Category Archive for ‘piss play’ at Diary of a Kinky Librarian

Archive for the 'piss play' Category

Intense Fantasies and Real Play

Published

Nadia

on July 21, 2009

in D/s, bdsm, blow jobs, cunnilingus, edge play, embarrassment, fantasy, horny, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, piss play, sadism, sex and submissive

. 1 Comment

MasterDoc and I played a bit last night. My mind has been racing lately with really dirty, fucked up fantasies. I keep hoping for stuff I don’t really hope for. I guess I should explain that. Lately I find that I get hot thinking about MasterDoc making me do things I don’t really want to do. In the back of my mind is a secret wish for him to get out the clover clamps, or pee on me and such. It seems like the dirtier and more intense, the more I want it. And yet, I’ve been so afraid to ask for it because then I have to endure stuff I’m not fond of. But of course, the hot part is that I’d be doing it because he makes me do it. I want to feel fear. I want to feel the strain of forcing myself to do something I detest. I want to feel that he truly has control over me.

He stroked my body and played with my nipples a bit. He caressed my face just before coming up with the wicked idea that he’ll take me to see his Domme friend sometime soon. She’s apparently quite the sadist, and he says that he’d like to see how far I have to be pushed before I beg for it to stop. With him I might feel like I’m letting him down if I beg to stop (on rare occasions I have though… once or twice) so it might be better with his friend. Of course he’d be there to be a part of things, probably stroking my face, helping me breathe slowly to take as much of the pain as I can.

And while this scares me, and I know I’ll be nervous when it comes to pass, I am also wildly turned on by this.

Heh, I remember the days when I didn’t consider myself a pain slut. I just didn’t have the right person to play with before I think.

He slapped my face a bit and played with my body some more. He looked at me, said, “You’re smiling too much. Thinking good thoughts?” Just as I got the words, “Yes Sir” out, he started slapping my thighs. Not lightly, but really hard so that I tensed up and my face scrunched up in pain. He told me I didn’t have enough fear. After the thigh slaps and some pussy slaps, I certainly wasn’t smiling any more.

He started playing with my clit and got between my legs to lick it. Oh I shivvered with delight. His tongue, slowly lapping at my clit, felt amazing. My breathing became shallow and I could feel the slow climb to orgasm start. I think it’s ridiculous that some people say Doms don’t/shouldn’t do oral on their subs. I am putty in his hands as he licks my cunt. He lay next to me, and played with my clit with his fingers. He’d dip down into my wetness to make sure that my clit stayed properly lubricated. My eyes closed involuntarily and my breath came in short pants. This went on for a while, and I could feel myself ready to come. When he told me I could come, I cried out and came hard. He kept playing with my cunt and I was uncontrollably turned on under his expert fingers. I orgasmed for quite a while. He seemed happy that he got me away from the magic wand for a change and that I came no less hard using just his fingers.

We took a break, and when we started up again I got to suck his cock. Lately I find myself getting really turned on and really into sucking his cock. I moan with delight, slurp, salivate and get as active as possible in sliding my mouth up and down the length of his shaft. I find lately that I yearn for him to grab my head during and make me choke on his cock. My fantasies have been getting decidedly rougher and more intense.

He had me get on top for a ride and I stroked his cock with my pussy by moving my hips back and forth. I get lost in what I’m doing, and soon all that exists for me is my cunt, and his cock and perhaps my clit rubbing against this tummy. It seemed like I rode him for a long time, keeping my arousal high but not coming. When I was allowed to come, my cunt pushed his cock out and I fell forward onto him and continued coming as he held me. I do wish my cunt wouldn’t push his cock out though - coming while filled up is a wonderful feeling.

I’m a bit nervous now that I’ve started to voice my twisted fantasies here. While I yearn for them I also am a little afraid of them, and I think the fear is part of what makes me aroused.

Fear

Published

Nadia

on July 7, 2009

in D/s, bdsm, edge play, emotions, kink, masochism, piss play, submissive and trust

. 0 Comments

I have an interesting relationship with fear. A love-hate relationship I suppose. I don’t like watching horror movies - I hate the way they make me feel afraid. I don’t like being made to jump suddenly. (I flinch easily - if I round a corner and encounter a person I hadn’t expected to see there, I will flinch.) I don’t even watch a lot of suspense films. But on the other hand I sometimes watch those “true haunting” shows on tv, always in the hopes I’ll actually, eventually get to see some real proof of a ghost. From a young age, I was fascinated with the idea of ghosts and interested in the dark side of life that many are afraid of. My best friend and I were glued to the Ouija board for a good year or so as teenagers. We thought we were communing with demons and other spirits, of course my older, cynical self thinks much of it - if not all of it - was in our heads. But it was fun times, being friendly with dark spirits we shouldn’t have been playing with. It all held a tingle of fear, but what a thrill to be facing it head on.

While doing bdsm play with someone you trust is important, after all safety is key, I can understand the thrill of doing it with someone you don’t know so well. Why? Fear. One of the things I love about MasterDoc is that he has proven himself trustworthy, and yet he can still instill fear in me. It’s the perfect combination. Safe, but not too safe.

It wasn’t until several months into our relationship that I realized I liked it when he’d make me scared. While I’m disgusted by the notion of things like being peed on or made to do analingus, the idea that he can threaten me with it, and that I can get afraid because I know full well that he would - and indeed will - make me do these things sometime is a total turn on. Yes, I get off on some fear. To be clear, it’s not the act, it’s the fact that he can make me do the act despite my own disgust and reluctance that’s the turn on. The feeling that I lack control, that I’ve given control up to him is a turn on. (Interesting that non-consensual lack of control is so very different than consensual. I’ve been traumatized by non-consensual acts in my life.)

I mentioned to him recently that we seemed to be doing less bdsm, or at least less intense bdsm lately. As we relaxed on his bed last night and I hoped that we’d get freaky, we talked for a bit. He got that evil glint in his eye that always makes me nervous. He started talking about how, by complaining that the bdsm hasn’t been intense enough, I was virtually asking for him to pee in my mouth. I acknowledged that I knew that was a risk I was taking. He went down that path, making me sing a little song to the tune of an old Campbell’s soup commercial, “Mm-mm good, mm-mm good, MasterDoc’s pee is, mm-mm good.” I tell you, it was desperately hard to get those words to come out of my mouth. I was scared he’d do it. I was scared by the idea of it.

And it’s funny, afterwards, we came to the realization that his threats, his taking my thoughts down the path to difficult submissive activities, was actually rough (in other words HOT) bdsm. Just by talking we engaged in a bit of a scene.

Some wonderful orgasms came later (kneeling! I could barely hold myself up.), and there was much cock sucking, and still more orgasms courtesy of the magic wand. While the orgasms were fulfilling in a way I needed sexually, the talk we had had was fulfilling in the way that my kinky brain needs to be pushed into fear sometimes. Fear can be delicious. It can get me wet. And some days I crave it.

“He gave them pain like balm, and they begged him for it”

Published

Nadia

on June 24, 2009

in D/s, bdsm, embarrassment, masochism, piss play, porn, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking and submissive

. 1 Comment

I’m reading a fantasy novel right now, suggested to me a while back by my friend Divasub. It’s called Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey. I’ve just come across the bdsm themes in the book, and now understand why she recommended it to me.

“Alone among angels, Kushiel understood that the act of chastisement was an act of love; and the sinner in his charge too came to understand, and loved him for it. He gave them pain like balm, and they begged him for it, finding in it not redemption, but a love that transcended the divine.”

This flowery prose seemed lovely to me when I read it this morning. Last night MasterDoc was wonderfully dominating and it was so what I needed.

At the start of the evening, we went looking for porn online and found a librarian porn video. I can’t find the link to it now, unfortunately. (UPDATE: MasterDoc gave me the link.) It was very amateur - just one camera angle. But the “librarian” (I think her glasses were meant to identify her as a librarian) wore a collar and wrist and ankle cuffs. There was a definite bdsm overtone to the video. And while going down on the guy, she put her hands between his legs to massage his inner thighs - just like I do with MasterDoc! We laughed and wondered if perhaps someone was inspired by our hijinks.

We tried out my new ceramic vibe. Unfortunately it was not as wonderful as I had hoped. I will review it later. I grabbed the acuvibe mini when told to get another toy and I used that to bring myself just about to the edge of orgasm. MasterDoc then had me stop, bend over the liberator scoop, and he fucked me from behind. He’d spank me every so often. It felt great and I wished that he’d let me come like that. He stopped, and started spanking me with my new crop. When that didn’t seem to be as hard as he’d like, he started spanking me with his hands. It went from painful to incredibly hot. I was on the verge of orgasm (he had me play with my clit at the same time) when he started hitting harder. He told me to come, but the pain had just crossed the threshold from stimulating to painful, so it took me a few seconds to be able to come. But I did manage. I’m surprised I didn’t squirt.

We took a break, and then he had me get on top and ride him. My knees were worn out from exercising earlier in the day, but I managed to ride for a while. I got close to orgasm, and he helped me along by asking if I was ready to come, “Right now.” Often, even if I’m not quite to that point his asking me that will put me on the edge. He told me to come, and I came. While I was coming he said, “Come now cunt, and I’ll piss on you when you’re done.” I decided that I had better enjoy my orgasm while I could, and I came really hard. I hoped that he had been just threatening the pissing. And as we cuddled after I thought perhaps that was the case.

I went to get ready for bed, and when I came back from the bathroom, he was holding my collar. “Put this on,” he said, “And come with me.”

He led me back to the door of the bathroom. It was clear that he hadn’t forgotten or threatened idly when he said he was going to piss on me. He told me to get in the tub, on my knees, and if the tub was cold well that was just tough shit. I did as I was told, wincing at the idea of what he was going to do to me. He made me say I was ready, and made me say that I wanted him to piss on me. I clenched my eyes shut as I couldn’t bear to look. He started to piss on me, and with my eyes closed I could sorta block out what it was, and just enjoy the feeling of warm liquid running over me. I could ignore the faint odor of urine and pretend it wasn’t pee. He told me to hold my tits up. I didn’t react fast enough and he ordered me to do it again. I did as I was told and he pissed all over my tits. The piss ran down my body and I was fairly drenched in it by the time he was done. I tell you, he had to have been saving that up all evening. It seemed to go on a long time.

I was feeling humiliated and stunned afterwards. He told me I could rinse off and he was kind enough to get me a towel to dry off after. I carefully rinsed myself off and patted myself dry. I found that I really needed a hug after that. Humiliation play can be pretty intense, and while I like it I definitely need a hug and reassurance of some sort afterwards. I found that while piss play was every bit as humiliating as I would imagine, I didn’t freak out or fall apart from it. Of course, I don’t know that I would have been so composed if he had pissed in my mouth.

While in theory I don’t like piss play, I have been craving some serious domination lately, and this really fit the bill. I wouldn’t let anyone else piss on me. Only he has that power over me.

I slept soundly last night. And a few minutes after waking I remembered, “Oh jeez! He pissed on me last night!”

No Worries

Published

Nadia

on March 13, 2009

in D/s, analingus, bdsm, edge play, piss play and trust

. 1 Comment

I received a concerned email after my last post, which I understand (and appreciate!) but I want to make sure that everyone realizes I’m okay. Yes, MasterDoc pushes my limits, and yes, I can adamantly say no. The person who wrote was concerned that doing anything for your Dom is a slippery slope, and while with some men it can be, MasterDoc is not going to make me do anything as wrong as hiding bodies or anything like that. (Besides, I have enough of a brain in my head to know that something like murder would land me in jail and NOBODY is worth that shit and no one who loves me would make me do that.) He gradually introduces new things - mostly by introducing the idea at first. He conditions me to get used to these things he wants to do (and again, let me point out that it’s not anything that will bring me or anyone else harm) and eventually introduces them. When I met him I couldn’t picture anyone pissing on me, or me performing analingus, but I’ve experienced both those things now. And you know what? While I still don’t like ass licking, I’ve come to no harm mentally or physically. I don’t crave him peeing on me but the worst part of the situation was that the tub I lay in was cold. Seriously. He’s also never introduced something that he hadn’t mentioned being interested in at the outset. I get fair warning as to what he eventually expects from me… and murder, harm or any sort of crazy thing like that is NOT on the menu. I have time to dig my heels in and say no. And if he were ever to suggest something harmful I would say no and walk away.

Also, for those of you who don’t know MasterDoc you probably don’t realize that a large portion of the time he threatens disgusting things it’s a headfuck. And the headfuck is part of the D/s playing between us. (Sometimes I get really turned on when he scares me, or when he humiliates me. I’m a sick freak, I know. Last night he admitted that his plan (preempted by our playmate canceling for today) was never actually to piss in my mouth. He figured if he threatened it then I’d be over the moon at him simply pissing on me. He’d tell me that I’d better make it convincing that I’m enjoying his pee on me or he’d piss in my mouth then. But he acknowledges that I’m not ready for the mouth pissing thing. I’ve told him it will be quite some time before I am. But he would not be the Dom if he didn’t keep trying to condition me to submit that far. Is this unusual compared to vanilla relationships? Hell yes. But I have developed enough trust and confidence to know he won’t do anything that will truly harm me. Sometimes the headfuck gets me worried, but inevitably he soothes me and lets me know it’s just a headfuck. (For now!) Our relationship is unusual, but it works for us.

While I’m glad and relieved that there will be no pee in my mouth today, unfortunately MasterDoc needed to take some ritalin to get things done (he has ADD) and sex isn’t in the cards for today. I’ve been trying out my new SaSi and a review will come after I feel I’ve given it a fair trial.

He freaks me out but boy does he make me come

Published

Nadia

on March 11, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, cunnilingus, orgasm on command, piss play, sex and submissive

. 0 Comments

MasterDoc has been trying to get me used to the idea of piss play for a while now. Last night he put on this video because it featured a young lady who seemed happy to get piss in her mouth (I pointed out that she’s getting paid to act like she enjoys it). Rather than making me think that it’s okay for him to piss in my mouth it made me feel freaked out and disgusted. I think pissing in someone’s mouth is so gross. Hey, if it’s your kink more power to you, but it’s not mine. But the complexity of the situation is that as his submissive I want to please him. Letting him piss in my mouth would please him. Now I know that ultimately I won’t be harmed if he does so, so it’s not a question of safety, but still I find the idea revolting. I said a few times last night, “I don’t think I can handle this.” He backed off with the threat of doing it last night, but has left the threat of doing it on Friday, when we have another submissive lady over for play time, hanging over my head. I still don’t think I can handle it. I could scarcely handle watching the video he made me watch last night. I am dreading this and truly freaked out. I started wondering last night if he was deliberately trying to make me dislike him and want to leave him or something. So piss - way low on my list of kinky things we could get up to.

Initially I had a hard time getting aroused last night because I kept dwelling on the idea of him pissing in my mouth. The very idea inhibits me getting aroused. We played with the Babelight and I had to really try to ignore the thoughts of him pissing in my mouth in order to enjoy the vibrations at all. He licked my clit while playing with the vibe and it felt divine, but it took me a while to settle into the good feelings and leave behind the icky thoughts. However, he managed to distract me with his tongue and the vibrator. I got aroused, and then when he had me use the vibe on myself I came really close to orgasm. Rowr.

He had me suck his cock and he pointed out that I hadn’t come yet. He decided to have me get on his cock and ride him, something I seem to be getting good at lately. I think I’ve improved because I really get into it, I thrust and rub myself against him until I’m in a frenzy. I was on the verge of coming and I held on for as long as I could before begging for permission to come. He teased me a bit, making me wait, asking me if I’m ready to come right now. I was and when he let me I had an orgasm to end all orgasms. I know I always brag about the orgasms I have with MasterDoc but they truly are amazing. I was a convulsing heap and it just seemed to go on and on. “Yes, that’s it. Good girl,” he said to me as I kept on coming. My arousal finally ebbed a little, but I was still really turned on so I kept fucking him and got myself up to the point of orgasm again. He encouraged me to keep coming and so I managed to get myself to peak a third time, the last time just by rubbing against his cock which had been pushed out of my cunt. I was one satisfied sub afterwards.

2008 in Review

Published

Nadia

on January 1, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, assault, bdsm, best sex bloggers, caning, depression, edge play, exhibitionism, fisting, masochism, orgasm on command, pillow princess, piss play, sexuality and year in review

. 0 Comments

I didn’t have plans to do this, but I’ve seen some of my favorite bloggers post year end summaries for the past year and I decided to spend some time today reading through my entries to take a look at the year that was 2008. (I spent hours today re-reading my entries from this year. Damn, I write a lot!)

I started off the year having a great sex, albeit with the hindrance of prozac killing my libido and response. I didn’t consider myself a masochist at the start of the year, but in early February I changed that identification of myself. On the other hand, I started off the year bruising quite nicely, but now I barely bruise on my ass. I was also struggling with coming on command - not quite able to hold myself at a peak of arousal and not always able to come when permission was granted. Davey watched me get Dommed by MasterDoc and MasterDoc made me eat out of a bowl on the floor like a dog. MasterDoc and I continued doing shows for strangers.

In February I fucked a black guy for the first time in my life, and the entry was titled (at MasterDoc’s insistence) “BBC and Me.” My dose of prozac was lowered, which helped my libido and ability to come, but not by much (didn’t help my depression). MasterDoc decided we were going to lose weight together and we embarked on exercising and eating better. S. and I gave Davey a surprise threesome for his birthday.

In March I spent a lot of time reflecting on submission, what it means to me and why I do it. It’s been good to re-read those entries. I also waxed poetic about being face slapped. I suffered a bout of depression and clearly the lowered dose of prozac wasn’t adequate. It was also nearing the anniversary of the time I was sexually assaulted at a play party, and I still dwelled quite a bit on that.

In April I started off the month reflecting on why I enjoy public sex. Davey, MasterDoc and I attempted double penetration but were unsuccessful (this is still true). I participated in sugasm for the first time. I wrote a bit about feminism and submission. We used a female condom for sex one time. I masturbated without permission and felt horribly guilty about it and confessed right away. At some point along the way I fell in love with MasterDoc. I had a challenging evening when we had a woman guest and I felt superfluous to the whole situation.

In May I proclaimed my average-ness. I started lusting after Photoshop and Dreamweaver to make my own site (I was still on blogspot at the time). And MasterDoc’s Puppy came for a visit. I had the first hint that maybe I could come without genital stimulation at some point. I purchased this domain and started trying to figure out how to get a blog up and running. I ended up going with wordpress, which I got installed for me.

My ass actually blistered a little bit after a spanking in June during one of our shows. I got called a pillow princess and reflected on my selfishness in bed, resolving to be less selfish. I discussed being assaulted three years ago at a play party and worked some more on dealing with the residual trauma from that. The swing club we frequent added a spanking bench, much to my and MasterDoc’s joy. I got swatted with a cane for the first time. I got good enough at riding the edge of orgasm that I could come when given the command (with genital stimulation).

I officially moved to kinkylibrarian.net at the start of July. (Looks like a few entries didn’t carry over when I made the switch. The old blog is still up, however.) I started talking about an interest in edge play like needle play and cutting. D.S. came for a visit and we had a very hot simultaneous orgasm. I contemplated many things like leading a double life, masochism and submission. I finally came without genital stimulation - and squirted too! I was on wellbutrin (in addition to prozac) for a little while by this time, and my sex drive had fully returned. I talked a little about early D/s experiences. I despaired over being denied orgasm, but was thrilled to have MasterDoc come in my mouth for the first time. MasterDoc and I had been seeing each other for a year by the end of this month.

In August I started participating in Half Nekkid Thursday, which I’ve done sporadically since. I struggled a bit with being a submissive and really opening myself up to someone - including giving MasterDoc my passwords to a few sites. We went to a hot (HOT) pool party. I started blogging over at Best Sex Bloggers. I spoke out about STIs and education. I had a very hot round of anal sex with MasterDoc, where I asked for more lube but then came really hard when he fucked me without adding lube. I enjoyed a moment of schadenfreude when I got to watch the online downfall of the guy who assaulted me (Jefferson). I don’t think I’ve blogged about the assault since - the experience of seeing him called on his bullshit by so many people really helped me heal a great deal.

September started out with me adding Babeland as an affiliate. (Still hasn’t netted me any money, but I still feel good about promoting that business.) I made the list of Top 100 Sex Bloggers. I also started reviewing toys, first for Lelo then for Babeland. Davey and I had a foursome while on vacation. MasterDoc and I gave an impromptu show one afternoon, then saw a couple in the evening. It dawned on me that our little shows technically make me a sex worker. I saw D.S. for one last time before he moved to San Francisco. I added Vibe Review as an affiliate at the end of the month.

In October, I put a toy into MasterDoc’s ass for the first time. I also wrote the terrific line, “I was a horny mass of sluttiness at that point.” I continued to try to get my head around the idea of him pissing on me. I wrote a little about dealing with depression while being submissive and how a beating can really make me feel better. MasterDoc made me come by slapping my clit. I talked about my early sexual and bdsm experiences. I had a bout of depression and cried during a scene - really cried - for the first time.

By November I could come at MasterDoc’s command quite well. I got philosophical about how change is an integral part of life. I came and squirted from being spanked at a swing club and later that night got fucked up the ass in public for the second time. One evening I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off - and that ended up being the night that MasterDoc peed on me for the first time. I was so turned on and so deep into submission that I came as he peed on my clit. I went to the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party and met a bunch of fellow bloggers. I also participated in Pleasurists for the first time. I come some more from pain and come again without being touched at all.

I started off December feeling cross with MasterDoc, but things were soon resolved and I wrote a post about how wonderful he is. He had a Domme-in-training come by for lessons and she fucked me with a strap on. The next night, a Dom came over with his three submissives and we had a fun bdsm orgy of sorts. I fisted a woman for the first time. MasterDoc figured out that he could use my new anal beads as a whip. Yikes. I fell ill with a stomach virus and actually turned down sex one day. But we used that time to go over my bdsm checklist and see what limits could be pushed in the future that perhaps we’ve been neglecting. We finished off the year going to a gangbang party last weekend.

All-in-all it’s been a hot year and I’ve come a long way with coming on command. I enjoyed reviewing my year via my blog but jeez, I really was at it for several hours. Thank you all for reading and I hope to have more adventures in 2009.

Newsflash: Nadia Turns Down Sex!

Published

Nadia

on December 18, 2008

in D/s, Uncategorized, analingus, bdsm, edge play, illness, piss play, sex and trust

. 0 Comments

It’s been a craptacular week all around. If you follow my twitter you know I’ve been sick with a stomach virus the past few days. I feel pretty awful. I also heard about some bad news at work. The economy is definitely affecting libraries, meanwhile usage stats are going up! Please, support your local library. They provide knowledge, entertainment and internet access for FREE and are a vital service to a healthy community, especially in these hard times.

So on to the news. Yes, yesterday I was with MasterDoc and I turned down the idea of sex. I know, I know it’s amazing but it does happen from time to time and being sick is definitely up there on the list of reasons to turn down sex. I’m just too tired and battling occasional nausea. I was going to help MasterDoc jerk off but I found that it was even hard to watch porn because the gagging on cock scenes made me more queasy. In the end, he went and took care of things himself while I zoned out on the sofa in front of the tv. It was really weird to have him doing things for me. It’s wonderful that he will take care of me when I’m sick but of course it makes the dynamic go a bit pear-shaped temporarily. I found myself getting up and getting drinks and putting away clean dishes because I’m so used to it. I did give myself a break, however, as I really don’t feel well. I was the only one on my case to do stuff as usual, MasterDoc accepts that I’m not well and that I need a little taking care of for the time being.

We did find one fun thing to do together yesterday, and that was reviewing my bdsm checklist. (Quite like the one found here.) If you do bdsm, you have probably come across checklists before. They’re pretty useful when you’re playing with someone new to find out what their limits and interests are. He had me fill it out when I first met him, and then again review it a few months later to see if anything had changed. We went through the list this time together and he made notes for future reference. *grin*

Hey, if you can’t have sex, the next best thing is to talk about it!

While the focus sometimes feels like it’s on what limits of mine have weakened and can be pushed, he also pays attention to areas that have perhaps been neglected - things that I wish we would do more or things that we both have an interest in doing but haven’t done. It’s interesting how in the course of a D/s relationship your limits - or what you perceive to be your limits - can change. Things that I first put down as a hard limit (rimming, being peed on) are things I’ve now done. I’m sure some people will be up in arms at the idea of a Dom “going there” with a subs’ “hard limits” but it’s interesting how you can adjust to things when they’re talked about a lot beforehand. MasterDoc has proven very good at discerning what are my truly hard limits (choking, because being asthmatic I’ve dealt with the very scary feeling of not being able to breathe and I don’t like it) and what are things that I find distasteful but will survive doing without mental scars (rimming, pee). Over the course of my explorations in bdsm I’ve found things that initially put me off now seem fascinating - like needle play. There’s some things I’m excited that we’re planning to do (butt plug under clothes out in public, like when we go to a swing club) and things that make me nervous (peeing in front of an audience) but somehow play into the fact that I do like some humiliation and fear play. (And MasterDoc is oh so good at fear play - mainly because the things he threatens he might really do! I have reason to be afraid! You really never know what he’s saying just to scare you and what he’s saying because he plans to do it down the line. Yes, I can see that this situation would not be for everyone.) Reviewing the list was fun but also made me a wee bit nervous.

Unable to Turn Off

Published

Nadia

on November 14, 2008

in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, dom, orgasm on command, piss play, sex and submissive

. 0 Comments

It was the most amazing sexual experience of my life. Sure he fucked me, sure I came that way, but it wasn’t until later that the really amazing thing happened. I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off. Every single touch - whether I was touching him or he was touching me - set me on fire. He ran his hands along my body and each and every touch was capable of making me come. All he had to do was say the word.

After we fucked I helped him reach orgasm by stroking his ass and stroking his back. Every touch had me turned on. As I could feel him nearing his orgasm I felt like all he had to do was tell me to come and I would come right along with him.

We were cuddled together after both of us came, I was craving a cuddle and so I asked him for one. (It was like I couldn’t bear him not touching me.) My head lay on his arm and with his free arm he touched me. Just simple ordinary touches. Touch my shoulder, touch my clavicle, touch my arm, touch my hip, touch my head. I breathed heavy as if he were touching my cunt. He had so much power over me at that point. He had the power to turn me on by doing anything. Anything at all. Breathe against me and I shudder. Each touch was like a spark running through nerve endings to my cunt.

He’d whisper in my ear every so often, “How’s this for a cuddle?” My god I was so turned on. Finally, he said to me as he stroked me where hip meets thigh, “Come.” Instantly I came. I know that sounds cliche but truly, I came as soon as he said the word. I curled up as the orgasm grasped my body. I rode a wave of feelings that felt so good I almost couldn’t feel them - if that makes any sense. They were too intense to be able to process.

After, I snuggled up to him and I just didn’t want to stop. Just resting my hand on his chest turned me on. Even now he could tell me to come and I’d probably come. He has amazing power over me. And I have to say this was the most profound sexual experience of my life.

——–

After I wrote the first half of this blog entry, I hung out with him in the bedroom for a bit and I was still so turned on. I lay on the bed next to him and he leaned back so that his back was pressing into me and I gasped and moaned. It was torture. Every touch felt so good and so sexual. His cock got hard again (which surprised me because he usually says that once he’s come he won’t get hard again for a while). He started talking about pissing on me, knowing full well that in the state I was in I’d say yes to anything.

“Which would you prefer - being fucked but not coming or being pissed on and coming?” Oh god. It was hard to say it but I said I’d rather be pissed on and come. He kept talking to me, bringing me deeper into submission. “Are you gonna come when I piss on your clit?”

Oh god. I wanted nothing more than to come at that point. I begged him for what he wanted to do to me - which was piss on me. A part of me couldn’t believe that I was doing so. But at that point anything he did to me was erotic. I even murmured at one point, “Anything. Anything you want,” and I meant it. He decided to fuck me for a bit and that only turned me on more. I could feel the length of his penis as he slid in and out of me. Every inch of flesh touching me was the most amazing stimulus I could imagine. He asked me if I came this way would I still be able to come when he pissed on me. I said yes, and it was definitely true.

It was like being high on drugs. I can’t even recall if he had me come while he was fucking me or not. Things just blurred into one another. He told me to keep myself at that level of arousal and come with him. I followed him into the bathroom and he had me get in the tub. I kneeled in the tub, rubbing my clit frantically, waiting for him to piss on me. He told me that when I felt his piss on me I was allowed to come. Oh god, talk about mixed feelings. Pissing on me grosses me out but I was so turned on that I wanted nothing more than to have him piss on me so I could come.

He was a little too hard to be able to do it, so he had me get out of the tub and sit on the toilet, continuing to play with myself. He wandered off and I sat there in a lustful daze. He came back a moment later and had me lay down in the cold tub. I got nervous at this point, because it was clear that he was actually going to do it. I think the chill of the tub woke me up slightly.

“Are you ready to come?” I started stroking my clit again so I was at the point where I could come.

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re sure? You’re ready to come as soon as I piss on you?”

“Yes, Sir,” I gasped.

And he let loose and pissed on me, and I came. He covered my body in his urine. I knew I should shut my mouth but I was so lost in orgasm that I couldn’t keep it shut. I think he aimed at my mouth, trying to get piss in there, but thankfully I managed to escape that fate this time.

When it was all over I was laying in a cold tub covered in piss. He told me that I could get washed off. I got myself up, turned on the shower, still in a daze. I carefully washed myself, including my hair as it had gotten a little bit wet from the piss.

I never thought I would want him to piss on me, but he gets me into such a state that I will do anything. And it’s a little frightening. This is truly power exchange, as he has utter control over me at that point. I am his.