Archive for the 'dom' Category

Resolution

Published
by
Nadia
on December 4, 2008
in D/s, dom and submissive
. 0 Comments
So of course after my last emotional post, I have to follow up with the outcome of our talk. (It happened a day earlier than we thought it would.) Now, the way I couched things last time, MasterDoc sounds like a bit of an asshole, and people reacted accordingly. But lest you all wonder why the heck I’m with him, let me tell you about our talk. As he always is, MasterDoc was calm and easygoing when we discussed the issue. He sat down with my blog entry and went over it, point by point. And it became clear that my point of view was just that - my point of view - and not necessarily the crux of the matter.
He pointed out that really, once I called him up on Friday and said I didn’t want my restraints used, I had won. He agreed not to use them. Issue solved. He does respect the fact that I have some say in how my toys are used. All I had to do was state a strong preference. Part of the issue is that as a submissive I often feel like I have no power at all. When I come across something where I disagree with him, I get this internal struggle going on - the struggle between wanting to please him and wanting to keep myself happy. It’s tough. Would I have gotten so freaked out if I thought it wouldn’t bother him one iota for me to say no about using my stuff? It’s doubtful. He pointed out that he’s hardly going to cut me loose for feeling the way I do about my toys.
We discussed my reasons for not wanting him to use the restraints - and while he thinks the “being the first one to use them” defense is a little silly, he can agree to that. It might not matter to him but fine, it matters to me. But he pointed out that the odds of them breaking from one use was pretty slim. Ok, I have to agree to that. When we discussed my reasoning, I had to admit a huge part of the issue was the violent, visceral reaction I get to the woman he was going to be using them with. For some unknown reason, I feel threatened by her. Is there good reason for me to feel that way? No. But I have a strong reaction when she’s involved with things. This has happened before. Do I need to learn to deal with it? Yes. We’re poly and he has every right to see who he wants. He does his best to make sure I don’t have to spend time with her since he knows I don’t care for her (and even I have to admit I don’t have a good, rational reason to feel that way) but he will continue to spend time with her. And despite my reaction to her, I fully agree that my reaction shouldn’t have a bearing on his relationship with her. I would feel like crap if it did. It wouldn’t be fair. MasterDoc does not, ever, interfere with my relationship with Davey. He goes out of his way to not affect my relationship with Davey. I should give him the same respect.
As for the toy use, he pointed out that while I view it as this other woman using my toys, really and truly it would be him using them, for his pleasure. And since it costs me nothing to do so, why wouldn’t I let him use them? I’m not using them at the time. He’s not depriving me of their use. He understands that while I can admit that it costs me nothing, I do have a strong emotional reaction in this situation. He respects that but asks me to take a good long look at it and see if I can feel differently about it. He recognizes the fact that that could take a long time, or perhaps will never change. For now, I feel quite negatively about it. But from an objective standpoint I can see that, yeah, lending him my toys does not have any real impact on me. And as someone I hold dear why wouldn’t I be willing to lend them to him? I’ll take some time to look at my feelings about this and see what happens. He acknowledged the fact that if a toy has a sentimental value to it (i.e., my crop) that he should be told about that so he can behave accordingly (i.e., not likely to take it out of the house).
So ultimately, all I had to do was talk calmly with him and things could easily be resolved. (Heck, they were resolved when I said, “I don’t want you using my restraints with her.”) He’s a very calm man. Even when I get upset and angry he stays calm. I think he’s good for me in that he’s very rational, whereas I get over-emotional. Like they have always in the past, things were resolved to my satisfaction by simply talking to him. No need to raise voices, shed tears, feel eaten up inside.

Sticking Point

Published
by
Nadia
on December 2, 2008
in D/s, anxiety, dom and submissive
. 5 Comments

I try to write honestly here about D/s. I try to relate my experiences with it - the good and the bad. This week I hit a rough spot when MasterDoc told me that he was going to use my brand new underbed restraints with someone else. I had a problem with this for two reasons - 1) I want to be the first person to use any new toys of mine. After all, it’s mine and what I want should count for something, and 2) I am obligated to write a review of these restraints for Babeland, and should anything go awry with the first use how could I try them out and review them afterward? He knew this would bother me because I’m not friends with the woman he was going to use them with, but he didn’t realize just how upset I’d become. I was eaten up all the rest of Friday thinking about this and how much I didn’t want it to happen. I called him that night to convey that I was “really really upset” and he agreed to not use the restraints. However, we have a talk planned next time we have a chunk of time together. When I talked about it a little online with him the other night (I was in an all-around grumpy mood, ready to pounce on anything bothering me. Being premenstrual undoubtely plays a part, although it’s certainly not the only reason.) he told me that he expected me to change my attitude dramatically.

“So you want me to say it’s fine that you use them with (this woman)?”

“Exactly!” he says, and declares the subject closed for the time being. Not willing to submit on this one I declare that I will start taking my toys home if this is how it’s going to be. He scolded me for continuing the conversation when he declared it over and told me I was to call him Sir throughout the rest of the time we spoke that night. Grrr. I did so, putting as much insolence into the word Sir as I possibly can via the internet. What’s this about submissives being compliant doormats? I can be stubborn. I can be combative. Sometimes I just don’t want to submit. I feel so strongly about this issue that I’m not willing to back down. Of course, this runs contrary to what he wants. I’m partly waiting in anticipation for the conversation, because I would feel better with this resolved somehow; however, I’m also afraid of it because odds are usually quite good that he will persuade me to let him have his way. But if he has his way with this topic, I will feel resentful and angry. Neither of which is conducive to a strong, happy relationship. Neither of which will produce a happy, willing submissive.
He’s used my toys before without asking me, and I objected. He managed to persuade me to let him with the promise that he’d replace anything lost or broken. But in some cases I don’t want to have to replace the toy in question. My crop was a birthday present for my 30th from two very dear friends of mine, and I doubt Babeland still carries that particular style crop. My crop is currently missing. Last time it went missing it was left at this woman’s house. I have no idea where it might be now, but I couldn’t find it around his place last I was there. I’m frustrated when my toys aren’t around to be used with me. They’re mine. It may sound selfish but dammit, this isn’t the playground where I have to make nice and share my toys with the other kiddies. I did not give up my rights to my possessions when I signed on to be his submissive. Clearly this is something for us to negotiate. (His initial argument, by the way, has been that I should be pleased to lend him something that will give him pleasure. I can’t feel pleased when it’s brand new and I haven’t had a chance to use it yet. I just can’t.)
So in the meantime I feel unhappy, because this really needs resolution and resolution is at least a few days off. I feel off-kilter in regards to my relationship with him. I saw him briefly today for the first time in over a week, and while I was happy to cuddle with him the issue at hand just gnawed at me. I’m so afraid of being coerced to submit to something I really don’t want to submit to. The main sticking point is the newness of the toy, although this brings up lots of contrary feelings in me and I start thinking about how I don’t want him to use my toys with someone I’m not friends with. I feel different when he wants to use the toys with S. I’m good friends with her and happy to lend a toy to her fun. This other woman is vaguely an acquaintance. I feel no connection to her. I don’t feel I should be obligated to share my stuff with her.
I’m sure he’ll have a stern comment to leave on this post. But my blog has always been a place where I’m supposed to be allowed to say what I think and not censor myself. I really needed to get this off my chest.

Unable to Turn Off

Published
by
Nadia
on November 14, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, orgasm on command, piss play, sex and submissive
. 0 Comments

It was the most amazing sexual experience of my life. Sure he fucked me, sure I came that way, but it wasn’t until later that the really amazing thing happened. I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off. Every single touch - whether I was touching him or he was touching me - set me on fire. He ran his hands along my body and each and every touch was capable of making me come. All he had to do was say the word.

After we fucked I helped him reach orgasm by stroking his ass and stroking his back. Every touch had me turned on. As I could feel him nearing his orgasm I felt like all he had to do was tell me to come and I would come right along with him.

We were cuddled together after both of us came, I was craving a cuddle and so I asked him for one. (It was like I couldn’t bear him not touching me.) My head lay on his arm and with his free arm he touched me. Just simple ordinary touches. Touch my shoulder, touch my clavicle, touch my arm, touch my hip, touch my head. I breathed heavy as if he were touching my cunt. He had so much power over me at that point. He had the power to turn me on by doing anything. Anything at all. Breathe against me and I shudder. Each touch was like a spark running through nerve endings to my cunt.

He’d whisper in my ear every so often, “How’s this for a cuddle?” My god I was so turned on. Finally, he said to me as he stroked me where hip meets thigh, “Come.” Instantly I came. I know that sounds cliche but truly, I came as soon as he said the word. I curled up as the orgasm grasped my body. I rode a wave of feelings that felt so good I almost couldn’t feel them - if that makes any sense. They were too intense to be able to process.

After, I snuggled up to him and I just didn’t want to stop. Just resting my hand on his chest turned me on. Even now he could tell me to come and I’d probably come. He has amazing power over me. And I have to say this was the most profound sexual experience of my life.

——–

After I wrote the first half of this blog entry, I hung out with him in the bedroom for a bit and I was still so turned on. I lay on the bed next to him and he leaned back so that his back was pressing into me and I gasped and moaned. It was torture. Every touch felt so good and so sexual. His cock got hard again (which surprised me because he usually says that once he’s come he won’t get hard again for a while). He started talking about pissing on me, knowing full well that in the state I was in I’d say yes to anything.

“Which would you prefer - being fucked but not coming or being pissed on and coming?” Oh god. It was hard to say it but I said I’d rather be pissed on and come. He kept talking to me, bringing me deeper into submission. “Are you gonna come when I piss on your clit?”

Oh god. I wanted nothing more than to come at that point. I begged him for what he wanted to do to me - which was piss on me. A part of me couldn’t believe that I was doing so. But at that point anything he did to me was erotic. I even murmured at one point, “Anything. Anything you want,” and I meant it. He decided to fuck me for a bit and that only turned me on more. I could feel the length of his penis as he slid in and out of me. Every inch of flesh touching me was the most amazing stimulus I could imagine. He asked me if I came this way would I still be able to come when he pissed on me. I said yes, and it was definitely true.

It was like being high on drugs. I can’t even recall if he had me come while he was fucking me or not. Things just blurred into one another. He told me to keep myself at that level of arousal and come with him. I followed him into the bathroom and he had me get in the tub. I kneeled in the tub, rubbing my clit frantically, waiting for him to piss on me. He told me that when I felt his piss on me I was allowed to come. Oh god, talk about mixed feelings. Pissing on me grosses me out but I was so turned on that I wanted nothing more than to have him piss on me so I could come.

He was a little too hard to be able to do it, so he had me get out of the tub and sit on the toilet, continuing to play with myself. He wandered off and I sat there in a lustful daze. He came back a moment later and had me lay down in the cold tub. I got nervous at this point, because it was clear that he was actually going to do it. I think the chill of the tub woke me up slightly.

“Are you ready to come?” I started stroking my clit again so I was at the point where I could come.

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re sure? You’re ready to come as soon as I piss on you?”

“Yes, Sir,” I gasped.

And he let loose and pissed on me, and I came. He covered my body in his urine. I knew I should shut my mouth but I was so lost in orgasm that I couldn’t keep it shut. I think he aimed at my mouth, trying to get piss in there, but thankfully I managed to escape that fate this time.

When it was all over I was laying in a cold tub covered in piss. He told me that I could get washed off. I got myself up, turned on the shower, still in a daze. I carefully washed myself, including my hair as it had gotten a little bit wet from the piss.

I never thought I would want him to piss on me, but he gets me into such a state that I will do anything. And it’s a little frightening. This is truly power exchange, as he has utter control over me at that point. I am his.

Impromptu Show

Published
by
Nadia
on September 20, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, exhibitionism, orgasm denial and sex
. 0 Comments

Saturday started out quiet. I had plenty of time to catch up on blogging about the day before and MasterDoc worked on some organizing in his bedroom. It seemed like the whole day would just be us hanging out since we hadn’t heard back from anyone we had asked to see us. In the afternoon, I went to the store for some soda and got a call while I was there. It was from G., the lady who came to see us a couple of weeks ago who got her butt nicely reddened by MasterDoc’s hand. Apparently she and her hubby would be up to getting together tonight, so I said great and that I’d call her back once I got upstairs to talk to MasterDoc about timing.

I come home and tell MasterDoc and he says, “Great. Put on your collar.” Ok, I’m wondering why he suddenly wants me in my collar. He tells me that a guy who is interested in a show was in the area and he’d be over in ten minutes. Ten minutes! In that time period MasterDoc had to take a bath, I needed to shower, I was just getting dressed as the guy showed up. I took a couple of minutes to dry my hair and I put on a little makeup and made an appearance in the living room. In a very short period of time, the day went from being a little dull to being blogworthy thanks to two phone calls at just about the same time.

He had me get naked and suck his cock for a bit, and he was clearly still in the mindset of verbal humiliation. He had me look at the guy, which was difficult for me as always. MasterDoc had me lay down on the mat on the floor and he slapped my thighs a little as I played with my nea on my clit. Ouch. Then he decided to have me turn over and spank my ass, letting me continue using the toy on my clit. He not only used his hands and the slapper, he used the flogger on me as well - both on my ass and on my upper back. (As always avoiding the area around the kidneys because making your sub pee blood is not a good thing.) He had me turn over again, and play some more with myself for the audience. He asked if I wanted to get fucked and I said, “Yes, Sir.”

“Yes, Sir, what?” I really should know by now that I should say in full what it is I’m saying yes to.

“Yes, Sir, I want to get fucked.”

He made me wait for a little while, getting myself close to the edge of coming. Finally he came over and fucked me. We started out with me on my knees but I tripped and hurt my knee the other day, so I couldn’t do that for long. The guy suggested putting me on my back and so we fucked missionary style. The guy was allowed to hold my leg up while I was fucked. I had gotten myself close to coming while using the toy so I was on the edge of orgasm in no time. I begged for permission to come and wasn’t given it. He fucked me some more and I moaned out a plea to be allowed to come. He continued fucking me, not allowing me to come. I ached for orgasm at this point. He stopped fucking me and had me play with the toy a little more again.

I was close to orgasm from the toy when MasterDoc came over and started fingering me. I begged for orgasm again and this time he told me to come. Immediately I started orgasming. He had to put his hand over my mouth to quiet me since I screamed as usual. (I love me a loud orgasm. I lose myself in the moment and moan and scream out my pleasure.) I was a little sore from the night before (not enough lube and ended up bleeding in case you don’t remember). I bled a little again but I’m not terribly worried about it. It hurt a little while he fingered me but I still came anyway.

Tonight, I should be used by three people - MasterDoc, G. and G’s husband, Max.

After the show today, I had the thought that I’m actually a sex worker. I don’t always get the cash that comes from doing the shows but I do get treated to dinner afterwards. While doing the shows satisfies a kink and isn’t “work” in the traditional sense, I do need to make sure it’s as hot as possible for the guy paying to watch. I’ve been attracted to sex work, because the idea of getting paid for something I love to do is a really cool idea. I’ve stayed away from it because of the legal concerns but of course there’s nothing illegal about  getting paid to be dominated and fucked in front of someone. Of course, while I think this is cool I also realize that I should keep it to myself as plenty of people would be upset by it - like my job, my parents, etc. I’m not doing anything illegal but still there’s a stigma against sex work of any kind.

Slow Night; Good Orgasm

Published
by
Nadia
on September 20, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, exhibitionism, sex parties, slut, spanking and submissive
. 0 Comments

After having the guest over in the afternoon, we went out that evening to a swing club. I was really horny and so glad to be having such a sex-filled day. Unfortunately, the club was slow. At one point I was one of only two women in the club. Now, granted, this is the perfect set up for MasterDoc to give me that gang bang he’s always threatening. But I guess he didn’t find enough guys suitable (he had his eye on three guys, but one turned out to be a jackass), or he didn’t feel in the mood to do it. We cuddled a bit in the back room (the one with the spanking bench) and at first that’s all we were going to do. But we got an audience of one guy stroking himself and so MasterDoc decided to flip me over and spank a bit. He started out caressing my ass and stroking my back. I had tensed up waiting for a spank but instead I got petted. I relaxed into it and enjoyed the sensation.

He had me pull my pants half down, so I was naked from waist to knees, as I lay face down on the bed. He started spanking me with his hand. He slapped quite hard but I was into it last night. It hurt but I was enjoying the pain. He slapped my ass for quite a while, I’m sure it got all red. I could hear a small gathering of an audience behind me. It sounded like the audience was into watching me get hit, and this only fueled his spanking harder. I was surprised at how long and hard he hit me, but I enjoyed being the submissive and trying to take all I could. He got out the leather slapper and slapped my ass some with that, turning it over to the whip end a couple of times. The spanking went on for a while, with me crying out when the pain got to be too much. It seemed like he went on forever. Just when I thought maybe he’d stop, just when he complained I was making his shoulder hurt, he would keep on going. My ass stung. The audience sounded like they were really enjoying watching a slut get spanked hard. Eventually, he stopped and had me get dressed. One guy talked with MasterDoc after about the local bdsm club and bdsm play in general.

 We wandered around the club a bit more, still next to no couples there, mostly single guys. After a break we found ourselves in the exhibitionists’ room. (Go figure. Would you ever expect us to be there?) We lay down on the bed and guys gathered around to watch. I sucked MasterDoc’s cock for a while. We made out a bit. It was all very sexy and slow moving. I really got into it. He had me play with my new toy (the nea) and get myself worked up and close to the edge. He’d finger me, then take his fingers out and have me lick them to wet them. He commented at one point about how the audience seemed to like that. He’d slide them in me, get me worked up, then take them out and have me lick them thoroughly to wet them. He asked me at one point if I needed lube and I said I was fine. It turned out later I probably should have had some lube (I bled a bit) but we all know that I tend to like things rough. In the heat of the moment I was having a good time while guys crowded around to watch him finger me. He’d slap my thighs in between fingering my cunt. I got so worked up and started begging to come. He made me say it louder, so the crowd could hear me. “Please let me come, Sir!”

“Are you a filthy slut?”

“Yes, Sir, I’m a filthy slut.”

He didn’t let me come right away, but instead kept fingering me while I kept playing with the nea on my clit. I was so worked up, and he’d say to me, “That’s it, keep it on the edge. Good girl.” I so wanted to come! He was working my g-spot inside and I wondered if maybe I would squirt when I came. I’d open my eyes every so often and see the men huddled around watching. One guy was stroking his cock while watching me. While I get a little shy (i.e., I can’t keep my eyes open) I do love being the center of attention. MasterDoc had me totally focused on my cunt and clit and I begged again to be allowed to come. After waiting a bit more, he let me come and I screamed out in pleasure. My muscles clenched and I’m surprised I didn’t squirt. I came and came and came. It was a really earth-shattering orgasm.

Afterward, breathless, I managed to get out a, “Thank you, Sir.” I lay down for a bit, catching my breath. The guy who had had his cock out said that he really enjoyed watching and would love to “be a part of your (MasterDoc’s) circle.” He implied that he would be glad to submit too and MasterDoc just thanked him and declined. MasterDoc had me give the guy a hand, however, and I stroked his cock for a while while other guys watched. Eventually MasterDoc decided that he had had enough and we got dressed. We hung out for a while longer, but things never picked up. I was still a horny girl, but I had had wonderful orgasms, so I couldn’t complain. *grin* We went home, getting bagels on the way as usual, and hung out for a while at home before getting to sleep.

Dirty Slut

Published
by
Nadia
on September 20, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, blow jobs, dom, exhibitionism, kink, orgasm denial, sex, slut and spanking
. 0 Comments

We had a guest over for the first time in a while. I was feeling more shy than usual, but in a way that is hot - I felt more embarassed to be used as a slut in front of an audience and that humiliation was a turn on. Add to this the fact that MasterDoc was more into verbal humiliation than usual and it was a somewhat difficult scene in some respects. Yet, while I found it hard to be called a filthy slut so much, I was also really turned on. Humiliation is a hard kink to have, because you feel like you shouldn’t enjoy it so much. You feel embarassed and shy and yet your crotch is on fire.

MasterDoc had me suck his cock for a while, but the guy first asked why I was still dressed. So I was told to get up and get undressed for the man. I was quickly naked and back on my knees sucking cock. MasterDoc had me look at the guy as I did so, something he knows is difficult for me. I tried my best to be a good girl and make eye contact while licking and sucking. After a bit, he had me lay on my stomach for a spanking. He was rougher than I thought he would be, I knew that the guy watching wasn’t so much into bdsm as trying to broaden his horizons. At one point later on MasterDoc slapped my face harder than usual, and I had a momentary worry about marks (there are no marks, the man knows what he’s doing) and he’d grab my hair hard in between. While the roughness threw me off a bit, I kept in submissive mode and took what he gave me.

He fucked me in front of the guy, calling me a dirty whore during. I moaned at the feel of his cock inside me. I wanted so much to come. He got me to the edge but held me there and didn’t let me come. It was so hot being watched. After, he had me play with myself in front of the man, we were waiting at that point for another man to show up, and I had my legs spread wide while the man watched me stroke my clit. I was really wet during all this. The guy had a hard on from watching me. He asked MasterDoc if he could would have me suck his cock. MasterDoc declined, but had me lend the guy a hand for a while. I had this guy’s cock in one hand, MasterDoc’s in the other hand. How slutty, giving two handjobs at once! *grin*

The other guy never showed up, and the first guy had to get going. I was left having not had an orgasm and I was feeling horny. What made me even more horny was that MasterDoc has gotten back this medical device that’s supposed to help women orgasm easier. It provides suction on your clit and you use it a few times a week to improve blood flow. (The perks of dating a doctor! lol) He had me use it for a while and the sucking turned me on some more. He’s sending me home with the device and we will see how easy it makes it for me to come. Rowr. So I was all sorts of horny when we went out that evening.

Dinner and a Few Fucks

Published
by
Nadia
on August 27, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, dp, edge play, horny, orgasm denial, porn and sex
. 2 Comments

I got to spend time with MasterDoc last night. I asked if he wanted me to go get dinner from the kitchen and he said, “Oh we’re going to eat now? I thought we were going to fuck.” Um well, like I’m going to say no to that! He told me to assume the position for best access and I found a position on the floor, on my knees, head down, ass up, legs apart. I lingered in that position for a while while he watched some porn.  He’d smack my ass every so often. I was getting turned on just being exposed to him like that, being left waiting for the fucking I was coming to want more and more. He finally came over and slid his cock into me. He fucked me for a bit, getting me really aroused. He stopped and put more lube down there and soon I felt a finger against my asshole. I moaned and pushed back on his cock and the finger. He slid his thumb in my ass and fucked me with the thumb inside me. I was a horny slut just loving the feeling of being penetrated in two holes. I begged to be allowed to come but he kept me on the edge. He’d fuck me hard and I’d beg even harder. Finally, he allowed me to come - under the caveat that I should under no circumstances push his cock out. I still haven’t quite gotten the hang of coming while not contracting - I rode this orgasmic wave for a while, semi-coming. I’m not sure if he pulled out or if I eventually pushed him out despite my efforts, but then he was fingering me, hard. I came and came and came. He really fingered me for a while. I’m a lucky girl! I was amazed by how long I could keep coming and coming.

After the fucking he sent me to get dinner from the kitchen. The food was a little so-so after sitting for a while and he couldn’t resist saying to me, “Well YOU wanted to fuck before dinner!”

After dinner we’re sitting on the sofa and he gets an idea (I can see this on his face). He holds out his thumb and says, “Suck my thumb.” I think ok, cool, submissive act, etc. but as I’m moving my head towards his thumb it dawns on me - that thumb had been up my ass. Eww. But I felt that by this time I had agreed to suck it and I couldn’t stop at that point (I was quite in submissive mode). He asked if I could taste my ass on it and I said no (thankfully!). He had been watching my face wondering at what point I realized that it was the thumb used on my ass. I explained that it hit me before I got it in my mouth.

We fucked some more, with me on my back. Again I begged to be allowed to come, but this time he didn’t give permission. He talked about fucking me up the ass and he realized that the bed would be better for that so we moved to the bedroom.

He had me set up some porn on the laptop and he fucked me some more, but not up my ass just yet. I begged to come but wasn’t allowed. We rested for a bit and he told me to find more porn online. I asked what category and he initially said anything I want, but then said, “No. Search for piss.” MasterDoc has been threatening to piss on me (and in my mouth) for as long as I’ve known him. It’s constantly hanging over my head. Piss play is not my kink, I have no problem with people indulging in it if that’s what they like but watching the piss porn just made me nauseous. (These women were soaked in the piss of several men and they spit it from mouth to mouth.) After we fucked (he never did fuck me up the ass. Pity, as I thought I might be able to come that way and not have to worry about my vaginal muscles pushing out), I curled up and tried not to watch the porn. I had complained that I was still horny (having been fucked a couple of times and not allowed to come, despite the orgasms I had earlier in the evening) and MasterDoc came up with an idea - I could play with my bullet vibe and make myself come, but I had to watch the piss porn while doing it. Yes, I can tell he is trying to condition me to like piss play. It was so hard to watch the piss porn as it’s totally not erotic to me, but I was so horny that I managed to sorta block out what I was watching and I had a great trembling orgasm. Thankfully, I was allowed to not watch after I came.

While we were hanging out after, MasterDoc said something about wanting to train me to orgasm less. Argh! If that’s not cruel and unusual punishment I don’t know what is. Orgasms are good. I just see myself walking around in a state of total frustration (and bitchiness) if I had fewer orgasms - particularly if he fucks me just as much and gets me so worked up.

I’ve got a writing assignment to do this week (I’m not seeing him again for a week, sigh) - I have to write an erotic account of what I’d like to happen next time I see the woman I went down on at the party last Friday. She was going to come play with us last night but mother nature intervened (period). I’ve been given permission to call her up and after setting up plans for Wednesday with MasterDoc and I, I can see if she’s available over the long weekend for me to see alone. Rowr. After I went down on her the other night she told me I’m really good at it, and as we said goodbye she gushed how she was so happy to have met me. Hee hee. I so infrequently get the attention of ladies I’m thrilled when it actually happens.
Today I was chatting with MasterDoc online and the idea of him having a live-in submissive came up, and he said he’s sure I’d freak out if he did that. And yes, I had to admit I would - and I realized that strangely, I’d be upset to have someone else doing the chores I do around his place. But after that I realized, duh, I’m a submissive, I should enjoy serving. I’d feel somehow less useful to him if I didn’t help around the house. Ultimately the big thing I’d be upset over is the idea of someone else getting time with him when I want to be spending time with him. I want more time with him, not less.

____________________________________________________________

I’ve put a new template into wordpress - pretty template but it does some weird things to my side bar (now the digsby widget and my list of categories are underneath everything, rather than to the right). Maybe I should just let the Curmudgeony Librarian work on my site when he gets time. I got mentioned on fleshbot and my site stats have soared over the past day. Cool beans! I love a larger audience for my exploits.

More Coming on Command

Published
by
Nadia
on August 12, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, dom, orgasm on command, porn and sex
. 1 Comment

Last night I went over to MasterDoc’s. We had dinner and watched a movie, pretty normal stuff. Then he put porn on the laptop and that was the start of something really hot. We watched bdsm porn. This German porn actress was doing her first bdsm porn scene (I think). A sadistic English guy tortured her nipples, spanked her, flogged her, all while her arms were tied behind her back. Then she got retied into this bent over position and he fucked her, vaginally and anally. I’m drawing a blank on how the scene ended, as by that time I was being fucked silly by MasterDoc.

While warming up, we both watched the porn, and he let me use my bullet vibe. I was hot and wet in no time. It really is amazing how much hotter I get watching bdsm porn than regular porn. I was so on the edge of coming, and we hadn’t even started yet. I ached to be fucked while keeping myself warm. I got so wildly turned on imagining myself in the actress’ place.

He had me get on my hands and knees and he fucked me from behind. My job was to make sure the laptop didn’t go into screensaver mode - now being fucked hard while being incredibly turned on is not conducive to keeping an eye on a laptop. I would be clenching my eyes shut, moaning, begging to come when suddenly MasterDoc would smack my ass and remind me of my job. I tried watching the porn so I could notice when the screensaver came on, but I would always get distracted by the tingling in my cunt. He spanked my ass intermittently and would thrust hard for a while until I was a blithering, begging mess, then slow down slightly. He kept me on the edge, something he’s gotten frighteningly good at. I don’t know if I have ever begged as hard to come as I did last night. Maybe that other time recently when he really worked me over. I was desperate to come. I cannot convey to you how my body felt - tingling, tense, dying for release. While it was torture it all felt so good at the same time. I tell you, who needs drugs when you’ve got sex?

He fucked me for a while, til I was out of breath and off in another world. We lay down next to each other and I caught my breath. He reached over and started playing with my clit. He commented on how he hasn’t really paid a lot of attention to stimulating my clit. (I really enjoy penetration, although obviously from my love of the bullet vibe on my clit I like clitoral stimulation as well. Heck, I just like stimulation.) He played with my clit, getting me even more worked up than I was before. Eventually, he told me to come and of course I came on command. I moaned and screamed (he had to tell me more than once to shut up). He alternated fingers inside me and fingers on my clit. I don’t know exactly how long I came but it was good and long. I was just speechless afterwards. (But soon found my voice to say, “Thank you, Sir.”)

Words cannot describe how amazingly good I felt. I am at a loss to adequately describe it so you, the reader, can feel what I felt. We lay close together and I felt both satisfied and ready for more. After a bit of a break, we ended up kissing. I still yearned for him so I kissed back passionately. We made out for a while and I got more and more turned on. After a little while of making out, he puts his hand in my hair, grabs a handful and says, “I want you,” pause for another kiss, “to come now.” Oh my god. My entire body spasmed and I had an incredible orgasm purely from the sound of his voice and the feel of his hand in my hair. He held me as I came, telling me what a good girl I am. I came for a while, probably only seconds when it comes down to it, but it wasn’t a quick little orgasm. Guys, if you can get a woman into that state you can get her to do anything. I thanked my lucky stars that I had met MasterDoc.

He hadn’t come yet, so he had me play with his ass while he stroked himself and watched the porn some more. I kneaded his ass cheeks as his breathing got shorter. It seemed like he was on the edge for a moment or two. He came and I stupidly stopped playing with his ass. I really should know better, he likes me to continue doing it for a little while even after he’s come. He had me wipe up the come, get us some drinks of water and we gradually wound down until it was bedtime. We cuddled for a while then went off to sleep.

I think this whole coming on command thing proves the point that the brain is the largest sex organ in the human. He is so good at getting inside my head, at knowing what turns me on, at getting me into a desperate state physically and mentally. I can’t wait for the next time.

Bruises

Published
by
Nadia
on November 5, 2007
in bdsm, dom, sex and spanking
. 0 Comments

I’m not ranting so much now although I bemoaned the stress of being a slutty woman in a world that’s anti-slutty women to D.S. today. It gets wearing sometimes. Most of the time I’m perfectly happy being a wild pervert, getting off on all sorts of interesting things, but every now and then being viewed as a skanky ho gets to me. It’s not a fair assessment, and I know this, but getting a negative reaction often enough is wearing. Thankfully I have D.S., Davey and MasterDoc (among others) who view my slutty-ness as a positive and even empowered thing. (MasterDoc once said to me, “What’s the definition of a slut? A woman who has as much sex as you’d like to have.” Hee hee.)

I saw MasterDoc today and…. got to clean his bedroom. lol I knew that someday he’d make good on his threat to have me over just to clean and today he did. Thankfully, however, he was tempted by my sitting around in my underwear (his apartment is so hot and I was sweaty after cleaning) so cleaning wasn’t the only thing we ended up doing.

So yes, I did my submissive duty by taking out the garbage today and cleaning up his bedroom but then I was thankfully rewarded with a good over the knee spanking followed by harsh slaps to my delicate inner thighs. My pain tolerance wasn’t too bad when I was getting smacked on my ass and back of my thighs, but once he had me turn around so that my front was exposed to his slapping hands it became much harder to keep my composure or to keep my legs apart. He’d take a break from the hitting to finger my pussy for a bit, finding me sopping wet. At one point he asked if he needed to gag me as I was crying out in pain. I said, “Yes, Sir.” but he decided he’d rather hear me cry out. I’ve got some lovely bruises on my inner thighs now. D.S. suggested taking pictures of them to post here but I’m too tired tonight.

Of course MasterDoc also had me suck his cock quite a bit. Yummy. I wasn’t given an orgasm, he wants me primed and ready for the threesome we have planned for tomorrow night….

————-

I’m chatting with an old friend (ok, a guy I’ve fooled around with) and he’s just asked me what my favorite thing to do sexually is. And I answered honestly - have orgasms. lol He met me years ago when I was experimenting with being dominant and he’s defintely a sub. Pity he’s married and settled down now and not getting to explore his kinky side. (He reads this blog now and then to live vicariously through me. Obviously since the time I met him I’ve decided I’m much more sub than dom, which I knew to begin with but I had to experiment a little.) We just had a nice chat about the joys of hot wax. Yes, yet another person who appreciates me for who I am.

Sex Party

Published
by
Nadia
on October 28, 2007
in bdsm, dom, sex and sex parties
. 0 Comments

So this afternoon I get a text message out of the blue - from the 23 year-old. “Hey do you have plans today?” Um, yeah. I’m not sure if he sent the message to the wrong number or if what I figured would happen is happening - he’s gotten over the embarrassment of coming too fast and is now trying to get together with me again. We shall see. I texted him back saying that I was busy and that, “This is unexpected.” Didn’t hear from him a second time. The Irishman has been emailing me again, he wants to get together. But I’m not particularly interested in seeing either of them. It’s times like this when I’m happy to play the “I can’t sleep with anyone my dom doesn’t approve” card.

Last night I went to a party with MasterDoc. The party was intended as a mix of swinging and bdsm although it was leaning more towards the swinging side of things. We had fun but we didn’t get to play with as many other people as we would have liked to. However, I really enjoyed the fun that we had there together.

Over the course of the night, I was spanked over his knee, briefly flogged kneeling on the floor (and thoughtful man that he is, MasterDoc packed knee pads for me because he knows I have knee issues). I was dressed as a naughty school girl (as it’s a Halloween party) and my skirt ended up flipped up quite a few times. I gave MasterDoc head many times over the course of the evening (and I did my best to show how much I was enjoying it in the hopes that people might want to join us).

As I said, we didn’t end up swinging quite as much as we would have liked, but there was some fun had. We joined a couple at one point and as I started fooling around with the woman she suggested to the man that she could go down on me while he fucked her from behind. Sweet! She went down on me for a while and got her fingers inside at the same time. MasterDoc was a wee bit left out on this initially, but after she was done with me the woman went down on him as well and I joined her. The other guy then tried to fuck me but had issues with keeping it up. (Makes me glad to be a woman. If I’m having arousal issues I just slap some lube down there and keep going, usually the arousal follows. But when you’re a guy and your penis isn’t cooperating you’re really in a bind. Although as I always say, “you’ve got ten fingers and a tongue!”)

We set me up a couple of times in the “private” rooms in full view of the doorway so that we could try to entice others to join us. My instructions were that I was not to flirt with the single guys (there were no technically single guys there, but men would end up walking around without their dates) and I was to flirt with the couples where the woman would be one that MasterDoc would be interested in fucking. It was interesting going to a swing party as a submissive rather than as a free agent like I’m used to. I’m sure I would have fucked many more men last night if I could have made the choices myself. Men certainly showed interest in me and most of them I would have been interested in back. (Not this one guy though. Ugh. He had a bald head except for a patch of hair at the back where he had small braids coming out of it. He just totally did NOT do it for me. At one point when he and his date are talking to us he starts stroking my leg. Ugh. Luckily MasterDoc didn’t show interest in the woman he was with.) But alas, I wasn’t a free agent. Still, MasterDoc fucked me about three times (and once more after we got home) so I wasn’t exactly going without good fucking (and coming). While the party was winding down he got me on the sofa in the socializing area and started fucking me while people were getting their coats and such. He loves the attention every bit as much as I do. We inspired a couple to go off to the private rooms and so we followed, in hopes of a swap. I fingered the woman as she went down on the man, and MasterDoc and I both played with her breasts. But when it came time to have sex the guy she was with fucked her, and MasterDoc fucked me, side by side, doggy style. It felt so good and I was so loud. I just love when I can be loud! Unfortunately it was time for everyone to go at this point.

We got bagels on the way home (yummy - fresh!) and all in all I had a good night out with MasterDoc. He was still horny when we got home so we ended up fucking again, this time I had to be quiet so we wouldn’t wake his roommate or neighbors. I actually managed to be quiet - goes to show I can do it when I focus on it enough. I really enjoyed being fucked last night. It just felt really amazing each time. It’s funny how I wasn’t overly horny all week but I thoroughly enjoyed having sex last night (and today). As a finale last night, MasterDoc came on my face. Then we got some sleep.

Thursday was a relatively mellow evening with MasterDoc, although there was some flogging/spanking and for the first time ever I begged him to stop. My pain tolerance varies so much. One time recently he used hot wax on me and while it hurt I could take it and I got phenomenally wet. I don’t consider myself a pain slut but I suppose you have to wonder after that reaction. But then on Thursday he didn’t spank me any harder than he’s done before but I couldn’t handle it. As I said, my pain tolerance varies widely.

Oh, almost forgot, I was getting spanked at one point last night with a crop by another dom, when, without my knowledge, MasterDoc got someone to smack me a few times with a single tail whip. Yikes. I totally couldn’t take it, and I wasn’t even hit all that hard. It really fucking hurt. So much for the idea of me being a pain slut.