Archive for the 'masochism' Category

2008 in Review

Published
by
Nadia
on January 1, 2009
in D/s, Uncategorized, assault, bdsm, best sex bloggers, caning, depression, edge play, exhibitionism, fisting, masochism, orgasm on command, pillow princess, piss play, sexuality and year in review
. 0 Comments

I didn’t have plans to do this, but I’ve seen some of my favorite bloggers post year end summaries for the past year and I decided to spend some time today reading through my entries to take a look at the year that was 2008. (I spent hours today re-reading my entries from this year. Damn, I write a lot!)

I started off the year having a great sex, albeit with the hindrance of prozac killing my libido and response. I didn’t consider myself a masochist at the start of the year, but in early February I changed that identification of myself. On the other hand, I started off the year bruising quite nicely, but now I barely bruise on my ass. I was also struggling with coming on command - not quite able to hold myself at a peak of arousal and not always able to come when permission was granted. Davey watched me get Dommed by MasterDoc and MasterDoc made me eat out of a bowl on the floor like a dog. MasterDoc and I continued doing shows for strangers.

In February I fucked a black guy for the first time in my life, and the entry was titled (at MasterDoc’s insistence) “BBC and Me.” My dose of prozac was lowered, which helped my libido and ability to come, but not by much (didn’t help my depression). MasterDoc decided we were going to lose weight together and we embarked on exercising and eating better. S. and I gave Davey a surprise threesome for his birthday.

In March I spent a lot of time reflecting on submission, what it means to me and why I do it. It’s been good to re-read those entries. I also waxed poetic about being face slapped. I suffered a bout of depression and clearly the lowered dose of prozac wasn’t adequate. It was also nearing the anniversary of the time I was sexually assaulted at a play party, and I still dwelled quite a bit on that.

In April I started off the month reflecting on why I enjoy public sex.  Davey, MasterDoc and I attempted double penetration but were unsuccessful (this is still true). I participated in sugasm for the first time. I wrote a bit about feminism and submission. We used a female condom for sex one time. I masturbated without permission and felt horribly guilty about it and confessed right away. At some point along the way I fell in love with MasterDoc. I had a challenging evening when we had a woman guest and I felt superfluous to the whole situation.

In May I proclaimed my average-ness. I started lusting after Photoshop and Dreamweaver to make my own site (I was still on blogspot at the time). And MasterDoc’s Puppy came for a visit. I had the first hint that maybe I could come without genital stimulation at some point. I purchased this domain and started trying to figure out how to get a blog up and running. I ended up going with wordpress, which I got installed for me.

My ass actually blistered a little bit after a spanking in June during one of our shows. I got called a pillow princess and reflected on my selfishness in bed, resolving to be less selfish. I discussed being assaulted three years ago at a play party and worked some more on dealing with the residual trauma from that. The swing club we frequent added a spanking bench, much to my and MasterDoc’s joy. I got swatted with a cane for the first time. I got good enough at riding the edge of orgasm that I could come when given the command (with genital stimulation).

I officially moved to kinkylibrarian.net at the start of July. (Looks like a few entries didn’t carry over when I made the switch. The old blog is still up, however.) I started talking about an interest in edge play like needle play and cutting. D.S. came for a visit and we had a very hot simultaneous orgasm. I contemplated many things like leading a double life, masochism and submission. I finally came without genital stimulation - and squirted too! I was on wellbutrin (in addition to prozac) for a little while by this time, and my sex drive had fully returned. I talked a little about early D/s experiences. I despaired over being denied orgasm, but was thrilled to have MasterDoc come in my mouth for the first time. MasterDoc and I had been seeing each other for a year by the end of this month.

In August I started participating in Half Nekkid Thursday, which I’ve done sporadically since. I struggled a bit with being a submissive and really opening myself up to someone - including giving MasterDoc my passwords to a few sites. We went to a hot (HOT) pool party. I started blogging over at Best Sex Bloggers. I spoke out about STIs and education. I had a very hot round of anal sex with MasterDoc, where I asked for more lube but then came really hard when he fucked me without adding lube. I enjoyed a moment of schadenfreude when I got to watch the online downfall of the guy who assaulted me (Jefferson). I don’t think I’ve blogged about the assault since - the experience of seeing him called on his bullshit by so many people really helped me heal a great deal.

September started out with me adding Babeland as an affiliate. (Still hasn’t netted me any money, but I still feel good about promoting that business.) I made the list of Top 100 Sex Bloggers. I also started reviewing toys, first for Lelo then for Babeland. Davey and I had a foursome while on vacation. MasterDoc and I gave an impromptu show one afternoon, then saw a couple in the evening. It dawned on me that our little shows technically make me a sex worker. I saw D.S. for one last time before he moved to San Francisco. I added Vibe Review as an affiliate at the end of the month.

In October, I put a toy into MasterDoc’s ass for the first time. I also wrote the terrific line, “I was a horny mass of sluttiness at that point.” I continued to try to get my head around the idea of him pissing on me. I wrote a little about dealing with depression while being submissive and how a beating can really make me feel better. MasterDoc made me come by slapping my clit. I talked about my early sexual and bdsm experiences. I had a bout of depression and cried during a scene - really cried - for the first time.

By November I could come at MasterDoc’s command quite well. I got philosophical about how change is an integral part of life. I came and squirted from being spanked at a swing club and later that night got fucked up the ass in public for the second time. One evening I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off - and that ended up being the night that MasterDoc peed on me for the first time. I was so turned on and so deep into submission that I came as he peed on my clit. I went to the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party and met a bunch of fellow bloggers. I also participated in Pleasurists for the first time. I come some more from pain and come again without being touched at all.

I started off December feeling cross with MasterDoc, but things were soon resolved and I wrote a post about how wonderful he is. He had a Domme-in-training come by for lessons and she fucked me with a strap on. The next night, a Dom came over with his three submissives and we had a fun bdsm orgy of sorts. I fisted a woman for the first time. MasterDoc figured out that he could use my new anal beads as a whip. Yikes. I fell ill with a stomach virus and actually turned down sex one day. But we used that time to go over my bdsm checklist and see what limits could be pushed in the future that perhaps we’ve been neglecting. We finished off the year going to a gangbang party last weekend.

All-in-all it’s been a hot year and I’ve come a long way with coming on command. I enjoyed reviewing my year via my blog but jeez, I really was at it for several hours. Thank you all for reading and I hope to have more adventures in 2009.

Three Thumbs Up!

Published
by
Nadia
on December 7, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, cunt, fisting, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, swinging, sybian and wax play
. 0 Comments

I feel very fortunate to have so many wild, fun sexual experiences. I really am very lucky. While I was a total pervert before I met MasterDoc, he has led me further down the path of debauchery and I love him for it. Last night we had some guests - a Dom, his slave #1(who lives in NY), his slave #2 (a Canadian down for a visit) and a woman who is potentially going to be his, so right now she’s a submissive under consideration I guess. (Edited 12/10 to get the hierarchy correct.) Liz was visiting and MasterDoc got her to cook dinner - a spectacular feast as always (complete with made-from-scratch apple pie!) We got settled with our guests and enjoyed some wine with dinner. Now, as a submissive I call MasterDoc “Sir” and not “Master” since our relationship is not that of Master and slave. I don’t think I have it in me to be someone’s slave. I’m too spoiled, cantankerous, and selfish to commit to being a slave. I’m really very happy with the situation I have with MasterDoc. He knows how to work with my difficult aspects, but I digress. It was different to be around submissives who refer to their Dom as Master. Not bad, just different. I can see where I’m much more autonomous than they are. I don’t have to call MasterDoc Sir when I don’t have my collar on (unless he’s just given me a direct order, then it’s appropriate) and things are on a closer-to-equal footing when I’m not in my collar. (They’re never truly equal, but then that’s part of the attraction of a Dom/sub relationship. I want him to be in charge, even when I’m feeling stubborn.) I think I’ve found a D/s relationship that works well for me, and I very much respect the other types of D/s relationships there are out there. It’s fascinating to discover that each one is so different. You’d think there’s one way to be a Dom but there really isn’t. There’s as many D/s relationship structures as there are people who practice power exchange.

The slaves and sub were all good about doing things like dishing out food at dinner and what not. As hostess I really should have been better, but I’m a crap hostess. lol I did set the table, and take their coats and stuff like that. I tried to be on my best behavior. I missed a few things like putting out napkins on the table, but I remedied it as quickly as possible when it was noticed. I was feeling really shy last night. Not shy sexually, after all, when am I shy sexually? But quiet, not talkative. Luckily the other ladies were friendly and engaged me in conversation. The Canadian one really caught my eye - curvy with a nose ring and color streaked hair - definitely my type. The other two were hot as well but some people are just more your type than others. The Dom is a handsome man, in his 40s, and his ladies seemed quite devoted to him. All in all, everyone was nice and I really enjoyed the time we spent with them.

After dinner, we hung out in the living room. Dynamics-wise it was interesting as the other ladies sat on the floor (out of choice, I believe) and I sat on the sofa with the two men. I’m not sure exactly how we got things started, but MasterDoc asked to borrow some wax to do some wax play on me. I spread out on the reclining chair and he dripped wax all over me. It hurt, but in a wonderful, sensational way. The first candle he chose was white, so the wax didn’t show up in the dim light, but he switched to a red candle at the other Dom’s urging. I braced myself since darker candles are supposed to burn hotter. I don’t know that there was a significant difference, but he sadistically dripped wax in the delicate area next to my mons.

He sent me to clean up, and I’m foggy on what exactly happened next. There was some spanking at one point. There were clothespins put on the nipples of one of the ladies. The Canadian knelt in front of her Master and he lulled her into the submissive headspace. I was told to come over to her and play with her tits. I felt shy but slowly made my way over. He directed the action every step of the way. I was to suck on one tit, then the other. He had her and me lean in close to each other, not kissing just yet but leaning in close, cheek to cheek. He told us both to smell each other and we stroked our cheeks against each other and sniffed slowly. He told us to start kissing, but not on the mouth, on the cheek, the neck, any place else. She really dove in and started to work on my neck. I’ve got a bit of a hickey today from it. I was in such a happy place. He slowly moved us towards kissing on the lips, and she dove in before he gave permission. I was so hot for her at this point, the slowness was agony (and I’m sure he knew it!) He got her to back off, but then gave us permission and our tongues met and she sucked on my lips sensually. She’s a very good kisser. Our hands reached out to each other’s bodies and we caressed and played, she sucked on my tits for a bit then dove in to my pussy. I sit back, leaning against the couch, and closed my eyes as she worked magic on my clit. She was instructed to get her ass in the air, near the couch so MasterDoc could spank her. I reached under her stomach and found her clit and massaged it with my fingers. It was so damn hot watching MasterDoc spank her while she went down on me. I hardly noticed what the rest of them were up to. *grin* I do believe the other Dom got a blow job from his other women.

I had the thought at one point in the evening, that plenty of people would consider us to be sick freaks. I mean, the evening is totally outside of what most people do with their Saturday evenings. But this is definitely a case of “if it’s wrong I don’t want to be right.” Last night was among the hottest nights of my life. It was better than porn. Seriously.

The sybian was brought out, and each of our lady guests got turns riding it. It is amazing to watch a woman on the sybian. The look on her face is just beautiful. MasterDoc ran the controls and made each lady come over and over again, after they got his permission of course. Two of the ladies fooled around while one of them rode the sybian, I got prompted to join in after I was just sitting there watching the action. I got to watch pretty much all of the sybian rides, and my mouth was hanging open at how hot it was to watch. I was so horny! I was feeling a little left out and wondering when I’d get to have an orgasm, but I kept quiet and behaved myself. Luckily, the other Dom wanted to see me on the sybian as well. MasterDoc had me get my gag since it was late at night and we didn’t want my screams to disturb the neighbors. So, bit gag in mouth, I got on the sybian. MasterDoc positioned himself right in front of me so I could fall forward into his arms. He teased me and I was begging to come in no time. (Hard to do with the gag in my mouth. lol) He asked the other Dom if he thought I should be allowed to come yet, and he said not yet. So MasterDoc teased me a bit more. When he allowed me to come, my whole body convulsed and I grabbed at him, moaning through the gag.

This might be when we took a break to have pie, I can’t quite remember. While we were in the dining room, MasterDoc played with the clover clamps on the Canadian slave’s breasts. Youch. I can’t take them, but she rode through the pain. He got her to take the chain into her mouth, holding the clamps so they were pulling on her nipples roughly. I could tell the pain was turning her on. MasterDoc started playing with her cunt, and eventually she came as he slapped her clit. She even squirted across the table. (I was seated next to them and got splashed a little.)

Back in the living room, even more happened. Oh yes, you’re probably thinking damn, this night has been really hot so far, but oh I am a lucky girl and the night continued to get hotter. The Canadian slave went over to MasterDoc and they played a bit (I think she gave him a blow job, I’m not sure my back was turned). I was called over to the other Dom and he placed clothes pins on my nipples. He followed up with clothes pins all around my breasts. He then had me turn and show MasterDoc. Some pictures were taken (MasterDoc making sure that my face wasn’t in any of them). I was left like that for a little while. The clothespins pinched my flesh. When MasterDoc nudged to have the other Dom take them off it hurt while each one came off, but he had two of his ladies kiss and caress each spot as he took them off. The two continued to suck on my nipples, my very sensitive nipples. He had the third one come around behind me and stroke my head, meanwhile he (the other Dom) slid his fingers into my cunt. Oh my god the feeling was amazing having so many hands on my body. I begged to be allowed to come, and from the sofa MasterDoc taunted me, asking me if I was sure I wanted to come. He teased me while the other Dom played with my g-spot. When I was allowed to come I came hard yet again. Afterwards, MasterDoc told me I was a very good girl and I beamed. I’m positively swooning as I write this. I have the best time being a slut. I mean, really amazing fun.

Just when you’d think the night couldn’t get any better, the Canadian slave got fisted in front of all of us. I sat there, mesmerized, with a front row seat to watching her get fisted. Her Master’s entire hand fit inside her cunt. “Jesus Christ,” I thought, “This is cool!” I mean, how many people get up to this on a Saturday night? Before I knew it, I was being talked into fisting her as well. I had never fisted anyone before, so the Dom talked me through the whole process, gradually adding more fingers and more of my hand (and lots of lube) until my entire fist was inside her. When she came I could feel her vaginal muscles squeezing my hand. My hand remained inside her as he kissed her afterwards, forgotten. It was funny. Eventually it was like, “Oh I forgot your hand was in there!” and he had me take it gently out. She gave me a great kiss and cuddle afterwards and it was great to make another woman feel that good. It was totally hot. I’m sure I sound like a fourteen-year-old boy but, dude, last night was totally hot. *grin*

If I could have a night like that every night of my life I would never feel depressed. It was amazing. I hope that they come to play with us again sometime soon.

After they left, I cleaned up a bit and hung out with MasterDoc and Liz. We all agreed that they were nice people and we hope to see them again. It was just about bedtime for me when MasterDoc’s cock got hard. He said something about fucking me in the morning, but I was keen to get fucked then. (I just knew I’d want to sleep in as late as I could in the morning.) And, yippee!, he decided to fuck me. We went into the bedroom and he went down on me for a little while. He then fucked me from behind and he had me in a state in no time. I was moaning, dying to come. He fucked me hard and I struggled to hold back from coming. Then he gave me permission and I came, my muscles clenching his cock. It was a wonderful ending to a wonderful evening. I fell forward after, dazed. I cuddled up to MasterDoc and felt so very thankful to have him in my life. Today, I was sad to leave, uncertain when I get to see MasterDoc next. I really can’t get enough of him.

Addendum: I changed the title of this after MasterDoc reminded me that we already had a title for it - last night the other Dom came up with the joke of three thumbs up, i.e. his two thumbs and the dildo sticking up from the sybian. The new mark of a successful sexual encounter - three thumbs up!

Lessons

Published
by
Nadia
on December 7, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, bisexuality, flogging, lesbian, masochism, slut, spanking and sybian
. 0 Comments

I’ve had a busy weekend with MasterDoc. After resolving our differences, I felt much, much better and was happy to have a few days to spend with him. I was off on Friday and he had a busy day planned - a gentleman coming over to learn about BDSM in the late morning, then lunch out, then a friend of a friend who wants to be a Domme coming over for lessons in the evening. A full day, and my ass was sure to get beaten quite a lot!

In the morning, it was definitely more a case of him teaching rather than simply using me in front of an audience. Still, I got quite a flogging/spanking and the guy got to try out hitting my ass as well. I was pretty sore afterward! A funny aside, this guy later turns out to be someone who MasterDoc’s friend Liz had once dated before she met her boyfriend and became serious about him. What a small slut world New York is! This guy was cute and I totally would have done him in a heartbeat. Hopefully he comes back for more lessons later. *naughty grin* MasterDoc gave me a ride on the sybian and I came hard. I mean HARD, like I usually do on the sybian. I was leaning forward onto him, grasping at him, me a blubbering mess.

Lunch was very yummy - there’s an Indian restaurant by MasterDoc that has a terrific lunch special and it’s such a great deal. The food is terrific and cheap! I have become a devotee of alu paratha (this bread stuffed with spiced potato). Yummylicious!

I got a nap in somewhere along the way, I hadn’t slept well the night before. We cleaned up his apartment some more for our next guest, as MasterDoc points out you need to have things nicer for a chick than a guy. She got there sometime around 5. We had met her once before, when I wanted to meet up with a hot young lady from okcupid, and MasterDoc tagged along with me, and this Domme-to-be tagged along with the hot young lady I was lusting after. (Turns out she and the other young lady are partners but very much poly.) MasterDoc is a little out of luck with this lady, as she’s definitely a lesbian (and definitely Domme) but he’s gladly taken her on as a student. She’s a devoted student of Asian studies, Japan in particular, and the most suitable pseudonym for her is Kohai.

I was soon naked and MasterDoc demonstrated various impact toys on my ass (still sore from the morning!), including the floggers Kohai brought along with her (she has some nice stuff for a newbie! The braided one hurt like a motherfucker.) She took turns, trying out using the floggers, MasterDoc spending a lot of time teaching her physiology as it relates to BDSM. I think she has a promising career as a Domme ahead of her. (She’d like to be a professional Domme. In a case like that she’d dominate men, but she wants nothing to do with them sexually.) With impact play pretty well covered, MasterDoc gave her some advice on the psychological aspects of being Dom (ah yes, I’ve now heard all his secrets, although I think ultimately I knew them already from his using them on me). He asked her if she had seen a TENS unit before and she had no idea, so he had me get it and he tried it out on her a little so she could see what it felt like. Then they hooked me up to it and had fun with me.

We debated going out to a club that night, and Kohai called her girlfriend but she didn’t pick up, so the club idea got scrapped. Instead, Kohai got a ride on the sybian (she chose the flat top with no penetrative part). MasterDoc worked the controls and I caressed her body, grabbing at her ass, pushing down on her pubic area so her clit would come in better contact with the vibrator. Like most women, she had a fantastic orgasm riding the sybian. Then we were getting ready to pack up, MasterDoc and I going out to dinner, Kohai getting back on the subway for the ride home. But Kohai was quite forward with the idea that she’d be happy to go at me with a strap on. I certainly wouldn’t say no to a hot lesbian fucking me with a strap on! We went into the bedroom and MasterDoc teased me with the magic wand. Then Kohai fucked me. Unfortunately the dildo I have at his place is the relatively thin one I got to use on guys’ asses. I would have loved a thicker dildo. Still, I managed to come and he gave me permission to. Rowr. One bad thing was that the base of the harness kept hitting against my pussy uncomfortably - do other women have trouble with strap on harnesses? I came regardless. (I’m not one to let a little thing like pain stop me from coming. Heh, sometimes the pain helps me to come.) He followed up with the magic wand on my clit and I came again. I was a very happy girl. I had tons of orgasms in one day. Then MasterDoc treated me to dinner (as he had with lunch) and we had a nice romantic dinner out. All in all, it was a spectacular day.

Saturday, I went to work with a sore ass. lol And I knew we had plans for the evening that included a Dom and his three bisexual submissive women coming over. Rowr. I got so hot at the idea of playing with the other subs and being used by another Dom at MasterDoc’s discretion. Oh yes, Saturday was a very slutty night. More on that in the next blog entry.

I squirted while he spanked me

Published
by
Nadia
on November 13, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, flogging, masochism, spanking and squirting
. 0 Comments

In keeping with the naughty vacation theme, MasterDoc and I went out to a swing club last night. As usual that man did amazing things with my body. We brought along the three things I’ve gotten in to review from Babeland - Sliquid anal lube (”sassy booty formula”), Fukoku 9000 and underbed restraints. We only used two out of the three. I think those two need more road testing before I give a review.

I had been going on for over a day now about how I really felt like making out. We don’t do a lot of it, and MasterDoc has apparently been told that relative to his other skills, he’s not as talented at it. But opinions vary from person to person and I think he does a fine job. I like having his tongue in my mouth. It is hot feeling it slide along my tongue, feeling him suck first one lip, then the other into his mouth. I got hot before we even did much of anything - in the car on the way there I was wearing my collar and I worked on getting into the submissive mindset. And just the simple act of wearing it and thinking like that made my pussy feel all tingly and hot. Then, when we settled into the club, we made out a bit and I was all squirmy and hot. He had me suck his cock for a while and I did my best, sucking, licking, making him twitch a little. Random single guys came in to watch. The only other couple there played a little, the woman sucking the man’s cock but they soon headed out of the room.

The bartender was all happy when we came in, because she knows that we create fun regardless of whatever else is going on that night. After I had been sucking MasterDoc’s cock for a while and we had been making out (I’m a happy girl!) the bartender came in back on her break, and she started demanding to see some naked woman. She piped up a few times, and then MasterDoc said to me, “Go stand in front of her and take off your clothes.” Now for some women this would be difficult, but the exhibitionist in me had no problem going over and getting naked in front of the lovely bartender and the men that crowded around her on the bed. She asked if she could play with my tits and MasterDoc said yes, so I had her sucking and nibbling on my nipples. She bit a little hard but was smart enough not to do so repeatedly. (They get sensitive when stimulated repeatedly.)

The bartender was eager to see more, and MasterDoc had me get on the spanking bench. He spanked me with this little paddle, which is actually an emory board for smoothing skin on your feet. So it’s small but has a rough texture. It’s very slappy and I suppose comes in handy to keep his hands from getting tired. My pain tolerance was pretty decent and I was mostly turned on by the impact of the paddle on my ass. It’s a little harder to take when it’s on my thighs, however. I whimpered from time to time from the pain, but mostly I enjoyed the spanking. He took the little (stingy) flogger and beat my ass for a while, again it hurt but it hurt in such a good way. He would feel my pussy every now and then to see if I was wet, and apparently I was quite wet. (I’m not surprised.)

He stopped for a bit and had me suck his cock. I love it when he spurs me on saying, “Suck it, bitch.” After a few moments he told me that was enough, and he went back to flogging my ass. He took the little flogger and beat my upper back, which is more painful than the ass. It was such a nice beating - just the right amount of impact to put me into a lovely headspace. After he had beat me for a while, and quite thoroughly, he told me to wet his fingers. I licked them, trying to get them as moist as possible, I knew they were going into my pussy.

He fingered me, and in no time I was ready to come. I moaned and hoped that he would let me come soon, but I think I held back pretty well on begging. He let me come, and I immediately went into spasm and deep, guttural moans. He fingered for a while, then took his fingers out and started spanking me. THAT was when I started squirting. I squirted all over the spanking bench as I came while he hit me. It still amazes me when he does that - just hurting me will get me to come. Rowr. His hands on my body do wondrous things.

We took a break after; I got dressed again. I got a towel and mopped up the squirted mess I left on the bench and the floor. We hung out in the lounge area for a bit, having sodas and sharing a muffin from the snack table. (Most things there are stale as anything, but the muffins were actually pretty fresh and good.) I was feeling like a very happy, satisfied girl, and yet I was eager to try out the anal lube. Luckily, he was up for it so he had me take my pants off (left my shirt and bra on) and kneel on the other couch, facing the big screen of porn behind it. He told me to get myself on the edge of coming with the bullet vibe and he came over to fuck me up the ass. He had me lube myself up before I got kneeling. I’ll want to use the lube again, but preliminary tests indicate it’s very slippery, not sticky, and seems to last well.

Unfortunately, the bullet vibe chose that point in time to die on me (batteries). But I had the Fukuoku, which I was eager to try out, so I got that out of the bag and put it to my clit. It’s nice but so far my impression is that it’s not nearly as good as the bullet or nea. Still it was nice to have something to press against my clit while he fucked me up the ass. He slid it in and I moaned, my ass felt tight last night. There’s something so decadent and naughty about being fucked up the ass in public. I couldn’t see how many people were watching but we were right in the lounge area by the front door. I asked for permission to come and he let me. Even though he was fucking my ass, my internal muscles contracted and pushed his cock out. He spanked me as I continued to come. We had put a towel down on the leather couch beforehand, but I didn’t squirt again.

We got dressed and sat down to rest again. I was in this dazed, subspace sort of headspace. I felt positively blissful. We shared another muffin and the food helped bring me back to earth.

While we relaxed this couple came in. The guy was really friendly, the woman much less so. The guy was a handsome African-American guy, in good shape, and the woman was a sultry Italian-American woman with a very slim figure in a short dress and thigh high white stockings with white to-the-knee boots. She’s not quite my type (I prefer curvy) but she could certainly have a career in porn if she wanted (if she doesn’t have it already). I say this because the two of them started fucking and sucking in the lounge area and the owner of the club took pictures of the whole thing (obviously with their permission). It was hot to watch a photo shoot go on in front of us, and I knew that MasterDoc was interested in playing with them (I wasn’t into the woman but even though my preference is usually for white, hispanic or Indian guys I was digging the black guy). They didn’t really seem like they were looking to play with anyone else, however. And as it was getting late we ended up going home. We made a stop for our usual bagel run on the west side and shared a warm poppyseed bagel on the ride home. Now that is what I call a good night.

Magic Fingers

Published
by
Nadia
on November 11, 2008
in D/s, bdsm, blow jobs, dp, horny, masochism and sex
. 0 Comments

Last night the original plan was to go out to a swing club with S. But she wasn’t feeling well and had to cancel, so MasterDoc went ahead and set something up with “Magic Fingers” this guy we know from the swing club. (Who, as the nickname implies, has magic fingers.) As a single guy, MF could pay to go to the club, MasterDoc offered that he could pay the money to him instead, and come watch us for the evening. He apparently found that to be a better prospect and so he came over.

MasterDoc had me suck his cock for a while as he talked to MF in the living room. I was horny all day, so sucking his cock got me hot. He had me kneel on the floor and stroke his cock, while lending a hand to MF’s cock. Stroking two cocks at once and keeping up the rhythm with both can be a bit challenging. (They make it look so easy in the porn!) He soon sent me off into the bedroom, and I gently played with my clit while I waited for them.

They came in and MasterDoc had his pants off by then. He lay on the bed and had me suck his cock some more. When I’m horny, I really get into cock sucking - striving to get just the right amount of suction, trying to get it in as deep as I can without gagging (although I suppose a little bit of gagging can be hot), making sure I rotate my head so I’m not just stroking the same spots over and over. I got wet right away. MasterDoc decided to have MF join us on the bed, and I lay between them. He slid his magic fingers into me and I was begging for an orgasm in, oh, probably under a minute. MasterDoc gave me permission to come.

Oh. My. God. (Says the atheist.) I went from orgasm to orgasm, struggling to keep myself quiet. MasterDoc put his hand over my mouth for a bit until I got better control over the noise I was making. I tried keeping my mouth shut, and just screaming through my closed lips. My body rocked as MF played with my g-spot, keeping me going from one orgasm to another. He kept his fingers in deep and could have kept me coming for as long as he played with me. After what seemed like a long time, MasterDoc asked him to stop. I was exhausted, but very, very happy. I am a lucky woman. Orgasms are good. More people should have orgasms more often. This is my current philosophy in life.

The only downer was that while I thought my period was over, it decided to come back. And so things were a little bloody. MF went to wash his hand. I felt bad, because I wouldn’t want to make someone come in contact with blood unless I know they are fine with it (not exactly safer sex, and I know I test clean for blood borne stis but he doesn’t know it). He didn’t play with me more after that.

MasterDoc slapped my thighs for a bit, and I was so turned on that I barely felt the pain, but instead got hornier and hornier.  MF observed that this very kinky girl was getting turned on by being slapped. MasterDoc had me suck his cock to get it hard and then he fucked me from behind. I tried to hold off asking for an orgasm. I really did. But before long I was begging. He teased me a little by saying, “You want to come huh? Could you come right now? Really, right now?” He did that earlier as well while MF worked his magic fingers on me. It is sweet torture to hear him tease me like that! It keeps me right on the edge, because I’m hoping beyond hope that he will give me permission at any time - and I want to be ready when he does. He also thrusts deeply at the same time, keeping me ready and eager.

He let me come and I pressed my face into the bed to muffle my screams. After his cock got pushed out he fingered me for a while, keeping me coming. I was totally breathless and fucked silly. MasterDoc asked if I’m a very lucky girl, and of course I had to answer “Yes, Sir, I am a very lucky girl.”

After a little rest he decided to fuck me again. In the meantime I helped out MF by sucking his cock for a while. (I kept struggling with the condom to keep the tip from tickling the back of my throat. I’m all for safer sex, but reservoir tips make me gag.) I did my best but he didn’t come from my efforts. MasterDoc fucked me again, and for a brief period of time I was being fucked and sucking cock at the same time. It is a very slutty feeling to have two holes being penetrated vigorously at the same time. But of course if you read this blog you already know that I enjoy feeling slutty.

I moaned, panted and was desperate to come, but it felt so good despite the fact that he didn’t give permission again. He got me so worked up it nearly felt like I came, despite not coming. I didn’t feel frustrated afterwards but felt satisfied. I was wiped out. I lay down on the bed and rested while they finished watching the porn playing on the laptop. MF soon excused himself and bid us goodnight. I sat on the sofa next to MasterDoc, sleepy and satisfied.

And so my vacation was off to a very good start. *grin*

Beating Depression

Published
by
Nadia
on October 12, 2008
in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, depression, flogging, masochism, mental illness, orgasm denial, sex, spanking and submissive
. 1 Comment

I’m prone to depression, have been since I was young. These days, I’m happy most of the time - I have the proper medication and feel on an even keel usually. But on Friday night I hit a rough patch and was severely depressed. I have no idea what brought it on but I had been feeling very anxious earlier in the day. It could be thanks to a change in medication, could just be hormonal. Whatever it was, I was seriously depressed. I spent the better part of two hours crying, not knowing why I was crying. I was a mess. MasterDoc hugged me and was wonderful to me, but he wasn’t feeling well himself so he wasn’t up to beating me. I know it sounds strange, but the two of us knew that was something that would turn my mood around. I got up the next morning and went to work, still feeling wretched.

I went back to MasterDoc’s that night after work and picked up some ice cream on the way. Yup, I was looking to self-medicate. Thankfully, MasterDoc felt better and he decided that we would spend the evening in and a beating would ensue since I was feeling so bad. We had ice cream, then dinner, then he had me put my collar on and get on my knees by a chair in the living room. He had me put the blindfold on and he sat in the chair in front of me. He put clothespins on my nipples and flicked the clothespins with his fingers. He had me bend over the chair. Using his hands and other implements he really beat on my ass. My pain tolerance was good and so the sensation mostly felt soothing and good. Yes, I know I’m a strange girl. It’s amazing how wonderful pain can make me feel. It’s counter-intuitive to react that way but it’s just how I am. He beat me for a while, even taking the heavy flogger to my upper back for a bit. It’s a bit like meditation to be beaten - you get into this other mental state, which is usually referred to as subspace. He was fairly rough with me, but I felt better and better as the beating went on.

He gave me the magic wand and had me use it on myself. I was so turned on from the beating. I kept pressing the vibrating wand into my clit. I asked for permission to come, but he didn’t let me right away. He kept beating me, sometimes it really hurt, but most of the time it was cathartic. My arousal grew as I continued to use the vibrator on myself. He finally gave me permission to come, and oh my god did I come hard and long. I felt like I could just keep coming forever. He gave me some lashes with the whip end of my slapper while I came - it’s really something else what I can take during orgasm. Pain that is usually too much is bearable somehow. Between the orgasm and the beating, I felt so much better afterwards. It’s like a miracle cure for my depression. I suppose it’s the endorphins that are released, but whatever it is, it works.

We hung out for a little while, watching tv and whatnot and he had me take my collar off. I felt subdued. A little while later he put some porn on we watched for a while. I felt entranced by the kinkiness going on. He told me to get myself warmed up, that he was going to fuck me. I used the little red vibrator on my clit and was hot and bothered again in no time. Despite not having the collar on, I felt like it was appropriate to call him Sir and so I did throughout the scene. We went to the bedroom and he fucked me while I lay on my back. I tried to hold off on asking for an orgasm, but eventually I gave in. He didn’t let me come then, and afterward he asked me to take even longer next time before asking permission. It’s so hard not to ask for permission, I get so incredibly worked up and on the verge of orgasm. Sometimes it feels like I won’t be able to hold back, but so far I’ve always managed to have enough self-control. I worry that someday I’ll slip. He finished fucking me and we cuddled a bit.

He had me lay on my side and he tried to enter me from behind. The angle wasn’t right so he said he guessed that he would just have to fuck me up the ass then. He had me lube up my ass to get it ready. It took some work to slide his cock in, the angle just wasn’t very good. I complained about the angle but he didn’t stop. It was uncomfortable, but his continuing on despite this got me so hot. I really do think I’m a bit wacko as pain can make me feel so good. In another context I’d have felt traumatized or violated, but with him I got wildly turned on and when he told me to come I came. Rowr. Very hot butt sex. Mind you, with someone else I might not have reacted so well. I think it makes a huge difference that I know he knows what he’s doing, and he wouldn’t truly hurt me - not in a bad way.

I snuggled up to his chest, but I was feeling really lusty so I started to caress his chest and lick it. He stroked his cock while I did this and I kept it up, feeling oh so passionate and sexual. He was breathing heavy and I did my best to make him feel good. When he came, he came all over my tummy. It was gooey. I was eager to take a shower at that point, but he said for that I would have to stay with his come on me. While it was gooey I was longing for a shower, but once it dried I kinda liked being a dirty girl with his come on me. In the end I slept with it on me and showered in the morning. Did I mention that by this point my depression was completely gone? I’m feeling much better, although I do feel like I could go for another beating. MasterDoc called me a greedy girl when I mentioned that.

Masochism

Published
by
Nadia
on July 19, 2008
in bdsm and masochism
. 8 Comments

I can’t pretend that I understand masochism. I can’t understand sadism much either, but thankfully there’s both kinds of people in this world, as the vanilla kind would never be able to meet their needs. I didn’t think of myself as a masochist until this past year really, when I realized that I liked harder spankings than I thought I would. That’s been the trail of this in my life, thinking I just want a little light spanking, maybe a little bondage, only to find that I can take more, and more and oh, what about some pussy slapping? Or nipple clamps? Hot wax? Humiliation? (That’s pain of the emotional kind.)

In a way maybe I’ve always been a masochist. I’m awfully good at beating myself up over things. Maybe I get some sort of satisfaction from pain. Well if you’re feeling pain you know you’re alive. Focusing the emotional pain onto the physical makes it somehow tangible, somehow more manageable. And as I heal afterwards, I’m reminded of how strong I am, and how much I can take, how, even though it hurts at the time, I can come through it just fine. I can go through pain that other people would buckle under. No, I’m not a big pain slut and god, I’m definitely not the biggest masochist in the world - I have some very real limits (some days more than others as my pain tolerance ebbs and flows).

I sometimes worry that there’s something wrong with me. (Isn’t masochism still a mental disorder in the DSM? Of course, homosexuality used to be one too. It’s all perspective.) But you know, I don’t take pleasure in every kind of pain. There has to be a context. Migraines and back pain do me in. But a good spanking puts me into this endorphin rush where I feel contented. Perhaps it’s all about the endorphins.

I don’t know why pain gets me wet. Even when I’m not enjoying the pain I get wet. It just seems to be how my body is wired. Last weekend when MasterDoc was spanking me out in public it hurt so much and I just wanted it to stop, but I still got wet. Perhaps I’m fucked up in the head. Perhaps it’s not so much in my head but in my nerve endings, how I perceive and process pain. It’s just another type of sensation when you boil it down. For some people, tickling is too painful.

Of course, being a masochist I can understand that yes, some people really do enjoy being on the receiving end of pain. I have a harder time believing that sadists really enjoy inflicting pain, I think it sets itself up in my head to be more of a, “Well this person is kind enough to indulge my strange fetish by inflicting pain on me.” But I’d be interested to hear that yes, in some way it is pleasurable for the person inflicting the pain. Particularly interesting if they derive pleasure even if they love the person they’re doing it to. Such a strange way to be wired, but humans are strange animals. Of course, I’d rather the person derive pleasure from inflicting pain on someone who wants pain to be inflicted on them. True sadists who get off on giving pain to the non-consenting are different than the ones who indulge their desire with someone who’s the other half to their whole. Masochists and sadists are like yin and yang. But true sadists who prefer hurting those who don’t want to hurt are another matter entirely.

I feel that as long as I don’t want to have permanent harm done to me, then I’m doing ok. I have my sense of self-preservation fully intact. I want to heal from anything that’s inflicted upon me. I want to feel the amazing sense of how marvelous my body is, that it can bruise but then heal. Fact is, I bruise easily (my legs always have bruises on them from bumping into random things in my day to day life). So seeing bruises on myself is not jarring or scary. It’s just part of life. How I got those bruises is the key thing. If I got them from little accidents like bumping into things, or if I got them consensually in a scene then it’s all good.