to get me off by itself) and using my bullet vibe. I watched some bdsm porn where a woman who was tied up got flogged and fucked with a butt plug up her ass. My cunt got swollen and engorged as I rubbed the bullet against my clit. I moaned as I neared the edge and finally I let myself come by imagining MasterDoc saying to me, “Come.”

Tears and Orgasms

Published
by
Nadia
on October 26, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, depression, flogging, sex, spanking and squirting
. 0 Comments

I spent Friday with MasterDoc. It was a quiet day for the most part and unfortunately I’ve been dealing with depression again. My mood was a pretty negative one, and so when we got down to fooling around I wasn’t really in the right mindset. I sucked his cock for a while but my jaw hurt and I was feeling cranky. He said that he knew what I really wanted, and that was a beating. I hoped that it would release some endorphins and help me feel better. My mood was really taking a nosedive, so when he had me kneel in front of the chair in the living room, and then said something a bit harsh (though for the life of me I can’t recall what he said), I started to cry a little bit before he even laid a finger on me. And so once he started spanking me the tears just continued to come. He hit me pretty hard and pretty long. He used the strap on me and the heavy flogger. He gave my upper back a good hard flogging. While at the time it seemed rough and hard to take I think ultimately it was cathartic to have a good hard beating. I cried a little throughout.  I had long said that I’d like to cry during a beating or spanking, and that it would be cathartic. It wasn’t quite like I had imagined it to be. I really felt down and stressed and emotional.

He had me sit down in front of the chair and he took to slapping my thighs with the strap and my pussy with his hand. The strap on the thighs hurt so much I cried out and covered my thighs with my hands and really burst into tears. He held me, telling me I was a good girl and telling me to breathe more slowly. It took a few minutes for me to calm down and in the heat of the moment I felt wretched. He asked if I could use a cuddle and I said that I could. We went to the bedroom and lay down, I continued to cry as he held me. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and escape the world at that point. He had hit me hard enough to bring blood to just below the surface of the skin on my ass, something he hadn’t done before. Initially it seemed that the beating didn’t help my mood, but after I had some time to cry and rest I did feel much calmer afterward. Still, my mood wasn’t fantastic. I felt really needy.

We went out that night with a friend of ours and on one level it wasn’t great to have a friend along since I really needed attention. However, I did enjoy having her there and once I got some attention I was able to enjoy her company more. We ended up in the bdsm room where MasterDoc put her on the spanking bench and gave her a spanking. He had me join in on rubbing her ass at the outset, then I sat down to watch as he spanked her. I was feeling whiny and needy and since my thoughts were so negative at that point I worried that I would be totally forgotten and ignored. I curled up on the bed and closed my eyes.

MasterDoc checked in with me and I was able to articulate what was going on - I felt like I needed more attention than usual rather than less attention and I was in an awful mood being ignored. He finished up with my friend then came over to me on the bed. He had me get naked and told me to get out a toy to get me off. I took out the magic wand. He plugged it in to the wall and put it to my clit. He also played with the archer wand inside me. My friend licked and stroked my breasts while he did this, and in no time I was begging to be allowed to come. He had me hold off for a little but when I was given permission, I came really hard and he kept up the vibration on my clit. I thought my head was going to explode, I just came and came and came. I screamed and I think I drew a bit of a crowd. I just got lost in the orgasms. He doesn’t usually have me come for so long. Afterward, he and my friend said it was wonderful to watch me as I came. I squirted a bit as I came.

MasterDoc decided to fuck me, and had me get on my hands and knees. (Our friend wandered off and found someone to play with/fuck.) He didn’t get his cock inside me but instead fingered me, and again I was begging for release. He had me come over and over again and I felt just completely amazing. That man is just amazing with what he can do to my body. At any point in time he is capable of making me feel so incredible. We took a break, then he decided to fuck me as I was on my back. I was so turned on and so close to orgasm the entire time. I tried holding off on asking to come for as long as I could. I didn’t come that round, but then he fucked me from behind again and I finally broke down and begged, “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please may I come, Sir?”

He let me come and for quite a while my vaginal muscles didn’t push his cock out. I kept screaming and moaning as he fucked me. It was so wonderful to be given so many orgasms. Eventually I pushed him out (I hate when that happens). As we lay on the bed, me catching my breath, I couldn’t stop telling him how wonderful he is and thanking him for letting me come. I felt amazing.

We took a break and hooked back up with our friend. After a little while we ended up in the back room and MasterDoc gave our friend a taste of the TENS unit. He put one pair of electrodes on one breast and had me put the other pair on her other breast. He fiddled with the controls and I stroked my friends’ breasts, neck, and hair. She didn’t mind it when it was on her breast, but he put a couple of the electrodes on her pussy at first and she had a harder time dealing with the pain from that. As he played with the controls for the electrodes on her breasts I could see he was enjoying turning the juice up and down. It’s easy to forget he’s a bit of a sadist as in many ways he’s really, really sweet. But at times like that it’s clear he enjoys inflicting pain. He continued to play with the controls, but then also slid some fingers into her pussy and fingered her. He brought her to a loud orgasm (I think she was louder than me, which is really saying something). All in all she enjoyed the TENS unit but didn’t like it so much on her pussy.

We packed up and headed home. Somewhere in the course of the evening I lost the case with my medication in it, so we spent some time searching the club for that and my Nea. We never found either, but MasterDoc still needs to check his car. I’m really bummed about losing the Nea. We ended up taking a side trip to my apartment so I could get more medications. I was really tired by the time we got to his place and I went straight to bed. I had to get up and go to work the next day, but I’m due to go back to his place this evening. I was in a better mood yesterday after having all those orgasms, but I’m still feeling a little down. I’ll be glad for more cuddles tonight.

Early Experiences, Part 2

Published
by
Nadia
on October 18, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, dating and sex parties
. 0 Comments

Talking with Davey today, I was reminded of one bdsm/fetish relationship that I would have forgotten to mention! I dated a cross-dresser several years ago. He was into bdsm too (again, a sub who I switched with a little) and owned a wonderful array of bdsm gear. There was the spreader bar, the face harness with the leather gag that could be snapped on, the pvc maid’s outfits (gotten for him, but the open breasted one looked far better on me), various things for impact play, etc. I can’t remember all the stuff anymore. I’m still friendly with this ex-boyfriend and one time while out with a group of friends (i.e., I was drunk) I cornered him and asked what I had been dying to ask - does his wife know about the cross-dressing and bdsm? “We don’t talk about that,” was his response. Made bold by the alcohol in my system I told him that if he was looking to unload any of this bdsm equipment, to please keep me in mind. So far he hasn’t contacted me about that. Damn.

My first trip to a bdsm club was my very first date with this guy. It certainly goes down as the most interesting first date I’ve ever had. We met at La Nouvelle Justine (is that even around any more?) a bdsm-themed restaurant in New York City. He was in drag and I have to admit his legs looked better than mine. *sigh* We ended up stopping by his apartment so he could change shoes, then we went to a TV bar and hung out with a bunch of other transvestites. Next, we went to Paddles, a bdsm club, my first ever trip to a bdsm club - on a first date! We only made out in the corner but it was fun all the same. He and I would visit Paddles various times through out our relationship (just under two years), pretty much always with him in drag. I was the first girlfriend of his to know about the cross-dressing. Despite times when he’s been a dick to me, I haven’t opened my mouth and told our mutual friends about it at all. I feel good having taken the high road. We played around with bondage and spanking. I remember one time he spanked me to the point where I had to invoke a safe word. The unfortunate thing is that he stopped everything after that. Meanwhile I was in a state where I would have LOVED to have been just taken and ravished right then and there. Somewhere on my computer is a photo of my red ass from that spanking.

After my relationship with him, again I dated a few guys and maybe there was some light bondage but nothing much. None of the relationships lasted all that long. In 2002, however, I met a couple on a herpes dating site. They were both into bdsm, she a sub, him a dom, and we chatted for a couple of months getting to know each other. Eventually I got to meet them and I went back to his place with them that very first night. (Yes, I’m a little crazy. I was terrified on the way over that they were psychos and I’d end up killed.) We would get together to do bdsm play every now and then. Often, I would drive over to his place, call them on my cell phone when I was nearly there, and they’d give me instructions for when I walked in. I was to get naked, put on the blindfold on the sofa, and the cuffs on my wrists and wait. Several minutes later they’d come out of the bedroom. They’d do different things to me - he of course enjoyed seeing me and her make out, they’d take turns spanking me, various experiences. I think he once had us drink champagne out of a bowl on the floor. It was a lot of fun but I often felt like the guest sex toy. I’d see them every few months off and on until last year. They’ve since broken up, and I’m not allowed bdsm play with anyone but MasterDoc now. (The last time I saw them, shortly after I had started seeing MasterDoc, they used a big dildo on me without warming me up at all, and it left me with soreness problems for weeks afterwards. After that MasterDoc was not so keen on letting me play with them. Actually, he was never keen on it, but he was letting me ‘grandfather’ in various people I was intimate with before I met him.)

I think I’ve covered all my bdsm experiences pre-MasterDoc at this point. I might have forgotten one or two, but the most memorable ones have been captured here. Too bad I didn’t keep a blog all along. The stories I’d have details for! My memory gets fuzzy all too quick. 2005 was the first time I went to a sex party - and I went as a single woman. I had become friendly with Audacia Ray through our blogs, and she had a friend who was also a blogger (and turned out to be a real dickhead, i.e., the guy who assaulted me) who hosted sex parties in his apartment. So only knowing Audacia from her blog and from meeting her once, I went to the party all by myself (knowing only her) and had a fantastic time. My sluttiness had finally found an outlet with casual sex parties. The number of lovers I have had since then is exponentially more than I had had before. I had always loved sex, but it took me a while to embrace being a slut.

Early Experiences, Part 1

Published
by
Nadia
on October 17, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, bisexuality, bondage, dating, masturbation and spanking
. 2 Comments

I recently asked readers for questions or topics they’d like to see covered here. One that came up was the idea of my experiences before MasterDoc. I certainly had plenty of sexual experiences before him, but he’s my first actual Dom. I dabbled in bdsm prior to meeting him, and knew for a while that I’d like to find a Dom (but found that so many of them on collarme were full of themselves). My first bdsm experiences go back, well actually they go way back to my teen years. Now, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned here before that I was a virgin until my 18th birthday. I didn’t even kiss a boy until I was 17 and a half. So what experiences did I have in my teens you may ask? I would play with bondage and blindfolds when I masturbated. I’d tie my wrists together as best I could and then masturbate with my hands bound. It’s not easy doing self-bondage and you have to leave it fairly loose so you can get yourself out of it, but I still got a little thrill from doing it. I knew even then that it was something I wanted to try one day when I had a partner. I kept things like old bathrobe sashes that I could use to tie myself up with.

My first boyfriend and I played around a bit, I think I’ve written about that on here. We tried a little bondage, a little spanking, some power exchange role play (both of us switching). I loved being on the submissive end of the power play, but the hard part was that he did too. We didn’t get deeply into anything, but we played around with lots of experiences - real and fantasy. We played around once that we were total strangers who met at a bar and went home with each other and fucked. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near an experience like that in real life at that age (a good thing, I’m sure) but I was curious to try new things and have varied experiences. First boyfriend and I would spend a lot of time trying to come up with stuff we’d never tried before (and it was all new) and then doing it. We weren’t successful with anal sex - I didn’t accomplish that til much later. And since he was a boy he couldn’t help me with the whole bisexual experience. (I was open with him about my desires. I later found out in a round about way that he had those sorts of desires too, but he was never open with me about them. Oh except for how he’d say that if he was gay he’d be into Patrick Swayze. Even then I kinda knew the translation was that he was into Patrick Swayze.) I eventually slept with a woman when I was 28. (That’s a little tale in and of itself.)

My sexual experiences in college were pretty standard, vanilla fare. I don’t recall doing any bdsm play during college. I can’t recall when I took up with the married guy (senior year? after college?), but I did play a little with a married guy I slept with off and on for a few years. Nothing much, just a little light Dom/sub type stuff. That was ultimately a situation that I was better out of. When I first met him he claimed to be separated from his wife, then he admitted to still being with her, then he went ahead and had another kid with her even though he’d bitch to me about how unhappy he was. Finally, just when things were winding down between us, his wife called me at work and confronted me. Whew. Not fun. That was the end of the married guy in my life. I’ve twice made the mistake of fucking cheating men, and ultimately neither situation was satisfying. I now have a rule that the spouse absolutely has to know about me or I won’t get into the situation (or won’t stay in it if I find out later that he’s lying).

As a young adult, after college, I still mostly had a vanilla sex life. There would be some light spanking or bondage with various boyfriends, but nothing that was truly a Dom/sub situation. I very briefly dated a guy who was into bdsm, but I had a long distance relationship with an Englishman then and the bdsm guy wasn’t keen on being with a woman whose heart was with someone else. Still, we had a couple of dates, we went to a movie and he fed me popcorn at the rate he decided and I struggled to keep up. I think he had me suck his fingers in the movie theater as well - a full theater I might add. He took the back of my head and lowered my mouth onto his thumb. I remember him feeling me up in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We went to his place once and we played a little. He put nipple clamps on me for the first time, spanked me, etc. It was something I definitely enjoyed, although it might have been better with someone I had a connection with. He Dom-ed me over the phone a few times, and I remember being so turned on as I took my clothes off at home as his command and played with myself. He bought me a copy of The Story of O, which I still have.

I guess light bondage or spanking entered into many of my relationships, but not on the level I would have liked. I’d go through phases where I wasn’t as into kink, but I’d always come back to it inevitably. I think ultimately I’m more turned on by kinky sex than I am by vanilla sex, but I do enjoy vanilla sex. Finding a Dom has fulfilled a part of me that always yearned to be fulfilled. Eventually I hooked up with the couple I played with, and I would do bdsm play with them off and on for a few years. Details on that are for part two.

Beating Depression

Published
by
Nadia
on October 12, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, depression, flogging, masochism, mental illness, orgasm denial, sex, spanking and submissive
. 1 Comment

I’m prone to depression, have been since I was young. These days, I’m happy most of the time - I have the proper medication and feel on an even keel usually. But on Friday night I hit a rough patch and was severely depressed. I have no idea what brought it on but I had been feeling very anxious earlier in the day. It could be thanks to a change in medication, could just be hormonal. Whatever it was, I was seriously depressed. I spent the better part of two hours crying, not knowing why I was crying. I was a mess. MasterDoc hugged me and was wonderful to me, but he wasn’t feeling well himself so he wasn’t up to beating me. I know it sounds strange, but the two of us knew that was something that would turn my mood around. I got up the next morning and went to work, still feeling wretched.

I went back to MasterDoc’s that night after work and picked up some ice cream on the way. Yup, I was looking to self-medicate. Thankfully, MasterDoc felt better and he decided that we would spend the evening in and a beating would ensue since I was feeling so bad. We had ice cream, then dinner, then he had me put my collar on and get on my knees by a chair in the living room. He had me put the blindfold on and he sat in the chair in front of me. He put clothespins on my nipples and flicked the clothespins with his fingers. He had me bend over the chair. Using his hands and other implements he really beat on my ass. My pain tolerance was good and so the sensation mostly felt soothing and good. Yes, I know I’m a strange girl. It’s amazing how wonderful pain can make me feel. It’s counter-intuitive to react that way but it’s just how I am. He beat me for a while, even taking the heavy flogger to my upper back for a bit. It’s a bit like meditation to be beaten - you get into this other mental state, which is usually referred to as subspace. He was fairly rough with me, but I felt better and better as the beating went on.

He gave me the magic wand and had me use it on myself. I was so turned on from the beating. I kept pressing the vibrating wand into my clit. I asked for permission to come, but he didn’t let me right away. He kept beating me, sometimes it really hurt, but most of the time it was cathartic. My arousal grew as I continued to use the vibrator on myself. He finally gave me permission to come, and oh my god did I come hard and long. I felt like I could just keep coming forever. He gave me some lashes with the whip end of my slapper while I came - it’s really something else what I can take during orgasm. Pain that is usually too much is bearable somehow. Between the orgasm and the beating, I felt so much better afterwards. It’s like a miracle cure for my depression. I suppose it’s the endorphins that are released, but whatever it is, it works.

We hung out for a little while, watching tv and whatnot and he had me take my collar off. I felt subdued. A little while later he put some porn on we watched for a while. I felt entranced by the kinkiness going on. He told me to get myself warmed up, that he was going to fuck me. I used the little red vibrator on my clit and was hot and bothered again in no time. Despite not having the collar on, I felt like it was appropriate to call him Sir and so I did throughout the scene. We went to the bedroom and he fucked me while I lay on my back. I tried to hold off on asking for an orgasm, but eventually I gave in. He didn’t let me come then, and afterward he asked me to take even longer next time before asking permission. It’s so hard not to ask for permission, I get so incredibly worked up and on the verge of orgasm. Sometimes it feels like I won’t be able to hold back, but so far I’ve always managed to have enough self-control. I worry that someday I’ll slip. He finished fucking me and we cuddled a bit.

He had me lay on my side and he tried to enter me from behind. The angle wasn’t right so he said he guessed that he would just have to fuck me up the ass then. He had me lube up my ass to get it ready. It took some work to slide his cock in, the angle just wasn’t very good. I complained about the angle but he didn’t stop. It was uncomfortable, but his continuing on despite this got me so hot. I really do think I’m a bit wacko as pain can make me feel so good. In another context I’d have felt traumatized or violated, but with him I got wildly turned on and when he told me to come I came. Rowr. Very hot butt sex. Mind you, with someone else I might not have reacted so well. I think it makes a huge difference that I know he knows what he’s doing, and he wouldn’t truly hurt me - not in a bad way.

I snuggled up to his chest, but I was feeling really lusty so I started to caress his chest and lick it. He stroked his cock while I did this and I kept it up, feeling oh so passionate and sexual. He was breathing heavy and I did my best to make him feel good. When he came, he came all over my tummy. It was gooey. I was eager to take a shower at that point, but he said for that I would have to stay with his come on me. While it was gooey I was longing for a shower, but once it dried I kinda liked being a dirty girl with his come on me. In the end I slept with it on me and showered in the morning. Did I mention that by this point my depression was completely gone? I’m feeling much better, although I do feel like I could go for another beating. MasterDoc called me a greedy girl when I mentioned that.

Our Version of a Quiet Night In

Published
by
Nadia
on September 27, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, pillow princess, porn, sex and spanking
. 1 Comment

MasterDoc and I had a quiet night in last night. But of course if you read this blog regularly you’ll know that a quiet night in for us isn’t necessarily boring. We went out to dinner (the first time in over a year of dating), shared a huge strawberry daiquiri (yum) and then went back to his place. A great way to end a long, busy week. At his place he tells me that he’s in the mood to come that night, and that the focus is going to be on him. I’m really horny so I’m hoping that in the midst of things he’ll decide to fuck me after all, but I had my collar on by this point so I didn’t say a thing, I just focused on what he wanted.

He put porn on the tv and the computer. I was getting hornier and hornier watching the porn. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get touched soon. He had me get the lube and stroke his cock. Being so horny, I really focused on what I was doing and the reaction I got out of him. I apparently came very close to making him come. I was very into touching him and making him feel good last night.

He had me suck his cock for a while, but then had me stop as he got distracted with a phone call. At one point he told me to lube up my asshole, as he was going to fuck my ass. I got excited but it was mostly just a tease. He told me to play with myself, and I was already really wet. I ached to come. Then he decided that, yes, he was going to fuck me and asked me if I had a preference which hole. I said I didn’t have a preference and he decided to fuck my pussy. I got on my knees on the mat on the floor. (My knee is still sore from my fall last week. But it’s better than it was and so it was to the point where I could just think of it as a bdsm-related pain as he fucked me.)

He fucked me for a while, getting me more and more turned on. He fucked me fairly hard and it was so hard to hold back from coming. I begged for orgasm a couple of times, and he told me that I would be in trouble if I asked again. The agony! I so desperately wanted to come but wasn’t allowed to even ask. I struggled for a while, trying not to say anything, just moaning with pleasure as he fucked me. I had to try to divert my attention away from what he was doing to me, so I wouldn’t go over the edge and come. It felt so amazing. Finally, in a frenzy, I moaned out, “Please.” He slapped my ass really hard several times. I was in trouble for giving in and asking. I had tried so hard but I just couldn’t help myself, it felt so amazing. He gets me at such a high state of arousal I can’t help myself; I’m delirious from being touched.

He fucked me for a little longer. I whimpered as that was all I could do since I couldn’t beg. He eventually pushes me away and I fall forward onto the mat. I thought that was it for now, but after a few brief moments he comes up to me, spanks my ass and grabs my hair. “Come, cunt.” And it takes me a few seconds to get there but simply from being aroused, and having him hit my ass and grab me roughly by the hair, I have the most amazing orgasm. No genital stimulation at all at that point. He handles me roughly and holds me close as I have orgasm after orgasm. I clutched at the mat I lay on, and didn’t let go until a few minutes after he had finished with me. He later said that he hadn’t planned to let me come since I had been bad, but he felt pity on me as I lay on the floor. I am such a lucky girl. Really, he is so good to me. In the end, he didn’t end up coming, which I was a little sad about as I really wanted to get him off. (Perhaps I’m learning to be less selfish and less of a pillow princess.)

He had me get dressed and go to his car to get the Sex and the City movie he rented. We watched the movie on the sofa (the quiet night in part of the night) and cuddled a bit. It’s definitely a chick flick, and perhaps a bit sappy, but I was in a romantic mood last night so I got sucked right in.

I only got an evening and a morning with him this week, and I wish I had more time with him, but I’m trying to be a good girl and not give him a hard time about it at all. I will just have to be patient until the next time I get to see him.

Sexy Evening

Published
by
Nadia
on September 21, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, bisexuality, foursome, orgasm on command, sex and threesome
. 0 Comments

It took me a while to write this entry, as so much went on last night. I hope I remembered it all!

Last night a couple I’ve gotten to know on fetlife came to see us. The wife had come on her own before and this time her husband came along as well. They’re both fans of this blog. Max, the husband, brought me a book on karate because he said he saw some parallels to it and bdsm. He inscribed the book to me. I was really touched.

We all talked for a while, sipping wine, and MasterDoc came over to sit next to me to try to get things started. He had me take my pants off, get on my knees in front of the sofa and bend over. He demonstrated some spanking and I felt pretty sensitive, I think from having been spanked so much over the weekend already. He encouraged Max and G. to come over and try spanking me. They both did a little, thankfully much softer than MasterDoc does it. (Yeah I know, I shouldn’t complain, most of the time I love it.) I got to enjoy being the center of attention as the three of them took turns spanking and caressing me. MasterDoc gave the nea to Max and he started playing with my cunt with it. He buzzed it around my clit and hole. He tried using it penetratively, which doesn’t work so well, so I told him that it’s best on my clit. I was the only person who was half naked for a while.

Next, MasterDoc had me sit on the sofa, legs spread, one leg over his lap. He took a glass toy that the couple had brought and slipped a condom over it. He slid it in me, exploring how it felt. I had never used a glass dildo before and I was glad to get to try one (although I should have one on the way from Babeland to review). The bumps in the glass were nice and the shape of the dildo let it bump against my g-spot quite easily. MasterDoc teased me with it, getting me breathless and wanting to come. He switched to his fingers when it turned out that the glass toy was a bit too much when it hit my cervix (used shallowly it works quite well). He fingered me and had me begging to come. He decided to have Max and G. take turns fingering me. (Max hurt his hand this week and ended up taking a break to get something to drink and take some pain medicine.) G. fingered me, and MasterDoc told me to come and I came at his command. I grabbed tightly onto him as I rode the waves of orgasm. He slapped my thighs while I was coming - which really friggin hurt! (Funny how sometimes it’s, “Yes, yes, hurt me!” and other times I wish I could say, “Bloody hell, that hurt! Cut it out!”) G. stopped fingering me and MasterDoc got her to do it some more. He told me right away to come as quickly as possible. It took a moment but soon I did again, and hard.

We had been enjoying some chocolate for dessert and a piece left on the dvd player melted somewhat. MasterDoc dabbed some of the melted chocolate on my inner thighs. G. licked the chocolate off and it felt heavenly. She’s very sensual and sexy and I loved having her tongue slide across my thighs.

We moved to the bedroom. Max had wandered off outside to get some gatorade to have with his pain meds. (He sliced a tendon in his hand the other day. Ouch). That left me, MasterDoc and G. alone. They lay on the bed on either side of me and played with my breasts and took turns playing with my cunt. It felt wonderful. I just closed my eyes and laid back and enjoyed the sensations. MasterDoc took off my collar so I could feel less subby and be more active. It was hard to get out of the mindset, however.

He had me put G. in between us and we each took a side, playing with her breasts. I stroked her clit, which seemed to really turn her on. He fingered her for a bit, and then I took a turn, then he took a turn again. I’m not sure if we made her come, however it’s really beautiful to watch a woman’s face up close when she’s experiencing pleasure. The way her facial muscles tense up, the sighs she lets out. It’s a delight.

Eventually Max made his way back to the apartment and joined us on the bed. He got naked and pressed up close behind me. He slid a hand between my legs and I enjoyed the sensation of being played with. MasterDoc was getting ready to fuck G. and I tried to watch as much as possible as I find it really hot to watch him with someone else. Max kept murmuring in my ear how happy he was to meet me. It’s kinda funny having a fan, I didn’t expect to be looked at as a minor (very minor, lol) celebrity for my blogging. I’m just some kinky girl who likes to blog, and yet there’s a few people out there who think what I do is great and feel a little star struck around me. It’s sweet and a strange feeling at the same time. It’s a nice feeling, very flattering, but it makes me wish I was the “being worshipped” type of gal as I’d really get into it then. (It’s a pity. I know various bottomy-type men who are wonderful, who I’m very fond of, but in bed I just want to be taken and used so we’re not really sexually compatible. I’m really glad I met MasterDoc because he can use me roughly and yet still be wonderful.) I ended up going down on Max a bit, he went down on me and I continued to watch MasterDoc play with G. I guess sometimes I am a little voyeuristic.

It was getting late and MasterDoc decided he was going to bed. Max had gotten a late start and we ladies couldn’t just leave him hanging, so we took turns going down on him, giving him handjobs, playing with his ass. He was in heaven having two lovely ladies playing with him. He had me straddle his face for a while. We played for quite a while but an orgasm didn’t seem to be in the cards for him. Pity. He fucked G. for a bit and I watched. Then MasterDoc came in to ask everyone to be a little more quiet so as not to disturb the neighbors, and we all decided to call it a night at that time. I cuddled up to MasterDoc for a few minutes before we went to sleep and reflected on the fun evening we had had. I just know I’m leaving little tidbits out of this entry, but I don’t want to make it longer than it already is. I think you get the idea that it was a very sexy and sensual evening with a really nice couple. (And now two blog readers have become part of the story here.)