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The Crop and the Orgasm

Published

Nadia

on August 3, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, anxiety, bdsm, dating, emotions, masochism, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, poly, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking and trust

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I spent a little time with MasterDoc this weekend, after spending some much needed alone time. He’s spending as much time with his daughter as possible before she heads off to college, so that left me with time on my hands this past weekend, as Davey was away visiting another girlfriend for the weekend. While I’m prone to depression when I spend a long time alone, this time I really enjoyed myself. Granted, towards the end of the time I was getting restless, bored and lonely. But I got some stuff done around the house, including going through all my clothes to bag up things I don’t wear anymore. I hit Trader Joe’s for the first time in ages. Now my closets and dresser are neat and I have spectacular things to snack on. Huzzah!

I was hoping we’d go out Saturday night, but MasterDoc decided to stay in. He gave me a wonderful intense spanking using the riding crop. Initially I couldn’t tell what he was hitting me with - had he picked up a cane? When I eventually saw it it made sense, and as we were without a crop for a while I forget that it’s in his arsenal of toys now. I was enjoying the sensation but not close to orgasm when he said to me, “Come.” Wow, that was difficult. I focused my thoughts on orgasming and in less than a minute I managed to eke one out. It wasn’t as intense as an orgasm would be if I was fully aroused at the time, but through sheer will I managed it. He’s trying to train me to come via different sensations. I have certainly come from just a spanking before, but I wasn’t expecting it so I was thrown off a little. I think the ideal situation would be if I could eventually just come on command from a cold start. May or may not happen, but one can dream and strive.

He checked his email when we took a break and he found out about a party going on that night. I had already taken my sleeping medication by this time, so I wouldn’t be able to stay awake if we went out. He wondered if he could get someone to go with him. I was bummed because I had wanted to go out, had taken my medication as early as I did due to his request, and was horny and wanted sex with orgasms that weren’t eked out in the heat of stress. (Yes, I’m a demanding slut.) He encourages me to put his desires first some of the time, but I’m only human, and being ditched at the last minute really would have sucked. Ultimately he stayed in with me, for which I was very thankful.

He fucked me a little later, doggy-style, and I was so aroused that eventually I had to give in and beg for orgasm. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to come then and not have the fucking continue a bit longer, and I said that I wanted it to continue. Actually, I don’t think “said” is the right word - I gasped out my hope that he would keep fucking me. He kept going and I was going nuts on the edge of orgasm. When he let me come, I came hard and his cock got pushed out. He slapped my pussy, fingered me a bit as I continued to come. He grabbed the Acuvibe Mini that was laying on the bed and pushed it against my clit - oh holy mother of Jesus! - I came harder than I can remember in a while. And that’s saying A LOT. He kept pressing against my clit with the vibrator and I kept pressing back desperately trying to keep my clit in contact with it while I came. Afterwards, I was totally spent.

On the non-sexual side of things, my issues around jealousy and insecurity came up again. I’m sure some monogamous folks would say, “Well maybe you want to be monogamous.” But I have to say despite my insecurities, I really don’t want to be monogamous. Too bad I’m not a Domme as my ideal situation would be me gallivanting around with multiple partners and my lover being mono to me. But, uh, definitely not going to happen when one is a submissive! I do like knowing that MasterDoc is happy - and I know that having a variety of lovers, and enjoying flirting and chasing (and fucking) new women, is something that makes him happy. It’s in his nature. I do not expect it to ever change. And I can understand wanting variety as I do too. So that leaves me with trying to find a way to not be so insecure, not be so afraid of being abandoned. I need to find ways to keep myself busy when I have free time and thereby not get too upset if I can’t see MasterDoc for a while. (I mean, I love spending time with him, so not seeing him will never be a happy prospect, but I need to find ways to keep busy.) Davey is busy often with other girlfriends these days, I need to find myself someone else to spend time with.

Those of you who aren’t jealous types - how do you manage it? How do you process the idea of your love being with someone else when they could be spending time with you instead?

A Beating that Soothed my Soul

Published

Nadia

on July 29, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, depression, dom, emotions, flogging, kink, masochism, sadism, sexuality, spanking and submissive

. 0 Comments

On Monday, I was feeling a bit blue. Suddenly biology got the better of me and I yearned for a baby. Me, the woman who for years proclaimed she didn’t want children, now suddenly yearns for one. I think it has a lot to do with being 36. My friend said I’ve got “the baby rabies” and she sure is right.

So I felt blue about it - not sure if, when or how I will have a child. I chatted online with MasterDoc and told him that I needed a beating. He was having dinner with his daughter that night, but if I wanted to hang out at his place until he was done he would give me a good beating when he got home.

He got home earlier than he planned, and so there was plenty of time for the beating. He got my collar and a bunch of implements and had me kneel on a pillow on the living room floor, leaning over the arm chair. My body was in the mood for a beating - most of the blows that fell on me felt soothing and rhythmic. He alternated flogging, bare hand spanking, the crop, etc. His hands can sometimes be the harshest implements. I would get into subspace and feel lulled by the strikes. But then he’d ramp it up a bit, and pain would set in - stinging pain. I’d start moaning and crying out. He’s excellent at judging how far he can push by listening to the noises I make.

He had me lean up a bit and he took the flogger to my upper back. It’s a solid thud that reverberates through my chest. I wondered if perhaps this would manage to bruise me, but unfortunately I was totally mark-free the next day. He spanked my ass more and returned to my upper back again later. The beating felt cleansing, soothing, and put me in a delightful sub space. He would stroke my back with his hand now and then, sometimes feel between my thighs to see if I was wet. I felt distinctly aroused and at times like I could come with only the slightest of stimulation to my genitals.

When he was done, about 10 minutes later, he was a little winded (it’s work!) and sat down on the other arm chair. I stood up and faced him, and shyly asked if I could have a cuddle. While the beating is therapeutic, I do need a bit of aftercare to complete the process. I squeezed into the chair with him, and my butt felt divinely sore. (When I got up later he pointed out how very red it was.) I was giddy and feeling romantic as I cuddled up to him. Vanilla people can’t comprehend, but that beating was an intimate, loving, sexual experience for me. I didn’t have an orgasm or any of the “usual” types of sexual stimulation, but I felt satisfied after. I woke up the next morning in a great mood.

Tonight, talking on the phone with MasterDoc I pointed out that as of tomorrow (Thursday) it is exactly 2 years since the day we met. “That’s so sweet, that’s romantic!” he exclaimed, followed by, “Remind me to piss in your mouth to celebrate.”

I burst out laughing. For while he surely will piss in my mouth one day, this was hopefully one of those times he says it for affect.

Intense Fantasies and Real Play

Published

Nadia

on July 21, 2009

in D/s, bdsm, blow jobs, cunnilingus, edge play, embarrassment, fantasy, horny, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, piss play, sadism, sex and submissive

. 1 Comment

MasterDoc and I played a bit last night. My mind has been racing lately with really dirty, fucked up fantasies. I keep hoping for stuff I don’t really hope for. I guess I should explain that. Lately I find that I get hot thinking about MasterDoc making me do things I don’t really want to do. In the back of my mind is a secret wish for him to get out the clover clamps, or pee on me and such. It seems like the dirtier and more intense, the more I want it. And yet, I’ve been so afraid to ask for it because then I have to endure stuff I’m not fond of. But of course, the hot part is that I’d be doing it because he makes me do it. I want to feel fear. I want to feel the strain of forcing myself to do something I detest. I want to feel that he truly has control over me.

He stroked my body and played with my nipples a bit. He caressed my face just before coming up with the wicked idea that he’ll take me to see his Domme friend sometime soon. She’s apparently quite the sadist, and he says that he’d like to see how far I have to be pushed before I beg for it to stop. With him I might feel like I’m letting him down if I beg to stop (on rare occasions I have though… once or twice) so it might be better with his friend. Of course he’d be there to be a part of things, probably stroking my face, helping me breathe slowly to take as much of the pain as I can.

And while this scares me, and I know I’ll be nervous when it comes to pass, I am also wildly turned on by this.

Heh, I remember the days when I didn’t consider myself a pain slut. I just didn’t have the right person to play with before I think.

He slapped my face a bit and played with my body some more. He looked at me, said, “You’re smiling too much. Thinking good thoughts?” Just as I got the words, “Yes Sir” out, he started slapping my thighs. Not lightly, but really hard so that I tensed up and my face scrunched up in pain. He told me I didn’t have enough fear. After the thigh slaps and some pussy slaps, I certainly wasn’t smiling any more.

He started playing with my clit and got between my legs to lick it. Oh I shivvered with delight. His tongue, slowly lapping at my clit, felt amazing. My breathing became shallow and I could feel the slow climb to orgasm start. I think it’s ridiculous that some people say Doms don’t/shouldn’t do oral on their subs. I am putty in his hands as he licks my cunt. He lay next to me, and played with my clit with his fingers. He’d dip down into my wetness to make sure that my clit stayed properly lubricated. My eyes closed involuntarily and my breath came in short pants. This went on for a while, and I could feel myself ready to come. When he told me I could come, I cried out and came hard. He kept playing with my cunt and I was uncontrollably turned on under his expert fingers. I orgasmed for quite a while. He seemed happy that he got me away from the magic wand for a change and that I came no less hard using just his fingers.

We took a break, and when we started up again I got to suck his cock. Lately I find myself getting really turned on and really into sucking his cock. I moan with delight, slurp, salivate and get as active as possible in sliding my mouth up and down the length of his shaft. I find lately that I yearn for him to grab my head during and make me choke on his cock. My fantasies have been getting decidedly rougher and more intense.

He had me get on top for a ride and I stroked his cock with my pussy by moving my hips back and forth. I get lost in what I’m doing, and soon all that exists for me is my cunt, and his cock and perhaps my clit rubbing against this tummy. It seemed like I rode him for a long time, keeping my arousal high but not coming. When I was allowed to come, my cunt pushed his cock out and I fell forward onto him and continued coming as he held me. I do wish my cunt wouldn’t push his cock out though - coming while filled up is a wonderful feeling.

I’m a bit nervous now that I’ve started to voice my twisted fantasies here. While I yearn for them I also am a little afraid of them, and I think the fear is part of what makes me aroused.

Sybian and Butt Fucking

Published

Nadia

on July 15, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, bdsm, bondage, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, squirting and sybian

. 0 Comments

The problem with blogging a few days after an event, is that it’s hard to remember detail. If I had the chance to write this up days ago, it would have been more interesting.

Last Friday, there was no nooky between me and MasterDoc, but he did let me have a sybian ride. We only had the flattop attachment, as we discovered that afternoon that we had left the others at the last party we went to. I’m fine with the flattop though, as I find the sybian ride is mostly about clitoral stimulation for me.

He let me through three intense, amazing orgasms. During one of them, my hips bucked up involuntarily in a pulsing rhythm. When I got off, it turned out I had squirted as there was a spray of liquid in front of the attachment I rode. MasterDoc was a little surprised as squirting frequently requires g-spot stimulation on me.

Clever man that he is, he got me all orgasmed out on the sybian, then put me to work cleaning the kitchen floor! The floor was filthy and I had been thinking about cleaning it for him for ages, so in a way it was a relief to clean. But he only had a decrepit old mop to use, and I spent the entire time bending over, as if I was in a field picking cotton. There was no wringer for this cloth mop, so I bent over and used my hands to wring it out into the pail. Not fun. But I have to say the kitchen floor looks so much better!

Saturday night I saw him again, and the details are fuzzy. I know we had great sex. I know the magic wand was used. I remember that I used the tingling Wet Together (for her) lube and that really intensified the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of me. Rowr.

On Sunday, he was’t yet done with me. He bound me face down on the bed, and put the magic wand right near my clit. I struggled to wriggle down enough so I could keep the vibrating head right against my clit. He’d place it right up against me every now and then, and soon I was begging for orgasm. He let me come, and my body tensed against the cuffs binding me to the bed. This would have been enough for me, but he let me loose and got me to the end of the bed. He hadn’t assfucked me in ages, and he was determined to do it. His big cock slid into my tight asshole. It took a moment to accommodate him comfortably in there. He fucked me, and told me I could hold the magic wand against my clit. The weight of the wand eventually became too much for my hand, but in the meantime it enhanced his fucking my ass. It would hurt now and then, but somehow the pain would turn to pleasure. He let me come, and the combination of my full ass and the magic wand against my clit led to an explosive orgasm. I dropped the wand mid-orgasm and kept coming from the feeling of him fucking my ass. He called me a whore, and it made me come even harder.

I was spent after, and my poor hand was stiff and sore from using the wand. But it was totally worth it.

Fear

Published

Nadia

on July 7, 2009

in D/s, bdsm, edge play, emotions, kink, masochism, piss play, submissive and trust

. 0 Comments

I have an interesting relationship with fear. A love-hate relationship I suppose. I don’t like watching horror movies - I hate the way they make me feel afraid. I don’t like being made to jump suddenly. (I flinch easily - if I round a corner and encounter a person I hadn’t expected to see there, I will flinch.) I don’t even watch a lot of suspense films. But on the other hand I sometimes watch those “true haunting” shows on tv, always in the hopes I’ll actually, eventually get to see some real proof of a ghost. From a young age, I was fascinated with the idea of ghosts and interested in the dark side of life that many are afraid of. My best friend and I were glued to the Ouija board for a good year or so as teenagers. We thought we were communing with demons and other spirits, of course my older, cynical self thinks much of it - if not all of it - was in our heads. But it was fun times, being friendly with dark spirits we shouldn’t have been playing with. It all held a tingle of fear, but what a thrill to be facing it head on.

While doing bdsm play with someone you trust is important, after all safety is key, I can understand the thrill of doing it with someone you don’t know so well. Why? Fear. One of the things I love about MasterDoc is that he has proven himself trustworthy, and yet he can still instill fear in me. It’s the perfect combination. Safe, but not too safe.

It wasn’t until several months into our relationship that I realized I liked it when he’d make me scared. While I’m disgusted by the notion of things like being peed on or made to do analingus, the idea that he can threaten me with it, and that I can get afraid because I know full well that he would - and indeed will - make me do these things sometime is a total turn on. Yes, I get off on some fear. To be clear, it’s not the act, it’s the fact that he can make me do the act despite my own disgust and reluctance that’s the turn on. The feeling that I lack control, that I’ve given control up to him is a turn on. (Interesting that non-consensual lack of control is so very different than consensual. I’ve been traumatized by non-consensual acts in my life.)

I mentioned to him recently that we seemed to be doing less bdsm, or at least less intense bdsm lately. As we relaxed on his bed last night and I hoped that we’d get freaky, we talked for a bit. He got that evil glint in his eye that always makes me nervous. He started talking about how, by complaining that the bdsm hasn’t been intense enough, I was virtually asking for him to pee in my mouth. I acknowledged that I knew that was a risk I was taking. He went down that path, making me sing a little song to the tune of an old Campbell’s soup commercial, “Mm-mm good, mm-mm good, MasterDoc’s pee is, mm-mm good.” I tell you, it was desperately hard to get those words to come out of my mouth. I was scared he’d do it. I was scared by the idea of it.

And it’s funny, afterwards, we came to the realization that his threats, his taking my thoughts down the path to difficult submissive activities, was actually rough (in other words HOT) bdsm. Just by talking we engaged in a bit of a scene.

Some wonderful orgasms came later (kneeling! I could barely hold myself up.), and there was much cock sucking, and still more orgasms courtesy of the magic wand. While the orgasms were fulfilling in a way I needed sexually, the talk we had had was fulfilling in the way that my kinky brain needs to be pushed into fear sometimes. Fear can be delicious. It can get me wet. And some days I crave it.

On With The Show

Published

Nadia

on July 5, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, embarrassment, exhibitionism, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting and submissive

. 0 Comments

Friday, MasterDoc and I did something we haven’t done in a long time - we did a show. I can’t really remember how long it’s been - months - and I don’t have the patience to sift through old blog entries to figure out exactly how long it’s been. Suffice it to say, a long time. Without telling me, because he doesn’t usually tell me, he posted an ad online that asks if people want to come learn about bdsm.

My sinuses were bothering me that morning, so my first reaction was negative. But after I woke up a bit more and had some time to adjust to the idea, I was keen on it.

MasterDoc spends a good amount of time sifting through the men who respond to his ad. (I have to ask him, has a woman ever responded?) After years of doing this with a variety of subs I’m sure he’s worked out well how to tell who is ok to come and who is not. He had a nice young Irishman come over. I have to say, it was easy to hang out with the guy, a little less easy to be slutty in front of him because he was so darned nice. But I managed to get properly into subspace. And he seemed to enjoy himself a great deal.

MasterDoc frequently starts with having me suck his cock (this after some chit chat and gathering info on what the guy is interested in seeing). It’s a good way to start, I can bury my face in his crotch and forget that there’s someone watching. I can get into the beginnings of subspace with the simple act of sucking his cock. It’s easy until he makes me turn and look directly at the guy. I always feel shy when I have to engage with the guy at all. He had me look at the guy, and MasterDoc took his cock and slapped it against my open mouth a few times. Very slutty. He knows how hard it is for me to make eye contact. But doing it even though it’s hard for me is part of my submission.

Next, he had me kneel in front of a chair and take my pants down. My pants and panties around my knees, I knelt and leaned over the chair. He demonstrated spanking me, and flogging me. He really went at it - but it turned me on. He had me set up some toys ahead of time, and my folly was putting out the small leather flogger - it really stings when he flings it from hip to hip. I swear, the skin on my hips is more sensitive than the skin that’s on my butt.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I enjoyed it a great deal. He commented on how my ass turns nicely red these days when he spanks me. He had me get on the chair (it’s a recliner) and show my pussy to our guest. It’s funny how I feel shy, and yet I do it without any real hesitation. I really am an exhibitionist. MasterDoc got a towel to put down in case I came. He had me play with some toys and I used the Fun Factory Bloomy I just got. I’m really fond of it already. It curves up into my g-spot and the outside bit rubs against my clit. At one point MasterDoc got me to take my hands away, and he commented on how slutty it looks with the toy sticking out of my cunt. He wants a picture of that. He gave me the Acuvibe Mini and I used it on my clit. I got really worked up, but then he started slapping the inside of my thighs. He asked me if I was ready to come, and I had to admit that I wasn’t quite there. “I’ve been hitting you to hard to come,” he commented, and that was precisely the issue. Some pain hurls me closer to orgasm, and some pain is just too much to eroticize - and the level of pain that is one or the other varies from day to day.

He had me get on the Liberator Escape on the floor. I used the Acuvibe Mini on myself and got really worked up. He made me look at the guy and show him how much I wanted to get fucked. I could tell the guy really took pleasure in watching me get myself worked up. MasterDoc asked a few times, “Do you want to get fucked?” And every time of course my answer was, “Yes, Sir, I want to get fucked.” I was so aroused that my begging for cock was very real at this point. I had myself on the edge of orgasm, and having someone watch really added to the hotness factor.

He had me put a pillow under my ass, and he got down on the floor mat to fuck me. The guy got up to get a better view of the fucking. I was lost in desire. MasterDoc made me beg for orgasm, and I really came hard when he let me. I squirted, and felt the hot liquid run down my ass onto the pillow. The guy hadn’t quite seen the squirting, but when I got up the pillow had a large wet spot on it. After, MasterDoc talked a little about the idea that men judge women based on what they look like during orgasm - i.e., that the different faces (and, I’d presume, noises) women make are attractive to different men. I had never thought about that before. I know myself, that watching a woman during orgasm can be an amazing experience. Men are fun to watch too, but their orgasms seem to be over much more quickly. A woman’s orgasm can go on for a while.

The guy seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself. And I enjoyed the fact that my sluttiness turns people on. With the money from the show, MasterDoc treated me to sushi that night.

“He gave them pain like balm, and they begged him for it”

Published

Nadia

on June 24, 2009

in D/s, bdsm, embarrassment, masochism, piss play, porn, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking and submissive

. 1 Comment

I’m reading a fantasy novel right now, suggested to me a while back by my friend Divasub. It’s called Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey. I’ve just come across the bdsm themes in the book, and now understand why she recommended it to me.

“Alone among angels, Kushiel understood that the act of chastisement was an act of love; and the sinner in his charge too came to understand, and loved him for it. He gave them pain like balm, and they begged him for it, finding in it not redemption, but a love that transcended the divine.”

This flowery prose seemed lovely to me when I read it this morning. Last night MasterDoc was wonderfully dominating and it was so what I needed.

At the start of the evening, we went looking for porn online and found a librarian porn video. I can’t find the link to it now, unfortunately. (UPDATE: MasterDoc gave me the link.) It was very amateur - just one camera angle. But the “librarian” (I think her glasses were meant to identify her as a librarian) wore a collar and wrist and ankle cuffs. There was a definite bdsm overtone to the video. And while going down on the guy, she put her hands between his legs to massage his inner thighs - just like I do with MasterDoc! We laughed and wondered if perhaps someone was inspired by our hijinks.

We tried out my new ceramic vibe. Unfortunately it was not as wonderful as I had hoped. I will review it later. I grabbed the acuvibe mini when told to get another toy and I used that to bring myself just about to the edge of orgasm. MasterDoc then had me stop, bend over the liberator scoop, and he fucked me from behind. He’d spank me every so often. It felt great and I wished that he’d let me come like that. He stopped, and started spanking me with my new crop. When that didn’t seem to be as hard as he’d like, he started spanking me with his hands. It went from painful to incredibly hot. I was on the verge of orgasm (he had me play with my clit at the same time) when he started hitting harder. He told me to come, but the pain had just crossed the threshold from stimulating to painful, so it took me a few seconds to be able to come. But I did manage. I’m surprised I didn’t squirt.

We took a break, and then he had me get on top and ride him. My knees were worn out from exercising earlier in the day, but I managed to ride for a while. I got close to orgasm, and he helped me along by asking if I was ready to come, “Right now.” Often, even if I’m not quite to that point his asking me that will put me on the edge. He told me to come, and I came. While I was coming he said, “Come now cunt, and I’ll piss on you when you’re done.” I decided that I had better enjoy my orgasm while I could, and I came really hard. I hoped that he had been just threatening the pissing. And as we cuddled after I thought perhaps that was the case.

I went to get ready for bed, and when I came back from the bathroom, he was holding my collar. “Put this on,” he said, “And come with me.”

He led me back to the door of the bathroom. It was clear that he hadn’t forgotten or threatened idly when he said he was going to piss on me. He told me to get in the tub, on my knees, and if the tub was cold well that was just tough shit. I did as I was told, wincing at the idea of what he was going to do to me. He made me say I was ready, and made me say that I wanted him to piss on me. I clenched my eyes shut as I couldn’t bear to look. He started to piss on me, and with my eyes closed I could sorta block out what it was, and just enjoy the feeling of warm liquid running over me. I could ignore the faint odor of urine and pretend it wasn’t pee. He told me to hold my tits up. I didn’t react fast enough and he ordered me to do it again. I did as I was told and he pissed all over my tits. The piss ran down my body and I was fairly drenched in it by the time he was done. I tell you, he had to have been saving that up all evening. It seemed to go on a long time.

I was feeling humiliated and stunned afterwards. He told me I could rinse off and he was kind enough to get me a towel to dry off after. I carefully rinsed myself off and patted myself dry. I found that I really needed a hug after that. Humiliation play can be pretty intense, and while I like it I definitely need a hug and reassurance of some sort afterwards. I found that while piss play was every bit as humiliating as I would imagine, I didn’t freak out or fall apart from it. Of course, I don’t know that I would have been so composed if he had pissed in my mouth.

While in theory I don’t like piss play, I have been craving some serious domination lately, and this really fit the bill. I wouldn’t let anyone else piss on me. Only he has that power over me.

I slept soundly last night. And a few minutes after waking I remembered, “Oh jeez! He pissed on me last night!”

Not Another Play-by-Play

Published

Nadia

on June 11, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blog, blow jobs, dom, emotions, masochism, musings, orgasm denial, sex, spanking and submissive

. 0 Comments

As I sit down tonight to write about the fantastic sex I had last night, I think of how some days I get bored writing about sex. Mind you, I don’t get bored having sex. But some days it feels like I say the same thing over and over here, “Blah blah blah, penis in vagina, blah blah blah, moan, writhe, pant, gasp, blah blah blah, not allowed to come for a while, blah blah blah, amazing orgasm.”

Again, I repeat that doing all this isn’t the least bit boring. Oh no. It’s fantastically exciting. But writing about it some days makes me wanna snooze.

So instead of a play-by-play, I’m going to reflect here on some thoughts I had last night and some moments that were particularly hot/intense. We had sex twice, my collar was on, although even when we forget to put my collar on I fall into sub mode when we have sex. MasterDoc is pretty relaxed when my collar is off, but there’s the understanding that even without my collar sometimes there’s times where my added respect is warranted. For example, when he gives me a direct order. Or when we’re getting down and dirty in bed. That’s when I either put in the “Sirs” myself or he reminds me. I know that some people always call their Dom or owner “Master” or “Sir” but I’m very happy to be in a more relaxed relationship. I do, however, have to work harder on making use I use the honorific “Sir” when my collar is on. As much as I love submitting to him, I can have a hard time with remembering “Sir.”

I’m only human, and some days/moments submitting is hard. I don’t feel like doing what he’s asking of me, or I’m cranky, or I’m feeling rebellious. But sometimes, things are just the opposite. Last night I was delighted to submit to him, delighted to wear the collar. Being his sub felt so right. I didn’t want to take the collar off. I felt so happy and thankful that my submissive side has been fulfilled by this relationship with MasterDoc. I’ve never had a D/s relationship before, I’ve only played prior to this, but it feels so good.

And not only does it fulfill a part of me, submitting is also incredibly hot. I kept thinking last night how the fact that whenever he wants a blow job, he can just tell me to do it and he gets one - this is really hot. Vanilla guys have to sometimes persuade their girlfriends to blow them, a Dom merely requests what he wants and get it. And that power is sexy. The fact that he controls my orgasms makes my arousal more intense. I had a blissful period of time last night, when I was on all fours, hugging a pillow and being fucked from behind, where I was in such ecstasy and yet such tension wanting to come. He really pushed me last night, and I bit my thumb, moaned, opened my eyes every now and then (and then they’d roll back into my head). He really kept me on the edge for an extended period of time. And when I came I worked hard to not let my muscles push him out - I did quite well although controlling that results in a strange sort of orgasm. I come, but it’s in fits and spurts.

Earlier, I rode him, my legs weary from exercise but my spirit being willing enough to propel me up and down on his cock.

After I’ve come, I’m speechless. The only speech I manage to regain quickly is the ability to say, “Thank you, Sir.” Then I lay down and bask in the afterglow - and catch my breath. As I cuddled up close to him last night I thought, “Life is good. I’m happy.”

(We used a new riding crop I got to review last night, and the pain was part of the pleasure for me. A review will come along shortly.)

Beating and Review: The Curve

Published

Nadia

on June 6, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, depression, flogging, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, reviews, sex toys, shio, spanking and squirting

. 0 Comments

It had been a while since he beat me. I got to feeling neglected on Thursday night while he chatted up women online, I should have brought my computer so I could busy myself online as well. I got a little grumpy, but he took me into the bedroom for some cuddles and to point out that rather than getting sulky, when he’s ignoring me I’m welcome to snuggle against him now and then and see if I can distract him from what he’s doing. The next day he ignored me some more, he had an issue to deal with and he let me know that he was grumpy and I should leave him alone. So as per his request, I left him alone. Unfortunately I was feeling really needy for attention. I started to get depressed and so went and snuggled up in bed by myself.

He found me there, and asked if I was tired or just feeling blah. I told him I was feeling blah and he crawled into bed next to me to cheer me up. Later on he would point out that rather than get depressed, I should express my needs so he knows that I need attention. He said he didn’t want to reinforce bad behavior (sulking, getting depressed) so next time I want attention I should ask for it.

Despite his not wanting to reinforce bad behavior, he took some time to cheer me up in the foolproof way - a beating and orgasms. As I said, he hadn’t beat me in a while - I’m not really sure how long. He sucked and nibble on my nipples for a while. He had me get out some toys and my collar, and he had me get on all fours on the bed. He flogged my ass with the little flogger, gradually increasing in intensity. He’d stop and come forward so he could spank my ass with his hands, and to use the flogger on my upper back. Then he’d resume flogging my butt and thighs. He got really rough - I wasn’t sure I could handle it at times.

After several minutes of this, he had me lay on my back. He resumed flogging me, this time on my sensitive inner thighs. He had me put my hands behind my head so he could flog my breasts as well. He has terrific aim, and he hit my nipples mercilessly. He slapped my inner thighs and it hurt so much. He took to slapping, then flogging, my pussy and a few times the leather of the flogger hit my clit directly. Ouch!

I was wincing, squeezing my eyes shut. He got out the blindfold and had me put it on, he said it was easier to beat me if he couldn’t see my eyes. The blindfold blocked out all light and sight. He beat me some more, and I was unable to anticipate the blows. He’d finger my pussy a little, get me breathless and worked up, then start slapping my thighs again.

After the beating, he grabbed my new Curve dildo. I was probably already quite wet, but he used some lube on the toy. “Are you ready to get your pussy stuffed?” “Yes, Sir,” I replied.

The dildo is fairly thick and while parts of the the silicone are smooth the rest is somewhat textured. I needed more lube to get it inserted comfortably. He played with it, thrusting it in and out. The curve met my g-spot, but sometimes if he thrusted too hard he’d bang against my cervix, which hurt. He adjusted his thrust and soon I was moaning as he fucked me with the dildo. After a short while, he reached for the Hitachi Magic Wand and placed it against my clit. Ohmyfuckinggod! Being filled with the dildo and having my clit vibrated with the wand I was close to orgasm in no time. I started to beg.

“Oh, please Sir!” I gasped, “Please let me come! Please, please, please!” I was so close to orgasm I couldn’t stop begging for release. He kept me begging for a little while. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hold back.

With the curve filling me up and the wand working on my clit, when he gave me permission to come I had one of the most amazing orgasms I have ever had. I screamed out. I writhed so that the blindfold eventually slid off my head. I grabbed at his back and the bedsheets. I kept saying, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” over and over again. It was a very long, very intense orgasm, or series of orgasms. I squirted a big puddle on the bedsheets. The combination of The Curve and the Wand is phenomenal. I don’t know that the Curve will be my favorite dildo (I still like the glass dildoes better), but it’s definitely a hit.

The Fun Factory Curve is silicone and therefore sterilizable and phthalate-free. It’s available at sex toys shop Vibrator.com and is in their dildo section. It comes in violet or pink (I was sent my favorite color - violet!) and has a head that comes to a prounounced bump to hit your g-spot. The handle can be used to thrust it or rubbed up against your clit while your pussy is stuffed with the dildo. It’s flexible yet firm.

Sunday Afternoon

Published

Nadia

on May 11, 2009

in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, cunt, horny, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking, squirting and submissive

. 0 Comments

I usually try to keep things in chronological order here, but MasterDoc would like to give me input on my entr(ies) for the party we went to Saturday night. So those will come along once he’s had time to read them and give me feedback.

Meanwhile, we spent Sunday being pretty lazy. Well, I tried being lazy, but as I was giving him a hard time about always drinking beverages I’ve poured for myself (Yeah yeah bad sub, but it gets tiresome. I generally ask him if he wants something to drink when I’m getting something for myself to head this off and be a good submissive, but it doesn’t always work out that way.) and putting off doing the Wii Fit, he told me to go put my collar on. This time it was clear that we weren’t going to get naked. Instead, he ordered me to do my exercise on the Wii Fit. I tried not to grumble as I did so, I was feeling tired and sore from a busy Saturday night (and tripping and landing on the floor at work the day before). But with the collar on I did as I was told, even though I just barely got myself through the half hour of exercise. I took a hot bath afterward and luckily cheered the fuck up after that. While I can be argumentative at times, I find that I really can’t argue with him when he’s making me do something that’s good for me - like exercise. And, well, I have to try very, very hard not to even consider arguing when the collar is on. It’s not that I can’t express disagreement, but I have to phrase it super-respectfully and not whiny.

Later in the day he had me get together a bunch of sex accoutrements - dildoes, lube, condoms and the evil strap. (That’s an actual photo of what he has, but as it’s an ebay auction it will probably expire soon. Here’s a longer term link that is similar. It’s a rubber wrench for removing oil filters.) We only have avanti condoms handy at the moment (we are woefully low on condoms) but MasterDoc pointed out that using polyurethane condoms we could use baby oil as lube.

We set up porn on both our laptops (double porning - whoo hoo!) And he had me sit on the Escape with my legs spread and my pussy within his reach. I was uncomfortably leaning back on my elbows when he pointed out that I could use the Liberator Scoop to lean against. Another use for the Scoop! My legs spread, he spread my labia apart and looked at my pussy intently. He took his time touching me and looking. He had me give him the baby oil and he put some on my pussy. He gently stroked my clit with his oiled up finger. I closed my eyes as the blood started to really flow to my nether regions. He played with my pussy for a while and then asked me what dildoes I had brought out. He had me hand him the glass dildo I reviewed recently. He lubed it up well and started gently pushing it against my vaginal opening. Things felt a little tight at first, but he took his time and soon my body opened up for him. He’d fuck me with the dildo until I was breathing heavy and ready to come, then he’d stop for a moment. He teased me for a while.

He had me get on the Scoop, but we couldn’t get it to work right this time, so we tried the Wedge under my ass. He kept having me slide forward and still we couldn’t get things to work right. So ultimately he had me get on hands and knees. I leaned on a pillow and thrust my ass in the air. He fucked me good. Despite how much cock I had the night before I was still horny the next day, so I was glad he was up for more sex. (I wonder if guys who have insatiably lusty girlfriends ever wonder if that’s a good thing after all?) He started spanking me with the evil strap, asking me if I was ready to come. I was, I was really on the verge of coming. He kept beating me and teasing me for a while. I think he had me start to come while he was still fucking me, sometimes details get fuzzy. (I’m not exactly taking notes at the moment of orgasm.) But at some point he wasn’t fucking me any more, and he was hitting me, pretty hard, with the rubber strap, telling me to keep coming. I still came, despite the pain sometimes getting to be a little too much. I squirted while he hit me. He kept me coming for a while until I was spent.

I lay on the damp pillow after orgasm, catching my breath and basking in the afterglow. I thanked him for my orgasm (no, really, THANK YOU, SIR!). After I had recovered, I cleaned up the sex mess (condoms, wrappers, put toys away, etc.) I’m probably not seeing him for over a week now (just a slight chance of my seeing him this week) and he left me in a very happy state.