Archive for the 'spanking' Category

Rough Beating

Published
by
Nadia
on November 23, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, orgasm on command, porn, sex, spanking and submissive
. 0 Comments

We were supposed to go out to a gang bang with S. last night. I was looking forward to the possibility of MasterDoc lining up a few men to fuck me. It was a marked difference in my mood from the night before. Alas, we realized too late that we didn’t have the location of the party. Doh! S. came over for dinner but went home afterward. I was worried it would be a really quiet night in. MasterDoc was watching a basketball game, but I was horny. So when I got my hands on his laptop I quickly pulled up some porn. Oh yes, I was trying to put ideas in his head.

I went for the bdsm flicks, searching for submissive porn on tnaflix.com. As I watched, he started looking over my shoulder, watching along with me. Soon it was clear that he was turned on and my hopefulness at getting some grew.  We take the laptop, with the porn running, into the bedroom. The porn is rough and I’m enjoying it. He has me play with myself with the magic wand. I stare transfixed at the computer screen. He asks me if I’m ready to come, and as usual when he does that my hopes go up and I get right to the edge of orgasm. He has me trained so well. But no, he just teases me with the idea of it and doesn’t give me permission. I’m moaning, aching to come, but no luck.

He has me get on hands and knees so he can fuck me. He fucks me for a while, keeping me right on the edge of orgasm. It seems like he fucks me forever because I’m desperate to come and he keeps denying me permission to come. Over and over he has me begging, swooning, dying for more. He has me play with the magic wand on my clit while he fucks me, and this just keeps me so close to the edge. He starts to spank my ass a little. Finally, I hear that one word I’ve been dying to hear - “Come.” I turn into a panting mess in just a second. I feel like I just want to come forever and ever. I don’t want to stop.

He tells me that that’s enough and we lay down on the bed next to each other. He has me suck his cock for a while and I gobble it up, trying my hardest to get it down my throat without gagging. I practice riding through the feeling of my gag reflex switching on. I struggle to keep the heaving at bay. I think I did better at it than I usually do, but I still need lots of work.

He then decides that I need a good spanking since I won’t be seeing him for a while (over a week *sigh*). He has me get the leather slapper and the large wooden ping-pong paddle. Yikes. Two rough toys. I know I’m in store for quite a beating.

He spanks me really hard; I mean really hard. Hard with his hands, hard with the paddle, hard with the strap. Sometimes the pain is so much I can’t catch my breath but then other times it slides into feeling good or feeling like he’s not touching me at all. It was the strangest sensation when the blows would cease to hurt. I think I hit an endorphin rush quite quickly. I was sure I’d have bruises the next day, but no luck. He has me play with the magic wand on myself while spanking me. I’m on the edge of coming, so desperate. He keeps withholding permission - he really held back with permission last night and it was driving me crazy. Finally, while he’s hitting me, he tells me to come. I come, shuddering and I fall forward, he keeps hitting me. By this time the magic wand has fallen out of my hands onto the bed. I keep coming, this time from the pain of his spanking me. I come over and over again. I finish one orgasm and start another due purely to the feel of his hands striking my ass. He runs his hands over my body, up to my hair to grab it for a second, around me to touch the sensitive area where hip meets thigh. He knows that everything he’s doing will just prolong the ecstasy. Again, I feel like I could come forever. I want more, more more. I can’t believe how hard I’m coming and how long I’m coming for. It’s amazing to me how he can strike me, or just run his hands along my body and make me come.

After, my butt is so red he gets our friend Liz from the next room to take a look and she takes a photo with her iPhone. (He has a very peculiar household.) My butt is still sore today, but there are no bruises. I just seem to mysteriously not bruise these days. MasterDoc says he will just have to hit me harder. Yikes. He was hitting me pretty damn hard last night!

His birthday is coming up this week, and I got him a toy for his birthday. (What does one perv get another perv for their birthday? A sex toy!) I know he enjoys anal stimulation and the just night before I was telling him how hot that is - that he’s a straight man who fully enjoys anal play. So many straight guys are uptight about you playing with their ass, but with MasterDoc as my Dom I’ve had many lessons about pleasing him by playing with his ass.  So the pandora is designed to stimulate his prostate and it vibrates too! I have a hard time getting it in properly so he takes a while to show me what I’m doing wrong. I like the feeling of being taught how to please him, by this time I’ve learned a lot and I wonder if I’d be any good at pleasing another guy now since I’ve been so focused on MasterDoc’s little nuances. So I hold the pandora in and angle it so the curved end is hitting his prostate (or heading in the direction of his prostate anyway, I think). He jerks off, watching porn while I play with his ass. Eventually he comes really hard and it’s wonderful to watch. As he comes, he tells me to come if I can and my god I actually do! I actually came when he hadn’t touched me in quite some time. His voice just does me in. I really wonder if anyone else in the world could make me feel the way he does.

NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar Party

Published
by
Nadia
on November 15, 2008
in blog, blogs and spanking
. 3 Comments

Much name dropping lies ahead!

MasterDoc and I went to the calendar party last night. I have to give him a special thanks as he was so kind to get me there by the time the doors opened - despite horrific traffic. So we got gift bags from Babeland and were among the first people in the door. (And the people standing in line outside waiting for the doors to open.)

I had been in touch with Lilly before the party and I knew she’d be just inside the door handing out bags with Bad Bad Girl. So even though I’ve scarcely seen a picture of her before I recognized her as I came in. The gift bags went fast and the place was packed throughout the night.

Diva came over and introduced herself to me. I’ve been chatting with her on twitter so it was nice to put a face to the name. I bought some raffle tix from her in the hopes of winning something like the rolling toy trunk from For Your Nymphomation or the Njoy Eleven, or the Njoy Pure Wand. *sigh* I didn’t win any of those but later walked out with a NaughtiNano, a vibrator which plugs into your iPod. I soon got to meet Tess as well and even got to touch her tits as promised in the promotion for the party.

MasterDoc and I had drinks and relaxed while the party got started. I went off in search of where to pick up my calendar, as well as saying hi to Audacia Ray and have her introduce me to Vera from For Your Nymphomation. (I will be reviewing something from them shortly. Can’t let you know about it yet, though!) I wanted to meet Vera because, if you follow my twitter feed you know, we had a misunderstanding via twitter. It is impossible to get the tone of a message through the internet and I took her message to be snarky in tone, when that’s not what she meant at all. We have long since made up and she was kind enough to give me a prototype necklace they’re working on. I’ll wait to tell you all about it when Vera says they’ll become available. But it’s very nice (just like something I wanted from Tiffany’s) and will be reasonably priced (unlike the necklace from Tiffany’s).

I had loads of stuff and bags in my arms by this time, and the place was getting very crowded, so MasterDoc and I took a walk to his car to put things away and to get some air. It was a lovely night in NYC last night - unseasonably warm. We shared a falafel at the place next door to the party and then went back in. I asked Lilly to introduce me to Catalina, as I hadn’t recognized her as of yet. It’s fun to walk up to someone, have them look at you wondering who you are and then reach out a hand and say, “I’m Nadia, the kinky librarian,” and have them smile and know just who you are. It was great to meet Catalina too (she of the oh so many blogs). She introduced me to Dimitri from Vibe Review, who I started being an affiliate with a short while back. (Between them and Babeland I don’t think I need to look around for more places to buy my sex toys.) Social spaz that I am it took me a moment or two before I introduced MasterDoc. Catalina said, “Ohh,” took one look at him and said, “You don’t look kinky!” I think that works to his advantage. He looks like a nice Jewish doctor you can take home to mother, but really he’s a very perverted man. (I’m so lucky to have him for my Dom!)

So yes, it was a busy night meeting a lot of people, with some time spent hanging out with MasterDoc as I’m not always the most sociable person in a room. My friend Mina was supposed to be there but I missed her if she was. I kept an eye open for divasub and her boyfriend/Dom but if they were there I didn’t see them either. I saw Rachel Kramer Bussel, who I’ve met once or twice before but I doubted she would remember me. (One time she was working the door at an all-women play party I went to. And I’m not sure I met her more than that one time. I once, a few years back, had a sexual dream with her in it, and she caught wind of my blog entry saying so and she mentioned it on her blog. Between her and Essin’ Em I’ve had two sex blogger sexual dreams. lol)

We also ran into the bartender from the swing club we visited on Wednesday night. She grabbed my butt and I turned around to see who had done it. I was happy to see it was a cute woman but it took me a second to recognize her out of the context of the club. MasterDoc and I were going to go to the other swing club last night, but we opted to go back to the one where the bartender worked. We had a nice time hanging out there after the party, but we didn’t do a lot of playing. We had a couple of drinks when we got there and MasterDoc, who doesn’t drink much at all, felt the alcohol so we had to hang out until he felt sobered up again before playing.

We ended up in the back S&M room as usual. We spooned and he slid his hand under my tights into my panties to play with my pussy. It’s funny how even though you couldn’t see anything with his hand down my pants, there were still single guys who were eager to watch. He had me take my tights and panties off and he played with me some more. He slapped my thighs, and again my pain tolerance was pretty decent thankfully. He had me suck his cock for a while, which I really enjoyed. He asked me which would I prefer - being beaten or getting fucked. I think I surprised both of us when I said I’d rather have the beating. (I wasn’t really feeling horny last night, I think MasterDoc wasn’t either.) He had me lay on my stomach and he spanked me a little bit, then he had me get up on the spanking bench.

He went to town on my butt, using slapper, flogger(s), and his hand. He told me to play with myself and kept asking if I was wet. Unfortunately I just wasn’t getting wet last night. I think he planned to fuck me on the bench but ultimately that didn’t happen. We soon got dressed and hung out some more before deciding to leave for the night.

I squirted while he spanked me

Published
by
Nadia
on November 13, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, flogging, masochism, spanking and squirting
. 0 Comments

In keeping with the naughty vacation theme, MasterDoc and I went out to a swing club last night. As usual that man did amazing things with my body. We brought along the three things I’ve gotten in to review from Babeland - Sliquid anal lube (”sassy booty formula”), Fukoku 9000 and underbed restraints. We only used two out of the three. I think those two need more road testing before I give a review.

I had been going on for over a day now about how I really felt like making out. We don’t do a lot of it, and MasterDoc has apparently been told that relative to his other skills, he’s not as talented at it. But opinions vary from person to person and I think he does a fine job. I like having his tongue in my mouth. It is hot feeling it slide along my tongue, feeling him suck first one lip, then the other into his mouth. I got hot before we even did much of anything - in the car on the way there I was wearing my collar and I worked on getting into the submissive mindset. And just the simple act of wearing it and thinking like that made my pussy feel all tingly and hot. Then, when we settled into the club, we made out a bit and I was all squirmy and hot. He had me suck his cock for a while and I did my best, sucking, licking, making him twitch a little. Random single guys came in to watch. The only other couple there played a little, the woman sucking the man’s cock but they soon headed out of the room.

The bartender was all happy when we came in, because she knows that we create fun regardless of whatever else is going on that night. After I had been sucking MasterDoc’s cock for a while and we had been making out (I’m a happy girl!) the bartender came in back on her break, and she started demanding to see some naked woman. She piped up a few times, and then MasterDoc said to me, “Go stand in front of her and take off your clothes.” Now for some women this would be difficult, but the exhibitionist in me had no problem going over and getting naked in front of the lovely bartender and the men that crowded around her on the bed. She asked if she could play with my tits and MasterDoc said yes, so I had her sucking and nibbling on my nipples. She bit a little hard but was smart enough not to do so repeatedly. (They get sensitive when stimulated repeatedly.)

The bartender was eager to see more, and MasterDoc had me get on the spanking bench. He spanked me with this little paddle, which is actually an emory board for smoothing skin on your feet. So it’s small but has a rough texture. It’s very slappy and I suppose comes in handy to keep his hands from getting tired. My pain tolerance was pretty decent and I was mostly turned on by the impact of the paddle on my ass. It’s a little harder to take when it’s on my thighs, however. I whimpered from time to time from the pain, but mostly I enjoyed the spanking. He took the little (stingy) flogger and beat my ass for a while, again it hurt but it hurt in such a good way. He would feel my pussy every now and then to see if I was wet, and apparently I was quite wet. (I’m not surprised.)

He stopped for a bit and had me suck his cock. I love it when he spurs me on saying, “Suck it, bitch.” After a few moments he told me that was enough, and he went back to flogging my ass. He took the little flogger and beat my upper back, which is more painful than the ass. It was such a nice beating - just the right amount of impact to put me into a lovely headspace. After he had beat me for a while, and quite thoroughly, he told me to wet his fingers. I licked them, trying to get them as moist as possible, I knew they were going into my pussy.

He fingered me, and in no time I was ready to come. I moaned and hoped that he would let me come soon, but I think I held back pretty well on begging. He let me come, and I immediately went into spasm and deep, guttural moans. He fingered for a while, then took his fingers out and started spanking me. THAT was when I started squirting. I squirted all over the spanking bench as I came while he hit me. It still amazes me when he does that - just hurting me will get me to come. Rowr. His hands on my body do wondrous things.

We took a break after; I got dressed again. I got a towel and mopped up the squirted mess I left on the bench and the floor. We hung out in the lounge area for a bit, having sodas and sharing a muffin from the snack table. (Most things there are stale as anything, but the muffins were actually pretty fresh and good.) I was feeling like a very happy, satisfied girl, and yet I was eager to try out the anal lube. Luckily, he was up for it so he had me take my pants off (left my shirt and bra on) and kneel on the other couch, facing the big screen of porn behind it. He told me to get myself on the edge of coming with the bullet vibe and he came over to fuck me up the ass. He had me lube myself up before I got kneeling. I’ll want to use the lube again, but preliminary tests indicate it’s very slippery, not sticky, and seems to last well.

Unfortunately, the bullet vibe chose that point in time to die on me (batteries). But I had the Fukuoku, which I was eager to try out, so I got that out of the bag and put it to my clit. It’s nice but so far my impression is that it’s not nearly as good as the bullet or nea. Still it was nice to have something to press against my clit while he fucked me up the ass. He slid it in and I moaned, my ass felt tight last night. There’s something so decadent and naughty about being fucked up the ass in public. I couldn’t see how many people were watching but we were right in the lounge area by the front door. I asked for permission to come and he let me. Even though he was fucking my ass, my internal muscles contracted and pushed his cock out. He spanked me as I continued to come. We had put a towel down on the leather couch beforehand, but I didn’t squirt again.

We got dressed and sat down to rest again. I was in this dazed, subspace sort of headspace. I felt positively blissful. We shared another muffin and the food helped bring me back to earth.

While we relaxed this couple came in. The guy was really friendly, the woman much less so. The guy was a handsome African-American guy, in good shape, and the woman was a sultry Italian-American woman with a very slim figure in a short dress and thigh high white stockings with white to-the-knee boots. She’s not quite my type (I prefer curvy) but she could certainly have a career in porn if she wanted (if she doesn’t have it already). I say this because the two of them started fucking and sucking in the lounge area and the owner of the club took pictures of the whole thing (obviously with their permission). It was hot to watch a photo shoot go on in front of us, and I knew that MasterDoc was interested in playing with them (I wasn’t into the woman but even though my preference is usually for white, hispanic or Indian guys I was digging the black guy). They didn’t really seem like they were looking to play with anyone else, however. And as it was getting late we ended up going home. We made a stop for our usual bagel run on the west side and shared a warm poppyseed bagel on the ride home. Now that is what I call a good night.

Tears and Orgasms

Published
by
Nadia
on October 26, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, depression, flogging, sex, spanking and squirting
. 0 Comments

I spent Friday with MasterDoc. It was a quiet day for the most part and unfortunately I’ve been dealing with depression again. My mood was a pretty negative one, and so when we got down to fooling around I wasn’t really in the right mindset. I sucked his cock for a while but my jaw hurt and I was feeling cranky. He said that he knew what I really wanted, and that was a beating. I hoped that it would release some endorphins and help me feel better. My mood was really taking a nosedive, so when he had me kneel in front of the chair in the living room, and then said something a bit harsh (though for the life of me I can’t recall what he said), I started to cry a little bit before he even laid a finger on me. And so once he started spanking me the tears just continued to come. He hit me pretty hard and pretty long. He used the strap on me and the heavy flogger. He gave my upper back a good hard flogging. While at the time it seemed rough and hard to take I think ultimately it was cathartic to have a good hard beating. I cried a little throughout.  I had long said that I’d like to cry during a beating or spanking, and that it would be cathartic. It wasn’t quite like I had imagined it to be. I really felt down and stressed and emotional.

He had me sit down in front of the chair and he took to slapping my thighs with the strap and my pussy with his hand. The strap on the thighs hurt so much I cried out and covered my thighs with my hands and really burst into tears. He held me, telling me I was a good girl and telling me to breathe more slowly. It took a few minutes for me to calm down and in the heat of the moment I felt wretched. He asked if I could use a cuddle and I said that I could. We went to the bedroom and lay down, I continued to cry as he held me. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and escape the world at that point. He had hit me hard enough to bring blood to just below the surface of the skin on my ass, something he hadn’t done before. Initially it seemed that the beating didn’t help my mood, but after I had some time to cry and rest I did feel much calmer afterward. Still, my mood wasn’t fantastic. I felt really needy.

We went out that night with a friend of ours and on one level it wasn’t great to have a friend along since I really needed attention. However, I did enjoy having her there and once I got some attention I was able to enjoy her company more. We ended up in the bdsm room where MasterDoc put her on the spanking bench and gave her a spanking. He had me join in on rubbing her ass at the outset, then I sat down to watch as he spanked her. I was feeling whiny and needy and since my thoughts were so negative at that point I worried that I would be totally forgotten and ignored. I curled up on the bed and closed my eyes.

MasterDoc checked in with me and I was able to articulate what was going on - I felt like I needed more attention than usual rather than less attention and I was in an awful mood being ignored. He finished up with my friend then came over to me on the bed. He had me get naked and told me to get out a toy to get me off. I took out the magic wand. He plugged it in to the wall and put it to my clit. He also played with the archer wand inside me. My friend licked and stroked my breasts while he did this, and in no time I was begging to be allowed to come. He had me hold off for a little but when I was given permission, I came really hard and he kept up the vibration on my clit. I thought my head was going to explode, I just came and came and came. I screamed and I think I drew a bit of a crowd. I just got lost in the orgasms. He doesn’t usually have me come for so long. Afterward, he and my friend said it was wonderful to watch me as I came. I squirted a bit as I came.

MasterDoc decided to fuck me, and had me get on my hands and knees. (Our friend wandered off and found someone to play with/fuck.) He didn’t get his cock inside me but instead fingered me, and again I was begging for release. He had me come over and over again and I felt just completely amazing. That man is just amazing with what he can do to my body. At any point in time he is capable of making me feel so incredible. We took a break, then he decided to fuck me as I was on my back. I was so turned on and so close to orgasm the entire time. I tried holding off on asking to come for as long as I could. I didn’t come that round, but then he fucked me from behind again and I finally broke down and begged, “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please may I come, Sir?”

He let me come and for quite a while my vaginal muscles didn’t push his cock out. I kept screaming and moaning as he fucked me. It was so wonderful to be given so many orgasms. Eventually I pushed him out (I hate when that happens). As we lay on the bed, me catching my breath, I couldn’t stop telling him how wonderful he is and thanking him for letting me come. I felt amazing.

We took a break and hooked back up with our friend. After a little while we ended up in the back room and MasterDoc gave our friend a taste of the TENS unit. He put one pair of electrodes on one breast and had me put the other pair on her other breast. He fiddled with the controls and I stroked my friends’ breasts, neck, and hair. She didn’t mind it when it was on her breast, but he put a couple of the electrodes on her pussy at first and she had a harder time dealing with the pain from that. As he played with the controls for the electrodes on her breasts I could see he was enjoying turning the juice up and down. It’s easy to forget he’s a bit of a sadist as in many ways he’s really, really sweet. But at times like that it’s clear he enjoys inflicting pain. He continued to play with the controls, but then also slid some fingers into her pussy and fingered her. He brought her to a loud orgasm (I think she was louder than me, which is really saying something). All in all she enjoyed the TENS unit but didn’t like it so much on her pussy.

We packed up and headed home. Somewhere in the course of the evening I lost the case with my medication in it, so we spent some time searching the club for that and my Nea. We never found either, but MasterDoc still needs to check his car. I’m really bummed about losing the Nea. We ended up taking a side trip to my apartment so I could get more medications. I was really tired by the time we got to his place and I went straight to bed. I had to get up and go to work the next day, but I’m due to go back to his place this evening. I was in a better mood yesterday after having all those orgasms, but I’m still feeling a little down. I’ll be glad for more cuddles tonight.

Early Experiences, Part 1

Published
by
Nadia
on October 17, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, bisexuality, bondage, dating, masturbation and spanking
. 2 Comments

I recently asked readers for questions or topics they’d like to see covered here. One that came up was the idea of my experiences before MasterDoc. I certainly had plenty of sexual experiences before him, but he’s my first actual Dom. I dabbled in bdsm prior to meeting him, and knew for a while that I’d like to find a Dom (but found that so many of them on collarme were full of themselves). My first bdsm experiences go back, well actually they go way back to my teen years. Now, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned here before that I was a virgin until my 18th birthday. I didn’t even kiss a boy until I was 17 and a half. So what experiences did I have in my teens you may ask? I would play with bondage and blindfolds when I masturbated. I’d tie my wrists together as best I could and then masturbate with my hands bound. It’s not easy doing self-bondage and you have to leave it fairly loose so you can get yourself out of it, but I still got a little thrill from doing it. I knew even then that it was something I wanted to try one day when I had a partner. I kept things like old bathrobe sashes that I could use to tie myself up with.

My first boyfriend and I played around a bit, I think I’ve written about that on here. We tried a little bondage, a little spanking, some power exchange role play (both of us switching). I loved being on the submissive end of the power play, but the hard part was that he did too. We didn’t get deeply into anything, but we played around with lots of experiences - real and fantasy. We played around once that we were total strangers who met at a bar and went home with each other and fucked. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near an experience like that in real life at that age (a good thing, I’m sure) but I was curious to try new things and have varied experiences. First boyfriend and I would spend a lot of time trying to come up with stuff we’d never tried before (and it was all new) and then doing it. We weren’t successful with anal sex - I didn’t accomplish that til much later. And since he was a boy he couldn’t help me with the whole bisexual experience. (I was open with him about my desires. I later found out in a round about way that he had those sorts of desires too, but he was never open with me about them. Oh except for how he’d say that if he was gay he’d be into Patrick Swayze. Even then I kinda knew the translation was that he was into Patrick Swayze.) I eventually slept with a woman when I was 28. (That’s a little tale in and of itself.)

My sexual experiences in college were pretty standard, vanilla fare. I don’t recall doing any bdsm play during college. I can’t recall when I took up with the married guy (senior year? after college?), but I did play a little with a married guy I slept with off and on for a few years. Nothing much, just a little light Dom/sub type stuff. That was ultimately a situation that I was better out of. When I first met him he claimed to be separated from his wife, then he admitted to still being with her, then he went ahead and had another kid with her even though he’d bitch to me about how unhappy he was. Finally, just when things were winding down between us, his wife called me at work and confronted me. Whew. Not fun. That was the end of the married guy in my life. I’ve twice made the mistake of fucking cheating men, and ultimately neither situation was satisfying. I now have a rule that the spouse absolutely has to know about me or I won’t get into the situation (or won’t stay in it if I find out later that he’s lying).

As a young adult, after college, I still mostly had a vanilla sex life. There would be some light spanking or bondage with various boyfriends, but nothing that was truly a Dom/sub situation. I very briefly dated a guy who was into bdsm, but I had a long distance relationship with an Englishman then and the bdsm guy wasn’t keen on being with a woman whose heart was with someone else. Still, we had a couple of dates, we went to a movie and he fed me popcorn at the rate he decided and I struggled to keep up. I think he had me suck his fingers in the movie theater as well - a full theater I might add. He took the back of my head and lowered my mouth onto his thumb. I remember him feeling me up in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We went to his place once and we played a little. He put nipple clamps on me for the first time, spanked me, etc. It was something I definitely enjoyed, although it might have been better with someone I had a connection with. He Dom-ed me over the phone a few times, and I remember being so turned on as I took my clothes off at home as his command and played with myself. He bought me a copy of The Story of O, which I still have.

I guess light bondage or spanking entered into many of my relationships, but not on the level I would have liked. I’d go through phases where I wasn’t as into kink, but I’d always come back to it inevitably. I think ultimately I’m more turned on by kinky sex than I am by vanilla sex, but I do enjoy vanilla sex. Finding a Dom has fulfilled a part of me that always yearned to be fulfilled. Eventually I hooked up with the couple I played with, and I would do bdsm play with them off and on for a few years. Details on that are for part two.

Beating Depression

Published
by
Nadia
on October 12, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, depression, flogging, masochism, mental illness, orgasm denial, sex, spanking and submissive
. 1 Comment

I’m prone to depression, have been since I was young. These days, I’m happy most of the time - I have the proper medication and feel on an even keel usually. But on Friday night I hit a rough patch and was severely depressed. I have no idea what brought it on but I had been feeling very anxious earlier in the day. It could be thanks to a change in medication, could just be hormonal. Whatever it was, I was seriously depressed. I spent the better part of two hours crying, not knowing why I was crying. I was a mess. MasterDoc hugged me and was wonderful to me, but he wasn’t feeling well himself so he wasn’t up to beating me. I know it sounds strange, but the two of us knew that was something that would turn my mood around. I got up the next morning and went to work, still feeling wretched.

I went back to MasterDoc’s that night after work and picked up some ice cream on the way. Yup, I was looking to self-medicate. Thankfully, MasterDoc felt better and he decided that we would spend the evening in and a beating would ensue since I was feeling so bad. We had ice cream, then dinner, then he had me put my collar on and get on my knees by a chair in the living room. He had me put the blindfold on and he sat in the chair in front of me. He put clothespins on my nipples and flicked the clothespins with his fingers. He had me bend over the chair. Using his hands and other implements he really beat on my ass. My pain tolerance was good and so the sensation mostly felt soothing and good. Yes, I know I’m a strange girl. It’s amazing how wonderful pain can make me feel. It’s counter-intuitive to react that way but it’s just how I am. He beat me for a while, even taking the heavy flogger to my upper back for a bit. It’s a bit like meditation to be beaten - you get into this other mental state, which is usually referred to as subspace. He was fairly rough with me, but I felt better and better as the beating went on.

He gave me the magic wand and had me use it on myself. I was so turned on from the beating. I kept pressing the vibrating wand into my clit. I asked for permission to come, but he didn’t let me right away. He kept beating me, sometimes it really hurt, but most of the time it was cathartic. My arousal grew as I continued to use the vibrator on myself. He finally gave me permission to come, and oh my god did I come hard and long. I felt like I could just keep coming forever. He gave me some lashes with the whip end of my slapper while I came - it’s really something else what I can take during orgasm. Pain that is usually too much is bearable somehow. Between the orgasm and the beating, I felt so much better afterwards. It’s like a miracle cure for my depression. I suppose it’s the endorphins that are released, but whatever it is, it works.

We hung out for a little while, watching tv and whatnot and he had me take my collar off. I felt subdued. A little while later he put some porn on we watched for a while. I felt entranced by the kinkiness going on. He told me to get myself warmed up, that he was going to fuck me. I used the little red vibrator on my clit and was hot and bothered again in no time. Despite not having the collar on, I felt like it was appropriate to call him Sir and so I did throughout the scene. We went to the bedroom and he fucked me while I lay on my back. I tried to hold off on asking for an orgasm, but eventually I gave in. He didn’t let me come then, and afterward he asked me to take even longer next time before asking permission. It’s so hard not to ask for permission, I get so incredibly worked up and on the verge of orgasm. Sometimes it feels like I won’t be able to hold back, but so far I’ve always managed to have enough self-control. I worry that someday I’ll slip. He finished fucking me and we cuddled a bit.

He had me lay on my side and he tried to enter me from behind. The angle wasn’t right so he said he guessed that he would just have to fuck me up the ass then. He had me lube up my ass to get it ready. It took some work to slide his cock in, the angle just wasn’t very good. I complained about the angle but he didn’t stop. It was uncomfortable, but his continuing on despite this got me so hot. I really do think I’m a bit wacko as pain can make me feel so good. In another context I’d have felt traumatized or violated, but with him I got wildly turned on and when he told me to come I came. Rowr. Very hot butt sex. Mind you, with someone else I might not have reacted so well. I think it makes a huge difference that I know he knows what he’s doing, and he wouldn’t truly hurt me - not in a bad way.

I snuggled up to his chest, but I was feeling really lusty so I started to caress his chest and lick it. He stroked his cock while I did this and I kept it up, feeling oh so passionate and sexual. He was breathing heavy and I did my best to make him feel good. When he came, he came all over my tummy. It was gooey. I was eager to take a shower at that point, but he said for that I would have to stay with his come on me. While it was gooey I was longing for a shower, but once it dried I kinda liked being a dirty girl with his come on me. In the end I slept with it on me and showered in the morning. Did I mention that by this point my depression was completely gone? I’m feeling much better, although I do feel like I could go for another beating. MasterDoc called me a greedy girl when I mentioned that.

Our Version of a Quiet Night In

Published
by
Nadia
on September 27, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, pillow princess, porn, sex and spanking
. 1 Comment

MasterDoc and I had a quiet night in last night. But of course if you read this blog regularly you’ll know that a quiet night in for us isn’t necessarily boring. We went out to dinner (the first time in over a year of dating), shared a huge strawberry daiquiri (yum) and then went back to his place. A great way to end a long, busy week. At his place he tells me that he’s in the mood to come that night, and that the focus is going to be on him. I’m really horny so I’m hoping that in the midst of things he’ll decide to fuck me after all, but I had my collar on by this point so I didn’t say a thing, I just focused on what he wanted.

He put porn on the tv and the computer. I was getting hornier and hornier watching the porn. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get touched soon. He had me get the lube and stroke his cock. Being so horny, I really focused on what I was doing and the reaction I got out of him. I apparently came very close to making him come. I was very into touching him and making him feel good last night.

He had me suck his cock for a while, but then had me stop as he got distracted with a phone call. At one point he told me to lube up my asshole, as he was going to fuck my ass. I got excited but it was mostly just a tease. He told me to play with myself, and I was already really wet. I ached to come. Then he decided that, yes, he was going to fuck me and asked me if I had a preference which hole. I said I didn’t have a preference and he decided to fuck my pussy. I got on my knees on the mat on the floor. (My knee is still sore from my fall last week. But it’s better than it was and so it was to the point where I could just think of it as a bdsm-related pain as he fucked me.)

He fucked me for a while, getting me more and more turned on. He fucked me fairly hard and it was so hard to hold back from coming. I begged for orgasm a couple of times, and he told me that I would be in trouble if I asked again. The agony! I so desperately wanted to come but wasn’t allowed to even ask. I struggled for a while, trying not to say anything, just moaning with pleasure as he fucked me. I had to try to divert my attention away from what he was doing to me, so I wouldn’t go over the edge and come. It felt so amazing. Finally, in a frenzy, I moaned out, “Please.” He slapped my ass really hard several times. I was in trouble for giving in and asking. I had tried so hard but I just couldn’t help myself, it felt so amazing. He gets me at such a high state of arousal I can’t help myself; I’m delirious from being touched.

He fucked me for a little longer. I whimpered as that was all I could do since I couldn’t beg. He eventually pushes me away and I fall forward onto the mat. I thought that was it for now, but after a few brief moments he comes up to me, spanks my ass and grabs my hair. “Come, cunt.” And it takes me a few seconds to get there but simply from being aroused, and having him hit my ass and grab me roughly by the hair, I have the most amazing orgasm. No genital stimulation at all at that point. He handles me roughly and holds me close as I have orgasm after orgasm. I clutched at the mat I lay on, and didn’t let go until a few minutes after he had finished with me. He later said that he hadn’t planned to let me come since I had been bad, but he felt pity on me as I lay on the floor. I am such a lucky girl. Really, he is so good to me. In the end, he didn’t end up coming, which I was a little sad about as I really wanted to get him off. (Perhaps I’m learning to be less selfish and less of a pillow princess.)

He had me get dressed and go to his car to get the Sex and the City movie he rented. We watched the movie on the sofa (the quiet night in part of the night) and cuddled a bit. It’s definitely a chick flick, and perhaps a bit sappy, but I was in a romantic mood last night so I got sucked right in.

I only got an evening and a morning with him this week, and I wish I had more time with him, but I’m trying to be a good girl and not give him a hard time about it at all. I will just have to be patient until the next time I get to see him.

Slow Night; Good Orgasm

Published
by
Nadia
on September 20, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, exhibitionism, sex parties, slut, spanking and submissive
. 0 Comments

After having the guest over in the afternoon, we went out that evening to a swing club. I was really horny and so glad to be having such a sex-filled day. Unfortunately, the club was slow. At one point I was one of only two women in the club. Now, granted, this is the perfect set up for MasterDoc to give me that gang bang he’s always threatening. But I guess he didn’t find enough guys suitable (he had his eye on three guys, but one turned out to be a jackass), or he didn’t feel in the mood to do it. We cuddled a bit in the back room (the one with the spanking bench) and at first that’s all we were going to do. But we got an audience of one guy stroking himself and so MasterDoc decided to flip me over and spank a bit. He started out caressing my ass and stroking my back. I had tensed up waiting for a spank but instead I got petted. I relaxed into it and enjoyed the sensation.

He had me pull my pants half down, so I was naked from waist to knees, as I lay face down on the bed. He started spanking me with his hand. He slapped quite hard but I was into it last night. It hurt but I was enjoying the pain. He slapped my ass for quite a while, I’m sure it got all red. I could hear a small gathering of an audience behind me. It sounded like the audience was into watching me get hit, and this only fueled his spanking harder. I was surprised at how long and hard he hit me, but I enjoyed being the submissive and trying to take all I could. He got out the leather slapper and slapped my ass some with that, turning it over to the whip end a couple of times. The spanking went on for a while, with me crying out when the pain got to be too much. It seemed like he went on forever. Just when I thought maybe he’d stop, just when he complained I was making his shoulder hurt, he would keep on going. My ass stung. The audience sounded like they were really enjoying watching a slut get spanked hard. Eventually, he stopped and had me get dressed. One guy talked with MasterDoc after about the local bdsm club and bdsm play in general.

 We wandered around the club a bit more, still next to no couples there, mostly single guys. After a break we found ourselves in the exhibitionists’ room. (Go figure. Would you ever expect us to be there?) We lay down on the bed and guys gathered around to watch. I sucked MasterDoc’s cock for a while. We made out a bit. It was all very sexy and slow moving. I really got into it. He had me play with my new toy (the nea) and get myself worked up and close to the edge. He’d finger me, then take his fingers out and have me lick them to wet them. He commented at one point about how the audience seemed to like that. He’d slide them in me, get me worked up, then take them out and have me lick them thoroughly to wet them. He asked me at one point if I needed lube and I said I was fine. It turned out later I probably should have had some lube (I bled a bit) but we all know that I tend to like things rough. In the heat of the moment I was having a good time while guys crowded around to watch him finger me. He’d slap my thighs in between fingering my cunt. I got so worked up and started begging to come. He made me say it louder, so the crowd could hear me. “Please let me come, Sir!”

“Are you a filthy slut?”

“Yes, Sir, I’m a filthy slut.”

He didn’t let me come right away, but instead kept fingering me while I kept playing with the nea on my clit. I was so worked up, and he’d say to me, “That’s it, keep it on the edge. Good girl.” I so wanted to come! He was working my g-spot inside and I wondered if maybe I would squirt when I came. I’d open my eyes every so often and see the men huddled around watching. One guy was stroking his cock while watching me. While I get a little shy (i.e., I can’t keep my eyes open) I do love being the center of attention. MasterDoc had me totally focused on my cunt and clit and I begged again to be allowed to come. After waiting a bit more, he let me come and I screamed out in pleasure. My muscles clenched and I’m surprised I didn’t squirt. I came and came and came. It was a really earth-shattering orgasm.

Afterward, breathless, I managed to get out a, “Thank you, Sir.” I lay down for a bit, catching my breath. The guy who had had his cock out said that he really enjoyed watching and would love to “be a part of your (MasterDoc’s) circle.” He implied that he would be glad to submit too and MasterDoc just thanked him and declined. MasterDoc had me give the guy a hand, however, and I stroked his cock for a while while other guys watched. Eventually MasterDoc decided that he had had enough and we got dressed. We hung out for a while longer, but things never picked up. I was still a horny girl, but I had had wonderful orgasms, so I couldn’t complain. *grin* We went home, getting bagels on the way as usual, and hung out for a while at home before getting to sleep.

Dirty Slut

Published
by
Nadia
on September 20, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, blow jobs, dom, exhibitionism, kink, orgasm denial, sex, slut and spanking
. 0 Comments

We had a guest over for the first time in a while. I was feeling more shy than usual, but in a way that is hot - I felt more embarassed to be used as a slut in front of an audience and that humiliation was a turn on. Add to this the fact that MasterDoc was more into verbal humiliation than usual and it was a somewhat difficult scene in some respects. Yet, while I found it hard to be called a filthy slut so much, I was also really turned on. Humiliation is a hard kink to have, because you feel like you shouldn’t enjoy it so much. You feel embarassed and shy and yet your crotch is on fire.

MasterDoc had me suck his cock for a while, but the guy first asked why I was still dressed. So I was told to get up and get undressed for the man. I was quickly naked and back on my knees sucking cock. MasterDoc had me look at the guy as I did so, something he knows is difficult for me. I tried my best to be a good girl and make eye contact while licking and sucking. After a bit, he had me lay on my stomach for a spanking. He was rougher than I thought he would be, I knew that the guy watching wasn’t so much into bdsm as trying to broaden his horizons. At one point later on MasterDoc slapped my face harder than usual, and I had a momentary worry about marks (there are no marks, the man knows what he’s doing) and he’d grab my hair hard in between. While the roughness threw me off a bit, I kept in submissive mode and took what he gave me.

He fucked me in front of the guy, calling me a dirty whore during. I moaned at the feel of his cock inside me. I wanted so much to come. He got me to the edge but held me there and didn’t let me come. It was so hot being watched. After, he had me play with myself in front of the man, we were waiting at that point for another man to show up, and I had my legs spread wide while the man watched me stroke my clit. I was really wet during all this. The guy had a hard on from watching me. He asked MasterDoc if he could would have me suck his cock. MasterDoc declined, but had me lend the guy a hand for a while. I had this guy’s cock in one hand, MasterDoc’s in the other hand. How slutty, giving two handjobs at once! *grin*

The other guy never showed up, and the first guy had to get going. I was left having not had an orgasm and I was feeling horny. What made me even more horny was that MasterDoc has gotten back this medical device that’s supposed to help women orgasm easier. It provides suction on your clit and you use it a few times a week to improve blood flow. (The perks of dating a doctor! lol) He had me use it for a while and the sucking turned me on some more. He’s sending me home with the device and we will see how easy it makes it for me to come. Rowr. So I was all sorts of horny when we went out that evening.

A Good Beating

Published
by
Nadia
on September 9, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, sex and spanking
. 0 Comments

It had been a while since I had a good, hard beating. Since I’m premenstrual my pain tolerance should be up, or so MasterDoc figured. I think it wasn’t too bad, but I do think he used some evil implements on my ass last night.

I was blindfolded, so I couldn’t see what he was using. Sometimes I knew by how it felt - I knew the evil paddle because of the way it strikes my ass with its wide, flat, hard surface. Other things I wasn’t quite so sure about. A while back I bought a new impact toy - a leather slapper (essentially two wide strips of leather attached at one end) but woe be me when I discovered upon getting it home that the long “handle” part was a mini-whip. I’m not sure when exactly he used the whip, and when the slapper, but I’ll bet it was the whip when I cried out, “I can’t take that, Sir!” as he slapped my inner thighs. I’ve talked before about wanting to cry during a scene and once or twice I’ve felt a little teary, but last night some actual tears were shed. They were absorbed by the blindfold as he held me and stroked me, telling me it was all right. It took a few moments for me to go from teary and stressed to calm and comforted. After the comforting I was glad to have cried a little during a scene, but I still await the time I break down sobbing. The release of such a thing must be amazing. Then to be held afterward by the person who made you cry, it’s very intimate, isn’t it? He inflicts the pain and he takes it away. Now there’s power.

He spanked me a little more after I had calmed down, then lay down beside me. He had me suck his cock to get it hard so he could fuck me. I stayed blindfolded the entire time, focusing on the sensations - first striking, slapping, then his hard cock sliding in and out of me.  We fucked missionary style and I got on the edge of coming and begged for release. “Not yet,” he said. I ached to be able to come. He decided that I could get fucked, or I could come - so if I ask to come I had better be done getting fucked. I stayed on the edge for quite a while. We switched from me on my back to me on my knees by the end of the bed, so he could stand. I relished the sensations, debating which I wanted more - more fucking or to come. He’d slap my ass - hard - now and then. Eventually I gave in and begged to come. He made me wait a few seconds but then gave me permission. The auto-eject did its thing and pushed his cock out. He continued with his fingers, making me scream and moan. He fingers me hard and fast, the way I like it. He uses his knowlege of female anatomy to hit just the right spot. I heard him say something, but didn’t hear what, and that was truly unfortunate as he had told me to play with myself and keep myself coming. My loss. We cuddled for a while, til I got drowsy and decided to go to sleep.