Archive for the 'submissive' Category

Resolution

Published
by
Nadia
on December 4, 2008
in D/s, dom and submissive
. 0 Comments
So of course after my last emotional post, I have to follow up with the outcome of our talk. (It happened a day earlier than we thought it would.) Now, the way I couched things last time, MasterDoc sounds like a bit of an asshole, and people reacted accordingly. But lest you all wonder why the heck I’m with him, let me tell you about our talk. As he always is, MasterDoc was calm and easygoing when we discussed the issue. He sat down with my blog entry and went over it, point by point. And it became clear that my point of view was just that - my point of view - and not necessarily the crux of the matter.
He pointed out that really, once I called him up on Friday and said I didn’t want my restraints used, I had won. He agreed not to use them. Issue solved. He does respect the fact that I have some say in how my toys are used. All I had to do was state a strong preference. Part of the issue is that as a submissive I often feel like I have no power at all. When I come across something where I disagree with him, I get this internal struggle going on - the struggle between wanting to please him and wanting to keep myself happy. It’s tough. Would I have gotten so freaked out if I thought it wouldn’t bother him one iota for me to say no about using my stuff? It’s doubtful. He pointed out that he’s hardly going to cut me loose for feeling the way I do about my toys.
We discussed my reasons for not wanting him to use the restraints - and while he thinks the “being the first one to use them” defense is a little silly, he can agree to that. It might not matter to him but fine, it matters to me. But he pointed out that the odds of them breaking from one use was pretty slim. Ok, I have to agree to that. When we discussed my reasoning, I had to admit a huge part of the issue was the violent, visceral reaction I get to the woman he was going to be using them with. For some unknown reason, I feel threatened by her. Is there good reason for me to feel that way? No. But I have a strong reaction when she’s involved with things. This has happened before. Do I need to learn to deal with it? Yes. We’re poly and he has every right to see who he wants. He does his best to make sure I don’t have to spend time with her since he knows I don’t care for her (and even I have to admit I don’t have a good, rational reason to feel that way) but he will continue to spend time with her. And despite my reaction to her, I fully agree that my reaction shouldn’t have a bearing on his relationship with her. I would feel like crap if it did. It wouldn’t be fair. MasterDoc does not, ever, interfere with my relationship with Davey. He goes out of his way to not affect my relationship with Davey. I should give him the same respect.
As for the toy use, he pointed out that while I view it as this other woman using my toys, really and truly it would be him using them, for his pleasure. And since it costs me nothing to do so, why wouldn’t I let him use them? I’m not using them at the time. He’s not depriving me of their use. He understands that while I can admit that it costs me nothing, I do have a strong emotional reaction in this situation. He respects that but asks me to take a good long look at it and see if I can feel differently about it. He recognizes the fact that that could take a long time, or perhaps will never change. For now, I feel quite negatively about it. But from an objective standpoint I can see that, yeah, lending him my toys does not have any real impact on me. And as someone I hold dear why wouldn’t I be willing to lend them to him? I’ll take some time to look at my feelings about this and see what happens. He acknowledged the fact that if a toy has a sentimental value to it (i.e., my crop) that he should be told about that so he can behave accordingly (i.e., not likely to take it out of the house).
So ultimately, all I had to do was talk calmly with him and things could easily be resolved. (Heck, they were resolved when I said, “I don’t want you using my restraints with her.”) He’s a very calm man. Even when I get upset and angry he stays calm. I think he’s good for me in that he’s very rational, whereas I get over-emotional. Like they have always in the past, things were resolved to my satisfaction by simply talking to him. No need to raise voices, shed tears, feel eaten up inside.

Sticking Point

Published
by
Nadia
on December 2, 2008
in D/s, anxiety, dom and submissive
. 5 Comments

I try to write honestly here about D/s. I try to relate my experiences with it - the good and the bad. This week I hit a rough spot when MasterDoc told me that he was going to use my brand new underbed restraints with someone else. I had a problem with this for two reasons - 1) I want to be the first person to use any new toys of mine. After all, it’s mine and what I want should count for something, and 2) I am obligated to write a review of these restraints for Babeland, and should anything go awry with the first use how could I try them out and review them afterward? He knew this would bother me because I’m not friends with the woman he was going to use them with, but he didn’t realize just how upset I’d become. I was eaten up all the rest of Friday thinking about this and how much I didn’t want it to happen. I called him that night to convey that I was “really really upset” and he agreed to not use the restraints. However, we have a talk planned next time we have a chunk of time together. When I talked about it a little online with him the other night (I was in an all-around grumpy mood, ready to pounce on anything bothering me. Being premenstrual undoubtely plays a part, although it’s certainly not the only reason.) he told me that he expected me to change my attitude dramatically.

“So you want me to say it’s fine that you use them with (this woman)?”

“Exactly!” he says, and declares the subject closed for the time being. Not willing to submit on this one I declare that I will start taking my toys home if this is how it’s going to be. He scolded me for continuing the conversation when he declared it over and told me I was to call him Sir throughout the rest of the time we spoke that night. Grrr. I did so, putting as much insolence into the word Sir as I possibly can via the internet. What’s this about submissives being compliant doormats? I can be stubborn. I can be combative. Sometimes I just don’t want to submit. I feel so strongly about this issue that I’m not willing to back down. Of course, this runs contrary to what he wants. I’m partly waiting in anticipation for the conversation, because I would feel better with this resolved somehow; however, I’m also afraid of it because odds are usually quite good that he will persuade me to let him have his way. But if he has his way with this topic, I will feel resentful and angry. Neither of which is conducive to a strong, happy relationship. Neither of which will produce a happy, willing submissive.
He’s used my toys before without asking me, and I objected. He managed to persuade me to let him with the promise that he’d replace anything lost or broken. But in some cases I don’t want to have to replace the toy in question. My crop was a birthday present for my 30th from two very dear friends of mine, and I doubt Babeland still carries that particular style crop. My crop is currently missing. Last time it went missing it was left at this woman’s house. I have no idea where it might be now, but I couldn’t find it around his place last I was there. I’m frustrated when my toys aren’t around to be used with me. They’re mine. It may sound selfish but dammit, this isn’t the playground where I have to make nice and share my toys with the other kiddies. I did not give up my rights to my possessions when I signed on to be his submissive. Clearly this is something for us to negotiate. (His initial argument, by the way, has been that I should be pleased to lend him something that will give him pleasure. I can’t feel pleased when it’s brand new and I haven’t had a chance to use it yet. I just can’t.)
So in the meantime I feel unhappy, because this really needs resolution and resolution is at least a few days off. I feel off-kilter in regards to my relationship with him. I saw him briefly today for the first time in over a week, and while I was happy to cuddle with him the issue at hand just gnawed at me. I’m so afraid of being coerced to submit to something I really don’t want to submit to. The main sticking point is the newness of the toy, although this brings up lots of contrary feelings in me and I start thinking about how I don’t want him to use my toys with someone I’m not friends with. I feel different when he wants to use the toys with S. I’m good friends with her and happy to lend a toy to her fun. This other woman is vaguely an acquaintance. I feel no connection to her. I don’t feel I should be obligated to share my stuff with her.
I’m sure he’ll have a stern comment to leave on this post. But my blog has always been a place where I’m supposed to be allowed to say what I think and not censor myself. I really needed to get this off my chest.

Rough Beating

Published
by
Nadia
on November 23, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, orgasm on command, porn, sex, spanking and submissive
. 0 Comments

We were supposed to go out to a gang bang with S. last night. I was looking forward to the possibility of MasterDoc lining up a few men to fuck me. It was a marked difference in my mood from the night before. Alas, we realized too late that we didn’t have the location of the party. Doh! S. came over for dinner but went home afterward. I was worried it would be a really quiet night in. MasterDoc was watching a basketball game, but I was horny. So when I got my hands on his laptop I quickly pulled up some porn. Oh yes, I was trying to put ideas in his head.

I went for the bdsm flicks, searching for submissive porn on tnaflix.com. As I watched, he started looking over my shoulder, watching along with me. Soon it was clear that he was turned on and my hopefulness at getting some grew.  We take the laptop, with the porn running, into the bedroom. The porn is rough and I’m enjoying it. He has me play with myself with the magic wand. I stare transfixed at the computer screen. He asks me if I’m ready to come, and as usual when he does that my hopes go up and I get right to the edge of orgasm. He has me trained so well. But no, he just teases me with the idea of it and doesn’t give me permission. I’m moaning, aching to come, but no luck.

He has me get on hands and knees so he can fuck me. He fucks me for a while, keeping me right on the edge of orgasm. It seems like he fucks me forever because I’m desperate to come and he keeps denying me permission to come. Over and over he has me begging, swooning, dying for more. He has me play with the magic wand on my clit while he fucks me, and this just keeps me so close to the edge. He starts to spank my ass a little. Finally, I hear that one word I’ve been dying to hear - “Come.” I turn into a panting mess in just a second. I feel like I just want to come forever and ever. I don’t want to stop.

He tells me that that’s enough and we lay down on the bed next to each other. He has me suck his cock for a while and I gobble it up, trying my hardest to get it down my throat without gagging. I practice riding through the feeling of my gag reflex switching on. I struggle to keep the heaving at bay. I think I did better at it than I usually do, but I still need lots of work.

He then decides that I need a good spanking since I won’t be seeing him for a while (over a week *sigh*). He has me get the leather slapper and the large wooden ping-pong paddle. Yikes. Two rough toys. I know I’m in store for quite a beating.

He spanks me really hard; I mean really hard. Hard with his hands, hard with the paddle, hard with the strap. Sometimes the pain is so much I can’t catch my breath but then other times it slides into feeling good or feeling like he’s not touching me at all. It was the strangest sensation when the blows would cease to hurt. I think I hit an endorphin rush quite quickly. I was sure I’d have bruises the next day, but no luck. He has me play with the magic wand on myself while spanking me. I’m on the edge of coming, so desperate. He keeps withholding permission - he really held back with permission last night and it was driving me crazy. Finally, while he’s hitting me, he tells me to come. I come, shuddering and I fall forward, he keeps hitting me. By this time the magic wand has fallen out of my hands onto the bed. I keep coming, this time from the pain of his spanking me. I come over and over again. I finish one orgasm and start another due purely to the feel of his hands striking my ass. He runs his hands over my body, up to my hair to grab it for a second, around me to touch the sensitive area where hip meets thigh. He knows that everything he’s doing will just prolong the ecstasy. Again, I feel like I could come forever. I want more, more more. I can’t believe how hard I’m coming and how long I’m coming for. It’s amazing to me how he can strike me, or just run his hands along my body and make me come.

After, my butt is so red he gets our friend Liz from the next room to take a look and she takes a photo with her iPhone. (He has a very peculiar household.) My butt is still sore today, but there are no bruises. I just seem to mysteriously not bruise these days. MasterDoc says he will just have to hit me harder. Yikes. He was hitting me pretty damn hard last night!

His birthday is coming up this week, and I got him a toy for his birthday. (What does one perv get another perv for their birthday? A sex toy!) I know he enjoys anal stimulation and the just night before I was telling him how hot that is - that he’s a straight man who fully enjoys anal play. So many straight guys are uptight about you playing with their ass, but with MasterDoc as my Dom I’ve had many lessons about pleasing him by playing with his ass.  So the pandora is designed to stimulate his prostate and it vibrates too! I have a hard time getting it in properly so he takes a while to show me what I’m doing wrong. I like the feeling of being taught how to please him, by this time I’ve learned a lot and I wonder if I’d be any good at pleasing another guy now since I’ve been so focused on MasterDoc’s little nuances. So I hold the pandora in and angle it so the curved end is hitting his prostate (or heading in the direction of his prostate anyway, I think). He jerks off, watching porn while I play with his ass. Eventually he comes really hard and it’s wonderful to watch. As he comes, he tells me to come if I can and my god I actually do! I actually came when he hadn’t touched me in quite some time. His voice just does me in. I really wonder if anyone else in the world could make me feel the way he does.

Unable to Turn Off

Published
by
Nadia
on November 14, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, orgasm on command, piss play, sex and submissive
. 0 Comments

It was the most amazing sexual experience of my life. Sure he fucked me, sure I came that way, but it wasn’t until later that the really amazing thing happened. I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off. Every single touch - whether I was touching him or he was touching me - set me on fire. He ran his hands along my body and each and every touch was capable of making me come. All he had to do was say the word.

After we fucked I helped him reach orgasm by stroking his ass and stroking his back. Every touch had me turned on. As I could feel him nearing his orgasm I felt like all he had to do was tell me to come and I would come right along with him.

We were cuddled together after both of us came, I was craving a cuddle and so I asked him for one. (It was like I couldn’t bear him not touching me.) My head lay on his arm and with his free arm he touched me. Just simple ordinary touches. Touch my shoulder, touch my clavicle, touch my arm, touch my hip, touch my head. I breathed heavy as if he were touching my cunt. He had so much power over me at that point. He had the power to turn me on by doing anything. Anything at all. Breathe against me and I shudder. Each touch was like a spark running through nerve endings to my cunt.

He’d whisper in my ear every so often, “How’s this for a cuddle?” My god I was so turned on. Finally, he said to me as he stroked me where hip meets thigh, “Come.” Instantly I came. I know that sounds cliche but truly, I came as soon as he said the word. I curled up as the orgasm grasped my body. I rode a wave of feelings that felt so good I almost couldn’t feel them - if that makes any sense. They were too intense to be able to process.

After, I snuggled up to him and I just didn’t want to stop. Just resting my hand on his chest turned me on. Even now he could tell me to come and I’d probably come. He has amazing power over me. And I have to say this was the most profound sexual experience of my life.

——–

After I wrote the first half of this blog entry, I hung out with him in the bedroom for a bit and I was still so turned on. I lay on the bed next to him and he leaned back so that his back was pressing into me and I gasped and moaned. It was torture. Every touch felt so good and so sexual. His cock got hard again (which surprised me because he usually says that once he’s come he won’t get hard again for a while). He started talking about pissing on me, knowing full well that in the state I was in I’d say yes to anything.

“Which would you prefer - being fucked but not coming or being pissed on and coming?” Oh god. It was hard to say it but I said I’d rather be pissed on and come. He kept talking to me, bringing me deeper into submission. “Are you gonna come when I piss on your clit?”

Oh god. I wanted nothing more than to come at that point. I begged him for what he wanted to do to me - which was piss on me. A part of me couldn’t believe that I was doing so. But at that point anything he did to me was erotic. I even murmured at one point, “Anything. Anything you want,” and I meant it. He decided to fuck me for a bit and that only turned me on more. I could feel the length of his penis as he slid in and out of me. Every inch of flesh touching me was the most amazing stimulus I could imagine. He asked me if I came this way would I still be able to come when he pissed on me. I said yes, and it was definitely true.

It was like being high on drugs. I can’t even recall if he had me come while he was fucking me or not. Things just blurred into one another. He told me to keep myself at that level of arousal and come with him. I followed him into the bathroom and he had me get in the tub. I kneeled in the tub, rubbing my clit frantically, waiting for him to piss on me. He told me that when I felt his piss on me I was allowed to come. Oh god, talk about mixed feelings. Pissing on me grosses me out but I was so turned on that I wanted nothing more than to have him piss on me so I could come.

He was a little too hard to be able to do it, so he had me get out of the tub and sit on the toilet, continuing to play with myself. He wandered off and I sat there in a lustful daze. He came back a moment later and had me lay down in the cold tub. I got nervous at this point, because it was clear that he was actually going to do it. I think the chill of the tub woke me up slightly.

“Are you ready to come?” I started stroking my clit again so I was at the point where I could come.

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re sure? You’re ready to come as soon as I piss on you?”

“Yes, Sir,” I gasped.

And he let loose and pissed on me, and I came. He covered my body in his urine. I knew I should shut my mouth but I was so lost in orgasm that I couldn’t keep it shut. I think he aimed at my mouth, trying to get piss in there, but thankfully I managed to escape that fate this time.

When it was all over I was laying in a cold tub covered in piss. He told me that I could get washed off. I got myself up, turned on the shower, still in a daze. I carefully washed myself, including my hair as it had gotten a little bit wet from the piss.

I never thought I would want him to piss on me, but he gets me into such a state that I will do anything. And it’s a little frightening. This is truly power exchange, as he has utter control over me at that point. I am his.

Submission and Depression

Published
by
Nadia
on October 26, 2008
in depression, mental illness and submissive
. 1 Comment

I’m not ashamed to talk about my struggle with depression. Not any more ashamed than I would be if it were something like diabetes I was talking about. I look at it as a chronic illness I have learned to live with. Sometimes it’s easy to deal with and I feel fine, other times it comes around again and I have to struggle.

It’s not easy being a good submissive when you’re depressed. When mired in depression it’s hard to find the energy to take care of yourself, much less take care of your Dominant. I find myself in a bad headspace and I have a much harder time controlling my tongue and emotional responses. Submission requires a measure of self-control as well as the control of your Dom. As a good and obedient submissive I’m expected to be respectful and watch my tone when speaking to him, but when I’m depressed it’s much harder to do so.

I struggled with the beating on Friday because of where my head was. In the heat of it I felt angry, resentful and just terrible. I cried out more than usual and louder than usual because of how I felt. I put my hands out to cover my thighs when it hurt rather than taking it like I would have normally. I felt the urge to fight rather than submit. But despite having a hard time with it, it certainly wasn’t a traumatic event. My relationship with MasterDoc is such that even when I’m in a bad mood I know deep down that he watches out for me. He didn’t dish out anything that day that I couldn’t truly take, and as I sobbed uncontrollably he held me and gave me the aftercare I really needed. I’m sure it’s hard for someone outside the lifestyle to understand, but his beating me that day was done out of love and a desire to help me feel better. I often feel calmer and more centered after a good beating. Unfortunately I was depressed enough that it took more than that that afternoon. But I think somehow I needed to have the fight beaten out of me. I needed to be broken down so I could just cry and feel the horrible feelings inside me. I’m sure a few people would question my feminist credentials at this point, but emotions are complex things. Submitting isn’t necessarily a weakness. Being broken down can mean something bad, or it can be the opportunity for you to let go of negative feelings and then be rebuilt again, better than before. I won’t sob uncontrollably around everyone, but in the context of a scene it felt okay to let go and feel what I was feeling. It was a safe environment for me. I knew that he would take care of me.

Depression is hard on any relationship, but in the D/s dynamic it can be particularly hard. After all, MasterDoc is used to being able to control me -  and that includes making me feel better when I’m down. When I linger in a depressed state, and I can’t even explain what I’m depressed about (because I don’t know), I’m sure it makes him feel powerless. I know it makes him worry about me. I worry that the depression will cause problems between us. When depressed I feel down on myself and start thinking that my significant others would be better off without me. When I’m not depressed I realize that that judgement is up to them, not me. But depression clouds judgement and makes it hard to act maturely and rationally. On Friday night, instead of trying to be seductive when MasterDoc was focusing on my friend, or at least pulling him aside to explain that I needed attention and was having a hard time, I just curled up, withdrew and sulked. In my foggy mental state I couldn’t figure out how to constructively convey what I needed. I was afraid to speak up because I figured he would just tell me I was being whiny. But I shouldn’t underestimate him. He could tell that I really was in a bad place mentally and not being a pain in the ass intentionally. He took the time to take care of me, to pay attention and to give me orgasms to make me feel good physically and mentally. I’m really thankful I have him in my life. I’ve always needed someone who was strong enough to deal with my getting depressed and being mentally ill. It’s not an easy thing to live with - whether you’re the one who’s depressed or your lover is the one who’s depressed. But he’s strong, and because of that I feel like it’s okay for me to sometimes be weak around him.

Beating Depression

Published
by
Nadia
on October 12, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, depression, flogging, masochism, mental illness, orgasm denial, sex, spanking and submissive
. 1 Comment

I’m prone to depression, have been since I was young. These days, I’m happy most of the time - I have the proper medication and feel on an even keel usually. But on Friday night I hit a rough patch and was severely depressed. I have no idea what brought it on but I had been feeling very anxious earlier in the day. It could be thanks to a change in medication, could just be hormonal. Whatever it was, I was seriously depressed. I spent the better part of two hours crying, not knowing why I was crying. I was a mess. MasterDoc hugged me and was wonderful to me, but he wasn’t feeling well himself so he wasn’t up to beating me. I know it sounds strange, but the two of us knew that was something that would turn my mood around. I got up the next morning and went to work, still feeling wretched.

I went back to MasterDoc’s that night after work and picked up some ice cream on the way. Yup, I was looking to self-medicate. Thankfully, MasterDoc felt better and he decided that we would spend the evening in and a beating would ensue since I was feeling so bad. We had ice cream, then dinner, then he had me put my collar on and get on my knees by a chair in the living room. He had me put the blindfold on and he sat in the chair in front of me. He put clothespins on my nipples and flicked the clothespins with his fingers. He had me bend over the chair. Using his hands and other implements he really beat on my ass. My pain tolerance was good and so the sensation mostly felt soothing and good. Yes, I know I’m a strange girl. It’s amazing how wonderful pain can make me feel. It’s counter-intuitive to react that way but it’s just how I am. He beat me for a while, even taking the heavy flogger to my upper back for a bit. It’s a bit like meditation to be beaten - you get into this other mental state, which is usually referred to as subspace. He was fairly rough with me, but I felt better and better as the beating went on.

He gave me the magic wand and had me use it on myself. I was so turned on from the beating. I kept pressing the vibrating wand into my clit. I asked for permission to come, but he didn’t let me right away. He kept beating me, sometimes it really hurt, but most of the time it was cathartic. My arousal grew as I continued to use the vibrator on myself. He finally gave me permission to come, and oh my god did I come hard and long. I felt like I could just keep coming forever. He gave me some lashes with the whip end of my slapper while I came - it’s really something else what I can take during orgasm. Pain that is usually too much is bearable somehow. Between the orgasm and the beating, I felt so much better afterwards. It’s like a miracle cure for my depression. I suppose it’s the endorphins that are released, but whatever it is, it works.

We hung out for a little while, watching tv and whatnot and he had me take my collar off. I felt subdued. A little while later he put some porn on we watched for a while. I felt entranced by the kinkiness going on. He told me to get myself warmed up, that he was going to fuck me. I used the little red vibrator on my clit and was hot and bothered again in no time. Despite not having the collar on, I felt like it was appropriate to call him Sir and so I did throughout the scene. We went to the bedroom and he fucked me while I lay on my back. I tried to hold off on asking for an orgasm, but eventually I gave in. He didn’t let me come then, and afterward he asked me to take even longer next time before asking permission. It’s so hard not to ask for permission, I get so incredibly worked up and on the verge of orgasm. Sometimes it feels like I won’t be able to hold back, but so far I’ve always managed to have enough self-control. I worry that someday I’ll slip. He finished fucking me and we cuddled a bit.

He had me lay on my side and he tried to enter me from behind. The angle wasn’t right so he said he guessed that he would just have to fuck me up the ass then. He had me lube up my ass to get it ready. It took some work to slide his cock in, the angle just wasn’t very good. I complained about the angle but he didn’t stop. It was uncomfortable, but his continuing on despite this got me so hot. I really do think I’m a bit wacko as pain can make me feel so good. In another context I’d have felt traumatized or violated, but with him I got wildly turned on and when he told me to come I came. Rowr. Very hot butt sex. Mind you, with someone else I might not have reacted so well. I think it makes a huge difference that I know he knows what he’s doing, and he wouldn’t truly hurt me - not in a bad way.

I snuggled up to his chest, but I was feeling really lusty so I started to caress his chest and lick it. He stroked his cock while I did this and I kept it up, feeling oh so passionate and sexual. He was breathing heavy and I did my best to make him feel good. When he came, he came all over my tummy. It was gooey. I was eager to take a shower at that point, but he said for that I would have to stay with his come on me. While it was gooey I was longing for a shower, but once it dried I kinda liked being a dirty girl with his come on me. In the end I slept with it on me and showered in the morning. Did I mention that by this point my depression was completely gone? I’m feeling much better, although I do feel like I could go for another beating. MasterDoc called me a greedy girl when I mentioned that.

The Mundane Details

Published
by
Nadia
on September 24, 2008
in D/s and submissive
. 0 Comments

When I talk about being submissive, I mainly focus on the hot, sexual parts. After all, that’s what people generally want to read about. But every now and then I think about mentioning the other bits, the less glamorous parts. I do mention cleaning from time to time, but not the extent of chores I have around MasterDoc’s place. I’m in charge of watering his plants now, cleaning the toilet; I run the dishwasher when I see it’s needed and put the clean dishes away. I run the bath for him; I dry between his toes when he gets out of the bath. I gather laundry, making sure to check the pockets as he frequently leaves stuff in the pockets. I change the sheets. Sometimes I take out the garbage or recycling. I do all this with little or no complaining (or at least try to). I’m a bit lazy by nature, as Davey can attest, but MasterDoc inspires me to serve him. (Don’t worry Davey, I get lax about the toilet cleaning there, too.) The dynamic of my relationship is so completely different than the dynamic of my relationship with Davey. Davey is a sweetheart and usually I’m looking at him with puppy dog eyes asking him to go get me something from the kitchen. WIth MasterDoc, I’m the one getting up to get him some more water. I would have thought that I’d get tired of serving but for the right Dom I can see where it’s fulfilling. Of course, sometimes I just want to be lazy and have to overcome the inertia to do my duty as a submissive.

Slow Night; Good Orgasm

Published
by
Nadia
on September 20, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, exhibitionism, sex parties, slut, spanking and submissive
. 0 Comments

After having the guest over in the afternoon, we went out that evening to a swing club. I was really horny and so glad to be having such a sex-filled day. Unfortunately, the club was slow. At one point I was one of only two women in the club. Now, granted, this is the perfect set up for MasterDoc to give me that gang bang he’s always threatening. But I guess he didn’t find enough guys suitable (he had his eye on three guys, but one turned out to be a jackass), or he didn’t feel in the mood to do it. We cuddled a bit in the back room (the one with the spanking bench) and at first that’s all we were going to do. But we got an audience of one guy stroking himself and so MasterDoc decided to flip me over and spank a bit. He started out caressing my ass and stroking my back. I had tensed up waiting for a spank but instead I got petted. I relaxed into it and enjoyed the sensation.

He had me pull my pants half down, so I was naked from waist to knees, as I lay face down on the bed. He started spanking me with his hand. He slapped quite hard but I was into it last night. It hurt but I was enjoying the pain. He slapped my ass for quite a while, I’m sure it got all red. I could hear a small gathering of an audience behind me. It sounded like the audience was into watching me get hit, and this only fueled his spanking harder. I was surprised at how long and hard he hit me, but I enjoyed being the submissive and trying to take all I could. He got out the leather slapper and slapped my ass some with that, turning it over to the whip end a couple of times. The spanking went on for a while, with me crying out when the pain got to be too much. It seemed like he went on forever. Just when I thought maybe he’d stop, just when he complained I was making his shoulder hurt, he would keep on going. My ass stung. The audience sounded like they were really enjoying watching a slut get spanked hard. Eventually, he stopped and had me get dressed. One guy talked with MasterDoc after about the local bdsm club and bdsm play in general.

 We wandered around the club a bit more, still next to no couples there, mostly single guys. After a break we found ourselves in the exhibitionists’ room. (Go figure. Would you ever expect us to be there?) We lay down on the bed and guys gathered around to watch. I sucked MasterDoc’s cock for a while. We made out a bit. It was all very sexy and slow moving. I really got into it. He had me play with my new toy (the nea) and get myself worked up and close to the edge. He’d finger me, then take his fingers out and have me lick them to wet them. He commented at one point about how the audience seemed to like that. He’d slide them in me, get me worked up, then take them out and have me lick them thoroughly to wet them. He asked me at one point if I needed lube and I said I was fine. It turned out later I probably should have had some lube (I bled a bit) but we all know that I tend to like things rough. In the heat of the moment I was having a good time while guys crowded around to watch him finger me. He’d slap my thighs in between fingering my cunt. I got so worked up and started begging to come. He made me say it louder, so the crowd could hear me. “Please let me come, Sir!”

“Are you a filthy slut?”

“Yes, Sir, I’m a filthy slut.”

He didn’t let me come right away, but instead kept fingering me while I kept playing with the nea on my clit. I was so worked up, and he’d say to me, “That’s it, keep it on the edge. Good girl.” I so wanted to come! He was working my g-spot inside and I wondered if maybe I would squirt when I came. I’d open my eyes every so often and see the men huddled around watching. One guy was stroking his cock while watching me. While I get a little shy (i.e., I can’t keep my eyes open) I do love being the center of attention. MasterDoc had me totally focused on my cunt and clit and I begged again to be allowed to come. After waiting a bit more, he let me come and I screamed out in pleasure. My muscles clenched and I’m surprised I didn’t squirt. I came and came and came. It was a really earth-shattering orgasm.

Afterward, breathless, I managed to get out a, “Thank you, Sir.” I lay down for a bit, catching my breath. The guy who had had his cock out said that he really enjoyed watching and would love to “be a part of your (MasterDoc’s) circle.” He implied that he would be glad to submit too and MasterDoc just thanked him and declined. MasterDoc had me give the guy a hand, however, and I stroked his cock for a while while other guys watched. Eventually MasterDoc decided that he had had enough and we got dressed. We hung out for a while longer, but things never picked up. I was still a horny girl, but I had had wonderful orgasms, so I couldn’t complain. *grin* We went home, getting bagels on the way as usual, and hung out for a while at home before getting to sleep.

Dream

Published
by
Nadia
on September 14, 2008
in bondage, dreams and submissive
. 1 Comment

I had a strange dream the other morning that I just remembered. In it, I was living in Victorian times and the man I was with kept me tightly laced up in a corset. In the dream the corset wasn’t uncomfortable as it would have been in real life, it was erotic. I’d sigh with pleasure as he pulled the strings tighter. Like most dreams I don’t remember if this had a storyline or not but I remember images. Towards the end I was not only in the corset but also in metal handcuffs, and the whole thing was terribly erotic.

Rough Sex

Published
by
Nadia
on August 31, 2008
in D/s, anal, bdsm, orgasm on command, sex and submissive
. 0 Comments

So I got in an unexpected visit with MasterDoc this weekend, which always makes me happy. The man has to juggle so much he doesn’t always know his schedule ahead of time. I got to hang out Saturday night with him and his former roommate, Liz, who’s staying with him for a couple of days before school starts. We had dinner and watched Hellboy (don’t bother, it’s very silly and too long). But before dinner and after dinner we snuck off to his bedroom for some very hot fucking.

He had me get some porn on the computer and as I did so, put my ass in the air towards him. I felt him lube up my asshole and slide a finger in. Rowr. My body was very sensitive last night and it felt every bit as good as if he was fingering my cunt. I moaned, got breathless and totally didn’t watch the porn on the computer. I was lost in the sensation of him playing with my ass and I wanted to come in no time flat. I think he slid another finger in there as well. (Details are usually fuzzy the next day. I’ll have to start taking notes during. *wink*) He fingered my ass pretty vigorously and I begged to be allowed to come. Next he had me slide down to the edge of the bed and lay on my back. He stood at the end of the bed and slid his cock into my lubed up ass. “You want to get fucked in the ass, slut?” Oh my god yes I did. He fucked me and I totally loved it. I was feeling particularly kinky and slutty last night and luckily we were well in tune with each other. He was rough and I was totally into rough sex last night. He let me come and I came from him assfucking me.

We changed position and he was kneeling behind me as my ass was in the air. He fucked my ass some more and at one point I say, “Can I have a little more lube, Sir?”" He says, “You want more lube?” and then starts fucking me harder. Jesus Christ that sent me over the edge, I was a panting, moaning, heavy breathing mess. I was utterly and totally his to do with as he wished. I was like putty in his hands. Later he commented on how funny it was that suddenly, when he got rougher, I didn’t need lube where I had needed it just seconds earlier. The ass doesn’t lubricate itself, so what happened? Oh yes, he got rough with me and I loved it. He let me come and it turns out my anal muscles bear down during orgasm (like my vaginal muscles do) but the auto-eject isn’t quite as bad with anal sex.

We fucked for a while, next position was laying on our sides on the bed. I moaned and gasped as he fucked my ass roughly. He threw in some very hard slaps on my ass and that only served to make me hornier. He grabbed my hair and gave me permission to come. I went off into this amazing orgasm, everything was just so hot that I blurted out, “Please pull my hair!” and I came even harder when he pulled. He pulled out of me and slapped my ass, pulled my hair and I just kept coming. He was rougher with me last night during sex than I think he’s ever been and it was just the hottest thing in the world.

As we lay in bed after, he ponders whether he will be nice and have me suck his cock without the condom (that’s just been up my ass) or with it. He tells me to suck it with it. Every fiber of my being does not want to do this, but I’m very much in submissive mode so I lower my head to his cock, and thankfully he decides that my acquiescence was enough and that I can take the condom off and suck his cock without it. Hallelujah. Of course, I’m smart enough to know that just because he didn’t have me do it this time, doesn’t mean he won’t have me do it in the future.

We had dinner, watched the movie and headed off to his bedroom for a second time. He had me suck his cock, telling me to get it really clean all the way to the base as it was going to go in my cunt this time. He told me to get myself ready, and I found that I was still fairly wet from before. He got on top of me and fucked me hard, slapping my face every so often. He’d slow down the thrusting then do it really hard again as I begged to come. He’d slap my face again, grab my hair and talked dirty to me. It was so hot. Before letting me come, he asked me if I want to come while he pisses on me. I was so desperate to come at that point that I would do anything. I said yes, I want him to piss on me. He talked about taking me into the bathroom and pissing on me, then he let me come. I was relieved to not have him piss on me, but as I said with the ass condom earlier, I’m smart enough to know that just because he didn’t do it this time, doesn’t mean he’s not totally warming me up for it in the near future. But the thing is, when he gets me really worked up there’s precious little he couldn’t do to me. I will consent to just about anything his perverted little heart desires at that point - and more than likely enjoy it. Things that are totally unappealing when I’m not turned on suddenly become far less unattractive as I get aroused. Things that I’d never let another person do to me I let MasterDoc do. This whole D/s relationship thing is really intense.